Why would you have that conversation with him?

Talk to him IMMEDIATELY and tell him how you feel. The though of your husband with another woman is obviously crushing you, it would me also. Tell him how you feel.
Of course he wants a threesome, don't all guys? That is a fantasy and fantasy and reality need to be kept separate. Maybe you can bring porn into the sex life and spice things up but DONT do a threesome.

If not for your sanity, for your child. You don't want something like this to become such an issue divorce is the solution. Tell him how you feel and if he keeps bringing it up, maybe couples sex counseling is needed.

He is going to be soooo bummed when you take it back.

The worst thing you could ever do is invite a third party into your marriage. Don't do it. Don't do things just to please him do them because you want to as well. Don't ever lower yourself as a person for someone else's benefit.

He may have already done it but he and you have to respect the marital arrangement that you entered into. Having sex with other people is not being married. Why even get married? Tell him it's selfish to say that.

why did you lie to him and tell him it was alright? i would say it's time to head to a marriage counselor and start experimenting sexually! maybe if you satisfy other fantasies that don't involve random women, we will get over this.

You need to immediately confess how you are feeling.

Also, very bad idea in general. I always think of the movie 'Chasing Amy' when this subject comes up. There is a very good scene in that movie where the woman explains why not.

I think the only reason you mentioned this idea about another girl was because you were curious to see where the discussion would lead, and now you've gotten in way over your head. Unfortunately, it's not going to be an easy conversation to take back. You must protect your marriage, and not allow other people in between the two of you. You just got married two weeks ago! How has it already come to this? The fact that he wants to bring other people into the relationship makes me wonder why you married him in the first place.

Your husband told you that he would be okay having sex with another woman and you are wondering if it is okay to tell him no??? You married him! That means that you only have sex with each other (unless you have an open marriage and that is a whole different topic.) He took advantage of the fact that you are feeling down post baby and tried to convince you that a threesome would be the best thing!!! What would his answer be if you asked him if you could have a threesome with another man or if you could have sex with another man like a boyfriend....betcha a million bucks he completely shut that conversation down. Not every guy is into threesomes...my husband is totally against them... I am bi-sexual and we had that conversation...not because I wanted one but because I wanted to judge how he would react (I know, kinda underhanded of me...) When you say your marriage vows you promise to only sleep with one another. He owes it to you to honor them. You are well within your rights to say "I was wrong." ASAP!!!!

Sounds like you got married just for the baby. He verbalized wanting another woman midway through your pregnancy. While he is supposed to be supporting you, he is essentially telling you that he is not attracted to you and needs another woman to have sex with. Your marriage seems doomed for failure. Even if you actually stay together, he will cheat on you in my opinion. You gave him permission to. Oh..and you say that he has never cheated on you....I would NEVER say that about any man.

wow, Ims I think that might have been a bit harsh, but you're entitled to your opinion.

Now for my mine. I can completly relate to your problem. I'm going to assume that since you were actually having sex when you had this convorsation about him having sex with another woman that it was playful banter on your end...kind of a way of dirty talking, and spicing it up the way you should be...you may have even meant it at the time because sex/love can do some crazy things to your brain. But regardless of whether or not you meant it you obviously dont mean it now. I think that you are well within your rights as his wife and mother of his child to change your mind, and if I'm guessing correctly he probably expects you to change your mind.
The problem I would have would be that when you asked if there was someone he would want to have sex with..and he answered with a person who he actually knows and has access to? Ouch. That would be the issue, its obvious that most/all men fantasize about women, but him actually saying that to you..that takes balls. I suggest you tell him ASAP that you didn't really mean it or you changed your mind. He has to understand, he might be dissaointed but he'll get over it.

You poor thing.

This must feel absolutely horrible. You're a newly-wed and a new mother and now you have to worry about your husband being at work with someone who you've actually given him permission to chase after.

Talk to him about it immediately. He sounds inconsiderate to be pressuring you in this way, espcecially so soon after giving birth to his child, and marrying him. It sounds like he isn't ready to be married, but went ahead because you were pregnant. And he probably does love you, but is not in the frame of mind to give all of himself to you. And why not, when he has permission to go and get himself a girlfriend too!

Talk to him and explain everything you're feeling: your confusion, and that you offered him that opportunity out of a willingness to please him, not because you like the idea of it. You both need to be on the same page about what's allowable in your marriage for it to work.

Good luck.

You have to talk to your husband, before he makes the move that will end your marriage. You never should have told him it was o-kay to have an open marriage if you didn't feel comfortable with it. After you told him the first time how you felt about having a 3-some, the conversation should've been over, and the topic never brought up again. I'm astonished that this is happening 2 weeks after your wedding. If you would like your marriage to make it to the first anniversary, you will truthfully speak your mind. I've known of 2 couples that thought it o-kay to have another person (woman) brought into their relationship, both have now ended in divorce. Why would you even set an example like that for your child? Would you want your daughter to grow up and compromise herself in the most intimate way, to satisfy a man? You must be firm, and straight foward, and let him know that what you said was in the heat of the moment, and it is not, and never will be, o-kay to invite another person into ya'll's relationship. Don't judge a man as being a great husband just because he pays all of your bills...

Two years isn't very long to be together, get married, have a kid and get to know someone.

Your husband seems a little too eager to be with another woman, and you made it sound like he was jumping up and clicking his heels together in glee with the idea of being able to openly cheat with other people.

Do you think about sexually transmitted diseases? your husband falling for another woman? the child you have with this man?

I think you need marriage counseling. I also think he needs to stop making you feel bad with this threesome crap. My boyfriend did the same thing but with something else I was uncomfortable with and I set him straight. He still does it but at this rate I'm sick enough to leave.

Oh yeah and it sounds like he already had his eyes set on the woman at work if she was the first one to pop in his mind, you better keep and eye on him. Never compromise yourself for any man, even your a husband (Especially since he's doing a sucky job at it) never think that just because you have a child together you should stay with him either. Kids who don't have both parents grow up perfectly adjusted these days, always put yourself first though.

Why would you tell him it was okay when it bothers you. This is YOUR HUSBAND...

Yikes!!! You need to fess up about changing your mind ASAP. Possibly you were testing him to see if he had interests elsewhere and weren't prepared for him to actually admit his attraction to another woman. Regardless of why you gave him your consent the fact is you are uncomfortable with the idea of sharing your husband with another woman. Stand up for yourself my dear. Tell him the truth and retract your permission.

"He has never lied or cheated on me, and he respects me, pays all our bills, and is the best husband in the world."

Your husband does not respect you. He is not the best husband in the world. He is somebody that you've been married to for a week and a half and he already wants to sleep with other women. He wanted to sleep with other women before you got married, and he wanted to sleep with other women while you were pregnant with his child. You need to wake up. This isn't about "sexual experimentation" and other options...this is about him having his hand in a few different cookie jars. This guy already has another woman picked out. It's time to look at the reality that you've made a big mistake in marrying this guy and you better start protecting yourself- financially, emotionally, and physically.

Wow. I really respect you for going that far for your husband beacause I would be way too selfish to do so. But he seems really insensitive to want to go out and have sex with some stranger while you're at home with your son. Seriously, talk to him. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

lms- I don't think you're bitter or that you need to "up your pills." People don't like the truth when it's not pretty.

I agree with everyone else that says that this is a fantasy. I'm sure all guys would love to have a threesome and/or 'girlfriend', and as much as I love my boyfriend and want him to be happy, there is no way in hell that's how he'd be happy! I mean I'd love to have sex with Brad Pitt but it ain't gonna happen. I think if your husband truly loved and wanted to be with you, this wouldn't even be an issue. I think he would be more than happy to just have you. But that's just my opinion, because I know if I was in your situation, I would be VERY hurt, insecure, jealous and feel really betrayed. This is the man who promised to be there for you in every way possible ONLY 2 WEEKS AGO!

Now, I would talk to your husband IMMEDIATELY. Call him at work, whatever you have to do. Tell him the truth. If you were feeling vulnerable or simply wanted to satisfy him, whatever it is, tell him. Tell him this is NOT OK with you at all and ask him to please never bring it up again. If he respects you, he will do this, no questions asked. And I agree with Dear, there are plenty of ways to spice up your sex life! Watch videos of threesomes or maybe even dress up or role play. There are so many options, but whenever you have to compromise or degrade yourself, neither of you will win. This will tear your relationship apart, because you will never feel the same with him, ever. It will break that bond and trust that you two have.

So talk to him, go to counseling, whatever you have to. And remember, if he won't relent and doesn't seem to respect your feelings, it's not worth it to stay and be miserable. Do what is best for you! Good luck!!

I agree mostly with Facin8ne and do think is really disrespectul that after less than 2 weeks of marriage he is ready to have sex with someone else.

I think he's already cheated and you've just given him a free pass. but I'm cynical.

Take it back immediately and get yourselves to marriage counseling. Pronto.

think back to your wedding vows "forsaking all others, be faithful to him (her)as long as you both shall live". you've been married 5 months and you're already having trouble sticking to the vows. honestly, i think you 2 should be in marriage counseling because you have different ideas about what being married means. not just different from how the vows read, but different from each other. married people need to be on the same page sometimes and this is one of those times.

you got married on my birthday!..sorry..I hope everything goes alright..but that's not right..

girl you need to tell him how you feel. You two are married that means you shouldn't need others to please you. You got married because that person is the best for you there is no reason to bring another girl in your marrage. What is that I mean i'm not even married but if my bf wanted someone else to have sex with and everything i'd feel like i'm not good enough like i'm not pleasing him right. Thats just not right that he told you that you should be enough for him TALK TO HIM about how you feel. Thats all you can do really. Let him know that you love him and you want to be the only woman he makes love to because your his WIFE!

im sorry but your husband sounds like a pig, if he wanted to fulfill his dirty little fantasies he should have gotten them out of the way before he decided to committ himself to you with marriage, the fact that he even had the AUDACITY to put you in that position thoroughly disgusts me and blows my mind, its disrespectful and you should be the only one he needs, put that man in line or get rid of him!

Oh they have not been married for five months but 2 weeks -- they got married September 20 and he has been mentioning this for a year and only during sex? I am sorry but that is rather insulting to you -- he has the idea to be with others when he is in bed with you. A fantasy is something else, when he is in bed, especially this early on the relationship, he should be pleased with just you. I am not saying is not ok to have fantasies -- everyone does -- but when you told him the first time no that should have been it. Period. YOu brought this one up, take it back immediately and run to counseling because his bringing this stuff up when you are having sex has already lowered your self-esteem enough that you are doing everything and (even things you do not want) to please him. Good luck!

I'm feeling a little sympathetic for this guy at the moment which I know is going to get me attacked!! But I'm ready... Bring it!!

First of all, expressing that he has a fantasy to be with two women at once is like the most commonplace fantasy ever. It sounds like it was brought up during sex to add to the excitement or whatever. It does NOT seem like he was actually putting the full court press on her about this.

I think we need to assign a little blame to the poster here. Who tells their husbands to go sleep with other people behind their backs?! I realize it was in the moment, but to roast the guy for taking the bait... I mean, they haven't had sex for a while it sounds like, there is probably a new cute girl in his office he has a harmless crush on. He's probably desperate for attention.

A lot of guys are probably in that situation. The good news is, most guys just suck it up and shut up about it. However, most of them don't have a wife that tells them it's cool for them to go find a girlfriend on the side!!

Like many of you, I think counseling is in order. But I feel a little sympathy for this guy with the bait and switch. He was told he could do something, then he said he would, then he's being punished for it. It's not really fair to ask someone for honesty and then punish them for it.

honestly..hes probably just not that into you anymore and/or bored with you and your sex life and wants to spice it up

BUT DO NOT BRING ANOTHER WOMAN INTO THIS

Pop- I don't think the problem here is that he expressed a fantasy during sex. I think the problem is that he "would love" a girlfriend on the side. If that was fantasy talk, the poster would never have written in. Instead, she's well aware that he's on the prowl.

People can say crazy stuff during sex- when you've been with somebody for a long time you know the difference between something said as a fantasy or role playing and something said in all seriousness. If he was like "oh it would be so hot if Angelina Jolie could get nasty with us" or "wouldn't it be hot if we had a licker," we wouldn't be reading this...

We're reading this post because this woman's brand new husband wants a mistress.

Prada...I don't need pills...thank you for the suggestion though.

Some people need to be dealt with a hard dose of reality and you can't sugarcoat certain things. I have been with my husband for 14 years and married for 11. He has never once asked me to bring in another woman. It is disrespectful for a man to ask that of a woman who is pregnant with his child. I am also not bitter. By saying that I would never state that a man has NEVER cheated means that I don't put anything past ANY man. I am not naive enough to think that it could never happen. I know guys that cheat on their wives and actually act even nicer to their wives while everyone but them knows. While I don't think that my husband has ever cheated on me, I would never say that he hasn't. No bitterness whatsoever.

My issue is that I have had girlfriends who give men way too much leeway. I know one girl that gave her loser/user fiance permission to see other women b/c he was too well endowed for her, but then came crying to me when he brought some chick into her bed while she was away. I am beyond giving politically correct answers to women who allow men to abuse them. It is not going to happen!

facn8e...we share some of the same views.

aw sweetheart! let him know ASAP that it is really hurting you and that all you meant by the conversation is that you really love him and would do anything for him. if he doesn't understand that it is hurting you, i agree, you guys should go talk to someone, a professional. i wish you the best! you will be ok.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

xoxoxo.

I find it amazing that so many men expect women to be ok with the idea of inviting another woman into the bed. How would they feel about bringing another man into it??!! I'm guessing they wouldn't like that idea. I get that nowadays people are more experimental, but if it's not OK with you then it's simply not OK, and he needs to understand that. Maybe it was just a harmless fantasy, as some people have suggested, but you added the fuel to make it a full fledged fire, and now it might get out of control.

talk. now.

Facin8me, Your bluntness is appreciated and i agree.
I think this is something that should've been talked about and dealt with before marriage. You just had a child and i find his attitude callow and insensitive, the thing is though, i don't think he suddenly changed and became what he is now. He was already like this and you married him anyway. Go to marriage counseling, especially since he has someone picked out.

i agree with pixelhaze
i bet if you told him youll have a threesome with another MAN he wouldnt be so eager to have one!

You've got bigger problems than your hubby stepping out on you and how to put a stop to it (side note: you can't).

Why did you agree to this? to please him? to make him stay?

Those are questions you should be asking yourself.

Wow, why did you even agree to this? Post-partum depression? Guilt? You need to find out.
I must say the original poster is kind of nutty for even agreeing in the first place. I told my hubby that I'd roast his b@lls if he dared even suggest we have a third person in a relationship.

You know for sure you can't handle it if he got another woman on the side.

So pull him aside NOW and tell him that you 'lied' the other night before and tell him you can't handle him having another girlfriend and also tell him that the thought of him having another gf is crushing and pushes you to feel very insecure about his loyalty and love.

There. Suggest counseling too and ask for understanding since you just have a baby, for the love of God!!!! But after 5 months, I think you need to start having more sex, y'know, get the little baby to be watched by grandmother for a few hours every week or every other day so that you two can get it on! (This is IF you don't have enough sex)

I agree with pop too, I mean, you can't quite roast the guy for taking the bait and feeling secure enough to let her know what he REALLY thinks.

He may just be like every other guy who has that type of fantasy or just a little bit bored with your sex life (sure, the thought that he wants to have a relationship on the side is disrespectful to his wife), but definitely more HONEST, because he actually let his thought be known.

Counseling, counseling, counseling.

I know I'm being bad here, but I chuckled a little bit at the idea of counseling, because the guy probably thinks he's getting away with having a gf and a wife at the same time, then, he has to go on counseling.

Ah sorry... I hope everything will work out and you get to talk to him before it's too late.

Holy smoke. I've had two boys, so I know it's hard. But, the reality is: Fantasies are better as just what they are, imaginary. Their reality will only bring heartache to you and your marriage.

Yikes, he sounds like he may have already gone ahead without you.

Oh deary...you made a bad move by starting to go ahead with it. So you need to start communicating and he needs to start accepting. There is no place for a third person in a marriage.

Wow...some of these comments really made me worried about the lack of open minds around. People are not necessarily monogamous, and sex does not always only apply to love. I think its great you are willing to work with him on what he wants, because he cannot help having those urges and its awesome that you two are open enough to discuss them, much better that he talks to you than just going off and fulfilling them on his own like a lot of married men do.
I don't know exactly what to tell you, but I do think him getting with a girl at work is a bad idea, it will you eat you up because of her proximity. On that note, if you due agree to any threesome, make sure its with someone who is not in close relationship to you guys, otherwise it could really deteriorate things.
Also, if he gets what he wants, does it work both ways? Because it definitely is not fair only fulfilling his desires...you two really need to explore this whole thing more verbally in total openness with each other before allowing any action.

He may already have cheated.

I feel totally awful for you, seriously. This is such a horrible situation and your self esteem must be through the floor for you to agree to him having sex with /somebody else/.

Look, you and him need to go to marriage counselling NOW. He does not appear to want to GROW UP and face his responsibilities so you either need to make him do that NOW or leave him for the sake of your SANITY.

Good luck.

desodaro, I think the OPs point was that she doesn't want a threesome or for her husband to have a GF on the side - even though she initially said she did.

I have a good friend who has this type of relationship with her husband. they talked about it, She says she's fine with it - but theirs is more of a "don't ask, don't tell" so when she DOES find out he's slept with someone, she gets pissed and hurt and ends up being all passive aggressive. So then SHE goes out and finds someone to bonk - and then her husband gets pissed and all passive aggressive! They have a very unhealthy, unhappy relationship and are basically staying together for their kid. I'd be very wary of entering into something "open" - I'd bet it often doesn't work. But if you ARE open - just make sure it's fair for BOTH of you.

Desodaro--it's not about open minds or lack thereof. It's about a man being utterly insensitive to the feelings of his wife, who is probably feeling insecure to begin with and might possibly be suffering from postpartum depression. To start jumping up and down and clapping his hands because he got permission to cheat without even so much as a "Honey, are you sure this is what you want?" indicates to me that this man is incredibly self-centered, and oblivious to the needs of others, which doesn't bode well for any relationship, open or not.

I suppose I'm one of those folks who live in the stone age and doesn't support open relationships, but IF that's the kind of thing you go for, a considerate, thoughtful, loving person would make the suggestion when he knew his partner was feeling confident and secure in their relationship, not two weeks after getting married with a 5-month-old at home. Such a partner would also drop the issue if it made his lover uncomfortable in any way. There are plenty of other fantasies to explore. How about a little compassion?

Am I the only one who sees potential for emotional abuse here? I mean, maybe this guy is just dumb as bricks, but if he's constantly badgering her with these suggestions, and her self-esteem is low enough to agree to things she doesn't want, it sounds like things could get pretty ugly and manipulative, if they already haven't.

Honey, why would you tell him something like that?

I totally understand you changing your mind, you have all the right to do so! Tell him if he would like you having sex with another man, esp. choose one in particular and tell your husband "what if I did VERY dirty things with that man?"

I assure you he will immediatly change his mind about letting 3rds enter your relationship!!

I just wanted to say, I understand about loving your husband sooo much that you would do anything to make him happy. It sounds like you guys have a lot of trust between you that he would even think about telling you about desiring a threesome. BUT...even if you give him permission, it sounds like you will feel betrayed. Hopefully, he feels the same way as you do, and wants to make you happy at all cost, even if it means giving up his fantasy.

Guys don't see sex the way women see sex. The chemical that gets released in a woman's body during sex helps to foster an emotional connection, little to none of the same chemical is released when a man has sex. He may not even realize that the idea of this other woman is tearing you up so much. Don't assume that he understands, and don't sacrifice you feelings or security in your marriage for something that is a fantasy. We all have lots of fantasies, (mine involving a deserted island and Johnny Depp), but that doesn't mean we should act on them.

What is it about the thought of another woman that interests him? Focus on that. If it a new sensation, then try some toys. If it is the thrill of a a stranger, try some costumes, or role play. Get creative! Guys tend to think differently about their wives once a baby is born, make him remember why he was hot for you in the first place.

Hmm..it sounds like you initiated the conversation to see if he WOULD in fact really think it was a good idea, and wen he did, and said he already had a love interest, it crushed you inside (as it would for me too). You have to remember that he is YOUR husband- not some single guy on the street allowed to sleep with anyone. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you have been thinking about it and are really upset now about it. He wont get mad. I mean really, all you did was rescind on your offer to let him cheat!

I wouldn't want to please someone who wants to have sex with another woman other than me. I wouldn't even marry him... In your case, I guess you don't mind, but you're still hurt at the thought of your husband having sex with another woman. Why bother pleasing him if this is how you feel about it?

tell him you will talk dirty to him about it during sex but thats it! thats what i do. If i did all the "stuff" that turned my man on...... i would be a mess. but just talking about it during sex is sexy enough.

never hide your feelings, tell him how u feel...if not then thats just putting icing on the cake