If you can't afford it, don't go. Spend a little more on a wedding gift to balance the guilt if you must.

This all sounds really weird and I would be a little freaked out myself. It's strange how they are such close friends but you have never heard anything about him in the amount of time you have been with your fiance. It sounds very expensive and will probably be more expensive once your there. It might be that they haven't talked in awhile and just started talking again. You should really bring up all of your concerns to him and tell him how you should be more concerned about your future. Bring up maybe hanging out with his "Friend" a little before this wedding takes place. Aside from that, you really don't sound like you'll have the extra money so tell your soon-to-be-husband that he needs to be more concerned about your budget.

If it was me, I'd encourage my fella to think about getting his friend something extra special from the registry instead of going to the destination wedding. The price combined with the social awkwardness could put a lot of pressure on you both and lead to resentment.

Also, it is pretty soon after your big day! You might both be feeling like you have had enough of weddings for a while.

Finally, you can mention that if your fella really wants to reconnect with his friend, he should probably make a point to spend time with this guy after both of the weddings are done. They'll certainly have lots to talk about.

Either way, congrats on your upcoming marriage!!

Guys are different than girls, maybe they were the best of friends and lost track and now your guy wants to make sure that their bond is restored. You said yourself it was an intimate affair so the fact that he was invited probably means that the relationship between them was important. I wouldn't dismiss it just cause you know no one but do understand the price and time issue. It appears you have already talked to him and he insists so if it is this important to him -- maybe you should stop being a stick in the mud just cause you don't know the man.

I understand the time off/money issues. But, I do find it a little odd that you feel the need to determine for yourself what their friendship amounts to.

If you can't take the time off and you can't afford it, don't go. Send a nice gift and warm wishes.

If you can swing it, make a concession to your soon to be husband. There will be (probably already have been) times where something is more important to you than to him and hopefully he's made the effort to accomodate you. Besides, a week in Jamaica? Who needs to justify reasons for that!? Have fun!

could it be that you resent him for letting out that "big piece of information"...like a long lost best friend that he's willing to pay big money for???? maybe it bothers you because it makes you feel left out? after all he's about to marry you, right? why hasn't he told you everything???

I agree with whoever said guys are different...they are...my husbands "best friend" lives at the other side of the country and they barely talk but when they do talk they talk about important things that girls usually tell only the friends they see and talk to everyday...important, private things....

If you're saving for a house and money is the issue...talk to him about THAT! If he is willing to sacrifice your budget maybe you should come up with a plan to put the money back... after all....the house money you're saving most likely comes from BOTH OF YOU...not just you.

An expensive gift might be a good compromise...is all about communication.

Another thought... you may not need to go to this wedding together. It would be half the cost (and thus a good compromise) for your fiancee to go to the wedding alone. It may be easier for him to take time off of work, and he is obviously more connected to this guy. If they're that close, you'll meet him after the wedding, when you won't be resentful at how much the whole thing cost. So ship your man off, and catch up with your girlfriends for the week.

I was thinking just what kkhh said. Since this event so closely follows your own wedding and all the time and expense that goes into that, maybe your fiance, by-then-husband could go alone.

I happen to also agree with jennifer76 when she said it's not really your place to determine how important this friendship is. It's your husband's friend, not yours. Only he knows how important it is. And 'putting your foot down' isn't something I ever recommend when things can probably be resolved through open communication. Sometimes that involves frustration, tears and/or yelling, but it's not someone calling the shots.

Good luck with your own wedding plans.

i like all the advice brought up above, but gossipqueen's in particular struck me as sound. for sure if you go to the wedding you will need to figure out how to replace the money.. and discussing that may help you move you away from your negativity surrounding this situation..

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it...that's just crazy and I'm sure you won't be the only couple who can't. I can't even afford local weddings, let alone if people start destination weddings!!!

I say send a gift and save the money because I'm sure you'll need it for something else...um...like your OWN wedding since you did say you had a fiance....

i always feel fine saying "i'm sorry it's not in the budget right now", and repeating as necessary. driving across town is one thing, anything else is not required. other people don't get to decide how and when i spend my vacation time and money.

Don't go, put your foot down! It's too close to your wedding and it's going to be ridiculous to try to figure out how to get time off and afford something so close to your wedding. I think destination weddings are more optional because they are asking A LOT. Time and moneywise. If you ever meet him and his wife in the future you can apologize for not going and I'm sure they will understand if they are nice people.

You don't know the couple, and you said he was a childhood friend of your fiance, meaning he hasn't talked to him in a while as it is. I wouldn't spend the money to go. Send a nice gift and a card if you feel bad about not going, but spending that much money to put yourself in an awkward situation seems a bit ridiculous imho.

Personally if I had so many expenses and my own wedding to plan I wouldn't go! It just seems like too much for someone you don't even know. I went to a friends destination wedding in Jamaica and I've known her for 15 yrs and it really set me back but she was one of my bests friends and I wasn't going to miss it for the world. On the other hand you don't even know this guy I think it's rediculous that the couple getting married would feel like your obligated to go. Maybe they invited you guys just to be kind. If your fiance insists on it then I too would have him go alone. Just talk to your fiance I'm sure he can see where your coming from and you two can work something out. Keep us posted! Good Luck!!!

P.S. is anybody else with me here...I feel like if your going to do something like a destination wedding you should be able to fly your guests out or pay for their stay or BOTH! Sometimes I feel like it's too much money to impose on friends and the majority of time it ends up being a small intimate wedding because people can't afford to go. So your loved ones end up missing your special day!

i say put your foot down!! i mean that is a ton of money especially when you are getting married very close before. they will prob understand. just convey your regret and that you'd love to get together with them after for a celebratory dinner or something!

my sissy froufrou annoying stepsister is having a destination wedding... and to get more presents er i mean.. for people to enjoy their wonderful day.. They're having a reception when they get back to Canada

That could be a good compromise.. Not attending the destination wedding but the reception if they're having one

Obviously it's really important to your fiance that you go, and I don't think you want to start off your marriage with the resentment of him knowing he's missing a childhood friend's wedding. Just go, have fun. The wedding is like, 2 hours, you're in Jamaica for a week! Consider it honeymoon part 2.

Obviously it's really important to your fiance that you go, and I don't think you want to start off your marriage with the resentment of him knowing he's missing a childhood friend's wedding. Just go, have fun. The wedding is like, 2 hours, you're in Jamaica for a week! Consider it honeymoon part 2.

you don't need to go, and i don't think anyone will be upset if you don't.

let your husband go if it means a lot to him. you don't want to be the wife that cuts her husband off from his friends. even if they haven't spoken in a while it might not of been because they didn't want to. people do lose track of old friends and eventually track them down again and in the mean time, they still think about the person as a friend and someone they love.

i agree with mrs piven...like u said why spend money on a couple u dont even know. u can also just spend a reason amount a wedding gift..that is valuable enough. and hopefully ur husband can understand.

Don't go. I don't think you or your man should obliged to have to fly there. Just send them a present instead. Or ask them to fly over for your wedding too.

If it's a financial problem, don't go.

If you can get by, I say go...it'll be a great getaway!

Support your fiance! Although you may not know him, your fiance does. I think you should go and make the best out of it. It will be an amazing year for you two...like a second honeymoon. And who could say no to Jamaica!

Can he go without you? I mean I know you'd just be getting married yourself but if he really wants to go and its too expesnive for the two of you can he go without you?

There is no reason that you have to go. This person is not a brother or sister of yours, or a long time friend. It is too expensive and the simple answer is no you do not.

I say talk to your fiance. Mention the problems you have with the wedding (not knowing them, money, work etc.) and try to come up with a solution. Maybe this wedding is really important to your fiance(in which case you should probably go or at least let him go) but maybe he was just thinking it would be fun and a chance to extend your honeymoon and will agree not to go when he realises your view on the issue.

If it's so bad where you might go into major debt because of it, don't go. If he feels so passionate about going, tell him to go alone and have fun. He hasn't seen his friend in so long it might be nice for them to spend a little time remeniscing about their closeness you were unaware of

Send your regrets and a gift you CAN afford. That's it plain and simple.

since you don't know this friend of his, I honestly think you don't owe him anything therefor you shouldn't have to spend all that money. you say they were good friends but still.. your fiance should understand this and understand your financial situation... especially after all your wedding plans and everything I'd think you'd want to relax!

Personally, I want to have a destination wedding, and I don't care if ANYONE shows up. Getting married is about the two people reciting the vowels, not who all was there to witness it.

if you cant afford it, dont go. and by affording i dont just mean the money. you have to factor in the time, whether or not you will be getting paid vacation time off - or if since you are taking off for your honeymoon this will be unpaid time (which makes it much more costly). of if you are using vacation for your wedding/honeymoon but will have to use all your sick days for this wedding - thus leaving you without any for when you need a day off...thus having to take off unpaid.
not to mention how it will affect you at work. i cannot imagine that taking so much time off work all at once is something that your boss will look kindly too.

i also have to say that you dont know the guy or his fiance. if your fiance was suuuch good friends with him then you would know both of them, or at least would have heard of both of them. its ridiculous for you guys to go out there for people you are clearly not close to. this is obviously nostaligic for your fiance, but at the end of the day you have to focus on the present, not on the past.

furthermore, i do not think that people who get married at destination weddings or "out of town" expect people to come who arent their family or closest friends. in fact, i have known people who have invited people they never would have if the wedding was local, simply because they know they wont come to the wedding,so they dont have to pay for their place setting, but then they get a present out of it. im not saying i condone that behavior, or that this is what your fianc'es friend is doing...but its something to think about.

the bottom line is you have to think about affordability, then talk to your fiance and explain your concerns. if he still wants to go, then maybe reach a compromise where he goes alone.

but whatever you do, dont let this wedding spoil your wedding or the first few weeks of your marriage. (thats another "affording" think you have to account for). worst case scenario, go. peace at home and starting off on the right foot is really the most important thing in marriage. and that has to go into your calculation as well.

I would just explain to them that it is very close to your own wedding and the cost will be an issue, wish them the best and get a nice gift...