Dear E. Jean,
I hope you can answer quickly! I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together since we graduated from Dartmouth. He’s smart, handsome, funny, and works extremely hard (he’s an investment banker and logs about 14-hours a day); but he does not handle stress well. His job is extraordinarily stressful!
We live together in Brooklyn with my dog, Raisin. Raisin is a rescued Pit Bull, and the sweetest, most affectionate dog in New York. She has beautiful manners, is NOT aggressive, always kisses strangers, wears a big, happy grin wherever she goes and is beloved by all (once they meet her). Her disposition is so tender I am training her to become a pet therapy dog — a “Special Visitor” to children in hospitals.
Last week, my boyfriend was extremely tense, had not slept, lost his temper and kicked Raisin so hard in her back right hip she limped for three days. I told him if he ever laid a hand on her again, I would leave.
Well, last night, I ran out to get some Chinese take out and left Raisin (alone) in the apartment. When I came home, my boyfriend had arrived and Raisin was laying in a corner with both her eyes completely BLOOD SHOT and she had difficulty standing.
He swears he didn’t hit her. But I KNOW he did! I know it! She was perfectly fine when I left. Raisin can’t talk — I am going out of my mind. I’ve been looking online and sudden blood shot eyes CAN indicate “being struck by an object.” Also she is crippled in the front now. What should I do? Do I believe my boyfriend? He swears on his love for me that he had just walked into the apartment before I came back with the food. Help! — Raisin’s Best Friend
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MY DEAR FRIEND: I was so jolted with fear reading your letter, so frightened for Raisin, so worried about you, it will take me all night to calm down.
Although I have no proof, I believe your boyfriend hurt Raisin. A fiend who would kick a dog so hard that she limps for three days is a brute capable of the most violent, stupid, evil, irrational behavior. (And is v.v.v. capable of lying about it.)
I want you to leave the apartment immediately. Tonight! A man who will kick a dog can not be trusted. Take Raisin, go stay with friends. Tomorrow, take her to the vet. The poor creature may have suffered internal injuries.
After you visit the vet, look for a new place to live. Do not speak to the man who hurt Raisin. He is a head case. Do not call him, e-mail him, I-M him, or see him. Then when you find a new place — when he is at work — move every single item you own out of the apartment.
This is not going to be easy. He will try to see you. He will come to where you work. He will swear he loves you. He will cry. He will sob. He will whimper. Do not fall for it. You know what happened. And so does he.
To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com
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Dogs don't spontaneously get bloodyshot eyes! Hate to break it to you but your fellow is abusive. Leave him, seriously. Think about this: he's beating and kicking your dog right now, but what happens down the line if you have kids? I promise you that a child is much more frustrating than a mellow pooch. Even if you don't mind you're own future safety, your dog doesn't have the choice and has to take whatever your guy's dishing out. The same goes for any children you have in the future. Leave and and tell him why, be sure to suggest counselling.
1there is nothing so stressful in anyone's life that justifies hurting an animal, a child, or another human being. this guy needs serious help, and this woman needs to get out before she starts getting hit herself.
2OMG. How could someone do something so cruel to an animal, especially your beloved pet! I agreed with E. Jean's advice. Get far away from him and bring Raisin to the vet asap! He's done it before, and even though he said he didn't I'm sure he lied about it. I don't buy his lies. I think your dog was beaten again.
3E. Jean is right: You need to leave, and fast. Having a stressful job doesn't justify the abuse of an animal, and your own safety could be in jeopardy. It will be difficult, but you and Raisin deserve more than this.
4You should have left the first time. There is NO excuse to ever hurt an animal ever. Poor Raisin! Run while you still can before he cripples you too.
5This is ridiculous, and being an avid animal lover myself, this makes me really really sad. Your dog will NEVER be the same if this continues, and may already be permanently traumatized. If you want Raisin to continue to be the dog she is, and place her in that program, she will need time to recover. She may snap now, or become overly guarded. I would recommend taking some time to let her heal before entering her in any sort of program. Dogs, like humans, need time to heal emotionally. LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM. A man like this CAN and WILL hit you. He is obviously lying to you, there is proof.
6ALSO, if you are having a tough time with whether or not to believe him, put them in the same room and see how Raisin reacts when your BF walks towards her. And please, think of Raisin, and the situation you are putting her in. Poor thing.
That is so sad. Take the animal to the vet ASAP to get her checked out.
Do you have a couple of good, guy friends who can kind of watch your back, help you move etc? I wouldn't want to be around this guy alone.
Smart, handsome and funny aside, this guy has problems.
7oh my god!
get out!
i dont believe him.
do you want to have kids with a man that hit a dog? even one time?..... please leave him. if you want to get him help do and then get out. please.
8I agree with E.Jean...if he could hurt a poor defenseless animal so badly, imagine what he could do to you if provoked? LEAVE HIM!!! Don't listen to his lies, and save yourself and your poor doggy!
9OMG get the heck out of that place! Anyone who has the capabilites to hurt a defenseless creature is not safe. I dont care how you feel about him- do it for Raisin.
10i think you should beat the hell out of your man *** correction*** peice of SH!T. There is no way your dog would have bloodshot eyes and be crippled in the front for no reason. you need to kick him to the curb because that is just cruel. Womens instinct... go with it. That is horrible!
11i take back my comment about getting him help. just leave him and save your future family and Raisin. poor raisin. i cryed.
12If my boyfriend harmed or abused my dogs, I would rip his face off...no hesitation!! Leave that loser and NEVER look back!!
13I literally felt sick to my stomach after reading this letter. You're dog can speak up for itself, and who knows what the poor thing has been through when you're not home. People who would hurt an animal, especially one as sweet as your doggie have way more issues than you should have to deal with. Don't put your dog, or yourself at risk by staying with this guy, or second guessing whether you should leave. When you adopt a pet, especially a rescued animal, it needs to be protected and cared for for the rest of it's life. What kind of a future could you have with this guy? Would you trust him alone with your kids? If he really loved you, he would not hurt something you love. You made it so clear that the dog isn't aggressive, but it is clear that the boyfriend is.
14Wow. Like she said this is going to be difficult but you do need to leave. Stressed or not I would NEVER just kick my dog or my cat, and I am in a highly stressful situation myself. Do not make excuses for this behavior, it is wrong and he is pathetic.
15That was suposed to say "can't speak up for himself".
16Oh my god, anyone who would kick a dog is crazy! My friend Javi actually recently rescued a dog from a very abusive owner. He saw this guy kick it too many times that he simply took the dog, named Turco, and made it his own. He's had turco for a month and just now are his eyes more trustful. Leave him!!
17If you don't leave him, you should really protect Raisin byt finding a new home for her.
18Amen! There aren't enough charms this guy can have to make up for his cruelty, thoughtlessness, lack of control, and sadism.
Also, *have* you taken Raisin to a vet?
19I'm sorry but freaking leave this guy! what is wrong with you? how can you even stomach this abuse? I can't even read this post without wanting to go track you down and take your dog out of this awful situation. Your boyfriend is an ABUSER -- and this will most likely carry out into your relationship eventually, after he inevitably kills your dog. I can't believe you didn't leave the first time and you didn't stick by your word the second time he did it. Leave, tell him to get therapy...maybe it can work out but it's very doubtful...this post just ruined my day.
PS. I had a boyfriend who hit my puppy once and his ass was gone.
20Drop the Dartmouth dick.
21PS. It's widely known that people who abuse animals turn into serial killers and other awful things. GET OUT.
22I'm sorry but I can't believe you wouldn't leave him after the first time! If anyone EVER hurt my precious dog I would not be able to contain my rage! Get out of this situation immediately and if not then like Jeng112 said, do your dog a favor and find her a new home!
A stressful job NEVER justifies animal abuse! Nothing does!
23Leave that man immediately and take that dog to the vet. I know you are protecting your boyfriend but that dog needs to see a vet immediately. The vet will certainly tell you what happened and that vet won't let you take him back to that abusive household. People who abuse animals are sick. There is no excuse.
24Just think if he can hurt an animal...what if you guys get married and have a family...just think what he 'could' do to your kids and possibly even you.
Its hard to move on but you need to protect yourself and your dog now.
25Oh, I am so angry the more I think about it.... I hope you already took that dog to the vet.... crippled in the front legs? Bloodshot eyes? By not taking him to the vet you are part of the abuse....
26This made me tear up. My heart literally dropped. I definitely fear for your safety & for the safety of Raisin. There is absolutely NO reason to take out one's stress on a helpless animal. Even if he is telling the truth & didn't hurt Raisin this time (which I highly DOUBT), he should have never hurt Raisin in the first place. He hurt her enough to limp for 3 days? How in the world could someone do that??
This can only foreshadow what he's capable of doing to you. Do not wait around to find out. For the sake of your life & your precious dog, LEAVE NOW.
27OMG, f*cked up. Animal abuse is so low, at least people abuse someone can stand up for themselves. Animals have no where else to go. Done. xo
28And please take Raisin to the vet ASAP. I'm sure she's in a lot of pain & needs help.
29My husband has a VERY stressful job and would never hurt anyone or anything!!! Stress is no excuse!!!
Your EX (hopefully) boyfriend is jealous of your dog! Imagine if you had a baby with him!!! Get out now before he hurts you or your dog again. Just the fact that he hurt your dog goes to show he has issues. You can't fix him.
I think you should have taken your dog to the vet right away, filed a police report and got a Restraining Order!!
This guy is dangerous and you need help getting rid of him. Please be safe about it!!!!
Sending hugs to you and Raisin...
30Agree with fabsugar, poor dog can't even tell it's side of the story
31If he can kick an sweet animal and justify it by saying he was "stressed out", do you think he'll hesitate to hurt you when the two of you are fighting and you "deserve it" ? Get out now, for your own sake and Raisin's.
32Ah the more I think about it, the more angry & sad I get!
33He sounds like and abusive man, be carefull, thats a clear sign that he dosent handle presure well.
Imagen with kids, he wont handle it
sorry but being sincere
34You should have left him the first time he kicked her! There is NO excuse for abusive behavior! You can bet on your life that he is the cause of her current injuries. That poor dog has no one but you to defend her. She is just a dog. She can't just walk out on her own. At the very least, you owe HER a safe place. She is defenseless. You are not.
Speaking of betting on your life, that is exactly what you are doing right now. What makes you think he will not abuse you also? What about any future pets or children? Do you seriously think you are safe? This should be a huge warning sign for you.
"I love my boyfriend." How could you still love someone who clearly finds it easy to abuse others? He abuses defenseless animals! I just don't get it. You and that dog are better off with out that predator, no matter where you have to go or what you have to do.
E. Jean is right...everything she said. Get out now, no matter what you have to do or how hard it is. The two of you are not safe around this guy.
PLEASE GET OUT NOW & TAKE POOR RAISIN TO THE VET!
35Is there any possible way that all of us readers can find out is she and her dog, Raisin, are alright? I am so bothered by this story that I am almost shaking.
36I almost cried after reading your letter. You need to get out now. If some *sshole thinks he could ever hurt my dog and still be in my life he is mistaken.
37Please follow everyones advice and get out and please take Raisin to the vet!!
38I agree with E.Jean and so many others here. You must get out and save not only your dog but yourself from any further abuse. Turning a blind eye on his behavior now provides the acceptance he needs to continue it. When it escalates and he tires of taking his frustration and anger out on Raisin who do you think is next??
Get out now while you and Raisin still can.
39My heart just breaks so badly when I read your post. I agree with E. Jean. He's a head case and he will lie lie lie to you.
Please at least if you're not willing to leave this abusive man, at least do it at your own risk, put your dog up for adoption or put Raisin at another safe place.
Yes. You'll have to choose whether you want him around to be beating at Raisin or you need to leave with Raisin.
I know someone who's very abusive toward animal. Well, he was someone my hubby knew. He would kick his gf's kitten (really hard to the point the little thing flew across the room--why? Because he could and he couldn't handle stress well too!) behind her back.
My hubby saw him do it and basically told him he'd beat him up himself if he wouldn't stop torturing the kitten of course in front of his gf, this guy completely lied and wouldn't admit to it.
So yeah, we're not friends with these people anymore because she later on found out how abusive he was toward her cat and his own dog and still bear with him because she "loved" him. It's too sad.
If you can, just leave, there's something not right with someone who treats animals like that.
40i am elle, Me too. I'm literally on the verge of tears.
I'm so worried about them now.
41If the woman who made this post is reading this contact me lemassabielle@yahoo.com if you decide to leave and need a temporary place for your dog to stay. I'm in the area and wouldn't mind helping you out if you need it.
42Having a stressful job, even an EXTRAORDINARILY stressful one is no excuse for hurting an animal. My job is stressful and makes me mad but to calm down I take my dog out for a run. There's no excuse...he's abusive and it could get worse for Raisin and/or transfer to you!
43My sympathies go to you and your pet. I hope you take some of the advice listed above and remove yourself and Raisin from the situation. And please get friends to help you, preferably big beefy male friends. Don't try to leave alone.
The other thing that's making me angry though are those railing against her in this situation. I would imagine she's pretty scared since she's asking for help and she's in NO WAY responsible for his abusive violence. He is a sick individual and the last thing she needs is to be blamed for his actions. Shame on those who did.
44I think everyone here would love to find out the end result of this. I have never been so distracted by a post before. Is there anyway we may be kept updated on this situation?
45this makes me feel sick. there's a reason you felt you needed to talk about this. listen to your gut and that tells you all you need to know.
46Team sugar, is there a way we can find out what happens? this is somthing that a lot of us sugars need an ending to. my heart is broken. -auj
47hurting animals is the first signal for sociopathy, don't be surprised if he turns out to be a murderer.
48i am totally serious.
Like everyone else, I am horrified. If my fiance ever hurt our dogs (which he wouldn't, he'd be gone so fast it would make his head spin.)This guy is a monster. Maybe someone should kick him so hard he limps for 3 days huh? Seriously, get out of this relationship, and fast. The capacity for animal cruelty is one of the most common indicators of a sociopath.
Take Raisin to the vet, pack up your stuff and have your biggest, strongest guy friend go with you to move out. Bullies who pick on the defenseless seldom mess with someone their own size.
Please let us know what happens to this woman and Raisin, this made me so mad I am shaking!
49Raisin depends on you for love, security and safety. If you stay in this situation you are neglecting Raisin's wellbeing. You should grab Raisin and run far, far away from this abuser. If you decide, foolishly to stay, please at least allow Raisin to leave. Find her a safe home, even for a temporary period, until you decide what you need to do.
Lemassabielle has a huge heart (thank you Lemassabielle) and has stepped up to offer to foster Raisin until you are in a safe place. Please, I beg of you, take her or someone else up on the offer and get Raisin out of a situation. She needs you to do this for her.
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