Dear Sugar,
I met this seemingly great guy online. We dated for about a month and a half - about 6 dates. It was going great, we were taking it slow, we had fun together, and got along great. We laughed, talked about meeting each other's friends and family, there was great chemistry and absolutely no red flags. I was really excited because I thought I had finally met someone who was right for me, someone I was good for. Everything seemed to be falling into place quite nicely.
He was out of town last weekend and called me on Monday as soon as he got back to ask what my week was like. We agreed on Thursday, he told me he had somewhere he wanted to take me in mind and couldn't wait to see me.
The whole time we were dating both our profiles were still up, but inactive. On Wednesday night he called and said that there was a change of plans and that he would come out to my place instead. Later that night I noticed he had taken his profile down off the website we met on. I have to be honest, I felt like something wasn't right when I saw that his profile was gone, instead of being happy like I should have been. Then he came over Thursday, walked in my house, kissed me and said he was miserable and proceeded to tell me that something was missing and he was so disappointed and angry to have to do this, but he broke up with me.
What the heck changed from "can't wait to see you" on Tuesday night to breaking up with me on Thursday afternoon?? And why would he take his profile down after all that time just to break up with me?? I don't get it. I feel like I'm the one that's missing something. When he told me, I was so caught off guard that all I could really say was "OK". He then had the audacity to tell me he was upset that I wasn't more sad! He wants me to be upset? Since when does someone who is doing the breaking up want drama? I've broken up with people before and I've never felt anything but relief!! So, can you offer any insight?? I am so confused. I've accepted it but I just don't get it. — Still Confused Stacy
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Dear Still Confused Stacy —
Unfortunately, I have no definitive answer for you, Stacy, but this situation sounds a little fishy to me. The thing with Internet dating is that you really have to take a pretty big leap of faith with the people you date since they are technically strangers. You say you didn't see any red flags, but did you get the feeling that he was being completely honest with you? Could he have possibly been in another relationship, or even married? The thing that gets me is that he took down his profile and then immediately ended things with you seemingly out of left field. It was almost like he got caught or something...
As for him wanting you to be more upset by this breakup, well that's just selfish. I have no idea why he would want to make this a dramatic breakup other than wanting to feel wanted. It sounds like you wished you got some answers from him, so would you feel comfortable asking him what happened? I would want an explanation too! I know you have accepted his decision, but sometimes it's important to get closure so you can move on with your life.
I am sorry this relationship didn't work out for you. Chalk this one up as not meant to be, but please don't let this one incident deter you from dating again — these things happen from time to time so just remember that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince! Good luck.
Agnes B
Office
Chevignon
Sounds just like Dear said. Someone caught up in something. Luckily you were only a few dates in and not very serious. It sucks but just move on.
1I completely agree with, dear. Sounds like he got caught red handed. Also, men are just odd creatures that do the weirdest things. Get used to that.
2
I have no idea what happened. But, I think you're lucky you got out of this one
early. He doesn't sound like a real steady kind of person.
3Of course, men think the same thing about women - that we're just odd creatures who do the weirdest things.
However, there's no excuse for this guy's behavior. He breaks up with you and expects you to be devastated? How arrogant and inconsiderate!
It probably hurts since you sound like you were really into this guy, and take all the time you need to get mad or get sad (on your terms, not his). But be grateful that you didn't sink more than a few dates on this guy.
4Guy pretty much expect girls to cry over a break up. He probably said "can't wait to see you," in the same way guys say "I'll call you" after a date when they have no intention to. At least he told you in person and not over the phone or on some cheesey email. This is totally his problem, not yours, don't look for explanations, because chances are, you are not going to hear the truth.
5I truly understand how this is extremely mysterious. Only he knows why and he has chosen not to diverge further information, for now. For you sanity I suggest grieving this for the amount of time you need then be happy! Happy that this one was stupid enough to let you go coz now you are free and ready for the next one that truly deserves you and will be honest and upfront with you.
6Be happy that it is over, do you really want to be with someone who wishes for you to be unhappy? I say, if you really want to know, ask what happened, just for closure, just be carefull, you might not like what you hear. and i agree, this does sound fishy and kinda sounds like he was caught. good luck and dont worry, this wasnt meant to be and you will find someone with all those things u loved, and more!!!
7good luck.
I definitely think he got caught cheating. He was more than likely in a relationship that found his profile on-line. Just be glad it is over.
8Completely agree with Dear. Was this guy's name Chris? Just kidding... anyway, I dated this guy who he and I had the same intense internet romance -- no red flags -- and then kaboom, he was dating other people -- you take a big chance with internet dating and don't look for explanations just be happy you dodged that bullet.
9Not to pass judgment, but internet dating is scary to me. I don't think I would do it just because it's so unsafe. It does sound like he was caught red-handed. Be glad that "relationship" is over and go meet some guys in person next time!
10Another woman. I guarantee you. Men online are disgusting. This happened to me once and it was the oddest thing. I had to figure he was cheating on his girlfriend, or that an ex was involved.
11I agree with Dear. Sorry this didn't work out but you will find somone better!
12Oh yeah, check out the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken" it really helped me get over a few breakups and I would be lost without it.
13I'm sorry that he didn't treat you with the respect and honesty that you deserve.
14Some friends of mine got fed up with the internet dating thing because they tell me that a lot of men on dating sites will hit on anything female without bothering to read the profiles. They'd get messages from all these creepy married men trying to get some action on the side.
Then there are a few that did meet someone through the internet, but it was through stuff like online gaming and interest groups, not by using dating sites.
Whatever his major malfunction is, I'd say you dodged a bullet.
15There's definitely something dicey in this guy's story. I agree with whoever said he probably got caught cheating on someone, which is why his profile went down right before he broke up with you. It sounds to me like he did you a big favor by walking out of your life.
16He got caught cheating.
17Sounds like he was in a serious relationship and his girlfriend found his profile. She probably forced him to take it down or break up with him...either that or he was dating mulitple people from that website and found some other girl he wanted to get serious with. whatever reason it was, he sounds dishonest and manipulative. Be glad you didnt get stuck with him!
18wow. this happens to me all the time. i put it down to the simple fact that guys are scared of commitment & they will lie their way to anything till the cows come home.end of. and they will always be the same, i havent met a guy that is different from the rest yet, and i have the feeling that its not just me.
esp boys you will meet on the net, ESP myspace. myspace boys love having 89374398743 girls after their dick, i guess its their ego/confidence booster.
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