Dear Sugar--
I know this sounds crazy but I am a 32 year old married male who fell head over heels for a woman at my office. She's sweet, beautiful, caring, and fun to talk to. The thing is she left to another state recently and I am crushed. I can't seem to forget about her. I am married so why do I feel like this about a woman I only barely knew?
--Feeling Pathetic Peter
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Dear Feeling Pathetic Peter--
That's a tough question that really only you can answer although I can ask you some questions that may help you to make some sense of your feelings. Are you happy in your present marriage? Is there something missing such as sex, interesting conversation, or encouraging support? Are you still in love with your wife? Does this other woman have something you wish your wife had? Are you bored with your marriage and looking for some excitement? Have you tried to spice up your sex life? Have you tried new positions? Has this other woman expressed any feelings for you?
Once you answer these questions, you'll start to understand why you are feeling a loss since she has left your office. Now you have to answer the question of what to do about it. Well, might I remind you that you are a married man, and if you follow through with your feelings, the results could be traumatizing to both you and your wife. Think about your future actions very carefully. If you truly want to be with that other woman, you've got to end your marriage first. If you want to remain married, then I suggest you do all you can to forget about this little crush.
There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else when you're in a committed relationship. It's human nature to notice a beautiful, fun, and kind person of the opposite sex. I'm sure your wife notices other men too, but I'm concerned that the reason you are looking around is because you're unhappy in your present relationship. I'd focus on trying to mend any problems there first. There is a reason why you married your wife so talk to her and figure out how you two can rekindle your love. Good luck!
Vive Maria
Herve Leger
Orlando Orlandini
let this one go. everyone gets "crushes" and that's all this is. it's all it could be (obviously) since you said yourself you barely know her. and even if it were more you're already "taken". i can't imagine you'd come off too good to ANY woman with this story "hi, i know we hardly know each other and you moved out of state, and i'm already married, but i REALLY, REALLY like you! so how YOU doin????"
almost like a crush on a movie star, what little you know you like, but she is TOTALLY out of reach.
1Can we say Serendipity?!
2I agree w/ lickety split 100%!
You'll forget as time goes by.
3Totally agree with Lickety split.....TOTALLY!!!!!!
4Maybe there was something about your relationship with her that fulfilled a need and that's what you miss? In your mind, is the wife still 'sweet, beautiful, caring, and fun to talk to'?
If one, or all, of those aspects are missing in your marriage you can work on bringing them back.
I know sometimes in a relationship yoou go through patches of not being sweet (or nice), affectionate (kissing, massage, hugging, touching), or having time for those great talks. Ya know, the ones that last all night and make you feel so very connected to your mate? If that's what feels missing, start initiating the talks, hugs, and remembering little things the wife loves. Hopefully, she will respond in kind. If you a;ready do these things, let her know you'd love a little back. Tell her, yes you're a grown man, but you need a little love, attention, and ego stroking every now and then, everybody does!
5you're crushed....uhm hello, wife at home, maybe you should be thinking more about why you're interested in someone else when you have someone to come home to everynight, instead of why you like someone you barely knew
6and a little note to self, idk how strong of a bond you developed with this woman...but you did say you're head over heels for her, and an emotional attachment to someone else is definitely a form of cheating
I agree 100% with lickety split. It's totally normal to get crushes (marriage doesn't make you blind, after all), but now's the time to take a deep breath, yank that arrow right out of your heart, and work on reconnecting with your wife.
7Get over it is my advice. Spend time working on the relationship you DO have.
8Dude get your head straight! you have a wife, crushes are normal but you have an obligation and you'd better get that figured out. Clean up your house!
And the DearSugar response to this loser - "have you tried new positions" that is so lame, it's silly.
9INFATUATION, thats all. It doesnt sound as if it was reciprocal. Nor does it sound as if she is encouraging any type of relationship. She may just have been a real neat person and one you really connected with, not necessarily in a romantic way. It is not unusual to miss a dear friend when they first leave. Answer the questions that have been posed to you above, and get on with your life.
10A crush. Out of sight, out of mind. It's for the best.
11The relationship you had with this woman provided you an emotional safety net you can't get over.
12Another example of why I hate men....
13YOUR MARRIED! Focus on your wife...marriage is a sacred vow! shame on you!!!
14fluerfairy - what women don't cheat? Damn
15And TexasTwinkle I'm with you Marriage is a vow you take and a covenant you establish with your partner and GOD - don't enter it lightly. People treat marriage like it's an apartment lease - it's not.
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