I hate to say it but this is what happens when couples are together for awhile, married or unmarried. Your sex life comes (no pun intended) and goes....what you have to look out for is that when you do its all him (which is what i read about him just wanting oral sex) and that its too long in between..... because thats when it stops being normal and starts getting into "we are just roomates who occasionally diddle eachother to break up the routine"

Hmm I have to agree.
It happens once you live together. The honey moon phase fades away and people get comfortable.
and when he is in the mood, he has to please you too! f that.
Its hard. But aslong as he shows you that he cares and still wants you, and when he gives it to you, gives it to you right. Then I think its fine.
Once he starts to act too strange, He might be cheating on you.
Not a fact, but men do start acting different and you will sense it.

You need to talk to him about this. Your needs are unmet and he is making you feel unattractive and unloved. Don't attack him, but sit down and ask why your sex life is waning and if he is still attracted to you. Tell him how you feel about being rejected like this. Maybe it's an issue you haven't even thought of.

But honestly, if he really "freaks out" when you touch him, I think that's a sign.

Oh, and I don't think Viagra increases desire - it just helps you get a boner if you can't get one. You have to provide the horniness.

Yeah, that's odd. My boyfriend and I have been living together for a little over a month, and had been de facto living together (one of us was at the other's place 5-6 nights a week) for almost a year before that. Certainly, during that whole time, we've gotten more "comfortable" or casual, (sweatpants, no makeup, burping, etc., whatever) and I've been mindful about the risk of reverting into being "just roomates", especially since we now go on fewer formal "dates". That said...our sex life is more passionate than ever, maybe even moreso.

Since you've still tried to be his girlfriend (and not a roommate) and this all sounds very one-sided, it sounds like there's something going on with him, physically and/or emotionally. Not necessarily cheating - i agree with Anon. that there could be some issue you're not at all aware of, that he's been too closed-in to share with you.

Not sure what you've said to him previously - you may have tried to have a serious conversation with him about this - but I agree with Anon. that instead of just "spicing things up"/trying to seduce him, you should ask him to have a proper conversation about this, out of the bedroom. (Which i know is not easy!)

While it's DEFINITELY a myth that guys are MORE into sex than girls (a lot of us are very sex-positive), in my experience it's rare for a guy to want it less than his gf. And it sounds like this is a definite drop in intimacy (as well as sex) from where you were before. Something's off.

Good luck!

i feel like some one is writing about my exact situation. we have fallen into being just room mates and i have no idea how to get us out. we are happy in general, but i'm not sexually satisfied...at all. like the o.p. i've tried the whole "spice it up" and to seriously talk about it and get the same result "babe it's not sexy when you nag me about it".

KEEP THE ADVICE COMING!!!

Ok. Seriously. Your sex life does not have to go down the tubes just because you live together. While it's normal to have sex less after you've been together for awhile, it shouldn't just drop off the map altogether. I mean, in order for a relationship to work in the long term, both people's sexual needs have to be met, and yours...aren't.

It sounds like something is definitely going on here. The fact that you touching him freaks him out is not a good one.

I agree you need to have a talk with him, but don't bring up Viagra! Viagra is only for those who have a medical problem that prevents arousal. It does not create desire. If you bring that up, it is likely to make him defensive. Try to be very nice and open-ended about it, and don't do things that read as nagging- "shoulding," raising your voice, cursing, accusing, etc.. Tell him that you love him and find him attractive, and that you really enjoyed your sex life, and that you'd like to have sex more often. Ask him why he's been sexually distant and what both of you can do to improve things. Tell him how your current sex life (or lack thereof in this case) makes you feel.

Make no mistake. He owes you an explanation, and any guy worth his salt should be more than willing to work with you on this! If he's not willing to have this conversation and the problem continues, it might be time to move on. You deserve a guy who loves you, appreciates you, and is sexually compatible with you.

How is everything else? Does he say he loves you? Do you go out for dinner? Does he work hard? Do you have conversations? How is money? You have to look at the whole picture here. Sex is only a small part of the painting.

I don't agree that sex is a small part of the painting. For me, it's the defining characteristic that separates friendship from relationship.

BUT...all that other stuff, if he's supportive, is he a good person, does he treat you respectfully? That dictates if the guy I'm with is someone with whom I want to try to work things out with, or if this is a situation where I need to walk away.

If my guy wasn't interested in sex and only wanted oral once a fortnight, I'd try to see if something else is going on...has he gained weight? is he depressed? is work especially stressful? There are likely reasons that have nothing to do with you.

If there was no sex, and he was being a dick about it, it might be time to walk away. Life is too short to spend feeling undesired and rejected.

Ha! Every two weeks! You are LUCKY!! I am 24 and Im lucky to have sex every six months..but it is usually less frequently than that.We are both attractive people, too. We have been together almost four years and we might as well have a plutonic relationship...despite the first 12 months of extreme courting. He doesnt even say anything if I prance around in sexy undergarments. I really believe he is gay or hates me and wont leave bc of the kids.

BE HAPPY WITH EVERY TWO WEEKS..

ok, let me just say that I went through that exactly a year ago and a few months later, he dumped me. He said that we weren't meant to be together and although I was in great shape, attractive w/ a great personality, we just weren't "clicking" anymore.... be careful what happens next. It could be a sign of either infidelity or a break up.

*snort* Try sex once every two months.

and I'm married.

i'm sad to say that I am the other person in this. I am the one saying nagging brings it down.

It does. it's TOTALLY POSSIBLE that he just has a lower sexuality than you do. That's how I am. I love my boyfriend very much, we live together. and I will marry him. I really will. I want to have his babies. He is wonderful. But i just have a really low libido. i don't want to have sex all the time. He has a really high libido and it makes me feel guilty for not having sex because i don't want to. But that's not right. I, and your guys shouldn't feel like that. By nagging and asking all the time and trying so hard you make it less of a fun thing to do and more like a chore that he's trying to put off. Something where he'll just be like "lets get this over with"

Don't assume he's cheating. That would be stupid. But you have to understand that it isn't necessarily something you can change. Maybe something has happened to him to make this change, but you need to talk to him.

from his side (if he's feeling the same way I do) The nagging really DOES get annoying. It makes me feel really guilty for not having sex all the time, and then that puts me in even LESS of a mood to have sex. At the same time it makes me feel angry. Like i know you love me and all but why is it all you ask for is sex? is that all I am to you?

i understand that it hurts you, but it probably hurts him too based on how you said you guys are handling it.

LMFAO...I fell like I wrote that horrible stoy myself up there!!..im going through the same situation with my boyfriend...that ive been living with for a yr...that is also 26yrs old....
1. find out if he is still interested in being with u..
2.then see if maybe he isnt active or even affectionate because he is CHEATING! if he aint getting it from u he is surely getting it from somewhere else....
3.if not then maybe he is masturbating too much to have any energy left for u (this was my bf problem the 1st time issues came up)
4. "buzzzzzzzzz"! in the meantime find urself a nice multitasking vibrator or dildo to take his place..lol (this is my last and final dealing with a sexless relationship that im at now)
5. break up with his ass already.

o and forgot to add to the list.....
6. if he really is just asking for oral then the a-hole doesnt even care about ur sexual needs and is cheating..and feels too guilty to have sex with u cuz he did it with someone else. soooo the truth!....RUN NOW!! before he catches an std.

my wife and I are now going on no sex for 5 months and to tell you the truth I couldn't care to have sex ever again, because once we do have sex I know that I will not get it for another 6 months or so we've been married for 7 yrs now and I could count the amout of sex that we've hand on 2 hands.
in 7 yrs we've had sex about mabey 12 times. that's it.
here's what she tells me after that " all I ever want is sex"
not once in our relationship has she ever made the first move, or even touched me, so if she makes the first move next time.....I afraid that I'm going to have to turn sex down. it's going to be hard be i'll have to say no to give her a taste of her own medicine,
I'm not ever going to cheat, but mabey one day she will which right now doesnt' even bother me, go ahead .

Viagra does not make you hornier... (is this what the commertials insinuate? the magic boner? omg I'm so sad). Viagra is for people who can't physiologically get it up... as in vascular or neurological disease.

I'm probably being too harsh, but he sounds like an ass that doesn't care about you at all. I can understand low libido and getting too comfortable, but that doesn't include: a) "freaking out" anytime you touch him, and b) asking for oral so you stop "nagging". He should stop for a minute and think about how this makes you feel. If he was just stressed or going through a tough phase, he should try to reassure you that he's still attracted to you... Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he has to be a jerk.

A lot of guys would consider themselves very lucky to have a girlfriend that still wants to keep the romance alive and an active sex life. If he can't appreciate that, I'd say good ridance!

Also, Anon #17 is right about the Viagra thing. It wouldn't help...

Interestingly, I was in a relationship for 10 years and I think we only had sex, at most, 10 times. We loved one another, were committed to one another and it was a wonderful, though sexless, relationship. I figured I just don't have too high of a libido or something because I just never wanted sex and would have to be drunk or kind to do anything with my truly darling boyfriend. As it turns out, quite recently, I've met a man that is so attractive to me that all I think about our ways to handcuff and ravish him. This is highly unusual for me because I never wanted to do such things with my boyfriend and NEVER had sexual fantasies about a REAL man. Anyways, moral of the story: your body, your sex drive may be indicating something that your emotions and intellect cannot fully express. His lack of drive sounds suspicious.

* Correction: "are ways to handcuff and ravish him". Really, that's the most important part of the comment. lol

i am in the same boat... i have a great husband, we get along fine... we are pretty much best friends. i read about a condition called intimacy overload. this happens when you are in constant contact with your partner. i think this is/was our problem. we rarely have intercourse... i basically have to coerce him into doing anything, by initiating a blow job then stopping so he will have to do something to get relief...anyway its a sad situation

I agree with sourcherry. This guy is a Class-A jerk, who is mistreating you. I don't think that not-very-often sex is a bad thing for a relationship - but it most definitely IS when it means one person is constantly frustrated, and the other is unwilling to make an effort to keep their partner happy.

As your boyfriend, his JOB [why you guys aren't just friends] is keeping you sexually satisfied -- and if you're not, he is failing you. It sounds like you're not really owning what you want: your making it more about his lack of desire than saying "hey, I want this". If his sex drive is lower than yours, that's fine/cool/etc. but it's still his job, and a huge part of your relationship, to make sure BOTH of you are satisfied. If he's not willing to meet your higher sex-drive at least partway, then he's just an *sshole. It sounds like he knows this is a problem, and hasn't put forth any effort at all to make the situation better for you.

What bothers me most is that after a week, he just wants a blowjob?? That's where the problem of you making it about HIM becomes a problem. If your complaint it "You don't want it enough" he'll think that any kind of wanting on his part is helping/will make you stop "nagging"*. If you change it to "I'm not satisfied sexually, and this is what I need to make that happen", then obviously you going down on him doesn't cut it. [SUCH A JERK MOVE, for this dude to have a low libido, to KNOW that his girlfriend has a high one, and STILL ask for a blowjob when he's horny? Borderline masochism. Withholding, manipulative. Seriously.]

Own your desires, make your demands! Draw the line. He gets your companionship/whatever he gets out of this (and also apparently unreciprocated oral), and you should be getting what you want out of this relationship too! If you don't, it's just going to keep building resentment which will eventually blow up, or you'll marry the a-hole and be sexually frustrated the rest of your life.

Okay, a little harsh, but if you let him get away with it after a year, imagine what it will be like 20 years in when you NEVER get any, NEVER make an ultimatium, and he NEVER does anything. You deserve satisfaction - maybe from a new boyfriend who CAN satisfy you. If this boyfriend can't, you are certainly entitled to be upset/dump him. If it ends up you two are not sexually compatible at all -- time to start looking again. It can be great sex, but if he withholds it and tortures you with it, it's not a great sex life.

After reading the comments from women who are married and in this situation - get out now while it's easier. If it's bothering you now and this is really important to you, it's just going to get worse. You deserve to happy and satisfied, and the longer this stays status quo, the less likely it is to ever change.

*there are a lot of dudes who would love to be "nagged" like this. My bf loves when I ask for something - no fun is lost in the process. We started to have this problem, and I nipped it in the bud and things have been great. I wanted it much more often than him, so we made a deal to do it [at least] once during the week and once on the weekend. I could relax more because I knew when I would be getting it and could look forward to it. I stopped stressing and stopped asking constantly, so he could relax and not feel coerced into it. Compromise is possible -- but my boyfriend was actually willing to work with me on this, so I'm not sure if it will work so much with yours.

Your not married right? so thats means your a single woman (thats ALL I have to say)

Wow I never thought there were so many women feeling like this it makes a difference from hearing guys complaining all the time about their gf or wife not giving them what they want.
Basically relationships are very very complicated that’s why these days a lot of relationships just last about 6 months and as time moves on relationships are getting harder and harder to maintain.
Unfortunately I was in the same situation with my girlfriend of 3 years the first 2 years were completely full of sex we just couldn’t get enough of each other but in our last year together she started acting as you mention even freaking out when I touched her she would push me away tell me I didn’t love her say all I wanted was sex and this used to break my heart because I just wanted to feel close to her.
It seems like its true when you first meet there is this honeymoon stage then once you get comfortable and past the honeymoon stage everything seems to die down.
I could feel her slipping away I didn’t know what to do the more I showed her I loved her to more she pushed me away she also started changing her mind quickly about all kinds of decisions leaving me very frustrated and confused.
Man I remember the good old days when I had to fight her off more then a few times for a break off sex lol.
I think love is when two people care and like each other very much and are willing to go out of their way to make the other person happy this needs to apply for both people unfortunately in the end of our relationship I was the only person trying to keep the relationship together.
It’s been about 3 months we have been apart and I still love her and miss her dearly.
As some of the people have said obove I don’t mean to scare you but it could well be sign this your relationship is heading towards the end.
Man can you believe I am still hoping she will call and say she’s ready to come back.

Well, being a 25 year old guy. I can tell you straight, it is just him. My wife complains that we have too much sex. And he answer is that I am younger and so I just have a higher sex drive. Stress from work might affect him and lower his sex drive, but the one thing that will get to him is focus on the time of day. Most guys wake up with an errection. So why not put it to good use. Try and get him to commit on a day that both of you can sleep late. And see if that works. Hopefully, it will cause your relationship to get out of the once every two week rutt you are in right now.

I was in a realtionship like this. He had other problems (health) that he refused to admit and placed the blame on just not having a high sex drive. Unfortuantaly for him I have a very high drive and I need to have sex to feel close to someone. Otherwise they're just my buddy, not my man.

In the end we broke up because of it. There was a major trickle down effect in our relationship. I was unsatisfied sexually so I began to lash out about it in other ways. Not the most mature way to handle things I know but all the talking and discussing I tried to do with him wasn't working. He too would freak out when I tried to be affectionate (for example, one day I snuggled onto his lap and tried to kiss him. He pushed me onto the floor. WTF?).

I understand that you've been with this guy for a while and this is a new thing. But if he's not willing to talk and work on it then this relationship is probably over.

I can really understand where you're coming from...
I've got a very loving boyfriend and he works very hard, but I have noticed that our sex life is waning.
He is very sweet to me, but we might have sex once a week, and I always initiate it. A few weeks ago, I gave him oral three nights in a row and I was denied sex until a week later.
I've asked him if he stopped finding me attractive, and he says he still does, but the sex is still not there.
The worst part of it is that I really rely on sex as a mood stabilizer. If I had a bad night at work, all I want to do is come home to some one on one time to put me back in a good mood.
So, I feel the pain you're feeling.