For me? No. My husband and I didn't sleep together before marriage, either.

For others? It's not up to me to believe what's right for someone else's relationship.

Totally believe in it- in this day and age, why not? Although I know from experience that it makes breaking up terrible, but I guess its better than a divorce!

For me definitely yes. I am not necessarily marriage minded anyway but do want a long term commitment. I am not having children so to me unless that is your life plan I do not think you need to get married unless you want to.

Everyone is different I think if a lot of my friends had lived together prior to getting married they would not be in the positions they are in now.

I don't think it's possible to say any ONE thing makes or breaks a relationship, which is why this seems like an odd overall question to me.

For us, living together wouldn't have been "us." It would've violated a lot of our religious beliefs for starters, and just our personal comfort zone. But living together wouldn't have ruined us as a couple - violating our trust in ourselves would have, which is a deeper issue.

For others, if they have a different belief system, why would living together cause problems in and of itself?

I definitely agree with Dear that being "in love" is vastly different than being able to live with someone for the rest of your life.

For me, living with someone before marriage is one way to test that out. However, I don't believe it's necessary and I respect the choices that other make.

For me and my husband, we moved in together after we got engaged and moved to a different city. I think if you are engaged it's a good idea because you really learn about a person after you live with them. Being engaged when moving in together, you have already committed yourself to that person and it's best to see if you are truly compatible before you make it legal.

If you are just dating someone and have no plans on marriage, I think it's a bad idea and just wrong. Since I didn't wait to have sex before marriage, this was something that I wanted to wait on and make it special with the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

But everyone is different and you have to go on what feels best and right for you.

i think there is a side to everything. pros/cons to everything.

My boyfriend and I have been with eachother for about 3 years and a half. We finally decided to move in with eachother. I don't think it'll ruin us and break us up. I think that a lack of trust and patience will break a couple up.

Beside, in the era we live in, they will leave eachother whether or not they're married. So, why not test eachother before hand.

I do not think any less if other people think otherwise. It really is a personal choice.

I agree that it depends on the relationship. I only agree with it if it's a very serious relationship. I moved in with my boyfriend for a year while we were both abroad and it brought us so much closer. However, once I came back to school we are living apart again.. it's nice to know that we can survive living with each other though

i don't think its right.- but i'm a total conservative (if thats the right word) i dont judge others, but i chose to follow my mom's "rules"....(im 23, lol)

With my first husband, we lived together first, we all see how that worked out...With my current husband, we started living together after we got married. We are going stronger than ever after a year and a half of marriage. He is the love of my life, I've never been happier. So, for me, living together before didn't work out so well.

I don't think I could live with my boyfriend until we were married. It's different for everyone, but I'm really big about having my own space and for me to give that up and share the place I live with someone that I am involved with, we would have to be married. But that is just me. Right now, my boyfriend (of 3 years) and I stay over at eachother's places almost every night, but its just nice for me to know that I have my own place that I can escape to if I feel like it; a that is 100% mine. (Well, I rent, so not completely mine, but you know what I mean...)

i don't think it's a wise decision to live together before marriage. in my opinion, it's just playing house and like they say, "why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?"

those are my thoughts on this, i'm sure not many will agree with me though. so many people live together before their married, in this day and age. it's just the norm, the 'in' thing. i believe that more than 1/2 the couples who live together never get married and ultimately break up in the end. this probably why the divorce rate is over 50% now and it's utterly ridiculous.

definitely a yes.
i dont really see what the difference is between living in seperate places and seeing eachother every day and living in the same place, and seeing eachother every day.
i live with my boyfriend of 9 months, and i dont see a problem there, i was at his place 90% of the time before so whats the difference.

I don't think it's right because of my religious beliefs and my husband and I didn't live together until we got married and yeah I totally see your mom's point, we've only been married for a little over three years but the first two are a little tough and it would've been a lot easier to walk away for a while if we weren't deeply committed to each other through marriage.

The difference between seeing each other every day and living together 24 hours a day would've been HUGE for us.

I think living together before marriage is a good thing, but it probably isn't for everyone. I am very glad that my husband and I lived together before we were married. And really, most of my friends are following the same pattern. Part of it is economics, sure, but the other part is a desire to really know what you're getting into before you get married. I would rather have had to move if the relationship didn't work out, as opposed to getting a divorce. ::::shrugs:::: To each their own.

I agree that it is a personal choice. I have had this discussion with my boyfriend who has asked me to move in with him. Personally I think that it takes away from the whole excitement of marriage. You know it's a new life together and sure living together before marriage may help you see if you can live with that person for the rest of your life but when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your lives together then little things will work themselves out. Sure I may sound antiquated with my views but a lot of my friends who live with their significant other before marriage say that nothing has changed after the fact. I just think starting a new life together should be exciting and I believe that once someone is married it's for life:)

But that's just my take on it

Yes, yes and more yes! I think it's very important to know EVERYTHING about someone before you marry them, including all of their annoying habits and that kind of stuff that you can only find out from co-habitating with someone!!

I just got done living with someone and it was a mistake. Beforehand I thought those that said it was a bad idea were mad. I was in a committed relationship and we saw each other practically all the time anyway, so why not save some money?

I see the rationality of living with someone you intend to marry before the wedding, but living with someone you haven't talked (seriously) about marriage with is not something you should take lightly. I now value my time away from my current bf and the only way I'd consider living with him is if we were in it for the long haul. Otherwise, what's the point? You just end up buying stuff together then fighting about it when it's all over.

No, thank you!

it's not worth it to jump the gun. let the relationship mature. the problem is that no one has faith in marriage anymore. people would say 'i'd rather just break up and move out than go through a divorce'. they're scared, they're in the relationship and are concentrating on the day the breakup comes rather than staying together forever. living together is no real commitment, in my eyes, it's just not.

We just talked about this in my "Family Problems and Social Change" class!

Statistically speaking, people who live together before marriage generally have a higher divorce rate.

HOWEVER it isn't because living together will drive you to divorce later.

Actually, the type of people who chose to cohabitate are just the same type of people who would be more likely to get a divorce. A very conservative person, who never lives with her husband beforehand, is just less likely to get divorced, because thats just cultural norm.

So I say try it before you buy it, hun! Make sure you know what you are getting yourself in to.. before you make that huge step!

For my and my situation, living together is what saved my relationship. It was the next logical necessary step for us and we took it, and it didn't go so well at first, but we had a lease and things riding on it, so we stuck with it and it worked out.

We now realize that if it weren't for that we may not have the type of bond we currently have. We had petty, nothing fights before and now we are past those and just enjoy the company and love.

I would never, ever want to marry someone I hadn't lived with first.

I really don't understand why people think that living together before marriage makes the divorce rate higher. If anything I think it lowers the divorce rate because a lot of people live together, decide they are not compatible and break-up; rather than getting married without truly understanding the other person's habits and lifestyle. I am definitely willing to trade in a little of excitement and new-ness of a marriage for the knowledge that I am definitely marrying the best and most compatible person for me.

Personally, I used to think I would never live together without marriage, but as I age, I'm less eager about getting married: too many of my married friends are miserable or divorced. I think I'm more open to the idea of living with someone, with or without marriage in the future.

I was raised in a relgious household where that was not permitted, but my hubby and I lived together for six months before we got married and I do think it was a great learning experience. Is it God's design? No. But I don't think it cancels out my salvation, either.

I never used to until I was married and realized that I could not live with him. He was completely different under the same roof and even had abusive qualities that went undetected. That was a few years ago and I live with my boyfriend now and know without I doubt that I could marry him and stay married forever.

I personally wouldn't but I don't mind if other people do. I'm not opposed to it on moral grounds, I just feel it takes something away from marriage. If you don't want that, then it wouldn't even be an issue, but since I do want to get married some day (and have kids) I definitely wouldn't. Maybe if you were already engaged?

As for the learning all his annoying habits - of the few people I now personally who have gotten divorced, not once was it because the way someone brushed his teeth was annoyig or anything like that. If you loved someone enough to marry him/her, would those things (annoying though they might be) really be so impossible to work out?

well for me, living together = seeing eachother about 4 or 5 hours a day. we both leave for work at 6:30 am I only get home around 6 pm. so it's not like we are both home all day with eachother. anyways, it made sense for us financially, i could have waited, but this made sense. especially since we have a dog together (which is pretty much like having a kid together)

it's not about the 'newness' and 'excitement', it's about knowing that you've made the ultimate commitment to each other and having the will to work out your problems because you both know that you're in it for the long haul. waiting until you're married to live together is a good idea because even though you have to adjust to living with your new spouse and their habits etc, those conflicts you have will just make your marriage stronger because you learn and grow together from going through those rough times. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...TOGETHER.

my parents have been married for 22 years and dated for 5 years without living together first. they have the strongest marriage i've ever witnessed.

I live with my boyfriend I couldn't imagine getting married and not knowing how the person lives. I mean it's like *BAM* all of a sudden you learn all these gross things out and mayeb you don't live well togetehr, but your already married!!!
I'm happy I live with my boyfriend now - it's going GGGGGREAT!

My husband and I lived together first. His ex-wife drug out their divorce (refusing to sign the papers) for well over 2 years. We were ready to live together well before she signed.
BUT even without that, I thought it was good that we lived together first. We were already "committed" to eachother, and got engaged shortly after.

Its not that I don't believe in it, its just that I don't want to. I don't have anything against it, though.

I would much rather go the traditional route...

to say that living together before marriage = divorce is overgeneralizing. in a study done by the CDC, they discovered that there are MANY factors that contribute to a successful living-together relationship before marriage and a not-so successful one. these factors include age of both parties when they started living together (the older you are-over 25, the better chance you have), educational backgrounds, race, educational backgrounds of parents, etc.

i personally believe that it can be a good thing to live together before marriage. a friend of mine was living with a guy when after 3 years (a few months before their planned wedding) he broke up with her. while it was a difficult situation, it could have been made more difficult if they had already been married. now she knows, right?

I used to believe in living together before you got married. But then I lived with someone (for 8 months) we would never fight. We got along amazingly, at the end of the day I was ready to move on with my life (buy a house, get married) and he wasn't and unfortunately I just saw it as the natural progression after living together and he didn't. I think that if you live together you miss that "commitment" that the ring entitles you too. When your married and you fight or one of you wants something there is discussion and compromise and when you live together alot of times the opinion is "if you don't like it too bad, move out."

So I don't know if I would live with someone again. . .

Just adding to my comment above. My parents lived together for 10 years had both me and my sisters and then got married. They're still together and going strong. It really depends on the person. If you really believe that you have to wait till you're married to stay with eachother then good.

I don't know I guess where I come from it's not that uncommon to live with someone and not be married. I live in Quebec and most couples live with eachother without ever getting married and it doesn't make them less stronger. So, I don't know. It really does go with how you've been brought up.

I personally would never live with a guy before marriage because I don't believe in it, but 2 of my best friends live with their bf's and they seem happy. Although, they fight more now and neither of the guys seem to care too much about marrying them any time soon because they are already getting a taste of married life and the realties of it. I think living together is better for the guy's situation and staying away from true commitment (by law) but every situation is different.

I totally agree. I just don't think I'm ready for it yet! I even wrote a post about it:

http://teamsugar.com/group/633447/blog/623866

I live with my boyfriend now, and i couldnt be happier. I also couldnt imagine marrying someone before you live with them. There are so many little adjustments when you live with someone that you never realize before! I think it is completely essential to live with someone before you get married! You test drive the new car before you buy it dont you? You try on that expensive designer dress before you buy it! Think about it!

I live with my fiance, but we abstain from the activities that make most people think that cohabitating is sinful. We have separate bedrooms and everything. I never thought I would live with someone before I was married, but he's in grad school, and we can't get married until next year, we can't afford two separate apartments, and it didn't make much sense to move back in with my parents for a year and try and find a job, and then quit and move to a new state and go through the whole job search again. So we moved in together, and because we're sex-free, I don't feel I'm compromising my values. It's really not all that different from living in the same dorm in college, except that we share responsibility for more chores.

That being said, I haven't learned anything about him since we moved in together that I either didn't already know or that wasn't tweaked by a few direct sentences. We already knew our major imcompatibilities (he's a morning person and I'm a night person, he likes to eat dinner later than I do, etc.), what our biggest challenge would be (balancing work and together time), and the smaller annoying things are usually resolved by either a) realizing that it's not a big deal and it doesn't matter, or b) "Honey? Is there a reason you do that like that? Because I've always found it more helpful to do it like this..." Such conversations are usually over in five minutes, and we nearly always reach some kind of compromise. As a result, I don't think living together is essential before getting married. You can learn everything you need to know without cohabitating, and if you're mature and respectful, you can handle andthing you don't know.

However, everyone is different, and if living together first is something you need to do to feel comfortable getting married, then do what you need to do to feel comfortable.

I would say it is absolutely necessary! I have a friend who went from living with her parents to living with her husband (who also had only lived with his parents) and she is miserable. He expected that she would just cook and clean everything just like his mom. Ive been living with my fiance for 3 years and Im so happy that I did. I dont have "cold feet" about the wedding bc we have worked out everything. I couldnt be happier!

I lived with my boyfriend for about 4 months, and then we decided to live seperately until we get married. Living together was awesome; we absolutely loved it and were very happy. However, as we started premarital counseling we found out that living together before getting married increases your chance of divorce by 80%. And with the divorce/non-divorce rate being 50/50 as it is, it seems like a better bet to wait.

I think it is essential to live with your boyfriend before marriage. I started living with mine almost a year ago, and it was really an eye opening experiance. I think that if we had got married without living with each other it would have been a disaster. Living with him unearthed some major issues we had to resolve before marriage.

Although we are waiting a few years before actually tieing the knot I think it was a great decision to move in together!

statistically speaking, the divorce rate of couples who cohabitate before marriage IS ABSOLUTELY NOT 80% higher. just wanted to get that little bit of misinformation off the table. the divorce rate for ANY first marriages in the united states right now is already above 60%, and i'm inclined to believe that your premarital counseling person was probably highly biased by the beliefs s/he has according to a religious tradition, and not looking at empirical data.

from my own personal experience, i will never marry someone without having lived with him. why? b/c i was engaged to a man whom i thought was amazing. after we moved in together (and i had known him for a long, long time; we were friends before we started dating), which was just before we got engaged, btw, i found out he was a compulsive liar who was addicted to two things i'd rather not mention here. and it's not that i was dumb. i realized it went on...just not to the extent that it actually was. b/c he lied to me and i trusted him. but it's hard to lie to someone like he lied to me when you are living together and witness it first hand.

needless to say, we didn't get married. best decision i ever made. and if i hadn't lived with him, i'd be divorced now instead of just single.

Oh, but my parents definitely hate the fact that I'm even considering moving in with him. They keep on asking me, "Why can't you just get married?" Hello! It's not that easy.

We are in the 21st century aren't we? Of course you should make sure that you can live together well before you jump into marriage. Marriage is a huge commitment and it's better to see if you can live harmoniously together before you tie the knot. Living with someone opens your eyes to what they are really like. What their little quirks are, if you love em...you can marry and if you can't stand em...you can leave!

How could living together increase your chances for divorce???!?? More like not living together and not knowing what you're getting into. I think your information is backwards, also I think it's odd that you moved out before marriage because of this "statistic"??

Indielove, it is rare for people to live through anything and grow stronger together, so I feel as though your parents situation is definitely inspiring but not realistic with our divorce rate as it is.

Maybe if people were less traditional there would be less pressure for everything to be "sacred", like not living together and waiting to have sexual intimacy until after marriage. It all seems so pretentious to me, why not know what your partner is like before you commit to them forever?!?