We're mixing things up this week and taking an anonymous confession from our new Confession Booth group for you all to weigh in on! This confessor finds herself wanting her daughter's suitor.
Am I a bad person? I really liked a guy I work with who is younger than me . . . a lot younger. I invited him over several times and we partied and we eventually became really close friends. I was really sad when I found out that he liked my daughter. I gave my permission for them to date and told them I was "OK" with it when secretly it's breaking my heart. I find myself resenting them. My daughter knew I liked him before she started dating him, so it was a very delicate situation when I found out about their feelings. This is tearing me apart.
What advice would you give her?
Make your anonymous confessions in our new Confession Booth group.
Vivance
Vero Moda
Psssy
Wow.
I think that's a situation where it had no future. At least you know now. Move on.
Also, my husband is 14 years older than me. I think it's a natural attracton. From my own personal experience, I can't see it easily working the other way.
1Accept the fact that he obviously just wasn't interested in you in that way, regardless of your daughter.
As for your daughter... I think I would feel uncomfortable dating someone that I knew my mother had feelings for. It's not something I would do to a good girlfriend, so my mom? That seems a little inconsiderate, when there are so many damn fish in the sea.
I think it's acceptable to be upset over this, but I hope you won't let it ruin your relationship with your daughter.
2Accept the reality that a romantic relationship was not meant to be between you and that man. If it was, you two would be in a relationship.
Also, please do not resent your daughter. Blood is thicker than water. Don't let a man come between you and your daughter. That would be saddening and pathetic. I give this advice with the presumption that you and your daughter have a positive, healthy relationship (read: she did not deliberately pursue this man to hurt you, knowing you had feelings for him. If she did, I would have given you other advice).
3I don't think you or your daughter should be dating this guy since he is your co-worker. I don't care how old he is. This could turn into a sticky situation if/when there is a break up.
A relationship with a younger guy can work. It depends on the people involved. A guy that's 10 years older than you is not neccesarily more mature or responsible. It makes me nuts that it's ok for men to date younger women but it's not as acceptable for women to date younger men.
4Just move on. But lord, what a situation. I don't know how close in age you and your daughter are, but I'd feel so creepy dating someone my mom had feelings for.
5Yikes, what a tough situation. I think when you decided to give them your permission to date you agreed to let all feelings go for him. Like everyone before me said, it wasn't meant to be a relationship between you and this man. Unfortunately your daughter doesn't understand how much you cared about him, but maybe it's true love... you sometimes can't help these things? Try and meet someone new and stay out of their relationship, that's going to prove difficult when things get more serious as he is your co-worker.
6Therapy. Now.
7He's just not that into you. It's time to find someone for you. A man a few years younger is perfectly acceptable but a man in a different age bracket is something else entirely. I wouldn't want to be out to dinner and the waiter says what will my son be having.
8How old is he? I know this might be unrelated but I once had a crush on my daughter's schoolmate who was 16-17 at the time. It almost tore my family apart and ruined my relationship with my daughter for a brief period of time considering he was dating her best friend. All I'm saying is think before you act - something I wish I'd been told.
Best of luck, xoxo
9Butterfly Mama
This is a sticky situation. I suppose all you can really do is wish them the best and be supportive.
10I wouldn't date someone my mum had feelings for though, I wouldn't do it to a friend and I wouldn't do it to family.
butterfly mama...
Maybe you should be "creeper mama". Wtf. 16 to 17? Taking cougar to a whole new level...
11chances are, if he's interested in your daughter he's not emotionally mature enough for you.
12your daughter won't end up marrying him this i can guarantee, just let it run its course and find somebody worthy of your experiences in life and your maturity.
i second kh312's advice
13Wow butterfly mama, thanks for your honesty. But that is illegal and creepy. 16-17!!!! Also you mentioned that it affected your relationship with your family. Clearly you took it too far! I can't imagine what I would have done if I was that boys mother. WOW!
Sorry I know this is supposed to be about the anonymous persons confession. But sheesh! That comment is totally disgusting. And I think that butterfly mama if you have not already gotten some help you need some stat. Before you hurt others.
Now for the confession. I think you should move on. I'm sure it is hard but it is not meant to be.
14wow, how about you be the grown up here and stop wanting the new toy your daughter just scored.
15O man...this made me pretty sad ;( That's a pretty tough situation. But you can't make someone like you. You deserve someone that knows instantly that they want to be with you, not another family member!
16Wow. This is a little disturbing to me. I can't imagine ever dating someone my Mother was attracted to.
Butterflymama sounds like you had more than just a crush if it almost tore your family apart, not to mention the fact that it is illegal.
I now feel like I need to shower.
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