My boyfriend of two years and I have finally come to places in our lives where we're capable of ending the long distance portion of our relationship and moving in with each other. The catch is one of us is going to be forced to leave our family behind. We're both still young and it'll be the first time either of us has been out into the real world on our own. We've discussed him moving to California, where I live, and me moving to Colorado, where he lives. But we have changed our minds A LOT! I have plenty of pros and cons to moving and staying. I'd really love a change of scenery, I'd love to experience the year round weather Colorado can offer, because I live in the desert. I'd also really love to test myself and see if I can make it on my own without my mother, I've always felt very dependent on her, but now I think I can break that link and really force myself to make my own choices without someone holding my hand. But at the same time, I have a very supportive family and I love that I always have someone there to back me up, but my boyfriend's family has never really taken an interest in even meeting me, they still seem to not take our relationship seriously. And his family is really the opposite, they keep to themselves and they're not very friendly, as far as I've seen. I have a very hard time respecting his family after the many negative things my boyfriend has told me. They're just not my kind of people. And I have a feeling it'll be very tough for me to move away from my support structure and go out there to have no one but my boyfriend. No friends and no family. But at the same time he doesn't want to live here, because the cost of living in California is very high, which I understand his reasoning.
How do we find a middle ground and how can I make a final decision on where I want to start my life without feeling like I'm going to end up unhappy?
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I'm going to be honest. This decision is never an easy one. Some of it may come down to the job market and where the best potential for finding a job is.
My now husband and I were faced with the situation - he's from Massachusetts and I'm from Maryland and he ended up moving to be with me. We're both close to both our families and I know that my husband has sacrificed a lot for me. Either way, try to make sure that you get back to the other's family often!
My personal opinion is to go where the greatest support system is because I think it will do you the greatest good in the long run.
But it's definitely something the two of you need to discuss at length. Write down pros and cons. Check out the job markets, the housing costs, everything.
Good luck!
1Moving to a different state is not easy. I recently moved from California to Arizona because the cost of living was so high and I wanted to be closer to my boyfriend. It was a huge decision and it took almost a year of planning and when I finally got the transfer to Arizona it took two months to move. I had to leave my entire family and friends behind, including my mother who I had a hard time leaving because she was my best friend was recently had a stroke. But after getting used to the area I started to love living in Arizona and I would call my mom everyday on the way home from work to chat. After a while, my family didn’t seem all that far away.
The bottom-line is someone is going to have to move. You both need to come to a solid agreement. Either he moves to California or you move to Colorado. Make sure you will be happy outside of friends and family such as a place to live, work, etc. If you are happy in where you live, you will make friends and family can always visit.
If all else fails, if you are both feeling adventurous, move to another state such as Arizona. There is plenty of desert here!
Good Luck!
2My boyfriend and I went through the same thing.
I think that if his family isn't very friendly towards you, and you'll have no other emotional support if you move there, then you really shouldn't.
There's nothing worse than hanging onto your boyfriend as the only thing in your life desperately.
I know this is a tough time, but if you trust him enough, and you truly love each other, you might move to him, or he might move to you, and everything will be fine.
3why not move to a new place entirely? who says you have to stay in either California or Colorado? What about Texas or Vegas or Arizona or someplace on the East Coast? That way, you can both make a fresh start with each other. Good luck!
4Is it possible to relocate to somewhere in the middle of where you both live so neither of you is that far from your home base? That way you are both trying out a new location and can go through the process together? I know that long distance relationships are very difficult. I commend you for being able to hang in there, esp. with his family being like they are. It sounds like you two will figure something out. Good Luck!
5OMG I am in the same exact situation right now. I am young and so confused about what to do. It really is a hard decision that takes alot of thought and consideration. I definitly agree that the best thing to do is way all the pros and cons of the situation. When it comes down to it, you really need to see what will make you happy and figure out what you are willing to sacrifice. When I find a solid answer I will let you know lol.
6OMG I am in the same exact situation right now. I am young and so confused about what to do. It really is a hard decision that takes alot of thought and consideration. I definitly agree that the best thing to do is way all the pros and cons of the situation. When it comes down to it, you really need to see what will make you happy and figure out what you are willing to sacrifice. When I find a solid answer I will let you know lol.
7Definitely a hard decision to make. To me it sounds as though you're ready for a change, and might consider moving even if it wasn't for your boyfriend, which I think is very important.
As someone who regrets not moving around a little more when I was younger (I'm not that old yet, but after 30 it gets a little harder to uproot each year), I say go for it! Your family sounds fantastic and like they will support you in anything, and will always be there for you, even if you're in a different state.
And guess what? If you move there and decide it's the biggest mistake of your life, you can always just move back.
8I moved from Minnesota to Alaska to be with my boyfriend. It may be tough at first to be the one to move, but if you're willing to take on the adventure it can be an awesome experience. Finding a good job and a fun neighborhood is key. And, CO isn't that far from CA. You can always go home to visit, talk to your family everyday, etc. Good luck and enjoy this exciting time!
9That's tough. Seems like you have good reasons not to move away....i would go try it out for a couple of months and see how it works out....if you can't stand the thought of being that far away from your family....you can always move back. Give it a test run. See what happens.
10Why not meet half way try somewhere new. You don't have to choose either places . You two can start fresh. And experience something new together!!!you should communicate with him how you feel.You say his family doesn't take in interest in you let him know.But can make up you mind pick somewhere out together.
11i think that if you're both willing to move, then a midpoint is probably a good idea.
12Sometimes when I am confused about which option to choose it means that I need to choose "none of the above." That means I have to assess the situation and look for other options. In your case it might mean what has already been suggested and pick a middle ground for both of you to move to. It also might mean that it's not the place that isn't right, but it's the person who's not right for you. Also, there's no universal law that says you have to move away from your family in order to become a full-fledged adult. Good luck on your decision. It's a toughy!
13I think you shouldnt move to california or colorado. pick somewhere completely different.
14California Court System alone makes you want to live elsewhere. Boy talk about a messed up system. But yes,I agree to keeping all options open. Do not settle just anywhere make sure of the right place first. Moving cost and time can be a bitc*. And you also have to consider finding to jobs too. So make sure that you take your time on this one.
15Move to Colorado. I come from the same kind of very supportive and loving family and I'm very close to my mom. Just over two years ago my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved across the country for his job and I can honestly say it was the best thing I've ever done, not that it wasn't hard at times. I proved to myself that I can succeed without having my mom right there. I still talk to my family several times a week but now I know that I can succeed in a new place without that support system.
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