carla! get out! your fiancee sounds like an abusive monster and he is abusing you. since you've tried speaking to him about the dynamics of your relationship for some time, i'm pretty you've communicated to him through words and actions (calling to cancel the credit cards), so what's the hold up? He's abusive and you've tried communicating to him that this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HIM. if you marry him, you will legally bind yourself to this man and all of your assets (unless you sign a well-constructed prenup, will you?) and you'll be stuck with this guy and his abusive tendencies. he IS verbally, physically (throwing food at you!), and emotionally abusive! best of luck, girl <3

Run. FAR AWAY. This is not love, and this is not a healthy relationship. You deserve a man who will love you for the beautiful, smart woman you are. If you have no where to turn or no support system, find a womens shelter.

I hope Dear has a way to reach out to this woman personally!!

He probably has a good side, too. They all do. That is why we stay with them. Because we block out the bad and only think of the good. But no matter how much he apologizes or makes you feel trapped or no good, the fact remains, he is completely destroying your life. You need out, NOW. You wouldn't allow a friend or sister to stay with someone like this, not for a minute. So give yourself the same respect. Please, get help TODAY. I know it's hard, but it's never too late to get control of your life back.

People who grow up in abusive relationships tend to continue to live out the rest of their life repeating the abuse. Get out. Run away and don't look back. Get some help from your family and friends, find a good therapist or support group and RUN! If he really loved you he wouldn't do any of those terrible things to you. Dump his ass and start anew. You can do it, you are strong enough...

RUN, do not walk, away from this guy. I'm baffled as to why you're even still with him since you seem to have a real handle on all the negatives; and there don't seem to be any positives.

Everything is in your name so you'll be responsible for the bills he won't pay. He doesn't want his family and friends to know you because either a) he doesn't really care about you or b) they would warn you about him.

The name calling? The fabrication of things to accuse you of? Combined with everything else it all adds up to MAJOR abuse. You'd be so much better off on your own. Please find the strength to get out of this. It's not a real relationship and you deserve so much better.

I would say, run in the other direction as fast as you can. I usually reserve judgement on these sort of cases since the other side is never head but no one, I repeat NO ONE, has the right or the excuse to call you such nasty names and expect to be put up with. This is a textbook definition of abuse (he sounds like he's one step away from physically harming this poor woman) and for your own health and well-being, get away from this man. My advice is this: first, find a safe location. Second, tell someone you trust everything (withhold no details, not matter how ugly). Third, sever all ties with him (I know this is easier than it sounds but it is so, so important. Any lingering connections may give him a re-entry into your life). Fourth, if he gets more violent, consider alerting the authorities and getting a restraining order against this creep.

*heard

oh my goodness. you deserve so much better than this. this man is taking advantage of you, and I hope that you have a member of the family or a friend to confide in and help you. GET OUT of this situation as fast as you can. you WILL find someone who will love you and take care of YOU and share in all the things that a husband and wife should. i'm so upset reading this that i want to find him and give him a piece of my mind, how he thinks he can treat another person like this absolutely baffles me....

You poor poor girl. Clearly you are stronger than this and you know that this is not ok. You have to know that you WILL be okay on your own. If you are already supporting him as well as yourself then you know you can support yourself without him. Please walk away from the situation and start fresh. I think you should be independent for awhile. See a therapist to understand your habits and learn how to spot trouble before you are in too deep. I know you can do it.

Again, you don't deserve this. You could not control who your father was or how you were brought up, but you can control this.

Wow. I got chills reading your post. Your fiance is definitly abusing you. It is only a matter of time before the verbal rants turn physical. I think you should definitly get out of this relationship. There was an episode of Oprah where she interviewed a woman who had been abused for 25 years. The abuse was verbal at first. It turned physical 10 years into the relationship. This woman had children and her children were trained by her husband to verbally and physically abuse there own mother. Since it seems that you have been abused in the past, it is up to you to stop the vicious cycle for the sake of your own future children. I know it may seem scary to leave but you have to. Is there anyone you can turn to a family member or friend you can confide in? There is a national domestic abuse hotline the number is 1800-799-SAFE. I know you think that its not that serious because he hasnt been physically abusive towards you but its only a matter of time. Just give the hotline a call or look at there website. They are professionals that you can just talk to about the situation and get some advice. I hope this helps. You deserve better, you dont deserve to be treated that way.

You KNOW it's abuse. Notify the authorities immediately. That's all I can say.

I was in an abusive relationship in the past, (the movies "Enough" and "Sleeping with the Enemy" were what my life would have been like) though not to that magnitude. The first thing you need to do is take a good hard look at your life as it is and ask yourself is this what you, possibly for the rest of your life!!!
Abusive men usually tend to prey on you at your weakest and most vunerable moments then suck you in and break you down!

This will definitely not be easy but you need to start pulling away from him...as far as closing accounts, maybe you could place a freeze on them or put a password on them but if you let him bully you into giving him access then there is really no point.

What it boils down to (the harsh reality):
you are being abused. you realize it, you know it, you accept it.
The question is are you going to continue to accept it.
Make a decision either grow some balls and get out (plott and plan your escape)
Otherwise accept it. Live it. Love it. and stop complaining, because lets face it...no ones going to help you if you don't help yourself!

You have to get out to this relationship fast. You are a strong woman that has realized that she deserves so much better and obviously a better man. Break all contact with him. Get out of this relationship ASAP!!

Get of out that relationship FAST and don't look back as you're leaving!

i'm very perturbed by reading this. my advice to leave. LEAVE HIM NOW. he's not worth your time, your money--and most especially your sanity. he's scum and you NEED to get rid of him. stop seeing his good side and kick his dirty butt because of all the horrible things he's doing to you.

Yes, it is abuse. Please get out of that relationship! It's only going to get worse.

RUN! Get in touch with someone who can help you escape!

please listen to the women who gave you advice to leave above^

you are a strong woman and you DO NOT need him in your life.

Girl, this is ABUSE! leave him NOW! and DON'T TURN BACK.You deserve SO much better. This guy is DEFINITELY not a guy you would want to marry.

I could say a lot, but all I can mean is this.... RUN FOREST RUN/ He is emotionally abusive and is so taking advantage of you. Don't second guess yourself any more and get out. Good luck.

darlin'! if it hurts your body, your mind or your soul, its abuse! run like the wind! you will surely have withdrawl symptoms... but don't look back, you know whats there, and it is no good! look forward... love don't hurt.

wow...it made me so sad to read that post. it's totally hard to leave someone, especially someone you've been with for so long even if he is treating you horribly. Do any of your friends/family know about this? Can you stay with someone who can give you moral support while you exit this relationship?

What can I say that hasn't been said yet? This IS abuse ... it WILL get worse ... and he MAY end up killing you. What's scary is that this reminds me of a domestic situation I dealt with where I used to work a few years back. In the situation I'm talking about, the guy finally flipped out and took his wife to an abandoned apartment building where he raped and beat her multiple times over the course of a week - she almost died - she was pregnant (and he knew it!!) the whole time. She finally got free and spent a few weeks in the hospital recovering - she didn't lose the baby, thank God. She used to come into the police station where I worked and just talk for hours with me - both before and once after the incident. She felt safe there and knew he wouldn't come to her in that place. I'd get so frustrated when she'd take him to court and then on the day of the case, beg the judge to be lenient with him and drop the charges ... and then leave with him, hugging and kissing him as they left the courtroom. She used to defend him and say he wasn't ALL bad. That he had a GOOD side. That she MUST have deserved what he did and said. She was a foreign national and was afraid of deportation - both before and after he married her. She figured he'd tell INS that it was a fake marriage in order for her to stay in the States. She was afraid of going home and being stoned to death - especially after she got pregnant. She had no family here, very few friends. I do know she finally left him after what he did to her in the apartment building and I pray she stayed away from him. All I know is that I've since seen this guy's name in a Wanted Poster in connection with another VERY violent crime not too long ago.

I encourage you to get in touch with the Domestic Hotline or your local law enforcement agency's equivalent of a Domestic Violence Coordinator. Let them help you get away from this man who is just a ticking timebomb. Save your life and sanity. Don't let yourself become further victim to his twisted sense of control ... and remember ... NO ONE deserves that treatment. Please don't hesitate to reach out for help.

Hon, leave TODAY. If you can call someone that can help you, your friends or family, then do so. I guess you do know in what type of situation you are, otherwise you wouldn't have written this. I would also assume that you are a very sweet, caring person that puts everyone ahead of yourself...therefore I must assume that you have at least one person out there who'd bend over backwards to help you.

This is your life. Your life should be filled with smiles, happiness, and encouraging people that love you, just for being you. Please don't waste another minute with someone who simply just uses and abuses you this way. I really wish you the best of luck!!

Not only is his behavior abusive, it is criminal.

You asked if maybe this is how relationships are supposed to be...read over your own post, what to you honestly think?

But what you really need to realize is that you are NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. You are being victimized by a con artist. He is probably a sociopath, meaning he does not have "relationships." He finds a kind, giving woman (with an abusive past) that he can latch onto and then suck dry. He is not a boyfriend, he is a vampire. Please, please click this link for more information:
http://www.lovefraud.com/

Not only must you leave immediately for your emotional health and safety, but you desperately need to get control back of your credit and finances. I'm not sure how he is able to reinstate credit cards that are in your name, but that is fraud. I'd go the police immediately if I were you and find out what you need to do stop him.

Carla pack you bag and lave now you still can or simply change all the locks and make sure he can't get in anymore.
Plus you should report this to the police or something, get a case so he has to stay out of your neighbourhood.

I think you really need to get out of the situation, it is wrong and won't do you any good!

Yes, she did bring this to herself.
Yes, she is crazy, and
yes, this is abuse.
But you can get out of it, do it, be happy.

I am guessing that you can't leave this relationship because there is something about this man that you love or need. Whatever it is about him that you find endearing, you can have that plus so much more if you leave. You may think that you're the only one who can help this man. That's not true. He needs professional help, and you cannot provide that. It would not be selfish if you leave him. Leaving is the best thing you can do for him and for you. Please trust that things will change if you leave him.

GET OUT!!!

When you cut the credit cards tell the financial institution that you are the only one that can make changes to the account. Make sure that they know a man will try to set them back or even a woman...make them set a password for you...cause if you're not even allowed to meet his family and you guys have so many things shared but on your name only...he smells like DOUBLE LIFE...he might have somebody else for all you know.

Oh my God, Carla! Please, leave him! Take care of the mess as soon as possible before it get worser (if it could be!).

Hope everything would be okay with you soon!

SAVE YOURSELF from this total a-hole! OMG! This is the utmost form of mental abuse that I have ever heard. Hunnie- you are WAYY better than that jerk and could find a better man in a heartbeat. Dont you ever let anyone treat you like that EVER!

Yes, you are in an abusive relationship. I was in one just like this. You need to move far, far away from him. You don't want to be there when he decides to take the abuse one step further. Trust me, chances are good that he will. Contact friends and family to let them know what's going on.

you poor thing, good luck to you--- as everyone has said you don't diserve this... go find someone who will tereat you liek the queen that you are

Yes this is definetely an abusive relationship!!! Get out!!! There are MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH nicer guys out there!!! You can find one don't worry!!! Good luck!!!

What the...oh my goodness little lady. People are saying run from this man. And yes do that, LEAVE HIM. But understand that this is also a very dangerous situation. You need to have a plan made out on how to leave him. If you tell him that you are leaving then he may smile in your face and clear out your bank accounts and give you bad credit.

You need a true friend (family member) and a safe place to live out of town that he has no clue about. NEVER tell your new residents to anyone. And get a PO box if you feel he can track you by lying to the Post Office about why he now needs your NEW address. Leave evidence of NOTHING while you are setting up a new lifestyle.

If cars are in your name then have it repo. And if you are the main person on the bank accounts then have his name taken off them. Allow this man access to nothing ALL AT ONCE. To linger what you're going to do over a weeks time or more is far past WRONG.

Try to do everything regarding that kind of stuff in one day. Start at 8 am and by 5pm make sure he has NOTHING, no access to anything and cannot find out where you are. He is not worth being physically harmed over, bad credit, or having all your saving in the bank wiped out because he's mad that you left him, and therefore he cannot control you anymore. He sounds more than controlling; he sounds dangerous and may attempt to track you down. Oh, and if Law enforcement is necessary then take a court action upon him. At least you’ll have paperwork into place if he attempts to bother you after your leave him. You don’t have time for that.

You have a life. And you need to show this man UP FRONT that you mean serious business, and will NOT back down from him in any way shape or form. DO NOT be afraid to involve the law later on, if necessary. And seek a counseling group that has women in it that has been in your situation and can give you verbal support when you are feeling either down, or that you want to back out of leaving this dangerous situation.

Carla, run far, far away. Yes, that is abuse. and NOBODY deserves that.

If you have to ask, you know what it already is. You will never know what a true, real relationship is like if you keep settling for less. It may not be familiar territory to venture out into the unknown, but you will never know unless you try. You know what your fiance will do, and you are obviously not satisfied with it, do you think it'll get better after you're married? You do not even know the entirety of what he is capable of, but the same is with yourself. Other women have hesitated and stayed in these types of relationships and are not alive today to tell about it. Learn how to value yourself, don't stay where you're tolerated, go where you're celebrated! You will never know unless you go. Call the hotline, talk to whoever you need to, get the help you need to get out of this situation, and learn about the correct mentality to get so that you can stand up on your own 2 feet and know that you'll be ok, whether men or people like you or not. You're worth it! =) Plus, freedom and independence are some of the greatest feelings you could ever have in life, don't let anyone EVER take that away from you!

this made me sad just reading that.
you need to leave him asap and find someone who respects and deserves you. x

omg you need to get out of this relationship asap...he means you no good. if u have to ask then u know its a problem.ABUSE IS NOTHING TO PLAY WITH!!!

You need to get out of this relationship before things gets worst and it will if you don't. This is nothing to play with. NO Man should disrespect or abuse the woman he claims he loves. You deserve better. You can get out of this relationship and you should fast!

Carla, I am so sorry you are undergoing this... Not only is this abuse, but you could also call the police, your own security has been threatened.

I bet you are a wonderful woman, you deserve SO much better... No other woman will want HIS sorry *ss, I am sure you will find a man who treats you like you deserve, compliments you and fills you with love...

Stop paying for his stuff! Who does he think he is?? And accuse you of looking into his account? Even though you haven´t done that, you really should!! How come he works all day and doesn´t spend a penny?

Get out of that sick relationship, Honey... Get out and find the marvellous woman inside you, and let another man see that...

I hope the best for you! Don´t hesitate to look for help here, we are all here to support you!

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!! I know what type of man he is. I was in a similar situation. It's going to get worse. Please get out of this relationship. You are more worthy for someone decent than him. If he can't accept that it's over and if he starts doing crazy things then get a restaining order cos men like him will suddenly go on a rampage and who knows what he might do. I'm begging you to get out of this relationship.. I can't stress it enough!!!

This is the epitome of abuse. You've already taken the first step even if you don't realize it. You recognize this behavior as being wrong. You need to quietly get your affairs in order and remove him from all aspects of your life...finance..family...be prepared to notify your friends that a number change will occur. Also have your game face on. I'm sure he will try to stop you...either with words or by force. If you have to see him face to face...either while he collects his things or vice versa...you can ask for a police escort. Whatever you do...do not give him the opportunity to speak or change your mind. Your mind is made up...this is what needs to be done. Good luck!!

This is the epitome of abuse. You've already taken the first step even if you don't realize it. You recognize this behavior as being wrong. You need to quietly get your affairs in order and remove him from all aspects of your life...finance..family...be prepared to notify your friends that a number change will occur. Also have your game face on. I'm sure he will try to stop you...either with words or by force. If you have to see him face to face...either while he collects his things or vice versa...you can ask for a police escort. Whatever you do...do not give him the opportunity to speak or change your mind. Your mind is made up...this is what needs to be done. Good luck!!

Considering everything is in your name, it is much easier than you think.

Call the police, have him removed from the property and file a restraining order. If he steps foot around your property again, he will go straight to jail.

He can't stay there if you don't allow him to. Period. You're making it on your own now, so money won't be any harder than you are used to.

Sell the house, get cheaper living, and block him from your phone, job, etc.

Get out while you still can.

Get out now!!!!

It sounds that he is using you while he cavorts with other women (perhaps he is married already, thus having everything in your name).

I dated a guy once who wouldn't let me meet his family or friends, or take me to parties ("They don't know you" he'd say). Turns out he was dating someone else, and that's who everyone knew about. Anyway, the red flags were similar to yours.