I think eventually I may want to have children but at the moment I have no interest. I am 24 years old and I definitely do not have the patience. I love my nieces and nephews to pieces but I also love the fact that I give them back to their parents at the end of the day. Maybe in another 10 years I'll be ready.

I think you could easily rephrase this to say that it's not children that makes women unhappy, it is having a spouse that does not do his equal share that makes women unhappy. Many happiness studies show that the more egalitarian a parenting relationship is, the happier a woman is.

I absolutely want children. Not at this immediate moment as I'm only 20 years old, but in the near future I definitely want to have kids. In 5-6 years, I'll be ready for children (and my boyfriend is in the same frame of mind, as far as timing goes).

I think a big part of the reason that women are unhappier today is that we feel we need to be supermoms, and accomplish EVERYTHING. Women feel they HAVE to both be the super PTA mom and have a high powered career at the same time, just because it's an option. And it's a wonderful option for some women, but not for everyone. Just because you *can* have it all, doesn't mean you have to or should - it's not for everyone.

definitely want kids in a couple years

Kids are for some people, and not for others. They are a lot of work and require a lot of patience. Kids are forever, it's not like one day they won't be yours anymore, and there are even some circumstances where they will stay longer than you want, or perhaps they are ill and you need to take care of them forever. It's not something to be taken lightly, or something to not plan. It's important to me to think about what you're getting yourself into. Not everyone thinks about birth defects, money issues, etc? Well, you should. Me, do I want kids? I am 22, so the answer right now is no way. I may be able to afford a child with my BF, but I have no patience for it or place for it in my life right now.

I love little kids, and I even teach teenagers (ya know, on days where school isn't closed because of massive flooding) but everything in between makes it so it's enough to think twice about it -- three times, even. Three million times. Maybe one day I will want kids, but for the foreseeable future, it's just not on my list of things to accomplish.

One day. Just not now. I have very little patience and know I need to develop some before I even think about babysitting, let alone having kids.

Maybe I'll just get a puppy...

I feel very strongly that I don't want to have kids. This is the reason why - I know myself well enough to predict that it would strongly lower my happiness in life.

When I look at my friends from college that have chosen to have children, I barely recognize them. They've put on 30 pounds, they're stressed out, and they lack the fun energy that made us friends in the first place. There's only a certain amount that I can connect with them, when the preeminent thing on their minds are school plays and doctor's office visits.

My maid of honor confessed to me that when she saw a woman pushing a baby carriage, her first thought was "Oh, honey - you've gone and F****ed up your life." I sort of agree with her.

I want to adopt. Almost everyone in my family that knows this does not approve but here are my reasons. For one, I want girls. No boys! The only way to guarantee that is to adopt. Secondly, I really believe that unless you are famous or have great genes your body will be wrecked after having kids and that will in effect ruin your marriage. I know it sounds superficial but men will cheat if you don't keep yourself up. Your entire hormone structure changes when you have children. If you adopt you get to be a mother and still be yourself.

spacekatgal, I think that's harsh.. thinking that a woman effed up her life because she had a baby? I'm sure people judge you for not wanting children and I'm sure that pisses you off (as it should!). Women should be able to choose to have children - and not be judged - and choose NOT to have children - and not be judged.

kh61582, if you fear that your husband will cheat on you after you give birth because your body has changed, perhaps you should reconsider who you marry. My $0.02 on THAT. Adoption is beautiful, but adopting so you don't "wreck your body" is a little ridiculous, IMO.

I do want children, and I feel like in a few months, after I become an Ironman (), we'll be ready. We're in our late 20s, own a house, have stable careers, and have been married for 4+ years.

I am only 19 so I don't want children yet but I know in the future I will want kids. I plan on adopting children because there are already many kids who don't have families.

No, I agree - runningesq. I support women's ability to make any choice they want. That's what feminism is all about. I'm talking about my feelings towards having children - not what I think other people should do. I also agree it's a harsh quote from my friend, and I only partially agree with it.

I'm adopted, KH. If you're going to choose to do this, be prepared to give the kid a better answer about why they're adopted than that. It's a little bit of a mindjob for us.

I do agree that keeping your figure is important to keeping a happy marriage, though.

Corinne Maier wrote a wonderful, enlightening book titled "40 Good Reasons Not To Have Kids". Should be required reading.

If I had kids and my husband cheated on me because oh my god, it's a crime to have stretch marks and a little flab after giving birth to his child, I would pack my sh*t, my kid's sh*t, and say goodbye, assh*le. And, on top of it, if he wants to cheat -- let him. I'm not gonna lose 5 lbs just to make his ass happy.

Anyway, kids don't always ruin lives. My mom is perfectly happy with her kids and loves us more than anything. We vastly improved her life. Does it happen all the time? No. Should a woman be judged for having kids and being happy? No. Should a woman be judged for not wanting to have kids? No. Personally, I don't think having a child would "ruin my life", in fact, I think if I had a kid, I would be perfectly happy. It has nothing to do with happiness, it has everything to do with logic. I want to be prepared for a baby if I have one. In the foreseeable future, I cannot see being prepared...I mean, I'd like a house, a live-able space, be able to cook better, be older, and have a higher degree. Plus, the thought of screwing up someone's life really terrifies me. I don't want to be judged because I feel as though I am not ready and will not be ready for a long time.

...oh, and adopt out of love, not to "save" your body. It's going to die and rot in the ground anyway, so what's a stretch mark? Oh, and I know MANY people who have had kids and still look fantastic. If you can't deal with some blemishes on your body and that will prevent you from having kids (even if you want one)...then you have some serious issues. I would certainly never opt for adoption because I didn't feel like having a child would be conducive to having a 100% perfect body. If you view kids like THAT, don't have kids (adoption, included) at all.

I don't agree with much that is stated in the article. There are too many generalizations based on evidence like Stevenson not knowing any women who are happy with kids (you can't base the argument that rearing kids makes every woman in the world unhappy on your own circle of friends). I think that why some women feel that having kids takes away from their happiness is because the amount of work that their spouse shares with them upon having children is unequal, with women recieving the heavier load. With all of the options that are out there and developing for women, one thing that hasn't really changed significantly is the amount of responsibility that women take on in raising children. I think each individual family unit needs to allocate that responsibility in a way that doesn't burden one spouse more than the other. It should be a personalized plan and while it may not work for the next family down the block, it could be the best option for another. Oh, and I agree that having kids isn't for everyone so making sure you know what you're getting into is important.

Everyone I know who has kids is happy they did so. Of course there are always going to be the burdens and hardships, but having children can bring a lot of joy as well.

Never gonna happen. I don't like kids, and I'd rather spend my time and money on myself and my partner.

My husband wants them. I waffle back and forth. I have thought "If anything, I'd definitely rather adopt, so I don't have to go through childbirth and yes, the terrible effect it has on your body". But after reading this article, and most of the posts, it scares me right back toward not wanting them anymore. It's like a given--you have a kid, you're winding up torn, stretched out, flabby and exhausted....and the exhaustion lasts for 18 years. Scary.

I've known for a long time that I don't want kids (I decided this when I was seven and learned how babies came out). I love kids, but I couldn't handle any of my own; it's possible I'll change my mind when I get older, but I doubt it. I'd like to be selfish the rest of my life and spend my money on vacations and gourmet food, not diapers and summer camps. Besides, then I'll also get to be the super cool aunt to my sisters' kids.

I kind of agree about the supermom comment. Women have a ton of pressure on them to do it all. Have the career, the kids who get all of the attention and support, etc. When I was a child, my mother socialized a ton, and didn't spend as much time caring for me as the parents I see today.

Also, I feel that women are now more comfortable about answering surveys like this honestly. I'm sure when the survey was conducted many years ago, that women felt pressure to fake happiness.

I'm child-free by choice, as I mentioned several times here in this forum.

Raising children is not something I want to accomplish. But I'm not anti-children.

I think my decision contributes to my happy life ONLY because it's a decision that's right and good for me. It's subjective.

Parenthood isn't for everyone, but I think it's a little unfair to claim it always causes unhappiness for every mother. Gosh, I hope she appreciates the hell her mother went through for her.

I understand that a child is not purely a bundle of joy. It's not easy. It's a challenge. Life is not easy. But challenges can be rewarding.

I haven't decided yet.

I'm 24 and I don't want kids now or in the near future. I went to a really small Episcopalian all girls high school (38 in our graduating class). 7 of my classmates have had kids before turning 21, and I can see that it's put a lot of stress on them in terms of traveling and other life experiences. I vowed that I would never let that happen to me, just because personally, I feel like I have a lot more exploring to do. Maybe in 10 years I'll re-evaluate that decision, but for right now, I'll settle for a dog (or two).

I am still undecided on having children. Sometimes I think I want to and then other times I just can't imagine it. When I was in my teens and early 20's babies repulsed me. Now that I'm 29 I like them. Who knows how I'll feel when I'm 32?

I've never wanted children. I see friends and coworkers with their children and while it's great to spend time with the kids, I have no desire to have one of my own. I like living life with spontaneity and being responsible for myself.

Spacekat, my life's not f***ed at all. I have two lovely boys, a doting husband, and a career. Life's not about being happy 24/7. I've managed to live a pretty interesting life, good and bad. If I blame anyone for any troubles, I would have to look in the mirror.

Blaming others for any self-inflicted faults is so lame.

Well. Part of the reason of getting married is to have children (to provide them with a stable home), so yes, I do want to have a family someday. Why get married if you don't want to have a family with you rhusband? IMO, that would get really boring after a while.

Having children doesn't mean your marriage is automatically going to hell, just like not having children doesn't guarantee you a long, happy marriage and life free of trouble. It is subjective.

Leila, Why get married if you don't want to have a family with you rhusband? -- I personally DO want children, but I don't think a life with my husband would "get really boring after a while."

Before anyone has kids they should have to take a written test to see if they really know what they are getting into. Why is it that so many people are clueless when it comes to raising kids?????????

Well, personally speaking, I married my husband for romantic love (and vice-versa). Trust me, it makes for a lovely marriage.

We've been together for almost 15 years, and we're still very happy.

I know want to have children someday. The body issue doesn't frighten me, it is just part of what your body has to go through during that time. Stretch marks, weight gain, and exhaustion are issues that are not appealing, but the child at the end of that process is. Now the commitment to raise a child, even after those first eighteen years, is a bit scary. The 'job' of motherhood never really ends; my own mother talks to her mother every day and my grandmother is 66. My mother asks for advice for all sorts of things even at the age she is. That devotion you (should/have to) show to your child is so great that it is intimidating but something I'll hopefully be able to do when I am ready.

runningesq - If you would like to have children then that point wasn't directed at you. It was more for those who are in childless marriages. I guess I am a bit of a realist.

Romantic love is fleeting feeling, and marriages are made up of a much deeper bond than that, which is reinforced by having a family. I personally am a little perplexed that someone would want to make a lifelong commitment knowing that they do not want to start a family. What is the point?
Why not just stay partners so you have a way out if you need one. I am engaged, but I waited until I was sure I was open to having a family, and financially secure, ect.

This is only my personal opinion and I am not attacking anyone. I really don't care that much about how others live their lives. This is just my logic.

HoneyBrown, I know you well enough on this forum to have guessed as much. I'm sure you didn't have children before making very sure it was the right choice for you. I think this puts you in stark opposition to some of the immaturity displayed in Group Therapy section of TresSugar. There are some people there that really did not think about what they were getting into.

I do have to say this. Emotional reasoning is a great tool - but I don't understand the people here attacking this study because they don't *feel* that the result is correct. If you read the study, the methodology seems pretty straightforward to me.

I'm sorry if you don't feel that the result says what you want it to but the science speaks for itself - mothers are starkly unhappier with their lives on multiple levels.

Also, I agree with Glowingmoon. I see no end to the fun I have with my husband - and if I did, I wouldn't have married him. I expect our adventure to become more exciting as life goes on, not less.

I really want kids, but not for about 5-10 years.

"There are too many generalizations based on evidence like Stevenson not knowing any women who are happy with kids (you can't base the argument that rearing kids makes every woman in the world unhappy on your own circle of friends)."

Scratch this part of what I wrote. I misread and confused myself.

I think the only good thing about this survey's result is that maybe it will allow women to see that having children shouldn't be automatic. I imagine that the majority of women who AREN'T happy to have children are those that had children because they felt obligated, or because "it was time," etc., and not because they really wanted to. If you don't want kids, don't have them.

That being said, I don't know a single person who is unhappy to have children.

Spacekat, can you point out where you're seeing details as far as methodology used? When possible, I like to see how questions are phrased.

The study poses an interesting questions: Are people unhappy because of their children, or are you people who are already unhappy simply more likely to choose to have children?

I always knew I would have children and can't my imagine life without them. I got a boy and a girl which is what I always wanted. My son is very funny and my daughter is academically gifted. I have well behaved, grounded, and appreciative children. I had two children by the age of 21. I have missed out on experiences but I also get opportunities that some people never get by not having children. As far as my figure I'm a size 6.

I could not imagine having one child by 21... let alone two. then again, I spent a lot of time drunk when I was that young

Sure, kimbo. If you put "“The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness" into google, the PDF is the 4th or 5th result.

Thanks!

I can't wait to have kids, baby fever has definitely hit me hard lol.

Ha! According to the study's results, today's men are happier than today's women while in the past the results seemed to indicate the opposite. Haha, figures that both sexes can't be happy at the same time... I kid. Sort of.

I'm on the fence about kids. I feel like a lot of my friends who have had them are less happy because their partners don't help out with the baby or the housework. I definitely think that if a woman has a baby and expects her partner to share the child-related chores with her, and he does not do so, her happiness would be severely impacted. If I have a child, I expect my husband to be an active father who does his share of the not-so-fun stuff. We both work and the difference in our income is small, so I feel like I shouldn't be saddled with an overwhelming majority of domestic and child-related duties. Women who choose to become mothers but also want to retain part of their old lives (be it hobbies or time to relax alone) deserve to have supporting partners. I think a lot of women would be happier if they had discussed with their partners what they thought each person's role in parenting would be.

Having them really changed me and made me responsible which necessarily isn't a bad thing. Sometimes people don't live up to the roles they've agree to. My happiness was impacted when my husband didn't live up to his part. I would rather have my children see me divorced and happy. Rather than married and miserable. I feel like I'm happier now than the majority of when I was married.

Leila01: "I personally am a little perplexed that someone would want to make a lifelong commitment knowing that they do not want to start a family. What is the point?"

You get to live with your best friend and file taxes jointly; automatically inherit a share of each other's estate should you die intestate; receive each other's Social Security, military, and insurance benefits; receive retirement plan benefits upon death; claim the marital communications privilege if applicable in a legal proceeding; and enjoy visiting rights in places where only immediate family members may visit. Among numerous other things.

@ Anonymous #47. You sound like someone who has a marriage. There are pragmatic (and for me, romantic, loving) reasons for marriage. Children-raising is NOT the only reason to marry.

I absolutely want to have kids. I'm only 20, so obviously not anytime soon, but someday. Of course it'll make you miserable sometimes, having to put someone else's needs ahead of yours 100%, but I think it'll be worth it.

I am a bit undecided about whether or not to have kids. I have to say though I think having one child is underrated.

Yes easy for me to say because I am an only child. I have two wonderful parents who raised me to be someone who is conscious of others, able to share and does not think the world revolves around me. Ask anyone who knows me!

My parents had great careers but still were able to care for their one child without any resentment to their busy working lives. We have been fortunate to have a comfortable lifestyle, spend time with family and go on nice family vacations. Part of this is atributed to the fact that they only had the expense of one child. One child gives you much more freedom than two or three.

I'm sure it would be great to have siblings and many argue that they want their kids to have siblings. I dont have any but I have many wonderful friends (whom I've been able to spend more time with and take on vacations due to my lack of siblings) and a great loving family. Plus, I have many friends who are not close with their siblings. That can be a crapshoot too.

It is definitely a personal preference (my parents tried to have more but were unable) but with with the right kind of supportive, educational upbringing only children can grow up to be nothing like the stereotypes people have of them.