I work for a behavioral health insurance company. My department is social workers, clinicians, and a few consumers (people that utilize the services we offer). One of the consumers, a perfectly nice girl, has recently been making me very uncomfortable with her questions to me and others, and with her loud phone conversations.
The topics she discusses (her health insurance before working there, telling an expectant mother about the kind of birth defects she should be dreading, etc.) She has repeatedly (and seemingly gleefully) asked me about my best friend moving away, the details of my recent breakup, and really presses me for personal information about my dating life. She will also tell me incredibly personal information about her medical conditions and her private life, which makes me even more uncomfortable. This is not behavior unique to her interactions with me, so I don't think it's her thinking we're closer than we are.
The last straw was hearing her loud conversation on the phone on Tuesday. She was discussing, in detail, a friend's sexual assault and the aftermath of it. I absolutely sympathize, but it is also absolutely none of my business and shouldn't have been discussed so loudly in a crowded office. I couldn't help but think of the person on the other end, and how they probably wouldn't like knowing their personal information was being broadcast to the office.
Due to her being a consumer, I am not allowed to be confrontational with her. Since my boss is on vacation, I can't bring it up to him, and she's getting really graphic and personal with her questions and conversations. Is there anything i can do to let her know how uncomfortable she makes me without being too aggressive or assertive?
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Ichi
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Jimmy Choo
She is in a way making it everyones business by talking so loudly. If she wants to know personal info, try changing the subject or making a general comment about yourself w/o revealing too much info. you have to be honest about letting her know about how loud she is, but you can still say it in a polite way. Maybe can say, 'if you need some privacy, you can go to whatever room, so no one will interrupt you'. Let us know how it goes.
1good luck!
2I would say that if she starts pressing you for information about your personal life, I would simply say something like, "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable sharing that kind of personal information with you." That way, you're giving her the "back off" vibe without being b*tchy. And in saying that, you're remaining professional.
3If you want to be less direct and avoid possibly offending her, just pretend everything is a sore subject for you - say "I don't really like to talk about that." and look embarrassed and uncomfortable. I know a girl like that at my work and it's really annoying, but we're not in the same office so I usually just avoid her.
4When people ask me an inappropriate question, I always respond with "why do you ask?" in an interested tone. It throws the ball back into their court and if they don't pick up on the hint, you can then tell them that it's none of their business in a polite, but firm voice.
If this woman is having loud, inappropriate conversations at work, there is nothing wrong with going over to her and telling her that the volume of her voice and the subject of her conversation is making it difficult for you to concentrate on your work. Beyond that, you will need to wait until your boss returns from vacation to remedy this situation.
5This is a tough one. When it comes to personal information about your life cut her at the pass simply say "I do not think it is work appropriate." That typically cuts people off.
As for her talking so loud about everyone else’s business, you might want to sweetly mention that she may want to lower her voice. She may not be aware of how loud she really is.
If this continues, you need to bring it up to your boss when he comes back. Everyone should be able to work in safe, friendly environment.
6I realize that she is a consumer but you need to politely tell her that her questions make you uncomfortable as well as her personal phone calls especially since they are graphic. This needs to be immediately addressed with your boss as soon as he or she is back from vacation. I would even send a pre-emptive e-mail.
7Lots of people speak louder on the phone than they realize. I think responding "why do you ask?" is a good one- or when pressing for details about something thats none of her business, just roll your eyes and say, "its a long story" and leave it at that. Absolutely email your boss- and have a list of examples to give your boss for when he/she gets back- the boss will have to see how much this is bothering you if you went to all the trouble to document it.
8facin8me, i use the same trick--it always throws the nosy people completely off track, and i have never seen anyone successfully recover from it. they usually just stammer "oh, uh, well, i, um" and i say "it's personal" in a very nice tone, and then change the subject. i agree with everyone who says to email your boss, especially sass317's response. send him a note now and let him know that you're keeping track of the types of conversations she's having so that he will be better able to address the issue upon his return, and then keep an open email or word document open and make a running list of all the personal things she discusses. but definitely do not take it upon yourself to address these phone conversations on your own...although it's frustrating it can't be too much longer, so hang in there.
9you don't have to tell her anything if she asks about you. I'd go for an honest, polite "I'd rather not talk about that, thank you." And really, if you're a consumer, the only surefire way is headphones. :/ short of moving your workspace. definitely complain to your boss asap though....sounds like she's not even productive, something that he/she will definitely be interested in hearing.
10I have a girl like that at my work. She shares far too much and pries into my personal life. The reason she does these things is because she is insecure, nervous and unhappy and wants to reassure herself that everyone else is too. The reason she KEEPS doing it is because she has trouble with boundaries and most people are too polite to set them. In my workplace, I manage her by simply answering her questions with "oh that's just private" and smiling. I manage her horrendous stories with "I really dont feel comfortable talking about this, can we talk about something else?" This woman in your office obviously does not understand subtle social manners, so you need to be direct. And yep, tell your boss. This is your workplace and it is your bosses responsibility to ensure you are not unnecessarily stressed or harrassed. Good luck.
11Someone needs to take her aside and calmly tell her that her behavior is not appropriate for the workplace. That's not offensive, it's just a fact.
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