Some of my closest friends are guys and my husband doesnt have a problem with it- they are the people who were there for me when I was in a terrible relationship right before I met him. In fact he once told me how happy he was that I had a group of people that so obviously cared so much about me, one of my guy friends was a groomsman in our wedding. Two of his best friends are girls, one he grew up with and he refers to as his sister and the other is actually his high school gf (who is now married to his best friend). we all get along just fine. We both trust each other and are secure enough in our relationship that having friends of the opposite sex has never been an issue.

I was actually talking to a friend yesterday about this very issue and she doesnt agree with me (well she doesnt want her bf hanging out with girls without her) and I remembered when I was with my ex I wouldnt have wanted him hanging out with girls without me either, but he had alcohol and drug problems and cheated on me and couldnt be trusted. I dont have those issues with my husband and it makes me wonder if my friends bf is the right guy for her if she cant trust him.

i don't care if my bf has girl friends but i would hope that he wouldn't make-out with them or have sex with them or even give me cause to think that something might be going on. cheating is hard to define b/c it really is not that simple.

Cheating is when you're conscience of what's going on and you do it anyway. Now I don't usually believe in the "drunk" excuse, however people DO get drunk and forget somethings. But mainly if you are aware of the situation.

tough question, every situation is different. I think cheating begins with intent. If you take another person out on a date, 'just to see' and nothing happens. That is still cheating, because you were open to the idea. I've always felt that if you are at a point in your relationship where you want to sleep with other people, then your relationship should end before you act on those impulses.

I basically agree with everything eaker said

I agree with eaker too

Everything that I think is cheating: Sex with someone else, kissing someone else, not stopping someone who is not your significant other from doing something to you. Flirting is not cheating to me, but it is rude and usually means something is wrong with the relationship, I believe that there are very few people who are actually just the flirty personality...a lot of people just use the excuse to get away with flirting.
I am ok with girls being friends with boys and vice versa, but I do not think ex's can ever just be friends again, thats just from my experience though...i think a lot of people use that excuse too, "we are just friends now" yeah...right. Again, thats just from my experience.
Why do people cheat? Why don't they just get some courage and break up with their gf/bf, and then move on to someone else, instead of causing so much pain???????

I consider even "mental cheating" as cheating. When you first start to form serious ideas in your head about somebody else, that to me is already heading you down the cheaters path.

oooo, and I agree with Eaker too. It is all about intent.

It can be emotional. If you are in a committed relationship and you become emotionally intimate with someone else, that's cheating in my book. And then of course anything else with a poor intent, even a hug could be considered cheating if more is in the mind of the hugger/huggee. Kissing, touching, sex, etc. too.

I like DCStar's definition of "mental cheating" and the comment about "intent".

I think that cheating is defined to me as:anything emotionally or pysically happening with someone other than me. Both hurt equally~ knowing that my bf was closer emotionally with another girl, or knowing that I'm not enough to satisfy him either way. That just all hurts.

I consider some forms of flirting and DEFINITELY kissing someone (and sex) cheating (even if it was cuz of that lame excuse of being drunk or whatever...it's still cheating..I'd never do that to someone)...and a big BIG no no for me is doing anything with an ex. Anything beyond occationally talking to them is a no no. No "let catch up" dinners...or meeting for coffee...none of that. That's cheating to me cuz those "meets" can lead to other things...aka. INTENT...BAD.

Sorry if that sounds to..restrictive...but it's all the same to me! Why waste my time if you're going to go cheat on me? Why put us both through the trouble of maintaining relationship if you don't wanna be in it? Why hurt me intentionally when you can just break it off and be safe about it?

That's how i see it...

ummm i'm not sure why a smiley face icon is in the middle of my text...but it's supposed to say "anything"

To me, anything physical that is more than a friendly hug or handshake is cheating. and, lying to me about going out on a date, even just as friends, with someone of the opposite sex...why lie about it if it is innocent?

My boyfriend is in nursing school, around lots of women, and a lot of women liked him when we started dating and still put out feelers...I have learned to know from previous relationships when to be worried, but...so far we are open and honest with each other about everything and everyone...but if i found out he hugged, kissed, held hands, slept with, talks to more than he talks to me, etc, we would have issues.

eaker and DCStar, I couldn't agree with you more. Glad to see that others feel the same way I do and could articulate it better.

Anything you would not do in front of your S O is cheating, or some form of intent to cheat. Like DCstar said, once you start down the path you are headed for trouble.

Holding hands,kissing and anything that goes beyond that.......

i remember in sex & the city, think it was samantha who said the act of cheating is defined by whether one gets caught! sort of makes weird sense i think.

honestly, i consider having sexual thoughts about someone and then trying to act on it while u r attached is cheating. or even when you go beyond the normal friendship line....but it is really hard to define such emotional grey areas.
the sexual line is much easier to define.

Cheating is when you want to be closer to someone else emotionally and physically other than your partner. I think emotional cheating is just as bad as the physical one. You know usually emotional ones are the ones that end up doing a lot more damage than a quick sex.

There are different kinds of cheating, some that are much less apparent than others. Emotional cheating can ruin a relationship as much as physically cheating on someone. I mean, how can you continue a relationship when your significant other always runs to someone else with his or her problem? Or feels the need to update this friend on every mundane detail of his or her life? If an emotional barrier is created during a relationship, it can be just as hard to overcome. That being said, I do not tolerate any form of cheating. Having sex, kissing, groping -- all the same in my book. A little harmless flirting here and there is just fine as long as there is no actual intention of following through.

DCStar- I am totally with you. I read an article once that an emotional relationship with a perosn of the opposite sex is almost just as bad as having a random one night stand. Becuase the emotional connection is really something that is almost a long haul type relationship. UNLESS you have been friends with the guy and you both know that things are totally platonic (and will always be....).

By the way I don't believe a man and a woman can be best friend if they're both single. I know it sounds shallow but I don't know anyone that can do this? They always end up in bed together or nearly do and then they flirt..I find this sort of friendship really boring.

I agree with summer roberts, that is a wonderful way of putting it.

I think summer roberts said it well.

There was just an article in Redbook magazine this month on "Emotional Cheating." It was quite an interesting read. And summer roberts said it PERFECTLY. If you would be embarassed if your SO saw whatever you were doing, then that is cheating in my book. Because honestly at that point, there's something wrong.

Kissing and everything else after that is cheating.

When I'm in love with someone, I'm not the slightest bit interested in anyone else on a physical level. I may enjoy a mild flirtation, but I'd put the brakes on the instant any physicality comes into play. So I think kissing, hand holding - it should be off limits if you're really into your relationship. Where there's smoke there's fire, and given all the right circumstances, a lot of trouble can come out of those 'innocent' kisses and hand holdings.

That being said - I DO think some men and women can be friends and nothing more. But it's the exception rather than the norm.

I think that mild flirting and hanging out with members of the opposite (or same) sex shouldn't be considered cheating. Likewise, I don't think that fantasizing about other people is cheating. I think it's natural to get aroused by multiple people even if you are in a loving and monogamous relationship. I have never cheated on a significant other but I don't feel guilty for thoughts I may have that don't involve my bf.

Like so many others said, I think that actions and especially intent, are what matter most. I think if someone propositions you or makes advances you should make it very clear that you are in a relationship and NOT interested. And obviously, if you are in a happy relationship, don't try to make things happen with another person. Duh!

It's cheating when deep inside of him he KNOWS that he is cheating!

hey Dear...this post was a great idea. I mentioned it to my boyf and it opened a discussion to see if our boundaries are the same. We are 99.9% on the same page. the .1% is a specific situation i brought up to him that we differed on opinoikns on, but now that we know each other's opinions, we know what is and is not okay!

I was going to quote Seinfeld for the second time tonight (When the nipple makes an appearance) but then I thought of a situation when that wouldn't be cheating (one of my friend's got implants and pretty much everyone saw and touched them, including guys and girls with significant others haha, that's not cheating.) kissing isn't always cheating, I kiss all my friends, it doesn't mean anything, same with hugging and handholding. I think cheating starts when the tongue leaves the mouth.

I LOOOOVED marci's comment! I think the same thing about relationships...I also am totally in love with my bf and don't find anyone else as attractive as him. Now, him being a guy I know can find like 29038275327419028497235732 more attractive women out there than me, but as long as doesn't do anything beyond chatting with any women he meets when we go out, then it's fine. Guys can have girl pals too...as long as they and he knows there are bounderies and respect that he's in a relationship, then there's no problems. My bf has lots of girl and guy pals and I'm comfortable with all of them cuz they respect me and they don't push any bounderies when they're hanging out, and for that, I respect them.

It's fine for your s/o to have friends of the opposite sex- I think it's really indicative of a deeper trust, as long as those friends respect you and your s/o knows who comes first. I have several guy friends (we've all been friends since first grade, we're in college now) and my guy knows that the last thing I would do is ruin a great thing with people who are like brothers to me, lol. as for all of his girl friends, it was a little hard to get used to at first, but I know that my boyfriend is just a friendly guy, and the type that would never cheat on me. Honestly.
As far as cheating goes, I consider any unnecessary contact cheating. Like, massages, neck rubs, etc. That's when things get into a flirty atmosphere and you're really putting yourself into a dangerous spot. Anything that you wouldn't do with a friend of the same sex. Hugging of course is fine, whatever, but when it gets that more intimate feeling...cut it off.

I feel that if the male or female in the relationship use any actions that may cause the other person to get upset or jealous, this is considered cheating. If I am out at a bar dancing with another man, it should not be considered cheating. If there is chemistry and touching, I should think about how my boyfriedn would feel if he was there watching. I am a big believer in karma, so if I can't do it, neither can he. If he does it, then so can I. It is not good to be resentful though. My last relationship my bf and I had several big arguments about him calling ex girlfriends after midnight, and what for, I can only imagine. So I told him if he could do it, I could too. I started talking to other males, although not exes, and pretty soon it lead to cheating, as I was resentful. Resentment is not a good path to walk down, and only sets up the relationship for failure.

I agree with what DCStar and rubialala said. I once heard it said that a fantasy is dangerous when it is about someone other than your SO because if the situation ever presented itself in reality, you've already trained your mind to cheat.

I think the obvious is making out with someone else or having sex with them. But my most recent boyfriend actually had text relationships with girls. His phone was always with him, he would never leave it around he would even get into the shower and leave the phone in the bathroom. That was the first sign!!!! We both had profiles on facebook with the main picture being of both of us and some girl wrote to him shocked that he had a girlfriend after all the naughty text messages that were sent to her the night before, she later forwarded me the email. I agree that cheating can be just as mental as it is physical, he never actually met up with these girls but he led a completely different life with his cell phone. If you are intending on cheating mentally and/or physically you should just end the relationship before someone gets hurt.

Sure guys and girls can be friends! But don't let it be an exclusive relationship! When it crosses the line of exclusive then its alllll downhill from there.