My boyfriend of two years was always such a charmer in the beginning of our relationship, he would go out of his way to make sure I knew I was his one and only and that I was special and that he loved me, and all that mushy stuff. But now, it just seems like he's stopped making an effort.
Perhaps it's the idea that he's got me and he doesn't have to try anymore? But it makes me feel somewhat depressed to think about it, because I still do the same, I make the effort to let him know he's my one and only, leave cute little notes for him in the morning so he has a smile on his face, etc etc.
I've told him how I feel plenty of times lately, but he says he's not sure how to make me feel special. Perhaps I'm being too demanding? How can I get him to start putting the effort back into it?
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Roksanda Ilincic
Hugo Boss
JC de CASTELBAJAC
If he says he doesn't know how to make you feel special, try giving him some not-so-subtle hints. What did he used to do in the early days of your relationship that used to make you happy? Try thinking of a couple things and suggest those to him.
1You're not being too demanding. Guys are dumb - you have to tell him what you want in terms he can understand (something like "I want you to call me in the middle of the day for no other reason than to tell me you love me", or "make me a nice dinner and surprise me")
2so he's telling you that he doesn't know what you want and you're still expecting him to know what to do to make you feel special? well the good news is that he sounds open to putting some spice back into the relationship so that's half the battle!
maybe he thinks that the things he used to do (i.e. bring flowers for no reason, surprise you at the office, etc) are old and tired and don't need to be recycled? just a thought.
if you still want him to replay those things he used to do, then be specific and tell him what exactly you want. however, if there are new things you want him to do (i.e. take you out to a new restaurant every month that he chooses) then again, be specific!
sounds like you two have a pretty good relationship but you just need to spice things up a bit. it happens after a couple of years with the same person. you get used to each other and even though that comfort is great, you just need to find new and different ways to keep the romance there. good luck!
3Every couple falls out of that 'brand new' feeling they first get together. They get comfortable with each other and don't feel the need to praise them every five seconds.
If you are happy with the relationship and you know deep down he loves you then let it go. If you are really bothered by this and you need to hear him say he loves you then tell him.
4I agree w/ pinup that every relationship eventually gets into some kind of comfort zone. However, that doesn't mean that all the romance and effort has to stop.
My BF and I recently started doing this "romantic day" thing, where we draw a number from 1-30 out of a hat on the first day of the month. Whatever day we get, we keep it a secret, and on that day, we do something romantic for each other.
It's not super spontaneous, but it forces both of us to think about each other and what would make us happy. Anyway, I'm sure your BF still loves you and is just settling in.
Good luck.
5that sort of thing happens. it's because your guy realizes that he's got you now and you're not going to go anywhere. in the beginning, when the relationship is not so set out, he makes a greater effort to make you feel special so you'll stay with him. i don't think you are being demanding at all--he's supposed to make you feel special. just tell him how then. guys are always going to be slightly too dense for us girls' tastes every once in awhile.
6Bless your heart!! Boyfriend sounds like he has a case of the lazies! Telling him how to make you feel special makes it less special. Maybe he'll recall how if he doesn't feel special so often. I'm not saying dump him. He's forgetting to appreciate you.
7woah, the same exact thing is happening to me.
I agree with the above in that you do have to remind him what it is that makes you feel special. Suggest a "i'll show you, you show me" deal. Pick a free day and show him what it is that makes you feel special, buy him flowers, make him a card, write him a note, etc and have him do the things for you that make him feel special. I think as women we sometimes lose track of the fact that we are dealing with boys. Yes notes are sweet but maybe it would show you care more if you surprised him with his favorite video game.
8He is saying he does not know what to do because he doesn't. This is where you need to give him a list of things of what he can do to make you feel special. Talk to him about your feelings, tell him that he use to do mushy stuff for you and now you have nothing.
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