Also, understand that some people grieve through humor. My family (and many others that I know) like to talk about the person a lot, and especially tell funny stories and laugh. It's very strange to some people, who are more used to silence in mourning, but it is very cathartic to talk about who the person was, and why we loved them so much. While I've cried the most at funerals, I've also laughed the most at some.

auddie is SO right.

Right on auddie! Everyone grieves in a different way and we can't expect the same reactions from everyone.

I have received and used the tips Dear posted, and believe me they really do make people feel loved.

I lost a parent and learned A LOT about who really cares about me and my family in the process. There are some family members who deserted us during our time of need (when my dad was really sick) or didn't show at the funeral--there is no longer any relationship with those people.

Anyway, as for my friends, I know most of them had never experienced anything like this before because we are in our 20s...but it took me a long time to truly forgive them for not doing very much. They did the obligatory "Let me know if you need anything" but that was about it. I felt like if it were the other way around, I would be a lot more supportive and try to distract them with fun things like a movie night or goofy cards, something extra at least once. They acknowledged it to a point but I guess I feel like some of them just didn't know what to do to help, and I would have appreciated at least a little effort from them.

Now I feel like when a friend of mine loses a parent or family member one day, I will be much more prepared to talk to them about it and do fun, nice things to distract them before and after the loss. A little bit here and there really means a lot. Just don't do NOTHING, or the bare minimum. If you are a creative person, try to think of things that will cheer the person up, if even for a few minutes out of the day. It would have meant so much to me.

workin9to5, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

Your post was interesting to me because I have probably been "the bad friend" on some of these occasions. It's not for lack of caring, I swear. It's seriously just not having a clue what to say, how to behave etc. I realize that's not an excuse and that I absolutely have to get over it, but I'm shy in general and situations like this just paralyze me.

I am going to book mark this post so that in the future I will have some easy tips on what I can do. Thanks Dear!

i lost a parent when i was a child and many more loved ones since then, and i think the biggest thing is not to seem too cheerful. i've had a lot of well-meaning friends try so hard to be supportive and cheer me up that it seemed too forceful, like i wasn't allowed to feel sad and grieve. i think it's really important for friends to let the person grieve in their own way and not to push anything on the person too soon.

perfect advice there, i just lost my dad in May. it's so true that you really find out alot about who other people are when you lose someone. people always show you who they are.

I lost my best friend when we were 22. She was sick, but it still came as an utter shock. To this day, I'm mixed up about it. I used to think about how I could have saved her if I'd been there. You stop thinking about it all the time, but you never stop thinking about it completely.

if it is a boyfriend or husband

DO NOT , I repeat DO NOT say oh you will find love again
or BS like that. It disrespects what they had and what they feel.

DO NOT , I also repeat DO NOT think after 2 years they should be over it. If they aren't than let them deal and take as long as they need. Most times the second year is as hard as right after because they feel they should not hurt as much and so are confused when the pain feels as painful as when it first happened.

If dating someone who lost someone don't be an a$$ and think to take the persons place or be annoyed when they talk about them. The person who passed is as much apart of their past as it is there own personality, because they lost them and so can only hold them in that way to not forget them.

I give them space and tell them they can call on me day or night but I leave it up to them to pick up that phone. If they don't eat or start drinking a lot I spend the night chatting with them and then tell them to wise up. They need to get over it themselves I can not get over it for them.

My father unexpectedly passed away a little over a year ago, so I have some experience with this.
As many of the other posters said, you do learn a lot about your friends when you're grieving the loss of a loved one.
For me, most of my friends cut off contact with me. I never fully understood why, so I think it's important to give a grieving friend their space, but not to isolate them completely. It's okay to not be able to understand exactly what your friend is feeling, because they don't expect you to. Do not rush your friend in their grieving process. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Grief has a strange way of hitting you at random moments, so be understanding.
Oh, and never ever tell someone that is grieving that "it happened for the better," or "everything will be okay." I understand that most people say this with good intentions, but it could be very upsetting to hear.

Some advice for anyone helping a grandparent go through this: the kind of grief that comes later in life is a much different experience...it brings fear of ones own death with it. In addition to everything above, talking about the 'good old times' or asking questions that take them back to their prime years really helps. Looking through pictures, or going through a basement or attic might stir up some emotions, but it brings back good memories that seem to light up their eyes. Keeping the focus on the love, happiness, and positive aspects of remembrance can fend off the depression and hopelessness loss can impose.