My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. He lives in Colorado and I, in California. I love him very much and we have plans to move in together as soon as we're able to afford it, being we're both young. Over the past year it has seemed to slow down and the excitement isn't there much anymore. Many of our phone conversations are consumed by silence. Seems like after so much time spent on the phone, we have little to talk about anymore. When we're visiting one another, things are great, I can't get enough of him, but the second we're back to the distance it seems we lose our spark. Put on top of that that he finds phone sex boring and isn't too interested in it.
I don't plan on leaving him, but it feels like we're falling apart and I'm losing my feelings for him slowly over time, what can we do to keep our relationship alive?
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Mulberry
Repetto
John Frieda
It's really difficult to keep a relationship together when you're so far apart. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, but have been separated by an ocean for most of that time. We work really, really hard to maintain closeness, but when you don't get to share your day-to-day experiences with each other all the time, it's difficult! I really do think that the things we did for each other made it bearable though, for example, we wrote A LOT of letters and cards, made mini movie "date" nights where we schedule a time to watch a DVD at the same time, even when we were apart in different countries and talk while we're watching it over Skype, sent little texts and emails throughout the day to say "hello" or "I love you" and plan trips to see each other so we have something to look forward to. Today, I'm just a two hour train ride away from him, which is a luxury for both of us, but we still play online Scrabble with each other on some nights to relax. I really hope this works out for you and I've been able to help a little bit! Good luck
1I just moved from Los Angeles to Phoenix Arizona to be with my guy. We kept a long distance relationship up for over a year. I wasn't too into the phone sex, but he loved it so I would help him out in that department.
What really helped is pictures, pictures, pictures. That really helps when you are bored of the cell phone, internet, emails etc. Send your guy some good old fashion snail mail. It is always a good feeling to get something other than bills in the mail. Plus it helps you remember that face and seems to close the gap on the distance.
I would take a couple 'naughty' pictures of myself dressed in a nurses costume or just a towel and a flower in my hair and send it to him. I once took a large naughty picture and cut into puzzle pieces and sent them to him one at a time until he completed the puzzle. If you take the pictures at home and print them on your home computer, the cost is very low.
Long distance is tough, but if you are both in it, you can pull through quite well. I know I did.
Good Luck.
2maybe you guys should invest in buying a webcam and try to register for a program that you can see and talk to eachother online.. or you can just use a webcam and talk on the phone. you can use it just to see each other or use it for other exciting things:)
other than that, i wouldn't know what else to say... its also a different story for you because you are losing your feelings for him. IF you have already tried all you have tried, you are staying with him for the sake of the relationship and you have diminishing feelings for him, then don't try and force the issue. just see where it takes you and also see if he is making sacrifices for you as well. if you still love him and you do have feelings for him, just sacrifice what you can to make it work.
3I had a 10 year long distance relationship between UK and Asia. I was so commited. The trouble is that I made all the effort to keep it going, and I did not notice the lack of commitment from the other side. I sacraficed so much to try and make it work, and so when it failed I was totally devastated. I came close to suicide. If you are both serious, then you should move closer asap.
4i'm in canada and my guy is in germany so i can totally relate. like the girls above, i definitly recommend a webcam + Skype, date nights, daily emails, txt messages etc..
5the key is to stay involved in each other's day to day lives. something i definitly find helpful is to leave the laptop on through the day with a program like skype or msn messenger or icq running all the time.
even if the other person's not there it's still like a constant presence and helps you stay connected. for example a typical day for my and bf goes like this: he wakes me up at 7am (it's afternoon for him). i go to work, he goes to the library to study. we leave each other messages throughout the day whenever we happen to be near the computer. it's really nice to come back from wherever you've been (grocery shopping, long day at work, swimming pool) only to see a window flashing on your toolbar with a message from your sweetie.
and in the evening, when i go to bed (11 or so..) i turn on my webcam once again to wake HIM up for work. you'd think the time difference is a disadvantage (9 hours!) but it really turned out to be an asset. and believe me- we also have times where we don't say anything but just look at each other. but there's nothing wrong with that because we also sit in silence when we're together. sometimes, even long distance, you don't really need words.
Hey girl,
My boyfriend and I are long distance. We have kept it alive for over a year now. WE talk on the phone. We send each other texts. I send cards sometimes, and we visit each other.
I guess you both have to want it, and work at it. It isn't easy. Its hard, esp knowing that there are girls hitting on him actively (helped along by his extended family, but we won't go there) Also, he is working in a hospital, and going to school, with lots of girls, and it is hard sometimes to keep my jealousy in check. I just have to remember that what we have is special, and we suprise each otgher...when we hang out, we may give each other a massage....i mjight clean his room while he is gone, he might make me dinner...etc. We don't have a lot of money to blow, but we make everything as special as we can (and the sex is awesome since we don't get to have it as much as we would like haha)
Good luck, and the distance will do one of two things. Bring you together or show you he isn't the one. Just listen to your heart, because it normally doesn't lie and you deserve to be happy, regardless of what you tell yourself.
6I was in a long distance relationship for over two years with my (now) husband. It was not easy, but relationships aren't always easy. I agree with the other posts: get a web cam, talk on the phone, text message, e-mail, whatever you can. Just keep in touch, the more you keep in touch it makes the distance less noticeable.
7I really haven't got any wonderful advice that will fix everything. You just need to work at it like any relationship and make time and stay positive.
i'm not even in a long distance relationship, but we're in neighbouring cities and only see each other about once a week. webcamming on msn is a totally great idea. that's what we do every so often. and we just try to talk to each other as much as we can and at least catch up on each other's days.
8I don't know if this will help at all
9http://teamsugar.com/group/295249/blog/370844
but it's about how to keep a relationship strong and for you to keep strong when seperated from a spouse or loved one
I hope it helps...maybe it will give a few good tips or ideas, take care!!!
but everything all the other girls have suggested is WONDERFUL advice!!!
10I agree with Jinchu's point. If you think you are losing feelings for him, don't force it and just take things as it goes along. However, as I always say in relationship advices, communication is the most important thing. Do you feel like your boyfriend is losing feelings for you as well? Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about it (not bluntly, of course).If he appreciates a girl like you, he will suggest some ways to turn it around. At least, he has to show that he is willing to try and work it out. You shouldn't be the only one who has to try to come up with solutions.
Cravinsugar, I totally agree with you about "the distance will do one of two things. Bring you together or show you he isn't the one". Great job!
11I too am currently in a long distance relationship (US and Europe), spending months apart from my boyfriend. I can absolutely relate to the feeling of losing touch, or things falling apart, and the lack of communication. It does not mean the love is failing...it just means you two need to come up with new and creative ways to express yourselves (and I think you know that, which is why you wrote!). All of these suggestions are great, and work. The other great thing about taking your talks to IM instead of the phone is you have a great history of your conversations...what I have done is taken excerpts of these and put them in a scrapbook along with pictures and other things, and give it to him when we meet. It serves as a sweet and tangible reminder of what we have to keep us going. One of my favorite things to do with the cam is also to just sleep with one another...to wake in the middle of the night and hear his breathing is such a comfort. Good luck to you, I hope it works out!
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