Ha. No. I can read people within like 5 minutes of knowing them, and seriously, if I thought you had something to hide or you were being dishonest, I wouldn't even bother. Not everyone makes decisions like that, so maybe they find themselves in a bad situation with a guy who lied to them. It sucks to be the other woman without knowing you're the other woman. But what really gets me is someone being the other woman and feeling so sincerely that the guy really loves them and won't cheat on them -- oh, and that the guy will leave his wife/girlfriend for them. Riiiight.

But no. I have never been the other woman.

Uh, no. No offense to anyone who would do this, but to me it's all about the standards you hold yourself to. Or lack thereof in this case.

Yes, but not because I knew. I would never be the "other woman" knowingly. I found out when I saw him walking down the street with his arm around his wife and toting a baby. He thought I was going to be out of town visiting my family I think. I didn't say anything when i saw him, and never said anyting to him again.

She's 23?? She looks 40.

Ugh, he is such a douche lord with his stupid Ed Hardy shirts. What 23 year old wants a guy with 8 small children???

i have knowingly been the other woman, and still currently am. i know he doesn't love me, and i don't love him. i don't want to start a relationship with him at all and he knows that i am using him only for the sex. but my feeling on it is, you'd be doing something right if you could keep your man at home, and he wouldn't have to call me.

yes but i didn't know i was. i had been dating the guy for a few months and it turned out he had a girlfriend who lived 4 hours away. after i found out about her i broke up with him and i emailed his girlfriend and let her know that he was also seeing me. She was really glad i told her and we ended up becoming friends.

Yes, unknowingly -- Just like Smacks83.

The assh*ole didn't tell me he was engaged. He had the nerve to pursue me. When I found out he had a fiancee, I dropped him quick. I deserve to be a man's number #1 woman (not his little girlfriend on the side). I was livid with him. He tried to win me back, and promised to break-up with his fiancee. However, I distrusted him, and wanted nothing to do with him. That man ended up stalking me, and it took a lot for me to get rid of him.

Years later, I ended up running into him and his wife (he ended up marrying the fiancee). It's a long story, but I was in a social situation, and he and his wife was there. I was there with a date (and he was there with his wife), and YET he still tried to talk to me (trying to find out what I'm up to, where am I living, etc.). Needless to say, I politely brushed him off, trying not to make a scene. The sad part was that his wife had no idea who I was (or the history I had with her husband), and by all accounts, she was head over heels in love with him. It was saddening.

Nope. Have not, will never if I can help it - which I'm pretty sure I can; I am fairly good at reading people and everyone I know already knows that there will be SERIOUS repercussions if you lie to me because I do not stand for any type of bs.

If you know you like to sleep around (male or female), do what you do - but don't bring other people into it! You don't have to bring people down with you in that kind of mess.

You make me wanna hurl my lunch, Anonymous 10:51

What an idiot! He may be thinking he doesn't care what we think of him, but when his kids are googling him in a few years and seeing that he was off with his new young gf right after mom & dad broke up, he may have a new outlook. Cheaters make me sick! I would never be the other woman, not knowingly; and if I was because I was lied to, I'd sure as heck tell the guy's wife asap.

i agree, what kind of 23 year old would WANT to date a guy with 8 kids, let alone date a guy like Jon, whose obvious lack of passion and attentiveness are made super apparant on TV - she's an idiot. it's not good press. people will never appreciate the girl who broke up a family of 10. she should have tried to get famous by sleeping with another of her father's famous clients - someone without children!

To answer the question: No. I respect other women enough to leave their men alone. I've had many crazy [jealous] girlfriends threaten me or otherwise hate me just because I'm friends with their boyfriends and hang out with them, but I would never do anything with any of those guys.

As far as Jon is concerned: So what? Aren't he and Kate separated and in the middle of a divorce? I know it sucks to be Kate right now, but if they're separated, Jon can date whoever he wants... right?

I was the "other woman" to a "hetero" married woman. I was young and naive and absolutely regret it. It was a big mistake, but I learned from it.

yes, he was married but separated for over a month but they still lived together. They had no children. We moved in together after seeing each other a little over the month, he filed for divorce, weve now been married 3 years and have a 4 months old daughter. Every situation is different.

I just found out a week ago that I was the other woman in a relationship that ended over four years ago. We were FWB's and his wife just called me a few days ago to ask about what happened between me and him before they got married.

It was never my intention and I certainly did not want to be the other woman.

My first wife was the other woman with her boss where she worked; I was in graduate school at the time. Her boss' pregnant wife apparently knew about it, my wife's friends covered for her, so they all must have known what was going on, but nobody felt I should know about it. My wife made a big deal about how monogamy was the only natural way to live, and what a sleazebag the philandering husband of one of her friends was (he was a loser anyhow), and what she would do to me if I ever cheated on her. She started her affair six months after we were married. When I finished grad school, I got my "graduation present", a confession, with a "I beat you to the punch" instead of any kind of "I'm sorry." I struggled with the revelation for years and tried to make the relationship work before I finally owned up inside to the fact that I could never trust her again, and it didn't matter what the Pope said, I didn't have to keep my vows with someone who never intended to keep hers. I went through therapy (she wasn't the first to cheat on me), and I divorced her. I'm remarried now, and have a teenage son, but even today I sometimes still have bad feelings about it. Yeah, guys do have feelings, and some women are losers, too.

I've got to agree with LLRoyal's disappointment in 10:51's apathy over being the other woman.

I am certainly not a conservative, but I grew up in a family of them. I was listening to Dr. Laura one day with my mom, and a woman called in asking why she felt no guilt in helping her f-buddy cheat on his wife.

"The problem is, you have no morals," Dr. Laura told her flatly. That's sort of appropriate advice here, I think.

We all make mistakes, and I can totally understand someone having a guy that just didn't tell them the truth about their situation. They'd be the victim as well. But to know and just not care? That's messed up, in my opinion.

No, and I would never be the other woman knowingly. Besides the matter of morals and self-respect, I just wouldn't be attracted to the douche who would be willing to cheat on his gf/wife.

I think what Steve Harvey says is spot on: Men cheat because there are women who are willing to cheat with them. When women get higher standards the men will have to change the behavior.
Dont get me wrong I dont think Harvey (or I) am absolving these cheaters of blame but anonymous 10:58 does epitomize someone who is willing to cheat ....

Heck no! I stay faaaar far away from that. Even from people who are in the process of getting divorced. They can have the courtesy to wait until everything is finished.

no. how can you look at yourself in the mirror after you've been involved with a taken man? you have destroyed the trust in the relationship with his other or increased the distrust in it. a man that is willing to go with another woman but his significant other is a sleezebag that you should steer clear of.

Wow, I can't believe so many people are hating on Jon. I always felt sorry for him. Kate treated him like he was a complete idiot which I don't think he is. They weren't right for each other. She is a high strung control freak and he is a laid back go with the flow kind of guy. They are separated and the marraige was probably over long before anyone knew. He should be able to date if he so chooses. I support him living his life and keeping his chin up. I don't really feel sorry for Kate. In my opinion she drove him away.

Anyway, I have never been the other woman and I hope I never am and would never knowingly put another woman in that position.

Never. I've been cheated on before and it broke my heart, so I would NEVER do that to another woman.

Anon 10:51- you sound like a horrible person.

Once, when I was younger. I have no real excuse - it was a long time ago, and I regret it, and I'd never do it again.

Nope, never. I was cheated on once so I know how bad it feels so know your guy's a cheater. I wouldn't want to hurt another woman that way. Karma's a real bi*ch anyway.

LOL! At first glance I thought it was Marriah Carrey. I said OMG what the hell is going on.

I was with a man with a girlfriend for nine months. They werent married, or engaged or anything of the sort but it was still horribly wrong on my part. He told me over and over he wanted to be with me and was going to break up with her when "the time was right". I was horribly lonely (living in a new town away from family, friends, everything) and let it go on for to long. I told him one day someone would come along to appreciated me and eventually got the courage to end it and am not with someone who loves me with all of their heart. I know what I did was wrong, and I regret it everyday.

Anon 10:51 what a horrible thing you are doing! Sure, the guy is probably having troubles in his marriage, but that does not give you the right to be involve with him, and you don't even love him.
As for me being the other woman I would never consciously do something so low like that.

Same as tlsgirl. It was not my finest moment and I certainly would never do it again. It also didn't last long, which is good.

I would never want to cause anyone the pain of being cheated on. It is a terrible, heart twisting feeling that makes you wonder if you were ever worth being loved in the first place. I will never knowingly be the other woman. I deserve much more.

Jon moved on a little too soon for his children. I was 18 when my parents divorced and my mom moved on during the divorce stage also. It still hurts to think about how disrespectful she was to my dad during that period. I hope that both Jon and Kate keep in mind how it will appear for their children and not what America thinks.

Anon 10:51, if it works for you and for him, then I say let the others go pound sand. You can call me amoral or immoral if you wish. I have an open relationship with my boyfriend so he has 'other women' all the time. I don't play by the rules, and don't ask for anyone else's permission. We are all adults, it's all consensual, and if someone is going to break their vows, believe me, they will use a hooker if nobody else if available. And prostitution is never going away. We are sexual creatures, and not everyone is cut out for monogamy. Are some relationships and marriages destroyed? Of course, and thus is the conundrum about our sex drives. They transcend logic and reason. And always will.

thank you anon 5:13. i'm not a horrible person and i don't intend to be. at one point we were dating and then realized that we weren't meant to be, but we just kept hooking up. just because i refuse to stop hooking up with someone i don't have morals or standards? it's a loveless relationship, we have both stated we won't get back together and it won't go any farther than what it is: sex. he's not married, so i feel i am doing no wrong.

I appreciate Anonymous's honesty. Statistically, there are a lot of affairs going on out there so I can't help but think some people are lying or making up excuses for their particular situation.

I don't care if you are married or not. The fact of the matter is that you're clearly a moron if you would cheat on your girlfriend/wife/fiance rather than break up with them. I just do not see the point. Clearly you're relationship is over if you feel the need to cheat. If I had the desire to cheat on my boyfriend, I told him point blank that I would just end up breaking up with him. I would rather break up with him than end both of us up sh*t creek without a paddle. He would do the exact same. There is no point to cheating. It's the cowards way of keeping stability while going and f*cking around at the same time. But, at the end of the day, you can't have it both ways. You always get caught, you'll always be caught in a lie.

Anyway, I would not be the other woman just because I'm not someone's second best. I am not someone's side dish for an entree they already have. I also live in reality. All parties get hurt a lot of the times. Screw being involved with some dramatic high school-esque saga.

I come from a family where my dad was a cheater. Or actually, more like a liar from the beginning, and not really husband material to begin with. Anyway, it's a blatant disrespect. Sometimes wives don't do anything to make a man stray. Sometimes men do because they can. I wouldn't go and flatter myself if you're the other woman. There's a good chance his wife or girlfriend is not as bad as he portrays her to be. Most of the time they want to blame a person for causing their behavior. As an adult, you own your actions. Nothing can be pawned off on another person.

Absolutely not, as mix tape said, I would never cause another person that much pain.

There was a brief moment in my current relationship when my boyfriend was having coffee with a friend behind my back (and developing feelings for her). She KNEW I didn't know about it and continued to do it. Even though he was the one who made the commitment to be and chose to see her behind my back, I was equally hurt by her because women should stick together and look out for each other. You can bet she's not invited to our wedding (she was a longtime friend of his from elementary school). It took a long time to regain trust, I don't think I could... wait, I KNOW I couldn't have continued the relationship had he done anything physical with her.

Trust is a BIG part of a relationship, if he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend/wife/fiancee, he's willing to cheat on you as well.

#32- you miss the point of #6. The wife of her "FWB" isn't aware of this. She's being cheated on. If #6 was as open/OK as she feels she would be honest and force her FWB to be honest also. Then the choice would be open to decide by the wife if she wants to open herself to the emotional and (possible) physical harm that this plus 1/open relationship brings.
You, your mate and everyone you both sleep with do. You can sleep with your man and whoever else knowing that you're not hurting anyone cause everyone is open and aware.

#36 - I know not everyone has the same definitions of "cheating," but you said that he developed feelings for her... Do you not consider that [slightly] cheating? He was dating her, in essence, and had feelings for someone other than you. While it is certainly a good thing that he never did anything physical, I guess I wouldn't be as brave as you for forgiving him.

Never willingly.

I see there has been lots of argument over this whole thing. If all involved parties are ok with it... then that's not really being the "other woman" like this post is talking about.

I don't understand people who would rather cheat than break up with their SO. Yes, we are sexual, but that should be reserved for your partners -- or whatever arrangements are made. Like I said, if all parties were ok with whatever arrangement.. that's fine.. but going behind someone's back and having a relationship (either physical or emotional) is just messed up. Don't even try to convince anyone otherwise.

I don't know about anyone else, but if MY boyfriend was "just having sex" with anyone else, that would be it for me. Just because someone isn't married means its ok to have sex with them if they are seeing someone else?? I think not.

yea once when i was 17 , i stopped dating after that.

Veka:

I absolutely feel like he had an emotional affair, that killed me. I almost didn't forgive him, but considering all we had been through, I knew it wasn't something he'd do again. Honestly, if a friend told me the situation happened to her, I would tell her to run the other way. This happened in October of 2007 and not once since then has he ever been unfaithful, he's been absolutely amazing. We're both young, I think it was just something stupid he did and learned from. The incident actually happened in a 2-3 week span and he only saw her in person maybe 4 times during that time. To this day, I still have a part of me inside that doesn't trust him, I'm hoping that goes away. I truly feel like I have a wonderful guy. Thank You for responding to my post, I'm here if you reply to this

(Oh, and when I say a part of me doesn't trust him, it's a TINY part, I trust him 98%)

me and my long time boyfriend brokeup and he quickly got a new g/f and i was heartbroken. after a few months we were able to be friends. then i turned from a friend to the "other woman". i didn't know what i was doing, and we both winded up confused. this went on for a whole year. While its doesn't make it right, I truly love this guy and he loved me- we had a f'ed up Carrie/Big kind of relationship. I wouldn't take it back but i know i will never do it again because its a horrible thing to do.

If you don't truly love someone than you shouldn't be toying with their emotions by cheating - regardless of how you feel about them they are still a human being and deserve to be treated humanely.

As for knowing other women - you are not actually a woman because a real woman would not deliberately hurt other women. Your just a stupid girl who can't complain when horrible things happen to them because you get what you give.

danakscully: My heart goes out to you, I had something very similar happen to me! It was also with my current boyfriend. We are doing very well now, but it has taken a long time. He never met the girl out or did anything physical but I stumbled onto some text messages...it was ugly. She was was a work friend of his whom I actually liked...it killed me and it's still affecting us. It ripped apart my self esteem, it's completely changed how I view girl "Friends", b/c before that incident I was never jealous of girls he worked with, now it's harder. We had been together 10 years without him even looking at another girl, and some bad things were going on in his life when it happened - not making excuses, but he was really confused...he basically turned into a completely different person for like a year and the only reason I stuck by him, was b/c I realized this behavior was indicitive of something really affecting him - he needed me and I helped him. Since then, we've worked through it and he's back to being the person I fell in love with...its a struggle but it's getting better and I do believe we'll reach a point when we are completely past it...we're doing great, but she pops up now and again, and it causes some strain when I think we might have to interact with her (at weddings for example)...she's since left the workplace, but still socializes with friends of hers (no one else knew). Sigh. Not a physical affair - but the emotional betrayal is a killer for sure.

I have. My (now) husband was in a relationship with another woman, with whom he had 2 children. He did not tell me about her or them until after we had already fallen in love. However he is European and was working in the States for several months at the time, so he was not leading a double life at all. He broke it off with her before he returned to Europe. Somehow I don't think it's such a horrible thing if no vows have been broken.

I was the other woman. Didn't mean to be or want to be... just fell in love. I tried hard to do the right thing for over 5 years & finally did. It was awful. Don't recommend it!

I was the other woman, willingly. would i do it differently now? absolutely. At the time I felt like I needed that person in my life to be stronger, and i realize now that I was only making myself weaker.

He without sin should cast the first stone. I dated a man with three kids, who was in a miserable marriage, but he was doing everything he could to stick it out for the kids. Our relationship made him remember what love could be like and made him realize that he could have a second chance at it and still salvage his relationship with his children, ultimately giving them a more stable home life. We broke up after dating a year, but he is now happily re-married. I don't regret our relationship because both of us grew so much from it.

Thanks for the reply, danakscully. I'm glad to hear that you were both able to get past it. Same goes to Anonymous @ 1:23am.

I guess you could say I am currently "the other woman" - he'd already moved out and started working on a divorce by the time we started seeing each other though...