The same thing started happening to me once I moved to New York City. It really bothers me when men do that! They don't know what has happened to me during the day. Why should I smile while walking down the street, anyway? That's just weird. I agree, it's extremely sexist, and it's audacious that they get angry with me when I don't feel obligated to smile them.

I come from the NY area, and never had a problem. I am not the most smiley person, but I also don't grimace or anything. I have never had anyone comment. Then again, if I am speaking to someone, I always behave in a nice, friendly manner...no matter how angry or whatever I may be. Maybe that's why? Who knows.

I'm from NY and I now live in Ohio. I've gotten that everywhere I've lived. I honestly usually just snarl back at them. It is not their business to tell me to smile. Although, I guess I never thought of it as being sexist. I just always thought to myself that I'd look a little weird walking around by myself and smiling.

I also live in the City and find this incredibly annoying. (a) I'm not smiling for the express reason that I don't want random men on the street talking to me, and (b) would any man say that to another man? It's ridiculous. My friend actually had an older man at work say this to her in the elevator, and she responded with "would you say that to a man?" and got off the elevator. So true.

I hate this sh*t. People always used to say this to me in high school when I worked at a supermarket as a cashier. It would infuriate me.

I live in Texas and this happens to me all the time - not just from men, but from women too. I think it's a Southern thing [even though culturally we're more Southwestern than Southern], because in that frame, no smiles = not nice.

In fact, it happened just yesterday at church. I was in charge of a group, and I was zoning out trying to think of all the other things I had to do while I was waiting for the meeting to start. The janitor came out of nowhere and said, "hey, where's that pretty smile?" I suppose he was trying to be nice, but I was more startled than upset so I just kind of glared at him and gave a half-smile. It *is* church, after all. Not smiling at church = not happy to be alive, which isn't necessarily true.

I guess it could be "sexist" in a way, because most guys or women don't tell men to smile. I don't think it's because men want women to "pay attention" to them all the time, though. It might be more of a hero complex - some men just hate to see women "suffering", and try to "save" them from sadness by making them smile. Sure, they may not know what's happened to you that day, but smiling [at least according to the research that they subscribe to] DOES usually have a positive effect on mood.

Usually they do mean well, though, so I just give them what they're looking for [a half-smile or a quick smile] and then go back to what I was doing.

I've had this happen to me a few times too. I also find it to be intrusive, and rude. I usually just give them a dirty look (I'm really good at those) and walk away.

I hate this!! I used to work at Dunkin Donuts and 7 times out of 10 when I'd ask a guy if he wanted anything else, I'd get the, "How about a smile??" It's so annoying. What if I don't want to stand there grinning like an idiot all day? If I want to smile, I'll smile. I don't need anyone telling me that I need to.

Ugh. I hate this. I noticed it began to me when I moved into a city, it really a form of street harassment. I like the "would you say that to a man?" comment. I will use that next time some guy says it to me.

i get that from both men and woman but mostly woman. it doesn't really bother me

I usually just smile and you know what, I always feel better! Just smiling makes you feel good. Keep it positive!

I think a lot of how it makes me feel/how I react depends on the situation. But, as JCP mentioned, it can definitely be a form of street harassment, which is all too common everywhere, but (I think) especially prevalent in big cities. I get it in DC all of the time.

I get what Tres is saying, but i disagree with those commenters who found it inappropriate when people told you to smile in your position as a cashier. Hello, being friendly is LITERALLY a part of your job description?! You are SUPPOSED to be friendly all the time when you work in a customer service postion, you should have already been smiling at them!

I definitely agree with you there, Angela! I think random people on the street telling you to smile is completely different than a customer telling you to smile.

I do not agree at all with telling a cashier (or anyone) to smile. It is a cashier's job to help and serve the customer, but they don't have to be Mary Sunshine about it. As long as they aren't being an a-hole, I'm fine with it.

Besides, a forced smile isn't a smile, it's a grimace. And I'd rather take a neutral look than a fake smile.

As for people on the street telling me to smile...if it's an older (like grandpa age) guy or a kid, like under 11, or a gay guy, I'm ok with it because they tend to be guileless. But most men...just come off as creepy.

Leslie, have you ever worked in retail? I'm pretty sure at every one of my retail jobs I would have gotten reprimanded if I wasn't pleasant!

Just say "make me", and watch them flounder.

I think anyone telling another person to smile or do anything on command to a complete stranger is making that person uncomfortable. Perhaps it is more appropriate if the person is at a retail job or something similar. But when it happens on the street and it is a man saying it to a woman I feel the majority of the time that is sexual harassment. If women went around saying this men I would say the same thing.

When a guy says this, the LAST thing I want to do is smile. It totally ruins my mind for a minute.

I don't know why all these people got the impression that it is their job in life to point out to others what is wrong with them, but it needs to stop. Do they honestly think that the people they are telling this to have never smiled before, ever? It is just totally creepy.

I HATE being told to smile or cheer up. Rarely am I in a bad mood or upset in any way when this happens. I guess my face just looks that way naturally. haha. I don't know. I shouldn't have to prove to people that I'm in a good mood. It really does happen to me in all kinds of situations at all kinds of times even when I'm already smiling. Annoying.

As for working in retail or serving I am pleasant, but it's usually older men who feel the need to tell me to smile. There is a difference between being pleasant and being flirty which is what I think a select few older men expect.

I've worked retail TONS. But just because someone isn't smiling, doesn't mean the service isn't pleasant. The check out girl at Target yesterday wasn't smiling, and I certainly wasn't put out by that. A normal, neutral, resting face is not a bad thing.

Forced niceness, above and beyond normal levels, reminds me of a story I read about Safeway. They had an initiative to make everyone super friendly in the stores, so everyone (cashier, stock, employees just walking around) had to make eye contact with customers and smile. The women employees complained because men thought the forced niceness meant the women were interested in them, or flirting with them, which lead to the female employees being placed in awkward situations.

I like my transactions to be professional. If I come across someone genuinely happy and they make me smile, that's great...but I don't expect that level of a** kissing for simple, run of the mill transactions. And if I was the type of person who needed that kind of attention from strangers, I'd hang out at Hooters, because those girls are supposed to have that attitude.

Interesting...we've obviously worked in very different environments, leslie. In my experience, if you are in a customer service position and someone tells you to smile, it's because you seem harried/rushed/in a bad mood, not because you're pleasant and simply not smiling.

And I don't expect ass-kissing, either, but I do expect people to be in a good mood. I think your thoughts are exactly what's wrong with so many stores these days. Customer service is just non-existent.

On the street I guess it could be annoying, but if someone told me to smile while I was working in the lounge I'd be embarrassed that they caught me looking unhappy... many of my customers have pointed out and really appreciate how smiley I am, it's not about "grinning like an idiot," it's just being friendly and pleasant... in any service industry you can make someone's day with a bit of politeness or you can ruin it with a scowl, seems like an easy choice to me.

I think your definition of customer service lilkimbo is far different than mine. I actually loathe high touch customer service; it feels forced and faked, like a car salesman. And the fake smile just perpetuates it.

Customer service to me is being professional and helpful. And I'll leave it at that, because this is too far off topic.

I guess I don't think being in a good mood means being fake or forced; that's where we differ. To me, customer service is being professional, helpful, and pleasant. Someone isn't being helpful if you have to deal with his or her bad mood.

But not smiling =/= bad mood. And that is something people, and men in particular, don't get.

I didn't say that not smiling = bad mood, I said that, in my experience, when you are working in retail, if someone tells you to smile it probably means you are in a bad mood, or at least not in a good mood.

Weffie, I think you stated it well.

When I lived in upstate NY, I got this all the time especially from a couple male coworkers and it drove me nuts.

i take it in a tottaly diffrent direction. when someone tells me to smile it reminds me that life doesnt always have to be so difficult and unhappy and i take a few seconds to just genuinly smile. it sometimes turns my whole day around. try doing it that way next time

Anon, it sounds like the people who are telling you to smile are doing it in a different context than some of the rest of us. When you are constantly bothered by street harassers, you see things very differently. Those of us who are bothered aren't the ones who need to change our behavior, those who are harassing us are!

I've NEVER been asked to smile. I feel cheated!!!!!!! *kidding*

it's happened to me several times before. most of the time if i'm alone where ever i am, i basically zone out..day dreaming really not paying attention to anyone and all of a sudden some guy will just say you look so serious..i've even been told i looked mad?! haha yeah, now i am b/c you're uh talking to me and we don't know each other!! i admit it's always nice to smile but sometimes you just can't..with the stress of life sometimes you just want to be mad at the world for a day!! guys who may read this..if you want us to smile, just smile at us, if we don't smile back leave us alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice to see I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this. I think it's interesting that you didn't have to deal with this until you moved to NYC. It's the opposite for me; I haven't heard "you should smile" since I moved to the NYC area. I always figured women not smiling was accepted more. Or strangers weren't as likely to talk to each other. idk.

Yep I hate it. It's usually by weird guys anyway.

I've gotten this a lot. The last time I was at six flags a cashier wouldn't sell me a water bottle unless I smiled for him. UGH. I JUST WANTED WATER.

I have told hundreds of guys over the year to either "suck one" or "do something to make me" over the years because of this. I hate and I still do. Most of the time I am thinking to myself and by saying that, you just interrupted me. Leave me alone. I prefer to scowl because guys can be pushy pervs

Has anyone ever read any of the Hollaback blogs? They are a great place to vent and to share stories about dealing with street harassment. This is the DC one:

http://hollabackdc.wordpress.com/

I know there are ones for New York and other big cities, as well.

I express the fact that I want them to f*ck off through my body language or just by ignoring them.

People in general have always said this to me. I must have an angry look when I walk around but I am certainly not going to cheese out all day w. a big grin all the time! Lordy...just not normal. But just bc I am not smiling doesn't mean that I am unhappy - just naturally contemplative or just dazing. I DO get angry and feel uncomfortable when a man says it - something is just not right about it. I get annoyed when anyone says it in general - I just want to say mind your own business... I like the make me answer! ha - will just have to bust that one out!

It makes me feel stabby. And honestly, I'd look like a fool if I walked around grinning at nothing all day.

I get this at work ALL THE TIME. I work in a library and of course I'll say hello and give them a smile but for me to smile throughout our entire transaction would feel stupid and forced. I agree with others that a "neutral" face isn't bad. In fact, I bet most of us would look at a person who smiles for unnaturally long periods of time either fake or unbalanced.

Oh, I have had this happen many times over the past few years - probably because I'm often lost in thought when I'm walking around by myself. Its my time to think, and it does annoy me when men try to change my mood by telling me to smile. The last time this happened to me, I just nodded at the guy and said , "No, " because I was having a bad day and didn't feel like smiling, and felt like it was none of his business.

Ugh, so annoying! I just ignore them.

This usually happens to me when I'm at work (at a coffee shop where I'm already forcefully smiling more than I would normally). I'm not really sure where men got the idea that this is a really good pick-up line. It's not charming, it's rude. I usually throw them an obviously fake smile or say "I'm sorry, I'm trying to work right now." It just makes me feel invaded.

This has happened to me like twice in the past few weeks. I went downtown, to some bars and I was walking with friends, and I wasn't smiling and a guy would pass us and say that I wasn't smiling. But, it was in a rude and harassing way. Ugh...

lol i always thought i was the only one who got this randomly in the street. always made me wonder if i had an angry face or something. good to know im not the only one. Though it doesnt bother me everytime, it is annoying to hear when you're walking down the street, and im sure people would still have something to say if you were to walk with a permanent smile on your face.

I don't have a good answer for this, I just wanted to chime in and say how relieved I am that I'm not the only one annoyed by this!

Usually when someone tells me to smile, I glare at them as if to say "its my freaking face so shut your pie hole"