I saw Woody Allen's latest film this weekend — Whatever Works, meaning do whatever it takes to make you happy, or "filch whatever happiness you can" as Larry David's nihilist character says. For him that means marrying a much, much, so much, younger woman, played by Evan Rachel Wood. Wood is 21. David is 61.
Thankfully, save a shudder-worthy Viagra reference, Allen spares the audience from any sex scenes between the two. But whether it's Larry David's unfalteringly artless performance or Woody Allen's personal baggage left over from marrying his adopted daughter, it never feels right or romantic or even endearing. (Meanwhile, a woman over 40 who dates men younger — but not this much younger! — has her own pejorative term.)
When it comes to dating, how old would you go? Is there a limit, or should we do whatever works?
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i think twice your age is a good general guideline... at least until your late 20s. i dated a 42 year old when i was 20 and it didn't seem creepy at all, but as i approach 30 i realize 60 year old men are not looking too appealing
1it depends on the people but i'm not a big fan of more than 10 years older
you're too different past that point
also, i forgot about the woody allen marrying his daughter thing. that is SICK.
2My husband is 14 years older than me. I really underestimated how much it would affect our marriage. When it comes to music, television shows, and cultural attitudes - a lot is lost in translation.
I think it's normal for women to be attracted to older, more established men. But, I think there's a limit. From my experience, 14 years is as high as I could go.
3I think anything more than 10 years difference is iffy. It could work at not be weird depending on the people involved, but personally I don't think I would do it.
4my limit is about 10 years, there are many reasons for my age limit but one of the main reasons is because i want to have kids. i have a cousin who is 24, his mother is 52 and his father is 79, he always tells me how it really kills him to know that his father won't be around when he is older. he always tells me he is jealous of us because we have fathers who are fairly young and will be around to see their kids have kids and be able to take them camping etc. and i would never want my children to have those feelings.
5No more than 10 years, unless he's super hot and looks young for his age.
6For me age is very important because age difference does has an impact on the relationship mos of the time. right now I would only go for a guy 4 years older than me because I'm only 20, still in college. If I go for a guy 8 or 10 years older he is in a very different period of his life; he probably is looking to settle down and I don't think I would have much in common with him. I think that once I get out of college I can go for a bigger age different max being 10 years old, but for right now I would stick to 4 year difference, max.
7I'm already married (to someone only 5 months older!) but at this stage in my life, I wouldn't allow more than a 5 year bumper. My brother is 10 years older than I am, and we just are very different. He didn't grow up with the internet or e-mail, where I have. We didn't have the same childhood at all. I love that my husband and I can talk about the fact that we had Popples, etc. We're at the same stage of life, and I think that's important.
8b1uebunn haha very funny about the popples. i agree, i've dated other guys who weren't the same age, but having a boyfriend who was born within a month of me and got the exact same Michael Jackson tape at the exact same birthday as i did, as our first ever tape, it's just funny stuff to talk about. we have that much more stuff in common and don't have to deliberate over age.
9No one older than my dad
I will say, as you get older, the age difference diminishes. When I was 20, I dated a guy who was 27 and the age difference was waaaay too much. At 28, I met a guy who was 36 and it worked out well...the diff stayed about the same, but we were in much closer periods in our life.
That movie looks gross...for some reason, it was charming in Harold & Maude, or even Lost in Translation. But not here.
10I agree with the movie's title: Whatever works.
THAT SAID: Even though I'm all for 'to each their own,' I don't think I could date a guy who is more than 10 years older than me. I like dating men who are of my generation and we can share similar connections. If I'm on a date and he finishes his drink, I would like to be able to put in a second straw and say, "Here, have some of mine. We can be like Zack and Kelly." I wouldn't want him to be so old that little references like that get lost.
Plus, I don't want to touch a wrinkly, saggy ass (or anything else) for a long, long, long time!
11when I was 21 I dated a 32 year old for a month or two... seemed normal at the time, seems ridiculous now. I don't know. my bf is older but by 3 years. Harrison Ford, yes. other 60-something men? no
12I really don't think I could go too much older than my own age. I find some older men (I would say up to age 50 in rare cases) extremely attractive, but I just don't think I could have a relationship with someone that much older than I am. I don't know what we would talk about!
13That's a daring casting move from Woody Allen, I can't imagine Evan Rachel Wood going out with a guy too old for her...oh no, wait...haha
14I don't mind older guys, within reason. Even now, I probably wouldn't date someone even five years older. I mean, I am 22...so dating a 27 year old just seems "too old for comfort". I may have a lifestyle of someone that age, but I am just not. I don't think it's wrong or something, just not my cup of tea. I would probably date someone up to 3 years older at the absolute most.
15I would consider 15 years older, but even that is too much for me, and I'm 28!. I personally can't date a guy over 36, mainly because I do want kids, and I like going out a lot, seeing bands play, etc. And I do not want to be taking care of someone else when I'm older
16Hmm, more than 5 years would creep me out. Honestly, I would not trust a guy who's interested in me if I'm a lot younger. They just want you to inflate their egos.
17I'd date someone a few years older than me. I'm in my early 20s, and I think someone more than a few years older would be in a very different stage of their life.
18Exactly what totygoliguez said. I'm also 20 and at this point a guy older than 24 is probably in a very different place in life...
19I'd do ten years older. Any older would be too weird.
20I like older guys but would only go 4-5 years older.... i think that b/c women are naturally more mature it's nice to date an older guy...the last guy i dated was only 2 years older than me but was way too immature...our whole relationship was one of those awkward ones you would have in middle-school, the ironic thing was he broke up w/ me b/c apparently we weren't on the same level of experience....and i agree i was way ahead of him
.... so maybe someone a
little older would be nice but more than 5 would just be way too creepy!!!!
21I think large age gaps tend to matter less the older people get. The girl in the movie seems a bit too young to date someone as old as Larry David's character mainly b/c it seems like there wouldn't be a lot in common (but I haven't seen the movie, so I might change my mind after watching it). From personal experience, I've dated someone 14 yrs older but I'm also knocking on 30, so for me it has been fine.
22The comments from you ladies have been helpful for this old geezer... lol
I'm a custodial dad in his early 40s who feels and looks like his late 20s, thanks to good genes and regular doses of playing competitive soccer with guys half my age. I recently seperated from my BabyMama who is 9 years younger than I.
I have little to zero interest in women "my own age" b/c they make me feel incredibly old. When I hang with younger ladies, the flame of my inner youth burns a lot brighter and I just feel all around better. I feel that rush that same rush that I did "back in the day". I know that I am in a different life space than those that intrigue me and have been trying to work out why my options have seemed so limited. Thanks for the insight.
23My limit would be 15 years. A lot of women in my family actually married men who are between 10-15 years older. Their relationships seem to work quite well for them. I dated someone who was 5 years older and it was okay.
24I follow the unwritten rule of double your age minus 7 (or half your age plus 7, depending on if you are the older or younger one in the relationship). So Im 21 now, 21x2-7 means the oldest guy I would go for is 35.
25When I was in my early twenties I dated a few guys who were 10-15 years older than me. Looking back on it I felt as if I was taken advantage of because I was young. Now at 27, I still get approached by a mostly older guys. I am more leery of them now especially when they find out I am older than what they expect and look a little disappointed.
26woody allen is a nasty nasty man and would know a thing or two about robbing the cradle (in this case the cradle was in his own home)
27I always 'knew' that I couldn't be with someone much older than myself. But then I ended up in an 'age-gap relationship' and you have a whole new perspective. A friend of mine has often commented on how age is just a number. I mean, look at Ronnie Wood and Katia. Okay, so the circumstances were unfortunate, but there's 40 years between them and they seem to be in love.
28I really do think that if two people are happy together then, while we might no necessarily approve, we should accept it.
i'm 24 and my current age limit is 30....past 30, i feel like guys are probably looking for marriage/babies/etc and i am just not ready for that stage of life. that outlook will probably change once i reach my 30's though!
29Depends. The older you are the bigger age difference you can get away with. Like if a 70 yr old and a 90 yr old go out that's a 20 year age difference but no one would even blink an eye at it.
30i found out a few months ago that my dad (52) has been dating a girl for the past three years without the family knowing... already upset he then tells me she is 24. my sister is 25. it is just disgusting to know they are together. maybe it would be different if she seemed like she actually cared for my dad but all she seems to do is complain. personally i think she's with him so she doesn't have to work & get to spend his money. it's pathetic, and utterly DISGUSTING.
31I always tell my nephews a man in his 20's shouldn't marry because his wife hasn't been born yet.
32My husband is 7 years older then me, 24 and 31, and I think its fairly well pair. We have the same interests and the only real difference that causes issues doesnt really have to do with age, but personality. I think it helped that I was never one of the wild child type, I wanted a family young since i was a peapod, and he was at the stage to start a family.
33I'm 20 years old and I'm generally attracted to older men (even actors like Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, who are the same age as my father!), but I probably wouldn't date anyone more than ten years older than me. At least, not until I'm a little older...I think age difference doesn't matter that much once you reach a certain age.
34I tend to agree with the 10 year rule in general. My husband is 6 years younger than me, but we got together when he was 19 and I was 25. It took a while for him to mature, but we joke that I "got him young and trained him right"
To filmgirl - I'm 43 and will be going to several concerts this summer (DMB and U2 for starters) so age isn't necessarily a barrier to that
What I think gets in the way is having kids. My husband and I are childfree (by infertility,
not choice) and I know we act younger and do more than our friends with children, especially younger children.
35My dad is six years older than my mom and they've been married forever, so I think my personal threshold is 10 years older at the very maximum.
36I'm 19, for me it would be 5-8 years older as a maximum.
37I think your age is definitely a factor. I'm 24 and dating a guy who is 34. 10 years may seem like a huge difference, but at this point we are at similar places in our lives. Just a couple of years ago, I wouldn't dream of dating someone 10 years my senior, but hings change a lot once you graduate from college and are out in the real world. It really just depends on the person. My bf is a really youthful looking and acting guy, so it works. And you can't beat the maturity an older man brings to the table.
38I think it all depends on the person. I've dated guys a year older than me but we were in 2 very diff places. My husband is 11 years older than me, but we have the same interests like that same music and love watchin The Office on thursdays. It's all the person not the age, so whatever works!
39It really depends on the couple. I'm just about 21, and my boyfriend is just about 29. We started dating over two years ago, and I'm sure plenty of people find that creepy. However, we are wonderful together & he is my biggest cheerleader. Even when I told him I no longer wanted to have sex due to religious reasons, he was super supportive. I think there are a lot of couples out there like us that are judged unfairly.
40I think it still matters when you get older if there is too much of an age difference. My mom is 43 and her friend that is 65 keeps asking her out and she says he is much too old for her. She said that he will be 70 in 3 year and she will only be 47, pluse my mom looks about 29 so they look ridiculous together.
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