I think it's dumb to have casual sex, mostly because the people I know who do have causal sex always end up getting burned. You don't have the right to cry if he doesn't call...he is your f*ck buddy. The guy or girl wants nothing but sex from you, which is what some people do not understand. So when he or she gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you get dumped on your ass -- you are not being deceived, or dumped, you are being told that you are a useless waste of their time, and obviously not the one for them.

Things like this never work out for long. Feelings will be hurt, even if the "rules" are clearly stated. There will always be some ditzy girl, or shmucky guy thinking that the person they screw around with will fall hopelessly and endlessly in love with them. Nope.

I would never have casual sex.

agree Chrstine...its hard not to cry when he doesn't do something for your birthday or when you see him with somebody else or when he doesn't call...it's not usually a great way to go

Wow, you're full of a lot of bitterness, Christine. You should work on that, seriously.

There's no way to guarantee a drama-free casual sex relationship, just like there's no way to guarantee a drama-free relationship. It depends on the two people, not on what they're doing.

That was a cute little video! Using those rules, a FWB situation might be do-able for some people. I've done it in the past and it was perfectly fine for a while until the guy started getting needy about my attention - he wanted to stop by my work so he could say hi, and ask if I wanted to come over when I was off, and that's just too boyfriendy for me, so I had to end it.

No bitterness, just have a strong opinion on the situation after having to deal with friends crying to me about how the guy they wanted to have casual sex with doesn't actually want to be her boyfriend and move in with her. I will work on not having an opinion the day I build snowmen in hell. Thanks!

It honestly depends on your personality and motives. If you try this with a guy you know wants more than just sex, you're using him and it'll end in hurt. If you know that you yourself have an emotional attachment or secretly want more than he does, again, lots of hurt ahead. I've ended up turning some drunken one night stands into a pretty awesome f*ck buddy relationship that worked because we made sure of the other's desires.

I've had some casual sex experiences that were AWESOME

I will say, girls fall into the FWB thing, hoping the guy will maybe hopefully over time fall in love with her...the same way guys will be "just friends" with a girl, hoping the girl will maybe hopefully over time fall in love with him.

Guys use girls for sex; girls use guys for attention and emotional support. I call that the Ducky syndrome

I started having casual sex with a guy while all the while knowing come summer he was just going to get back with his ex girlfriend. we had a ton of fun and it got me to try new things that i never would have done if i was being self-conscious in a relationship. he eventually realized he couldn't stop thinking about me, not his ex-girlfriend and he asked me to be his girlfriend. we've been together over 2 years now. maybe it doesn't always work out that way for everyone and maybe that goes against thinking it's a "temp" job but it worked out for us

i agree with Chrstne, someone always (from what i've observed) ends up being hurt, even if both parties enter the "arrangement" not being romantically interested, sex inevitably changes things, people get hurt and cry and call at 4 in the morning...no thank you.

I don't agree with friends with benefits and I would never do it myself (never mind the fact that I'm married now!), but I just wanted to say that my friend had a friend with benefits situation and they've been married now for two years!

I'm not the type to have casual sex. I'm just not the type.

I wouldn't ever have casual sex.. but that's just me. I've also been the observer and have quite a few people come to me upset... it's just too hard to make sure both people are truly on the same page, imo..

I think it may be different for people who older and who have a different perspective on sex and relationships. A number of my friends (over 40) who are divorced find it works very well. The comfort of intimacy with someone you know without the additional responsibilities of a committed relationship. The FWB relationship usually does run its course, as many relationships do, often because one or both party is now in a place where they are looking for something deeper, but where the communication has been honest and open it's done with no drama, no shame and no judgment. If that is not for you, fine, but I fail to see how anyone (particularly someone who has never engaged in such a relationship) can judge it always to be a mistake or doomed to result in one party being hurt. That is certainly not my experience.

it's only sex, lighten up! if a girl gets attached to a fwb, that's her own fault... everyone knows if you start caring, you stop calling! i've never cried cos one of my bootycalls got a girlfriend, sometimes it's mildly disappointing if you really liked his dick but another one always comes along...

as far as "being told that you are a useless waste of their time,"... how do you figure? if you showed him a good time it wasn't a waste, it was fun... it's actually quite a useful role to play at a time when they need you, it shouldn't be an insult that they decide to settle down with someone else... that's kind of the whole point of keeping it casual--you have that option, too. it sounds like your friends are just overly sensitive and way too klingon-y to play the game properly.

I can understand how some agree and may disagree. Some people may have an issue of trying to separate "casual sex" and pretty much that's it is nothing like a true relationship . People tend to get themselves attached and that is exactly why I steer clear from it but everyone is different, you know????

The first rule of casual sex is that you don't talk about casual sex.

Or is it Fight Club? Either way if you don't watch your back things will get messy and painful real quick.

Oh, and I have never had casual sex. I enjoy being appreciated for my mind, sense of humor, and loved in general. I don't think it's a goal of mine to be liked mildly because I put out.

Lol wow, some of you need to get the sand out of your vaginas. I've had a friends with benefits, and had some one night stands. Guess what? I WASNT LOOKING FOR LOVE OR A BEST FRIEND. I just wanted sex. God, why is that so hard for some women to understand? I never went crying to my best friends about whether or not they liked me, because I didn't care. Just like them, I was only in it for the sex. Sometimes they were my friends, and that was it. i was never interested in any more, and NEVER cared if one of them suddenly stopped talking to me.

weffie, your comment rules.

Casual sex is kind of tricky. SOMETIMES one of the parties involve ends up gets hurt. I have never had casual sex and I don't think I'm capable of doing it( its not that I think is immoral is just that I'm afraid I'll end up getting hurt) I think that the number one rule should be being on the same page. You have to be conscious that it poorly physical that most likely the relationship is not going farther than SEX, and please use protection 'cause he or she is probably sleeping with someone else.

i have a friend that i've been having sex with for over 9 years now. we've seen each other go through other relationships (hands off during those times). it works really well and i think the key is just being completely and brutally honest with each other (how we feel, what we want, even whether or not we're sleeping with other people (actually, we enjoy telling each other stories about other hook-ups)). not only do we have sex, but we hang out. we'll meet at a bar, have a few drinks, and go home alone sometimes. there's also times where we just cuddle. we've never once gotten into a fight. i've never cried over him. i'm pretty damn sure he's never cried over me. i think the key to it working is to actually be real friends...not just "f*ck buddies"

@GlowingMoon - I'm also not the type for it.

It's not for me, but I'm not going to judge anyone who does it. It's your body, you're free to do what you want with it. Just like I'm free to do what I want with mine.

I agree with the first 3 comments...also, if sex could be casual (and I'm not even talking about feelings) why did we have to stick the word casual at the front of it. Wouldn't it be a given?

Oh, Weffie and AngelineZoe...everyone was stating their opinion maybe passionately but still politely except for you two. So unecessary, I also think you sound like emotionally repressed women.

blog.girlsgonemild.com/2007/12/sadie-hawkins-b.html

nytimes.com/2007/08/12/weekinreview/12kolata.html?_r=2&oref=slogin

jezebel.com/5226420/culture-has-more-to-do-with-promiscuity-than-evolution

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if casual sex works, then it works well.

unfortunately in my experience or from friends experience, you can't avoid two things:

1. The girl gets too attached and wants something more or a relationship.
2. The boy assumes the girl will get too attached and want a relationship which he doesn't.

I was casually seeing someone for a while, mainly going back to each others houses after a night out, or we'd be together if we were out in a group of people. However for him, even the change to arranging to have sex was too much. Even the code 'Come over and watch a dvd'... provoked the response 'I don't want a girlfriend'. I said 'what part of come over for some sex makes you think I want a boyfriend!'

Sometimes with casual sex it's recognising when it works is why it works. Girls don't always want more, boys shouldn't expect that girls will. In my experience when it's worked out well it really has. Just as you may decide you don't want to go on dates with someone anymore and it fizzles out, the same can happen with casual sex. There doesn't have to be an official end or a time when it all explodes - it can just fade away and you have some good fun times to reflect on.

If you see sex as something which has to have an emotional connection not just a physical connection then obviously it's not for you. I do prefer sex in a relationship as it means more, but sometimes there's nothing better than an encounter with someone which you've been craving for years!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I don't care enough about sex (or need it that much) that I would ever want or need a friends with benefits situation. I only enjoy it because it's with my husband whom I love completely and trust implicitly and enjoy getting closer to during the act. I think the point of a friends with benefits situation is that you don't want to get closer to them (except in the naked sense). And it's to satisfy your sexual urges, which I don't really have all that often.

It is all a matter of the people involved. If you aren't honest about what you are doing, aren't prepared and aren't clear on all sides... it is a mess. But even beyond that... it is all about the individual people working well together.

A friend with benefits can work, but works because you don't talk about it... kinda strange, but that seems to work best for me and my FWB. He lives in a different town, we are both single and have our own lives, he visits every 3-6 months and stays at my place for a few nights. We hang out during the day, just like friends, but when the lights go out, we have mind-blowing sex for hours. We communicate via text or phone once or twice a month and chat about our lives and when the next visit will be, but never discussing sex (we did that once and it was weird). Sounds kinda crazy, but works for me... a good friend with sex on the side, with no commitment. It's like a long-distance planned booty-call. I'm not into dating or all the drama comes with it and had a major bad relationship with the Master of Douchbags, so this FWB thing fits great into my busy life.

This guy and I met at one of my friend's parties, and we ended up having sex later that night...a LOT of times. I have had my fairshare of one night stands, but I have never called any of them back. So one day I called the guy and told him that he should come home for the weekend because he was away at college and I was still in high school, so he did and we had sex for like 4 hours at his house. Now, if he wants it, he calls me and vise versa. The first time we had sober sex I thought would be awkward, and it kind of was, but after I got used to the positions he liked, things go really smoothly now. One night stands and friends with benefits don't usually like to be intimate, so I get as kinky as possible. I put my legs over his shoulders, ride him a LOT, and we do it from behind as much as possible. Try being spontaneous, like in weird places like a car or a public place. I don't kiss all over him, but I touch him everywhere and give him head whenever we aren't having sex. I know it sounds cliche and kind of unfair for the girl, but if you please him a lot first, I promise you he will return the favor. Friends with benefits are my BEST friends!

I started a FWB with a dude that I know from another friend. It's such a crappy situation. Our time together was pathetic, neither of us had an orgasm. I think this was the first time having FWB for the both of us. We both were still in love with our exes. In fact, I think he is going to get back with her which sucks because I wanted to meet up with him again to make-up for my horrible performance the last time and apparently not all dicks are the same. I was doing the stuff to him that my ex liked which were totally rubbing him the wrong way.