They like independent girls, who have their own life and are not willing to drop everything because of a guy. That's not being a b*tch, and most men looking for a serious relationship actually want the opposite of b*tch. They want a nice, positive and supporting girl. Just one that has other priorities in life besides landing a man.

oops...supportive girl*

I do completely agree that being not-a-b*tch or whatever, does eventually turn you into a doormat. Rising from carpet to respectable woman in his eyes is a hard journey, potentially not even possible.

No one likes b*tches! That's an ill-fitting word to use for "someone with their own job, interests and friends." Trust me, my roommate's a serious snarky b*tch and guys comment all the time that they like me but won't come over if she's home because they can't stand the cattiness. I don't blame them

I wouldn't go so far as to say b*tches, but I think that not being a doormat is the way to succeed in any part of your life, not just with men. Being assertive should also (hopefully) give you better relationships with your friends and family and improve your work atmosphere.

It's just too bad that we haven't all already learned this lesson, and instead have to turn to self-help books to figure it out.

i'd have to agree with this.... my boyfriends brothers girlfriend is a complete doormat and makes me cringe how she will say she's going out with friends, he pulls a face and she gets upset and says 'i am going out'.... then the next day of course you find out she hasn't and has ditched her friends for him. as a result obviously, she doesn't really have that many good friends who've stuck around.

i'm the opposite- my boyfriend and i have a great relationship- we make time for each other and for friends. he's pulled his face once when i said i was doing something and he'd wanted to spend the night together (i broke no plans i had with him to go out with my friends) ..... and i said "if you want a girlfriend like your brother has, you're going out with the wrong girl. i'm not just gonna let you get your way all the time, so you can forget trying to make me cancel plans with friends for you ever..."

that was the first and last time he did it. equally, i respect time and plans he has with his friends and even encourage them to do more together. as a result we all get along and can hang out as a group with me being just more than his girlfriend. i think most boys see some girlfriends as some chick who takes him away from mates and football

ha that was a long post!!!! sorry sugars

No man likes a nagging b*tch. I only get away with snarkiness because he does it, and it's just part of who we are. Other people see us being mean to each other, but we always have so much fun!

You should be assertive. Usually assertive people aren't the kindest people I have ever met, but they are nice enough, people like them, and they still manage to influence others and not get walked all over.

Chrstne, I'm the same way! People on the outside think my bf and I are sometimes just being meant to each other when all we are in having a little snarky good fun between us!

I think the problem lies with dating a guy who thinks its ok to treat you like a doormat! Regardless of whether you are meek or assertive, the person you are dating should love you for you and not take advantage of various aspects of your personality. I hate books like this that tell women they have to act a certain way to get a guy. You just need to accept yourself, just as you are, and stay true to you.

well said, ingalinnea! and awesome avatar, too!!

Guys may be attracted to b*tches at the start because they're confident, hard to get (I'm talking about real b*tches, not independent women) but ultimately they go for the one that can be a lover and a friend.

Guys don't like b*tches, they like women who are nice to them!

My bf is always saying that he likes me because I am difficult and I know what I want. He means difficult in the nicest way possible by the way. I don't know if guys like b*tches, but I know they like a challenge and most guys are not looking for a doormat to be in a relationship with. Those are the girls they use.

yeah, that just describes a woman with her own life who isn't a doormat, just like everyone else said. But I do think men go through a phase similar to women. We want to bad boy when we're younger, and they want the beetch. Then we grow up and get over it.

i've read the book and love it..because though yes it is common sense many girls need reminders of what not to do lol. Also i dont believe guys like b*tches as the word is normally interpreted, but they do like the b*tch the book describes an independent woman = Babe-In-Total-Control-(of)-Herself. They also reiterate they are not encouraging a "mean" b*tch stance. Overall its a good read when you find a friend or yourself loosing themselves in a relationship.

I have it, my best friend who was a rules girl gave me that and the 'rules' books when I was single and ready to date.
Those are good books to read to kind of remind yourself to not lose yourself for the guy.
I agree with the other ladies, it's not literally being a 'b!tch' or nagger or playing hard-to-get, it's about keeping yourself a priority, keeping your self-interests, your friends, your life, your independence instead of being too absorbed in the boy to the point you lose yourself and he ends up resenting you because you've changed (he dated you because he was attracted to YOU not the you who have lost your sense of self to fully accommodate his lifestyle/him).
It is a fun read for me, I LOL quite a bit. She's a fun writer

I don't think my hubby enjoy reading it LOL (he took it and read it when he found it hidden in my storage box ).

I read Why Men Love b*tches. The author clearly says it's NOT about being a b*tch (as we would conventionally use the word). It's about being kind, but clear about how you want to be treated. Be it societal pressure to be in a relationship or married, or for whatever reason, a lot of women settle for guys who really have no intention of ever moving the relationship in a serious direction. They are there until something better comes along. The book suggests ways to weed out the guys who are actually interested in you versus those that are just saying what you want to hear. By and large I thought it was really good and funny!

I read it too and really enjoyed it.

this is just a thought I've been having. but..I wanted to put it out there. when this was dearsugar, both sides of the story were presented. and there were no (or very few) cat/dog/whatever stories. now, it's all veering between squishycute animals (the point ofthose stories I still don't understand) and stories that are presented in only one way- with one viewpoint as being right. I pretty much agree with all of these viewpoints- that a girl who is not a doormat is sometimes considered a b*tch, that gay pride is something to be celebrated (from a former post)- but I'm not really sure that I like having everything presented to me like I can hear one person talking. I liked it when this site was more objective, letting ppl who thought something different express it, and leading to more comment interaction.

just a thought.

Im with the anon post above. I so miss the old DearSugar.

yea me too bekkachan

I think if they do its a phase. My boyfriend loved the girls who made him suffer, btchy and who looked btchy when he was younger but not that hes growing up he got his priority's straight

The guys that end up liking actual b1tches are the doormat guys (codependence) or very dominant, stable guys whom find insanity cute.

"B1tch" may imply honesty, assertion, confidence, courage, boldness, which are good... Self-absorption, immaturity, idle complaint, manipulation are deficits worth a second look.

I'll be honest... I'm a total doormat, in all walks of life. I'm too "nice" ("weak" is probably more appropriate) to say no to people, so I always find myself doing extra work, staying late, being the DD when I go out with friends, putting my own interests second, never saying what I really think, etc. When I was dating in high school and college, this did not serve me well, because guys took advantage of my spinelessness. But when I met my husband, he fell in love with me for all the same reasons that kept younger guys away. I think guys are attracted to b*tches in the same way girls are attracted to 'bad boys'... it's fun when you're young or dating, but it's not the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

I agree with many of the posts above in that guys like girls who are independent and have their own lives, friends, and interests. However, I think if a guy REALLY likes a girl it is not because she is bossy or difficult, or even quite and subdued, I think he likes her for who she is, her unique qualities and all.

Men who use women and try to make them feel like doormats have mental problems. It's even possible they just don't like women that much but keep them around for sex. Sometimes men are very cruel.
Let THEM go out and read what rules THEY should follow. Here's a book idea for them: It's called, "Why Men Wind Up Alone". A little honesty is THE ONLY policy to follow. Anyway I don't believe in the b*tch theory because I lost a guy once to a girl with no education, no money, no rules. When I asked him why, he said he felt needed more by her. That I was too independent. Sometimes they need to be the man. Let them be who they are and let yourself be who you are. Definitely don't go wasting your money on books like that.

i know she clarifies it in the book so it's not what you think it is, but i really wish the author didn't put the word "b*tch" in her title, or even use it at all to describe confident, self-respecting women. men and women alike need to get it out of their heads that a woman who doesn't let her boyfriends (or anyone) dominate her = a b*tch. you never hear a guy say he broke up with a girl because HE couldn't handle her strength and honesty; it's always portrayed as HER problem of being a so-called b*tch. i'm over it.

There's a difference between being independent and having a life and being a b*tch. It was just a poor word choice prob to get attention and sell books.

I'm curious about this book, as Teabiscuit described it. But, I also agree with Dikke Kus that honesty is the best policy. I don't think anyone should be treated as a doormat, nor drop plans to be with someone. At the same time, if you genuinely like someone & want to be with/talk to them, why play games & be manipulative because of some stupid dating rule? If a relationship isn't based on two people being honest, it's not going to be a quality relationship in the long run.