I'm 19. I definitely have daddy issues. It's kind of embarrassing for me. I'm always so ashamed to explain to any guy who comes along that neither of my parents were around. I'm much older now but it still hurts to hear anyone talk about their parents. When I think of my life I feel worthless almost, knowing that no one cared enough about me to be a part of my life and be their when I needed them most. To know that I was born and not a single person on this earth gave a sh*t or even prepared for my arrival because it didn't matter.

When in a relationship I look for that person to accept me, be there, and care and even be protective sometimes and make me feel secure when I'm with them. A part of me does expect "princess treatment." I usually expect to have things my way with the guy I'm dating. I always want that person to be there when I fall, there to answer the phone when I call, just always there and available to me and if not I look elsewhere for someone who will always be there when I need them.

I typically date older guys by the way.

I was always afraid of my father growing up.. I think its suppose to be that way (not like deathly afraid, but i saw him as the highest authority) I have so much respect for him. He is my ultimate idol. I wouldn't be here without him (in more meanings than one). Since I moved out of the house and went to college at 18 (I'm 21 now) we're very close and we're like old friends when we're together.

Ironically enough, my boyfriend and my father get along great (they only met once but it was for 3 days straight since they were both here on vacation... long story, really) But they are alike in someways, but not like i say "wow john, youre a lot like my dad"... thats just creepy. But they are both work-aholics (like me) and are people I respect, for many reasons. I could never date a guy that is not serious about his job and literally married and in love with his work... I have so much respect for people that love what they do.

So in a sense, yes I date men 'like' my dad... but not really. I like burly, rugged, dependable, work-aholics, with a heart of gold and a great sense of humor, which describes both my father and my boyfriend.

I totally date guys that have my fathers good qualities. I like guys that will go out of there way to help people and are handy around the house and know how to fix things.
I was a daddies girl when I was little and he taught me how to do so much stuff around the house and garage. I can't put up with girly men that aren't handy like that. I also have a princess complex. I always got what I wanted from my dad and I find myself pulling that with bf's. Good thing my bf is saint who knows how to fix things.

My dad was never very kind to my family or my mom. I grew up thinking that it was normal to be abused and that the men always should have the upper hand. Well, when I was 13, let's just say I figured out that's not the way it is, and ever since then I have been very distant from my dad and luckily, I am not the doormat my mother was.

I am not in an abusive relationship, nor am I abusive to my boyfriend. I didn't over compensate or something. I just have normality, what you are supposed to have.

I am 22, and I still dislike my dad. I can be civil, but he is not my favorite person. He is laughable to me, and I am so happy I broke the cycle, and I am able to live freely and happily. Controlled by no one, and having someone who loves me no matter what.

In essence, I learned what marriage and relationships should NOT be from my parents.

I look for the complete opposite. I guess I have daddy issues, because long story short, my dad was always drunk when I was a kid, and I got hit by a car because he was drunk when he was supposed to be watching me. I think that's why I have trust issues with guys. Thankfully, my dad has been sober for two years now, but the time spent when I was a child can never be rectified. I still give him father's day gifts though.

I married the polar opposite of my father. For this, I am grateful and satisfied. He's my dream.

That's all I have to say.

Wow, it doesn't sound like many of the TresFans had very supportive fathers.

I didn't either. Mine is a horribly angry person, but good in his own well-meaning way. He's a hardcore conservative, anti-feminist, religious fundamentalist. He's also a gynecologist and obstetrics surgeon with a God complex.

I haven't talked to either my dad or mother in four years. Their limited worldview kept me from ever getting real with them as an adult, and telling them the real stuff going on in my life. Over the years, our relationship degraded because noone was tending to it.

I had to make my own path with my career, liberalism and and making my peace with bisexuality. I haven't talked to them since choosing to marry someone who isn't white, but have no doubt it makes the relationship beyond repair.

My father was totally amazing. He was a real pain in my ass, too, always demanding the best of me; but he was sweet and funny and very affectionate; and my boyfriend is just like that too (sweet, funny, affectionate, and a pain in my ass!).

When my Dad died two weeks ago, my boyfriend was there for me in ways I was not expecting. He was, you know... infallible. Perfect. And even though we've been together for 3 and a half years and live together, I came back from my Dad's funeral thinking "I want to marry this guy. He's my guy. He's my guy for good, forever, he's the one."

My Dad was my best friend for 32 years. Suddenly, I realize, my best friend is now my boyfriend. And I'm not being shortchanged. Thank you, dad, for showing me that I deserved to be loved LIKE CRAZY, ENTIRELY, WITHOUT COMPROMISE!

My dad wasnt the best either. He is always telling me that I dissapoint him (even though Im doing a master by my own means), he was really mean with my mom while they were married, once they divorced my sister and I almost disappeared from he's life. Now he has two kids with a woman that is one year younger than my sister and one year older than me (I cant stand her btw, she is so pathetic thinking she hit the jackpot with my dad but he treat her like sh*t).
My ex was a lot like my dad, really selfish and I never was enough for him. Thankfully my current boyfriend its really different. He had a lot of the same issues but with his mom, so he understand my position.

My father is a great man. He's the only parent I had during my adolescent and development years, and I am so happy that he stuck around to raise us kids after my mother died. That said, my dad's not a mom, so I couldn't really go talk to him about "girl things", like boys, love, or sex. His policy was, "if I don't bring it up, she won't think about it; if she does and I tell her not to, then it's out of sight and mind."

I struggle now to develop a love life in general because I've picked up the awkwardness from my dad. None of the guys that I've liked are anything like my dad...though it's strange, because I never really knew much about them. In that way, it mirrors the vagueness of the relationship with my dad. I don't know my dad very well on a personal level, so of course I would go after guys I don't know THAT well, but still seem nice.

I won't, however, be handling my relationships the way he does. He lets crazy women run over him, and I fortunately spent enough time with my mother to know never let ANYONE do such a thing.

I have daddy issues. And because of them, as well as me falling in love with a guy who acted just like my father, I now have trust issues. I run the guys I like the most away now, and I'm always feeling alone and hurt and like I'll never find anyone.

My dad is the most amazing man ever. He's my ultimate idol and I love him so much. So I'd definately want a guy with SOME of his qualities- the good ones
I wouldn't want someone EXACTLY like him.

karlotta, your story totally made me cry.

I look for men who are like my father. My dad is completely my hero. He's been there for my mom in so many ways, and while neither of them are perfect, they love each other not despite their imperfections, but all the more for their imperfections.

I don't read PostSecret anymore, but I did in college. One of the best postcards I ever saw read something like "I want to marry a man like my father, but I fear that no one I will ever meet will measure up." I've felt that way for years. (Though, knock on wood, I might have!)

Daddy issues - indeed I do. My father was never around even when my parents were together and once they became divorced when I was in fifth grade it was just null and void on our relationship basically. He moved across the country and I find it hard to speak to him bc. of his cheating on my mother and not being there for my sister and I.

Now that I have a great boyfriend I often find myself pushing him away bc I am afraid somewhere in my mind that he will cheat or leave me like my father did to my mother. I am trying to work on it but it is something that is ingrained in my mindset and it's hard to ignore (

Yes, Karlotta, that was very sweet. Sorry to hear about losing your dad. Especially, with this being Father's day and all. The silver lining is that you realized you have a keeper! My biological dad has many wonderful characteristics & I love him dearly. However, my parents divorced when I was little and my step-dad was an evil man. He was an alcoholic and abusive. Luckily, he was only home about one weekend a month so we learned to tolerate him. My mom was a peacekeeper (too much) and overlooked things that I don't think she should have overlooked. All she had was a HS diploma and certificate from beauty school. I've always vowed I would never be like that. I'm much more independent than her & I know that there are certain things I would not put up with. Men who drink too much frighten me. It seems that I attract men who are noncommital. Perhaps it's because I've never had that in a dad.

I was always a daddy's girl when I was growing up, and after my mom passed away when I was 12, he really stepped up and took care of me and my two younger sisters. I really appreciate that he has always loved me and provided for me financially. However, my mom's death also brought out a side in my dad that I didn't like. He began dating again just four months after she passed away, and he has dated many women since (and has been engaged twice). Almost all of the women have been excessively controlling and selfish, always acting as if my father is a single man with no children. Yet my dad stays with these women anyway...to put it simply, I do love my dad and I'm thankful for a lot of sacrifices he's made, but I am not romantically interested in men who are like him.

Though they look absolutely nothing alike, my boyfriend really does have most of my father's positive character traits. My dad is what my family affectionately calls "the living encyclopedia"; we used to have long philosophical, historical, political, and scientific discussions at the dinner table every night that would last into the early morning sometimes. My boyfriend is very much the same way, though he has more of a tendency to throw BS out there to make himself sound good, and that's when I have to call him out and set him straight! My boyfriend and father are both loyal almost to a fault (there are several times I pulled crap anyone else would leave me for, but not him, and ditto for my mother with my dad). They both also take their personal honor very seriously, and through pure dumb freaking luck, both will have careers in the military.
However, I definitely do have some issues with abandonment even though my dad never technically "left" my family, because the nature of his job meant that he would often be away for 6 months to a year at a time. I was often almost happy he left because he grew up in an all male household with anger issues where fear was a submission technique, and often carried his dad's parenting techniques into his own family when he had only daughters. The family dynamics would change (often for the better) without him, and then he would come back later and try to force his way back in like nothing had changed and completely upset our new equilibrium. Add on to that my mother suffering from clinical depression a lot when he was gone (and all the negativity the condition brings to the family), and that means that something was always getting chronically screwed up in my family life, whether it was "who is sane today?" or "who is the real authority figure this time?".

To make a long story short, I've still got some issues I haven't resolved, though my bf does have most of my dad's better qualities. I'll definitely have to figure it out soon though, because my bf is giving every sign of wanting to move on to the next step and into a military life, and I'm honestly not sure I can handle it.

Holy crap.... I didn't mean to write a novel! Sorry everybody!

had an awesome dad, still do. he was my biggest supporter and was always happy for ME. meaning he let me have my own dreams and didn't push off his stuff onto me or try and get me to do something i didn't want to do. his parents were nothing like that, although they loved him, so i'm not sure where he learned how to be a great dad.

i love me dad

Eh I don't think I solidly fit into either category.

I did have a very strict, authoritarian father growing up that all of us kids were desperately scared of. I really wanted to live with my mother for years but she was a divorced stay-at-home mother that couldn't financially support 4 kids. The good thing was that my dad wasn't really around because he was a single father raising us kids. Though, as I'm 24 now I see that his father was like that to him & sometimes people act the only way they know how.

He and I still aren't that close, but I understand why he acted like he did. Unfortunately, I find myself so independent because of my father/no parental figure around. I also am a little "too hard" as my dad says for a girl... I don't know if it was because I was raised by a tough dad but I'm not that emotional. This has resonated into relationships, where I'm so independent & committment takes an actual effort. My boyfriend of 4 years has put up with a lot... I think he is like my father in some ways, which is not a bad thing. My dad does have good qualities. But he also has a caring side - which is a perfect mix.

I do have daddy issues. My father wasnt abusive and provided for us but he was absent emotionally. He expected his firstborn to be a boy and I wasnt so Ive felt my whole life that I was never good enough. Everything I did growing up wasnt good enough and he let me know it. It was never "good on you, you tried your best and Im proud", more "why did you get an A- and not an A+? Cos youre stupid and hopeless". It was horrible to live under that pressure of not being intelligent enough, or thin enough (he was forever telling me to stop eating and lose weight - even though he's bordering on obese himself), or beautiful enough or polite enough.
Needless to say, I developed an eating disorder and now have the lowest self-esteem. I can't trust guys and Im just not interested at all in having a relationship. I really hope one day Ill get over this but for the short term I dont really see that happening

Same here - I don't think I solidly fit in either category either.

My Dad has both good qualities and bad qualities. I like to think that my husband embodies my Dad's good qualities, and not the bad ones. My husband has other good qualities, too, not just limited by those he shares with my Dad.

So yes, my husband resembles my Dad in the good ways, not in the bad ways.

Thanks for these honest and heartfelt answers! Stay tuned for a follow-up post about how to deal with daddy issues.

My dad was a heavy handed control freak who thought very little of women and always put his family last. I decided to marry the polar opposite and it has turned out well. My dad and I get along for the most part, but I think it's because I live so far away and we don't see him that often.

my dad wasn't overly involved with myself or my siblings. he never really got asked us questions, knew details of our lives. my parents separated when i graduated high school, due to my dad's infidelity.
i was in a relationship for 4 years that my bf was just like my dad. kept to himself, preoccupied, emotionally absent and did not like my friends or family. eventually ended that relationship.
i am now with my current bf, who is caring, a good listener, involved in my life and gets along with my friends and family.
part of me still thinks since my dad wasn't there for me and because he left my mom, my bf will do the same but i am learning to trust him and its getting easier.

I had a great father, he died when I was 11 years old, but I have great memories of him. He was not an authority figure of any kind that was my mom's job, but he was a very good friend, and having an overprotective mother he kind of gave me that valence the first 11 years of my life( My mom was very over protective of me growing up, until this day she is very over protective) My dad was funny, kind, and everyone loved him. He thought me so much and for that I'm great full. He wasn't perfect but I do believe he did the best he could to be a good father and he was there emotionally which if very important. And even though my relationship with my mother was better than the one I had with my father he was a good father over all.

*sorry I meant balance

I had a( diagnosed) paranoid delusional, schizo,ex-marine sniper for a father, who thought the dog and I were the Viet-cong. He threw my Jem dolls under the car and ran them over when I was 6 because I didn't make his hamburger well-done enough. He called me a wh*re ( even though I was a virgin) because I wouldn't give him beer money. ( The list goes on)H e did teach me 2 skin a deer and kill a man with a cheese wire.

I married a man who is the complete opposite of my father in personality, beliefs and continents!!!!

i know my dad's not perfect but i love him just the same. there are aspects that i see in him that i look for in a significant other but there are also qualities he has that I don't want to find.

My dad always expects the best from me but at the same time he doesn't want his expectations to pressure me especially if it isn't making me happy or i'm not enjoying it, number one is that I love it. Now that I'm older our relationship is getting to the point where I feel that we've become friends. He is also very protective of me and my sister, just like those stereotypical dads you see on tv and movies with the intimidating front "you touch my daughter..." which is probably why I won't bring a boy home unless he is starting to mean a whole lot for me & i feel that it's going to last... A significant other like my dad has to be a mr fix it and pretty tech savvy which are 2 things my dad is . I get surprised when my friends tell me how completely hopeless their parents are with all the new technologies because that is one thing my dad is not. He works as a computer analyst/software writer so he is the person i go to when i'm having trouble with anything computer related, him & i talk photography alot that's a hobby we both share, we're actually going to a photographic convention on the weekend

But sometimes I feel he can be a bit hypocritical where he will police me & my siblings for not doing something but then he'll go on and do it & we point it out to him but he'll twist it around and make it our fault or shrug it off like it was nothing...

My dad hasn't been perfect or anything, but I'm grateful for him. He always calls to check on me and supports me in all of my major decisions (leaving the country for a year, getting married at 18, changing colleges, etc). The main thing that bothers me about him (and I think almost all dads are this way) is that he thinks he knows everything and can't accept another person's opinion. My husband is the same way. I have to sort of throw a tantrum in order for either one of them to accept what I'm saying, sometimes...but they both love me

I feel like the relationship I have with my Dad has influenced how I see men. He isn't abusive, but has his moments where I just don't like him. I've found that now when I like a guy, I tend to push him away, and I think it's because of him. Not that he is half as bad as some of the fathers that other commentors described.

I did.

Been together for a year on the 11th of July... *sigh

I know for sure fathers place an important role in our confidence level. Mom's can do a lot, but not quite all. Seems like many girls are not even conscious of it unless it's taken away. My dad died suddenly when I was ten. I remember quite a lot of him. Mostly good things. He used to watch over me. He was pretty horrible to my mother though. I won't get into details.
A year later my mother remarried. He was great for her, but could care less about children. What's worse is he was detrimental to our entire youth. I never heard once, that I had done good in anything. Not a hug. Not a high five. No glad to see you's or how are you's. No bragging to friends about our grades or sports. No. I remember cut downs, critism, snide remarks, comments, rules, insensitive jokes.
I spent five years making sure I had an A+ average in school so I could get the heck out of there. Into college I went ASAP. As far as my husband? Boyfriends? I chose wisely from these experiences. No one would be similar to either my dad or step father. They would be someone completely different.

I have a wonderful father, and I've noticed that I've been drawn to men that have the same qualities that he has. A good mediator, a peacekeeper in the eye of a storm, and calm and easygoing, but is tough only when the situation calls for it to be. Also someone who has a silly, 5 year old's sense of humor. My dad is all of that, and my ideal man would have those qualities too.

Lets just say that my father and i have never been close. I have been raises on a horse farm and they are my life. However my father thought that i should live for sports. I played 3 to 4 sports a year until my sophmore year and HS and then i finally said no. What did he do cheated on my mom, told me it was my fault and left. He had always been the kind of father you could never please. My mother and i both waled on egg shells. After he left my mom fell into a deep depression and drinks way to much.... For years i totally avoided guys.. but i found one. I am engaged to a man now that is the sweetest guy on the plant. He is so layed back and never streesses about anything.. Rare for someone in the military i know! But he is amazing and we are so happy. he is nothing like my father. And my father and i dont talk. Issues with him yes! But its my dads fault that i found this type of love so thats one thing that he did right! Everything wrong! haha

Daddy issues: My mother died when I was very young (suicide), so my father was my sole authority figure/parent. To sum up my childhood, Dad took care of us financially but neglected us emotionally. He traveled a lot; had a lot of girlfriends; was highly critical of us. At some point in my early teens I realized that us kids were third on his list of priorities after his business and gf's. Now I am 43 years old - not married, no kids. Dad died some 15 years ago, and I am thinking the reason I have *issues* with guys now is because of my father. I don't trust guys; I do think they will lie and cheat (that was the example I learned from Dad); I do think all relationships will ultimately end; I have abandonment issues (b/c of the mother); some days I have very low self esteem and I am depressed, and other days I feel very happy. I'm probably manic or bipolar. In any event, I would like to be in a happy relationship, but I just don't see that happening. I can't visualize that for myself.

I tend to date those who have the good and even the bad qualities of my dad. I don't know why but i notice later on that a lot are common between the two. I'm 20 and I found out I had a little sister when I was 17 or 18. My dad cheated with his ex wife in 96 when i was 8 and they conceived a child. I put two and two together and confrotned my parents, it was true.

I was heartbroken because I wasn't the baby anymore and when he would run into people he would tell them I was the baby when he knew i wasn't. Since finding that out it has put a strain on our relationship and has lead to me believing that the wool is being pulled over my eyes in relationships. So I expect to get hurt in relationships and I hate having those feelings. I am expected to be treated like a princess and when Im not, I feel mad and tend to ruin things for myself.

My Dad is a great guy, but very traditional (Dad gets the final say-so, Mom takes care of the house and kids). Fine for him, but not the way I want to live my life. So I guess I'll be looking for a man who wants to be my partner instead of the head of the house.

Also, I hate it when these studies (not this one specifically) consider all children in single parent households to have an absent father. No, my parents weren't married. Yes, they split up when I was very young. So technically I grew up in a single parent household, but my dad was still in my life! They really need to consider that.

My realationship with my father hmm..well its not good at all
I very much wanted to be a daddys girl I think lol
But my mother adopted her two sisters and no mater what Ive done the youngest sister is the one he doted on.I think this is because It was easier for him to relate to someone elses child than his own.
Its crazy really Ive tried so hard ..I remember just after I graduated He lost his job through an act of negligence and I went out on my own set up my own buisness and worked night and day coming between my work and home to help support him .. when all my freinds you know where all having fun sigh.
Where as my aunt/step sister whatever did sweet f*ck all.
and thats how it is you know I get all the reponsiblity criticisms putdowns she gets the praise and goodfeeling bit.
Theres a fear/guilt in me too about being the real daughter and the idea that my aunts may resent me is a big fear... but its like Ive had to fight really hard for his love like fighting for crumbs of affection and Inever do anything right.
Now hes older hes turned into such a selfish man I mean really really selfish... and I can see that for all my desire to be loved for him to be proud of me is pretty pointless as hes never had regard for anyone much but himself anyhow.
All the money hes made in his life has been spent on an extensive record collection which he likes to show off to other men and he seems to resent spending any time talking to me at all as it interferes with his self absorbed enjoyment.
AFter my mother left him I stood by him and he just took advantage big time.
As far as my own love life sigh been a series of abusive or distant men.
All ive ever wanted is to be loved and valued.. but like my realationship with my father I give give give and hope then never recieve back.
Im old enough now to realise I probablly never will and it hurts like hell.
All I want is for a man to hold me tell me Im special and treat me with respect instead of putting me down and letting me do all the work while he just does his own selfish thing.
My father still dotes on my aunt and treats her like the special one even though shes married with a very loving partner a fantastic job great lifestyle and tons of money lol where as Im now unemployed alone and on antidepresants
He still sees her as the one who needs him the most.
Every biirthday Ive had you know she comes takes over and talks intesnely to my dad non stop I cant even get a word in.
Ive been made to feel like I dont exist sigh I wanted my father to give me some confidence in life sigh.
I dont know what am I supposed to do just want to move away as far as possible and find someway for things not to hurt.