If someone came up to you and asked, "Hey, wanna make out?" unless you were a little cuckoo in the cabeza, more than likely you'd look at him funny and back away. Men might like it, though, because at least you'd be unambiguous.
In the journal Personality and Individual Differences, researchers asked 40 women between 19 and 22 what kinds of opening lines they might use to tell men they're interested in dating them. Although women get mixed messages from magazines and advice columns on the subject of whether or not men like being asked out by women, the men in this survey said they preferred a direct woman. Want to know why? Then, read more
One of the main reasons? Although women think they're sending clear signals that they like someone, it's been shown that they often behave no differently toward a man they're not interested in than one they are — at least for the first minute or so of an interaction. (Perhaps because we're taught to be nice and polite, no matter what?) In the fourth and 10th minute, though . . . that's when the signals are less ambiguous.
I don't know about you — but I try to be friendly to everyone, so I could see how a man I'm not interested in might think I am, but for the one I am interested in? Short of asking, "Wanna make out?" I'm a big enough flirt that he'll know for sure. How do you let someone know that you're interested in him?
Tory Burch
Moschino
Goldsign
look deeply into his eyes and lick my lips. Works all the time.
1I'll be a lot more touchy feeling and will say things like, "You've never seen [movie]?! Well, we'll just have to watch it sometime." If it's a guy I'm not interested in, I will keep a distance, still be polite and maintain a friendly discussion but I wouldn't make any mention of future plans or say anything remotely flirty (ie: "Yeah, I thought that was a great movie too." Vs. "I loved that movie! You really have good taste!")
I understand this article. I have friends who are overly flirty with all males then will get upset when the guy starts coming onto them strong. I'll be sitting there all night thinking that she really likes the guy because she's flirting so much, then she'll tell me at the end of the night that he was a jerk and she didn't think she was flirting at all.
2It's a combination of every guy being different and how far you're willing to take it.
In my experience, I used to be direct about it [from "hey, you're interesting. Wanna go get coffee sometime?" to "I like you. A lot!"], and I got NO response. So I thought that maybe guys didn't like direct women, so my new policy became "shut up and wait for them to make a move".
In college, I liked a guy and I didn't say anything - but I did make a LOT of moves to let him know I was interested and open - I don't think he understood, really, but I tried. Really, I think it was the fact that I DIDN'T say anything or put myself out there that he didn't try anything more.
So I would take this study with a grain of salt. People are different and respond to different things.
3Yeah, I had the problem with being too flirty with guys too. I broke a lot of hearts that way. When I got married, I learned to turn it off.
When I am into a guy, I will tease him and make jokes with sexual innuendo. It always worked for me. I'm always a little taken aback when girls talk about it being hard to get a guy, because I've always found it just takes self-confidence and a willingness to put yourself out there.
4I flirt too much too. I often send out the wrong message but when a guy starts to act like he is interested in me and I am not interested in him I immediately take a step back. If I keep talking to him and reciprocating then it's pretty obviously that I like him. I also have no problem just kissing a guy if I am feeling vibes. It works out pretty well and I am learning to be more aware of my flirting.
5Hmm. I have no idea. I used to be very shy and timid. My ex boyfriend was the one to put himself out on a limb and it worked, but now, after 5 years, here I am, back in the dating game and I'm the WORST flirt ever. I have no idea what to do or say or how to act. I take things literally or am just super friendly. I just decide to be my bubbly little self, but I never have the intention of out right "flirting" cuz I don't really know what that is, and likewise. If a guy were flirting with me, I'd really have no idea. I only know this cuz I've been told "he's totally flirting with you" by my friends.
6I guess I usually pay just a little more attention to someone I'm interested in (the shyness is gone, but I'm still reserved,) but honestly, I don't think a dude could figure out the subtlety. So, at the same time that I am *trying* to show my interest, I'm looking to see if he's interested too. Everything seems to be in overdrive!
Yes this a really difficult topic that I also have to deal with on a daily basis. As a friendly person, I do speak to people the same way and I also like to give people just a smile, that they might misinterpet. But if I really like someone, then I am very shy towards him. It's like I'm too excited to speak. And I kind of think men feel the same way. I mean... do then? You never know
But if there is a real mutual affection, then you just know 
7McSquish, i totally understand. I'm shy too, and had been with the same type of outgoing guy for 4 years. Now, we haven't been together for over a year, and i haven't dated at all. I don't get the whole flirting thing whether it's not knowing what to do, or not recognizing that their flirting with me. I'm just bad at the dating game lol. I think it's different things for different people, i need the outgoing guy to lay it all out there. Some guys might need the same thing. There's just a balance of different people out there.
8cocktailnoir and burotukunam I'm in the same page with you guys. I'm just too oblivious when it comes to guys flirting with me or those that are interesting in me. I'm very friendly to people but when it comes to the guy I like I'm super shy.
9I'm shy too sometimes, but being direct works. Or if I'm too shy around the guy I just smile a lot! haha That's a good indicator to him that you're interested.
10But if you have the guts, being direct works best.
I met one of my ex bfs by walking up to him and asking him if I could wear his hat (it was a college party and he was wearing a big cowboy hat, he wasn't a cowboy though). Later he came up to me and asked for his hat back and my phone #. We dated for 1 year.
Yeah, that article is dead on! When I'm not interested in a guy I joke around without realizing I'm flirting, but when I am interested I'll most likely cut on most of the flirting. I keep thinking "oh, I can't say that, he'll think I'm too forward!". And, of course, that results in guys getting the wrong message... But I believe, like Cocktailnoir, that if there's mutual affection, everything eventually works out =P
11I have this tendency to just flirt whether or not I'm interested. In my head, I call it "practice flirting" but it can lead to problems..
12Eye contact, smiling, laughing at his jokes, brief arm touching, and being/seeming interested in what he is saying works for me.
Having said that, I think a man's perception is so different from a woman's. I have learned that if a guy is interested in me, even if I am not interested and am just being polite, he will take that as a green light. I think guys tend to read more into possibilities than women do. Maybe they have been told to get lost by ruder women, I don't know, but I have to be careful how "friendly" I am so as not to give the idea that I am interested when I am not.
As an aside, I also think some people have a different perspective on what being "hit on" means.
I recently went to the Apple store to help a guy friend with his I-phone. He was late, and while I was waiting, one of the employees came over and started going over I-phone features with me. When my friend arrived, he saw the guy and I talking about the phone and was a bit annoyed/stressed for various other reasons. When we left the store, he said "He was hitting on you". I disagreed, said the guy was just doing his job talking about the phone, but my friend didn't see it that way.
My point is, I saw the situation as nothing but employee/customer interaction, he saw something completely different. That's an example of how different men perceive interactions compared to us. It's a wonder we get together at all!
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