NO! 'nuff said.

No! That's such a cop out!

right now.....no but when i was a teen i had open relationships cause i wanted to remain a virgin until i turned 20(which i did) but i told my boyfriends that they could do it with anybody,if they felt like it....it doesn't really work cause one person always gets hurt.so as of right now,it's a no-no on open relationships for me.

I'm in a semi-open relationship right now. It works out well for us, and it came about only after 5 years of total monogamy. I just don't know that monogamy is tenable for either of us in the long term.

And sparklestar, not all of us in open relationships are ugly and horrible or greedy, and I have nothing against traditional marriage. That was a really judgmental comment.

I would feel like we were both (subconsciously or not) still shopping around for "permanent" partners. It would keep me in a constant state of insecurity.

No. I went on one date with a so-called polyamorous guy. He was an idiot (no offense, but everything he said was ridiculous).

Also, why would you get married in an open relationship? Monogamy is not til death do us part, marriage is.

Pistil, I agree with you. If someone doesn't think they can or want to be monogamous, DON'T GET MARRIED! I think it's ridiculous that married people have open relationships. What's the point of getting married then? Was it just for the tax break? I think it's selfish that people try to keep someone in their life, either in marriage or in a long-term relationship, yet aren't willing to COMPLETELY commit to them. Anyway, I just don't understand or approve of open relationships. But maybe that's because I can definitely see myself with no one other than my husband for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm just lucky.

I was for about 4 months when I got to college then we made it monogamous for the next 4 years.

I sorta agree with the lady is the post, monogamy is not for everyone. It doesn't make you horrible or greedy.

Open relationships...HE can date, but you better not.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I actually agree with her arguement that some people are wired more for non-monogomous relationships. That said, I don't think that am one of those people. But I'm not going to judge her and other people I know who choose this lifestyle.

I don't see a problem with an open marriage at all. If you are polyamorous and you have primary and secondary partners there is a reason to get married as your primary is the partner you usually live with and have children with. If you are in a triad or non primary or secondary partner relationship I can see the difficulties but we have no right to tell others what should be part of their marriage and most of us are serial monogamists anyways, not true monogamists so the only difference between us and the polyamorous community is the time frame.

In my big city, there are more woman then men. An open relationship would include a lot of married, and financially obligated men in the dating pool. It's ok if you just want a night on the town.

Amanda - how is it selfish to get married in an open relationship when both parties are equally committed and both understand the type of relationship you're committing to? My partner and I plan to get married, because that's what we both want. We also both want some openness in our relationship. Getting married isn't a ploy to get the other to stay, and I don't see what's selfish about it.

I know I couldn't be in an open relationship, I like monogamy. But I can understand that some people just weren't meant to be monogamous, and they shouldn't have to be alone all their lives or unhappy in a monogamous relationship, so that's fine for them. I like to think that I am pretty awesome, and it would really bother me because I would be thinking that my partner was out trying to find someone better. But that's just me!

I couldn't do it, primarily because I do get jealous, despite knowing better.

I couldn't be in an open relationship. I would get too jealous and I don't like to share my man. I want to believe that people can be faithful and that commitment exits. I have a hard time understanding the philosophy behind open relationships. It may work for them, but it just won't do it for me.

Ugh, now this just pisses me off. So many people are "cool" with open, yet married relationships and to me it seems like you are taking your privileges for granted. I have so many gay and lesbian friends who are absolutely IN LOVE with each other and are committed to each other 100% (one couple has been together for over 10 years) and CAN'T GET MARRIED! Where is the logic in this situation?

There's NO way I could do it. I suffer from far too much jealousy to ever be okay with it.

I did it once and I could never do it again because I think that open relationships generally lead to one person getting there heart broken because they aren't taken advantage of the openness. That maybe just my opinion but when I fall I fall hard and I don't want to be with anyone else. So, no I wouldn't.

tlsgirl, I don't know, I guess I just feel that an open relationship is an excuse to sleep around. I enjoy sex because I am in love with my husband and 100% love, trust and have a connection with him. I would never want anyone else. I never even had a one-night stand when I was dating. I think open relationships should be called "approved cheating" because that's what it really is.

Plus, the purpose of marriage is to devote yourself fully to another person--mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually. If you want to have sex with multiple people, don't get married. I agree with the anonymous comment about how it's ridiculous that straight people can have open marriages but committed gay people can't legally get married.

I have tried this in the past and it was basically because I was living with my ex and was so tired of him that I asked if we could have an open relationship. In reality I just wanted to break up with him and didn't feel like dealing with the mess. My reasons for wanting an open relationship were completely selfish.

Now, with my current bf I can't even imagine having an open relationship. I would be devastated if he was intimate with another woman and he sure as hell doesn't want to share me.

I don't think open relationships are actually relationships. What's the point of being with someone if you feel like you have to go look, and f*ck around. That's not cool. What kind of man lets other men f*ck their woman?

Nope. Well, jealousy may play a part but I'm more afraid of the other people passing me STIs or any diseases!

I'm of the mind that not everyone is "wired" for an monogamous relationship, and they shouldn't be forced to confirm to society's standards. While I personally wouldn't do an open relationship, I don't condemn others for their choices. One of my old and close friends is currently in an open relationship, and it suits her and her girlfriend. They're both happy, and they both enjoy each other and other people. I don't see it hurting anyone as long as they're both honest, and open about it.

At the moment, No I don't think non-monogamy is for me. Thats not to say I'm closing the door on it entirely. If I was with a person for a loooong time and the subject resurfaced I would consider.

I really don't care what other people do in their own relationships. If both married partners consent to an open marriage, then they should be allowed to do so. Some people are perfectly happy this way and it's not my place to dictate what they do in the bedroom.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to do it. I view marriage in a different light, so I will most likely never have an open relationship. I'm not "wired" that way.

I could never do it. I would get so insanely jealous. I would start finding reasons not to trust him for other stuff too, not just who he sleeps with and whether or not they have STIs. I'm pretty sure I would destroy the relationship that way.
Besides, basic behavioral ecology (guys = more sperm & very little biological commitment to child raising, girls = few eggs and big time and energy investment) will tell you that most mammalian males are wired to be polyamorous, but that doesn't mean the urges aren't able to be controlled or that it's "unnatural" to sleep with only one person. So any guy that tried to get me into a relationship but then said "but I'm polyamorous and I just can't help it so you have to respect that" would get kicked to the curb by me, personally.

I don't think so. I don't think I'd get that jealous, it's just that I don't understand open relationships very well. While I do understand how some people are not "wired" to be monogamous, I wonder how they draw the line between the "primary" partner and the others... Do you establish that the other relationships have to be strictly sexual? But that would never work for most women, and a lot of men, there's usually feelings involved... And if you can see you partner developing feelings for someone else, I don't think you have much of a relationship at all...

"if you can see you partner developing feelings for someone else, I don't think you have much of a relationship at all..." agreed sourcherry

No. That would be unacceptable for me.

No, but when my husband and I first moved in together, we had a polyamorous lesbian roommate. She dated multiple women, but eventually, she found one woman who made her want to cut out the others. Personally, I think that true love means monogamy.

I tried an open relationship once. It was very clear from the outset that my then boyfriend and I were only going to "fool about" with people we were comfortable with and we'd openly talk about it. I should say it was his idea, I was curious as to how it would work out.
Fast forward five months, and I kissed a guy at a party, I talked to the boyfriend about it and he got quite stroppy.
I ended up leaving him because he wasn't mature enough to handle the fact that I kissed someone else in an open relationship.

I haven't had one since, it wasn't for me, but if someone else can have one and be happy, then whats the problem?

Not if I was serious about the guy. I am too jealous, I don't like to share.

I really hate it when people who are in "open" relationships judge those who are in monogamous relationships. If you want us to be accepting of your lifestyle, then you need to be just as accepting of ours.

No way.

Geez, people keep finding ways to do whatever they want without being held accountable. People aren't wired to be monogamous? Sorry, I thought that cheating was out of free will, but apparently people are born with the inability to have sex with one person at a time. Convenient.

I think non-monogamous relationships are natural. I mean, animals don't stay with the same partner during their life. And, if we relate friendship and love, these are similar relationships.. If we have many friendships, why can't we have many love relationships?

I would have to agree that open relationships seem pretty fishy to me. Sorry, I have to disagree with the animal comparison, since humans seem to have some sense of morality and I don't believe animals do. I think that self control is a virtue, while giving into impulses -- no matter how "natural" -- isn't virtuous.

I'm not judging anyone, but I also disagree with the animal comparison. In all reality, it's not really valid because certain species mate for life. I would just like to add that intelligent human beings are not to be compared with animals in the jungle even if they may act that way in the bedroom.

Open relationships don't work for me, personally — past casual dating, it's too hard for me to have multiple romantic relationships. But if they work for other people, why not? Everybody's situation is different.

"animals don't stay with the same partner during their life"

The follow mate for life: Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, golden eagles, condors, swans, brolga cranes, geese, French angel fish, sandhill cranes, pigeons, prions (a seabird), red-tailed hawks, anglerfish, ospreys, prairie voles (a rodent), and black vultures — are a few that mate for life. Of course they're not always 100% faithful, but there's a good number that are and they don't have the same thought process as us, so you can't blame them (they don't take wedding vows either). I never buy the "but we're animals" excuse. No no no.

I am going out on a limb here, but I personally think people in "open" relationships just haven't found the right one yet.

They have someone that they theoretically "love", but apparently not enough to stop looking around and sampling other's wares. If you are truly in love, you want the person you love to never want to see you with someone else. Of course, people fall out of love, but then, they split up... they don't just stick around and add more sexual partners to the mix while they hang out with a person they have become ambivalent about.

In these open relationships, I doubt that it is about true romantic love...probably more like fondness, compatibility, comfort in what you know, all of the things that you want in a friend, but love....doubt it.

JMO, but for me, when I am in love, I want him to want only me and vice versa.

What can I say.... I'm a Scorpio.

No, I could never be in an open relationship. Even the thought of another woman touching my boyfriend makes me sick to my stomach. I also have no desire to be with another person. That being said, I have no problem with other people being involved in an open relationship, as long as they're safe about it and kids aren't being put in the middle.

dana...you forgot turtle doves! That's why they use them @ weddings!

I didn't know that! How cute That list isn't complete, it's just a few of them. Animals rock.

I will not judge people that want to have polyamorous relationships. It's their business, and if it works for them it's great. It's the same principle as supporting a gay, lesbian or transgendered friend. I don't have to participate in a choice to agree with your right to have it.

Still. I have had a lot of polyamorous people in my life lately, and it seems to attract people with some serious psychological issues - at least in my own experience. One girl I knew would do anything for attention - and was incapable of showing interest in anyone but herself.

Another guy I knew left his girlfriend (who was very close to his daughter of divorce) after she supported him thorough his cancer. Why? Because after the experience, she didn't want to be polyamorous anymore.

Were these people a bad sampling? Maybe. I do believe that some polyamorous relationships must work. But - it seems like 40 miles of bad road to me.

Poly and proud. I don't think I could ever be monogamous, truly, and it would be a lie to try to be. And I never have to worry about my partner 'cheating', as it makes no sense.. Why bother lieing when you can just be open and honest about everything?

The thing is though - when you are poly, you are being cheated on. How low would it make you feel if you knew you just weren't enough for your partner? That he/she also needs to "love" somebody else?

It doesn't make sense and involves a lot of risk.

I tend to be extremely drama-free and concerned about my boyfriend's feelings, so it's not for me. I would never want to waste time looking for, spending time with, or sleeping with other men when I could be with my boyfriend instead. All I can imagine is the work of dating with the drama of a jealous boyfriend. Yuk. I can see, in long, long relationships like that of my parents things get a little more gray. But, really, you can't always get what you want. It's called character and sacrifice.

As humans, we are wired to want a partner in life. Usually that goes with monogamy, but sometimes it does not. It's not for everyone...heck, it's not for most people. I don't think you are conforming if you are monogamous, but it is sort of what people gravitate towards. It's the "norm", but it is also widely desired.

I could not be in an open relationship. I just don't see how it makes things less complicated or better. Relationships aren't all about sex and sexual desires, so sleeping with one person is not the end of the world. Love plays a massive part, and you can even be in love without sex. I just think that for the way I view it, I'm better as monogamous. So is my boyfriend. You will never see us complaining about not sleeping with other people. I just think trying to balance feelings for two people, two sexual relationships, or one loving and one sexual complicates things more than it needs to be complicated.