Maybe it's not what you're looking for - but a couple of days ago, I was incredibly tired and worn out (my Dad is dying of cancer, and I am really stretched thin...) and I started picking a fight with my boyfriend. He usually hops on the argument train really fast too, and we end up in a screaming match. But this time, he took my hand, and apologized right away - even though, seriously, he had done absolutely nothing wrong.

I kept being angry and saying sh*tty things - he kept apologizing very calmly and then walked me outside to "look at the sunset". I was STILL really annoyed and I kept nagging and going off for a good ten extra minutes.

He never lost his cool. Just kept being sweet, apologetic, and showing me all the beautiful things around us (the colors in the sky, the vineyards... etc).

Finally my heart calmed down, and I stopped walking and just looked at him - it totally blew my mind, this incredible thing he did - knowing that my mood had nothing to do with him, and having enough compassion to bear it and guide me to a better place. It was totally awesome.

That REALLY won me over. Such a show of love, kindness, and understanding.

Wow, karlotta, I was almost going to write about some nice thing mine did for me, but that simple example of true love is hard to top. I'm sorry that your family is going through such a hard time. I teared up a little bit.

karlotta, you keep that one, he sounds truly wonderful!! I will say a prayer for your father, that is never an easy journey

on a markedly more shallow note, my boyfriend surprised me last night at a fancy dinner date -- I thought the dinner itself was a special occasion and was happy for that -- but he'd talked to two of my girlfriends to pick out a necklace for me and when he came in to meet me at the bar, he just put it around my neck before even saying hello. it was a very unexpected but thoughtful gift. luckily everything else with us is going very well so its a cherry on top of some happy times

I could list 1,000 great things my husband did back when he was my boyfriend to win me over.

When we were dating, I lived in Colorado and he lived in California. So, he flew me out there every other weekend for a year so we could spend time together. It wasn't even for sex, because I made him wait until we were engaged for that.

One of the biggest things he did to win me over was a weekend after my 7-year-old computer died, he took me to a computer store and spent $1,000 on a new laptop for me. It meant so much, not because of the money, but because he knew I needed help and he stepped up.

I also had major surgery last summer, and I was in Colorado at the time planning the week in the hospital I'd have to spend. I was calling him constantly, frantic about everything. One time, after I'd talked his ear off for 30 minutes, he called me back after 15 more. He said, "I know you're really scared, so I wanted to call back and see if you needed to tell me anything else."

Obvious keeper. So glad I married him!
Bri

When my boyfriend and i began we were just friends, I had just had my heart ripped out and trampled on twice in the previous year by different people so i was very wary of guys as boyfriends, and wasnt looking to get into anything serious because i didnt want to get my heartbroken again, it would have been to painful. Even after my boyfriend (who was then just a friend remember) made it clear that he liked me a lot I kept saying that i would have to think about it. I didnt want to hurt him by not being open enough to receive love. Then finally after a few months of asking me every now and then if id thought about it, he came to my house in the middle of the night and tapped on my window. I asked him how he had got there and he said he had walked ( he lives like a 30 minute walk away) and the only reason was because he couldnt go another day waiting for me to answer without telling me he loved me more than anything. the next day i finally caved, and he broke down the walls around my heart.

When my bf and I first started dating he would call me and ask me if he could take me to dinner or if we were just hanging out he would ask me in person. He would pick me up and take me to nice restaurants and he would pay the bill without letting me see the how much it was. Then, he after the date was over he would ask me if he could see me again. It was all so sweet and romantic and old fashioned. I ate it up. It wasn't even an act. That's just how he is. I love it and it's still working on me 8 months later.

Karlotta I'm so sorry about your dad and I hope that you and your family find strength in this tough situation. Your boyfriend sounds wonderful and caring and I'm sure you must be wonderful to attract such a kind human being.

I just think it's wonderful to share all these stories about good men , when we encounter stories regularly about men who are not doing so well. My husband and I have known each other for almost 15 years now and he has done so many things to win me over I can't even begin to count them all. What I think is so special is that he never thinks he's finished winning me. We've been married for a little over a year now and he still takes the time to tell me daily how much he loves me and how lucky he feels to have me as his wife. He does small things for me like going out after dinner to get me dessert if I'm really craving something, or getting me cards just because to tell me he loves me. He's an amazing person and my best friend, and I often feel like we share something special that most people don't have, but I'm glad to know that love is alive out there and that people all over the world have happy healthy relationships that make them feel just as special as we feel to be together.

Totally agree, Bransugar. One of the things I dislike about women only space is that it sometimes gets to be a guy-bashing party. It's nice to hear about all the wonderful, sweet things guys are capable of doing.

After I wrote my comments, I called my husband at work to tell him I love him and know I sometimes take him for granted. He really is the best!

Bri

i guess my anecdotes fall somewhere in the karlotta-bri range. my boyfriend has seen me through a lot of adversity and has stepped up every single time. we'd been dating for a little over three months when my dad passed away; he had been very ill for some time. to top it all off, a week later, when i was still visiting family, i fell during a run and broke my wrist in two places, requiring surgery. i think a lot of guys (though not necessarily most guys), at that early stage, would have entirely freaked out and pulled away. he was just quietly supportive the whole time.

prior to my surgery i had to wear a giant cast. because i'm a big music fan, and because i needed the escape, we still went to a music festival in chicago that we'd previously planned on attending. during a set by one of my favorite bands, they played a song that started an audience clap-a-long. when my bf saw that i was sad that i couldn't participate, he extended one of his hands so that i could clap with my good hand. maybe that story doesn't translate well on paper, but it's one of the sweetest gestures anyone has ever made for me.

to top THAT off, i got laid off about six weeks ago, and had been very worried about the prospect for weeks and months before that. while i am actually SOOO much happier at my new job, the day i got the news i drank too much with my colleagues and came home a blubbering wreck, just days before he had to turn in his thesis for grad school. he listened to me with the same patience as ever, and put up with my hangover the next day.

while i of course wish some of these circumstances had been different, these situations have allowed me to really gauge my boyfriend's true character. in a way, the adversity has brought us closer together as a couple, and he's helped me to become a more balanced, confident person. while outwardly friendly and "popular", i've always been a very guarded person, and he's enabled me to open up. likewise, he's *incredibly* shy, and i've gotten him to step outside his comfort zone.

sorry for the rambling..first time i've ever even posted on here...but the topic has a lot of personal resonance, and this year has been a doozy.

I think the sign that you are finally with an amazing guy, is that you never ask yourself those questions. It is such a relief! I was so used to dating guys who pretended to be one thing and turned out to be something else, and so I never knew what a healthy, good relationship was supposed to be like. I feel like I can finally breathe, like I can finally be myself and be accepted.

also, that's an excellent liz phair song. i recently, belatedly, got on board with "exile" and i see it deserves every word of praise lavished on it.

Karlotta, that's a wonderful story. I'm sorry to hear about your father but it sounds like you have the support of a loving boyfriend. Stay strong!

Women that's what I'm looking for. Karlotta I'm sorry about your dad, I lost my dad when I was a little girl and until this day I still miss him, so in a way I can relate to your struggle.

My husband wins me over on a regular basis. We've been together for over 10 years, and he has a way of melting my heart. My Mom notices that he "has a way" with me that no other man did.

As recently as last night, he was really sweet to me. Out of the blue, he leans over to my ear, and says,"I love you." It melted my heart. Like many men, he says that occasionally. Also, he's a man of few words -- the classic strong and silent type. So during the occasion when he would utter those tender words, it's a moment I savor. I actually blushed and giggled. Imagine that! Also, I think his behavior took me by surprise. We were just relaxing, and watching some T.V. (or so I thought. In hindsight, I think he was watching me, not the T.V. ). I love that man.

My fiance was sincere. I can tell you a number of stories, but the bottom line was that he was sincere. In most of my former relationships, it always felt like I was always working to please the guy. This one is the exact opposite. . .and that is what really caught my attention.

A guy has yet to really win me over. I'm looking forward to experiencing stories like all of you have! Karlotta, my heart goes out to you.

A huge thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you for your kind words and thoughts. I wish you all to find or keep the wonderful men - who do exist! - who will make you happy day in and day out!

Cheers

karlotta I know a little of what you are going through. My grandma died of cancer and it was the hardest thing that I've ever experienced.
Hold onto that boyfriend of yours... he sounds like a keeper.

My bf is just... probably the most patient person in the world. No matter how I rant and rave and insult him when I'm at my worst, he always listens to me and stays rational. Then he takes me in his arms and we just cuddle for a while before watching some TV or something. It's the little things like this that win me over, over and over again.

My heart goes out to you, Karlotta. I'm glad you have someone like your boyfriend to go to during these hard times.

Karlotta, good luck!
I think what your bf did was great, and i'd love to meet someone who'd help me and understand me that way too.

This is not as meaningful as some of the acts that have already been posted, but it melted my heart. My boyfriend and I have summer jobs in the same bookstore, and every Friday night, everyone who is closing has to take out a cart load of VERY HEAVY boxes filled with the week's old magazines. I was complaining to my boy about how difficult it is for me to cart the boxes down a flight of stairs and then outside because I hurt my knee recently. So, now every time we close together on Fridays, he takes three boxes at a time so that I don't have to take as many. He's awesome!

The last thing a man did to win me over is now my husband. It happened at a train station. I had told him that I would be leaving on a train to Copenhagen. I told him it was great to meet him but that I was leaving soon. Later that day as I stood on the train platform with my girlfriend I felt little sad to be going. Just then he called me. As I answered he ran up behind me and picked me up. I guess he had spent some time rushing to the station and then running the platform to find me. I nearly jumped three feet in the air since he surprised me. Then he hung around and said goodbye as we left. Really romantic. Sounds like a movie almost as I think about it.