It's not an 'event', it's a marriage - focus on the things that are important. Weddings these days are more an industry than they are a meaningful ceremony - which is about as wrong as seeing your house as an investment opposed to a home.
There's not many people I know that don't check their wedding list before they send invites so this is probably more of a 'I don't like your friends' scenario which is probably a bad way to start an equal relationship.

it's her special day, and she can invite or uninvite anyone she wants!! i would not want him at my wedding either!! if her friend does not understand, then i'm sure she had enough friends that if she loses one she will have so many others happy for her that she won't even notice!!!

Not inviting him to begin with is OK, but why should there be any "uninviting" involved? If this guy has always been a belligerent jerk, she should have only invited the friend and not her husband in the first place.

I'm not sure if this is uninviting or not inviting?

If it is a small family gathering, I would only invite family and close friends. How close could this friend possibly be if you hate her husband? I don't think I could support a best friend who insists on staying with an abusive, junkie husband (you made him sound pretty awful)...
If I really didn't want her husband there, I would let her know that I was only having a small reception and had to really limit the guest list, and not invite the couple. Or, as a close friend, she probably already knows you dislike her husband and perhaps would understand if you only invited her sans guest.

Been there, done that. One of my best friend's was also my bridesmaid, but when I told her her boyfriend (abusive to her, a loud cursing drunk, gang member) wasn't invited, she said she won't be coming to the wedding and then didn't talk to me for a week. Afterwards, she acted like it never happened, since then I've eventually broke up with her and my life is drama free. If your friend doesn't want to acknowledge her bf/hubby isn't invited because you don't want any trouble, stand your ground, because if the situation was reversed, I truly believe they would do the same without hesitation.

I think it's totally acceptable to not invite this guy. It sounds like she'd be worried all day that he would act out and ruin her wedding. If her friend can't come, she can't, but why invite someone you can't stand that's bound to cause trouble?

It's her wedding, and if she feels uncomfortable with this man, then I find it is normal not to invite him.
It makes me think about heidi and spencer (sorry xD) => if i were a friend of Heidi, for sure I would not invite Spencer.
However, This measure can be difficult between the two ladies, the wife can take it really bad =/

Yeah, French Kiss! Love the analogy! This guy totally sounds like Spencer!

I was recently MOH in a wedding, and the best man was disinvited at the last minute (he was an alcoholic and showed up drunk) - I walked up the aisle alone.

- It would have been FAR worse had he been drunk and beligerent for their wedding.

It's her big day and she has the right to pick and choose who she wants there. Though I have to say if it's just a matter of friends of the bride who don't necessarily get along I should hope that they would have enough common sense to realize that they should keep it civil or avoid each other if they do both go.

No, I say she needs to suck it up and invite them both. A married couple is a packaged deal for an event like a wedding, and if the bride wants this woman to still be her friend, she needs to invite the friend AND her husband.

Weddings today are waaaaay too much about MY DAY, etc. You're not a princess. You can't uninvite people and expect no consequences. "MY DAY" isn't diplomatic immunity.

Um, you invite spouses together -- it's both or neither.

I'm getting married in a month and I can identify with her concerns, but bluebunn and runningesq are right... you can't invite one spouse and not the other. if it was just a boyfriend maybe, but husband and wife come together.

I agree with those who say a husband and wife are a package deal. It is not right just to invite one and not the other, no matter how much she doesn't like the spouse. I think her friend would be perfectly justified in being pissed if her spouse wasn't invited. I also agree with bluebunn that the whole "it's my day" agrument is ridiculous. The wedding itself really doesn't matter in the long run; it's every day after the wedding that determines how great your life together is. And sometimes it's not a bad thing when everything doesn't go the way you planned. My wedding didn't turn out completely according to our plans, but I sure have some great stories to tell.

I am having difficulty seeing how not wanting an inebriated troublemaker at your wedding is an over-indulgence in "my day" mentality. Personally, I wouldn't want to expose my guests to that - it makes it unpleasant for everyone.

I can understand the dilemna if it is a very close friend, however, at the end of the day, you have to make a choice and accept that all choices have consequences. I agree that couples are an all or nothing option. I think there are many ways to be a supportive friends and just because someone has chosen to stay in an unhealthy relationship would not mean I would withdraw my support. At the same time, I would not risk inviting someone to an important event who would likely make it unpleasant for everyone.

In my opinion, the kindest thing to do is explain to the friend that it is a very small wedding and you are keeping the guest list very small. If she is a very close friend, she will probably realize that the reason she is not being invited is because of her husband, but I don't see anything would be gained by expressly stating that.

I agree with anonymous, I would just not invite the friend. If he really is such a belligerent jerk, he probably wouldn't let her attend alone anyway.

I don't see how you can invite one and not the other... they're a couple and her friend has chosen to be married to an obnoxious jerk. I have a friend I who is engaged to a complete a** and I will not tolerate him at my upcoming wedding. I've basically told my friend I don't want her fiance there because I think he's a jerk and not someone I want in my life. I told her I would like here there, but her fiance is not invited. I left the decision up to her. I know she'd be extremely hurt if I did not invite her and I do value her friendship. But at the end of the day, I think my wedding guest s should be people who I love and support and who love and support me.
If she doesn't want to attend without him or if it's going to cause problems-- then it's her problem not mine.

Invite neither. You can't invite the friend without her husband but I wouldn't want him at my wedding. And contrary to what some posters think. It is bride and grooms day. No one else. The focus should be on the new Mr. and Mrs.

We are one month away from our wedding and now have to replace a groomsman because he was so offended that we requested he not bring his socially retarded girlfriend to our wedding. I've known her much longer than he has and I'm very sure she'll ruin the wedding for whomever she'll be sitting with due to her inconsiderate, lack of manners and unsupported cockiness. So after we requested this, he threw such a fit that we no longer want him to be in our bridal party and he's decided to not come at all. As a bride to be, I can't imagine having to deal with a groomsman who will be drama and selfish enough to think that it's all about him, as much as I can't imagine having his lame girlfriend there to ruin our one and only wedding day. That said, I do feel that had she been his wife, then we would not have asked him to a groomsman in the first place, and would think twice before inviting him at all because of her. A married couple is a unified entity, and it would be inappropriate to "not the invite" the other. But if it's just girlfriend/boyfriend, then it's fine to request guests to not invite their gf or bf.