This girl is getting married and is therefore being faced with the rest of her life with the same person, I think that it is a normal human reaction to develop crushes on different people over the course of your life its all in how each person acts on it that determines the way the rest of things go in each situation. I don't think this person should feel guilty for something that isnt in their control, and i think its possible that its just a phase, we are all human after all no?

Agreed cherryblossom!

Your having strong sexual feelings for a co-worker. That's a pretty bold statement for you to make and that's not just a harmless day dream fantasy. You say you don't know what to do and you don't want to cheat. It's time to take a hard look at this relationship to see why you feel what you do and figure out if your really ready for marriage.

I don't know. When I was getting married, having sex with other people was the last thing on my mind. The monogomy was a major concern, but that had more to do with the commitment to the institution of marriage.

This seems like her unconscious mind is trying to tell her something.

Bri

I'm not sure if this is really about the co-worker or just the person freaking out about marriage. Is it really a coincidence that they're happening at the same time? The words "I don't want to cheat" lead me to believe that she kind of doesn't want to be with the guy she's marrying. "I don't want to cheat, but I want to bang this guy, so what I really want to do is leave my fiance."

Only she knows what the feelings are. If it's strong chemistry and she'd love to do the nasty with him, that's one thing. If it's an emotional pull towards this person, then she might want to rethink the marriage.

That being said, people get married, but that doesn't mean they're dead. So having crushes on people even while married is pretty normal and there's nothing wrong with that. It's acting on the crush that's wrong.

bring back the old sunday confessionals. this one and this new website stinks.

Saying that you don't want to cheat means that you've obviously thought about doing it. If you even think about wanting to cheat, you probably shouldn't be getting married. This is why so many people get divorced, they get married without being sure they want to and they hope and/or assume that these strong sexual feelings for others will go away or subside after they tie knot. The fact is, it's only going to get worse. Marriage is a tough thing and if your relationship with your guy is great right now and you still have strong sexual feelings for someone, imagine how you'll feel when you guys are having a fight or something. Just something to think about.

You didn't cheat. Everyone gets crushes. Calm down.

Crushes are normal. Don't cheat and stop thinking about this co-worker sexually. Control yourself and your fantasies.

Don't you think there's a difference in lusting after some guy and having an actual crush?

I mean, when I think of crushes, it's getting all happy and excited to see somebody - thinking about your conversations too much before and afterwards. It's a difference between sexual feelings, and sexual feeling with a twinge of intent.

We all have fantasies about other people than our boyfriends or husbands. I was thinking about Audrina's freaking boyfriend Justin Bobby the other day while kissing my husband. (Which really freaked me out, because he's not that cute or interesting) It didn't mean anything at all. But, I think an actual crush is telling of something deeper.

there's going to always be another person you're going to encounter that you think is "hot". There have been so...many marriages failed because a spouse cheated, only to find out the person they cheated with weren't worth the wild.

Heave the messenger...don't risk it!

p.s. How would she know the penis is as good as her future hubby? dear god!

Get out now. Run don't walk.
Crushes and attraction when you are about to get married? No no no. Ideally you should still have a little crush on your groom.

I don't think it's that big of a deal, as long as your not acting on it. Just yesterday I was at the grocery store and this hot guy and I were totally looking at each other. Just because I would be intimate with him just on the basis of his looks, that absolutely does not mean I would do anything to hurt my relationship.

Crushes are normal, and if you love your husband to be, you won't cheat, period.

if you think you will never be attracted to another persaon because you are "married", think again. marriage isn't all hearts and rainbow ponies, it's messy stuff. when you are married you will put yourself second and your spouse first. if you don't want to do that (pass up any possible booty) please stay single.

marriage isn't about just love. it's commitment, believing (even when its really hard) and trusting that when you get to the end of your life you will look back with the other person and be able to say "we made it and it wasn't always easy, but it was really good".

@janneth

Whoah there. You can't just write off a relationship because the other person is sometimes attracted to other people. Over the course of any relationship both sides are going to have various crushes, probably on more than just physical attraction in some cases. It really is a bad idea to direct anger at the other person (or yourself) up for simple feelings - obviously once someone acts on these feelings, that's a totally different story.

i think that it might be normal to have a 'crush' on someone, but lusting after someone else sexually shouldn't be part of a healthy relationship. plus, i think the fact that this bride feels that she needs to confess anything at all indicates that she thinks this is something beyond a harmless crush.

Boring. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you don't notice anyone else again or develop crushes, all it means is that you are committed to your partner not to act on those feelings.

you should probably rethink who you are marrying and if that is what you really want....having feelings like that for someone else is kind of a big sign that maybe you aren't ready!!!!!

I agree with cherryblossom.

I think this is definitely a question of degrees. To what degree is she attracted to this other guy. And while I can gree that being married doesn't mean your dead it shouldn't be all that common that you develop crushes on other people. We are all human and I'm sure find a variety of things attractive in many different people, but once you find a person worthy of spending your life with you tend to find that other people aren't quite as tempting because you are happy with what you have. If this sexual desire is so tempting that you are thinking that your only recourse is breaking it off with your fiance or cheating then definitly breakit off. Cheating is just not acceptable especially when you've alreadytaken this much time to thikn it through and are aware that you have other options

=\ I miss the intimacy of DearSugar >_

Gah, stupid crap...reposting: A quote I heard from a friend years ago: "Don't leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love."

I think it's safe to assume that people will find more than one person over the course of their life sexually attractive.

What matters is what you do about it. If the woman doesn't think she can go on without cheating, obviously she's not ready for marriage. If she thinks she can handle the feelings without cheating, then she's mature enough.

Being in heat like a dog over a co worker while you're supposed to be getting married isn't funny or cute. It's just stupidity.

Well, then don't cheat. I mean it's normal to be attracted to other people, but it's not worth the love of your life. So if your fiance is worth anything then let this go.
You can fantasize all you want. It's only a big deal if you think you would actually give in to it in reality.