I have a lot of love and respect for my friends...but if they were brides, and some have been, they would not be pissed if you didn't come to an event or even a few events.

From my perspective, people have their own lives, and seriously, god forbid you don't want to go to a certain wedding event! That would be the end of the world! They can suck it up -- it's not even about respect or caring if you don't show at something, it's about the bride being a needy b*tch.

I would call and say hey, I'm not coming...that would be better. But You can make damn sure if I ever had a bigger wedding with friends present I would not flip out. You're a bride, just like hundreds of thousands at that very same moment -- you're not that important.

it was rude of both of them. friend should have RSVPd or apologized when she blew off the event, and the bride shouldn't focus on one bad piece of drama and focus on a wonderful event and a happy time in her life.

I think, in this case, the bride overreacted, but it's the kind of thing that happens.

I would never do this to a friend-- your "big day" is not more important than your friend's life (and budding love life)... but I can see why someone would do that. They want people they know will be there.

You know, it's her day. Having someone you can count on is a fair concern.

I had to cut one of my best friends from my wedding at the last minute too. There were some meta-issues that ultimately made me choose to end that friendship - namely, the girl wouldn't stop trash talking my boyfriend after he became my fiance.

I don't really have a problem with that.

Bri

I would be pissed off. Not because she didn't show up because she was with a new crush (I know how it can be sometimes) but because A) She didn't even bother to say so before the event and B) Didn't even apologize afterward. The friend acted like it was so big deal, but if you are my close friend I would ask for more respect than that.

To me, this whole situation comes down to a lack of respect for the person throwing the party/person the party is being thrown for. For me, if I had been planning a big party (even if it wasn't a bridal party, just any special big party) and my close friend didn't have the decency to show up or even take 5 minutes to call and say she couldn't come then yeah, I would be pissed.
I don't think this is strictly a "bride-zilla" thing, this just says "You aren't important enough in my life to deal with".

i don't know i'm quite cut throat.... if one of my best friends didn't come to my engagement party without excusing herself i'd be mightily PO and it could jeopardise our friendship.

i'd have never stood one of my best friends up on such an important day to her. so really- she did deserve to not be invited to the wedding seeing as she didn't come and that she didn't follow up to apologise.

i'd invite someone else to my wedding instead who had been there for me.... i'm not so sure i'd be chatting to them afterwards though

I agree with mamasita.

I was a maid of honor for one of my friends and well she treated me like crap, I really wanted to pull a no show for her wedding, but went and acted proper. By the time came for my wedding (she was supposed to be a bridesmaid for me) a month later, we weren't talking, I couldn't get a hold of her. So when I checked to see if she had picked up her dress 2 weeks before my wedding (which I had already paid for half of it to get it ordered) and she hadn't, I brought another friend with me to one of my fittings and asked her to try it on, she agreed to be my fill in. When she went to the bridal store 3 days before my wedding to finally pick up the dress, (how she was going to get it fitted in time I don't know) they told her I had already picked it up. I asked my fiance to handle the rest and tell her you don't have to be a bridesmaid. He said she looked relieved.

I would be irritated that she didn't show up to the party, for sure. Weddings are too expensive (esp. the reception as you mentioned yesterday, Tres) to pay for dinner, drinks, entertainment for some ungrateful wench who doesn't have the decency to call and cancel plans made months in advance.

Its not the not showing that would have gotten her cut, it would have been the lack of apology that would have. You figure that money was paid for her place at the party. Why would I pay again to have you share in my special day and I can't even get an apology for you being flaky the first time?

I think this friend should have called to say she wasn't showing up, or at least spoken to the bride after the engagement party to apologise for her no-show.

In a slightly different context, my partner's brother recently got married and a friend of theirs was not only late to the engagement party, he also pocketed some drinks before leaving. An invitation did not find it's way to his mailbox.

Yeah, the story doesn't mention if an RSVP was required for the engagement party. I find it unacceptable to be a no show if you RSVP. If she said she was going to attend, she should have said something letting the bride know she wasn't coming - but if her attendance was just expected, no RSVP required, it was rude not to show, but uncalled for to pull her wedding invite.

As a bride planning my wedding, I also cut everyone who didn't come to my engagement party and didn't call in advance or apologize afterwards. ESPECIALLY people who I deem as friends. I really adore my friends and I lean on them for support moreso than family, as do most of them. But when they are not there for me and don't bother to even give a call, then I don't think I want them to be at my wedding anyways. (ESPECIALLY if I later on figured out it was to spend the day with someone they don't even know so well, even though I wish my friends the best in their love lives, I wouldn't do that to them for sure.)

I think the bride made the right decision. A wedding (and all it's pre-parties) is an important, social event, especially between good friends.

If the rude "friend" pulled a no-show and offered no explanation afterwards at an important pre-party, she is no friend, in my opinion. Considering all the circumstances, it's clear what her priorities are, and the friendship is not one of them. She has no place at the wedding.

I think it would have been fine if the friend told the bride beforehand that she was not coming to the party. The no-show thing is extreme. If I were this bride I would consider other aspects of my relationship to the person if I was making the decision to not invite the friend.

eh. unless she was one of my best friends, i wouldn't care about her skipping the party, though it was obviously rude and she should have called ahead or at least apologized. but then not inviting her to the wedding is awkward, and overreaction, and very petty.

"I think the bride made the right decision. A wedding (and all it's pre-parties) is an important, social event, especially between good friends"

Oh my god....I have gone to the engagement party, the showers, the bachelorette and soon to be in the wedding of a good friend of mine and I don't even like the guy she is marrying. I have done it all with a smile on my face and no complaints to her or the other bridesmaids!! But it's comments like this that make me want to vomit. What makes a bride think that she is queen of the world? When I get married, I never want to make any of my friends or family resent me like this!!

Seems to me they are both right, and both wrong. Friend should have either called to say "Sorry, I have a thing, I'm not going to be able to make it to the Whatever Celebration Party," or at least apologize after for her no-call, no-show. Bride, however, might have also contacted Friend (even if briefly) just to say, "What is up?" And then, Bride should probably STILL have invited Friend to the wedding. Who knows--maybe Friend's blind date will become Friend's Husband someday...

I think it was okay to bump her from the list...

Bad behaviour should not breed more bad behaviour.

So the other friend seriously messed up, things happen in friendships and we have to be prepared to forgive others because we would want the same forgiveness for our actions.

Any possibility of a future for these two is probably nil now because the bride essentially un-invited her friend. Sometimes people honestly don't know when they have been a doofus and since the bride did not get the acknowledgment she was looking for (and deserved), approaching the friend before sending out invitations would have been a good thing. The friend may not have realized how much she upset the bride.

People don't always realize what they are doing is upsetting and generally once you point it out to them, they are mortified and put themselves in check.

My best friend just cut a "sort of" friend from her wedding guest list and it was entirely deserved. The girls were out to dinner with a large group of people and the "friend" rudely asked how many carats the engagement ring was. When my friend told her, the girl responded, "Oh. Well I guess it only looks big because you have small fingers." Cut.

This is a perfect example of a bride thinking that just because she's getting married, the world revolves around her. The friend could have given the bride the heads up, sure. But if I were getting married, I would rather have my friend hang out with a boy she liked than feel obligated to attend one of probably many, many parties that will be thrown in my honor -- engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, the wedding itself.

In short, this bride sucks and I say her friend is lucky to be rid of her.

I think I would have been pretty pissed off about the no show. For some new crush would have been hurtful. I might have sucked it up and invited her to the wedding if she apologized enough. Maybe like 100 times. It would depend on her actions at the wedding to remain as friends.