High-functioning alcoholics are often considered a hidden class of addict, but I've met more than a few of them in my life. So has Sarah Allen Benton, a recovering high-functioning alcoholic who just released a book about the disease: Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic.
According to Benton, a so-called HFA is someone who lives a seemingly normal life, often balancing family or romance with a successful career, while also abusing alcohol — and often denying it. In Benton's case:
"Having outside accomplishments led me and others to excuse my drinking and avoid categorizing me as an alcoholic. My success was the mask that disguised the underlying demon and fed my denial."
Do you think you might know a high-functioning alcoholic? Learn the warning signs when you read more.
Many times, the problem comes to light due to an unfortunate incident, like a drunk-driving accident, or the realization that the HFA simply can't control her drinking. But since the alcoholism doesn't fit into our typical understanding of addiction, it can stay hidden for years. Here are some things to look out for.
- Excessive social drinking. Overindulging on occasional nights out doesn't automatically make you an HFA; it all depends on how much you consume. "Low-risk" drinking, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), for females consists of no more than seven drinks per week and three drinks per sitting.
- Missed obligations. Shunning work or kid-related obligations could be indicative of a drinking problem.
- Loss of control. Social drinkers who can't seem to limit their intake after one drink or who act differently than when they're sober could be HFAs.
- Broken rules. Drinkers who set per-drink limits for themselves but fail to adhere to them could be battling alcoholism.
- Alcohol obsession. People who seem to obsess about drinking could be HFAs. If one drink sets off a serious craving, that's a bad sign.
For more, check out Benton's blog or the resources page of the NIAAA. Do you know or have you ever known a high-functioning alcoholic? Share your stories in the comments (sign out to comment anonymously!).
Vive Maria
Herve Leger
Orlando Orlandini
that would all equal to be my brother in law. I wont even go over to his house anymore.
1This is a great post, Tres. I have a friend who I believe is a functioning alcoholic. She doesn't believe that she is abusing alcohol because she works and takes care of a family and doesn't drink "all the time". But she always is drinking at any social events. She got trashed at her own son's 2nd birthday party. SAD.
2I definitely know functioning alcoholics, including a good friend. He never really gets TRASHED... he's just almost always a little bit un-sober. He's in a popular band so the party lifestyle is normalized, but I worry about him.
3Hm... I guess technically, this could be me. I drink at social functions because I feel awkward around large groups of people and I find it relaxes me a little. Though "missed obligations" isn't really a sign of a high-functioning alcoholic... that's when the "function" part starts to slip.
4My spouse is an alcoholic. No problem functioning in the( am) but starts drinking in the pm and continues until bedtime. Has been to therapy but the psychiatrist would no longer prescribe meds because of the drinkining. Flat out refuses to seek detox which has been highly recommended by all professionals.
5I think my bro-in-law is one. He drinks quite a bit on a daily basis (a bottle of jack daniels, beer, etc) after work, of course, but he doesn't go out and drive afterward. He claims that drinking those just gives him a buzz and he's so used to it that it doesn't bother him.
6He's a great employee (never miss a day of work unless it's absolutely necessary) and his boss and co-workers just really like him (doesn't drink before or during work).
And during social function, he drinks even more, but seems to not cause fights (although he sometimes will tell embarrassing stories from the past).
He's really great with his daughter too when he has her, so it's not like he's wasted when she's around.
He can't let a day go by without drinking though, I think my hubby is worried about him, but he's an adult too so it's kind of weird to do some intervention or something like that since their father also is the same way with alcohol.
You have to be pretty intelligent to carry this off, and a bit of an actor.
7I used to drink every day in my early 20s. As I got older it became less and less, and now I never drink at all - I think it's been five months since a sip of champagne at New Years.
That is to say, having been on both sides, I can see all the excuses around this issue for a high functioning alcoholic. I can also see how much better you feel when your health is your top priority. I think, ultimately, it's up to the person to decide if it's something they want to change. You can't do it for them.
Bri
8I'm pretty sure my grandma is one, but doesn't even know it. She even used to buy non-alcoholic wine for us kids when we were younger, and she always has a glass of wine or a beer several times a day (as far as I know).
9She's over 80, a cancer survivor, and has 2 new knees, though, so she can do whatever she wants, lol. She still travels all over the world, too.
Go gramma!
I see nothing wrong with having wine with dinner every night. Call me a high functioning alcoholic.
10WHOA scary. After reading this, I think I may qualify as a HFA. I don't drink every day (maybe once a week on Fridays or something), but when I do, I LOVE it at the time and can go overboard. Once I have a few then I tend to be enjoying ti so I get half in the bag.
11And I *have* blown off commitments in the past cause I was hung over or something. But see, then again, who hasn't at one time or another? Most people I know are guilty of this at one point.
I'm 26. So maybe I should not label myself so easily? I cant see me being 35ish and being the same way.
Well, now I feel pretty horrible about myself. Great.
Some people are misunderstanding the term High Functioning Alcoholic. Having a glass of wine every day does not make you an alocholic, and getting drunk on the weekend and suffering from hangovers doesn't make you a HFA. An alcoholic is someone who often drinks all day and cannot go a day without a drink (although usually many drinks). They are high functioning, because instead of stumbling around drunk & slurring or not being able to do stuff due to hangovers, their bodies are so used to the alcohol they can function in work and social situations just fine.
My dad is definitely a HFA. He's been an alcoholic my whole life (and prolly half of his), but he's always held a high paying job at communications companies (one for almost 20 years) and most people wouldn't even know he drinks. But he used to come home every night, sit in the garage and drink a 12 pack by himself, then sometimes he'd want to go out to buy more beer. My mom always tried to stop him which sometimes got violent. My parents did get divorced and he was sober for like 10 years. He even got remarried (unfortunately to someone he met in AA), but I'm pretty sure he started drinking again a few years ago for awhile because he has a very cruel attitude with me and my sisters when he's drinking, and he wouldn't allow us in his house anymore when we'd always had keys of our own and been welcome (making us think he's hiding alcohol). He's been so much better the past 6 months though, so I hope he's back on the wagon. My sisters and I barely speak with him anymore, just on major holidays. I guess even if you're a HFA, it's got to affect you somehow and we got to our breaking point with him.
12see, the explanation of HFA that WeTheLiving gave is very much different from Tressugar's, but INO makes wayyyyyyyyyyy more sense. And I have seen these types of alcoholics. The are high functioning because they can constantly be drunk and they can still 'highly function', hence the term. You may not even really see any overly obvious signs of drunkenness. I agree much more with WeTheLiving's explanation.
13sorry, INO = IMO (in my opinion
)
14Wow, WetheLiving. That's quite a story. I can only imagine that growing up like that drastically shaped your life and world view.
15I wanted to clarify that the term high-functioning alcoholic does not imply that the alcoholic is constantly drunk but can function (although that is sometimes the case). High-functioning alcoholics can also drink episodically and when they do, they have difficulty controlling their intake, may blackout, obsess about alcohol when not drinking, behave in ways that are against their usual values when drunk and are unable to cut back on their drinking successfully. However, they are able to succeed professionally, academically and personally despite their alcoholism.
Alcoholics do NOT all drink daily, always in the morning nor are they all constantly drunk. These are some of the myths that exist around alcoholism and prevent alcoholics, such as those who are high-functioning, from seeking help.
It is wonderful to read the honestly of these posts and I hope that these conversations continue in order to increase awareness around this topic.
16I am a high functioning alcoholic. I do not drink during the day and do not like to drink during the day. I am a white collar professional that works until 6 to 10 pm, 5 to 6 days a week. If it is a working day I will drink two beers as soon as I get home while I am eating. Then I switch to whiskey and water, but not until I have had a large shot of straight whiskey. I will drink until I "fall asleep", don't know what time it is as I can rarely remember going to bed. I usually wake up between 5 and 6 am without a hangover and start another day. I have smoked for 20 years and drank like this for 6 or 7, I am on day 13 without a smoke and day 2 without a drink, and with the Lord's grace I am done with both.
17Thought provoking...I'm posting it on TransparentVoices.com
18I am a HFA. Have been for a few years now. I feel the need to drink every night, but I've developed quite a tolerance. A few times in the beginning, I've drank till I passed out and vomited, but now I'll tire of the buzz before I get sick and stop the drinking session.
My family knows I drink a little too much, but they don't know that I drink a lot more when they're not looking. Even with several drinks in my system, I can still control my behavior enough not to arouse any suspicion. I'm not violent or abusive. I just get ever so slightly more outspoken, but not enough, I believe, to give me away. My wife would confront me if she suspected I've drank too much. She's not shy that way.
I am used to getting very little sleep, yet I get to work on time every day, never miss a meeting, perform my work well and don't feel the need to drink until the end of the work day. I can down a quart of been on a moving train on my way home without the need to hold onto any support.
I'm still loving, respectful and supportive to my wife and kids, if not 100% involved in all their activities. But that's just because we don't all share the same interests.
I'm an athlete. I ride the bicycle vigorously, both road and off-road, for hours at a time, covering dozens of miles on any single ride (50 miles of road are considered a short ride). I'm in the best shape I've ever been. I'm also a better driver with a beer or two in my belly than my wife is sober.
I'm not proud, even though I sound like I'm bragging. In fact I'm quite depressed. I'm going though a textbook case of midlife crisis, which I find to be terribly lame.
I feel no need to quit drinking (not yet, anyway). Perhaps, if and when something ugly happens as a result of my drinking I'll seriously consider it. My alcohol intake has actually leveled off and may even be slowly going down. Sometime I feel bored with the sensation that follows my drinking.
I don't know exactly why I started to drink. I think it was out of unhappiness and self loathing. It was a way to numb the pain. Now I feel I'm developing a tolerance for the pain itself, so the need for the alcohol is lessened.
I've given up on both therapy and medication a long time ago. None of it helped in any way.
I don't know whether my comment will help anyone, but I have no other outlet, so please bear with me.
From what I read about HFA, I definitely qualify. But even so, I feel like an anomalous case.
19I'm afraid that I may qualify as a HFA. I can't remember the last day I went without one drink and its common for my and my significant other to polish off at least one bottle of wine a night. I don't think about drinking or plan when I can have my next drink but I have been known to overindulge in a social setting resulting in some negative behavior. I'm in my mid 20s, have an active social life and work in an industry where cocktail parties are a requirement of professional life. I'm not sure if this is a problem for which I need to seek treatment or a phase that I'll simply grow out of (when I hopefully have kids etc.)
20I think the idea of seven drinks a week for a woman is overly draconian -- wine or beer are a significant part of many cultures and intermixed with the enjoyment of food. One small, arbitrary limit is ridiculous -- and with wine that one drink is defined as five ounces -- a pretty small glass.
I don't care whether I drink or not on a given day, but in certain meal and social situations, I am going to drink half a bottle of wine. I'm going to enjoy how it combines with the foods and I'm going to enjoy a small buzz. Five little ounces won't get me past the appetizer -- but more than half a bottle is too much. I am not going to drive, however, or care for children unassisted if there is any possibility of that buzz. It would be nuts to call me an HFA.
So cultural norms need to be a part of the assessment, not just some FDA tables. The author elsewhere concedes the "cultural norm" that is the college scene, and that most recalibrate to their new life and new responsibilities. And certain ethnic groups view beer as just another staple food having little or nothing to do with intoxication. These groups drink "too much" but are not alcoholics.
I also object somewhat to the ideology of the codependent movement which pathologizes certain behaviors based on sometimes arbitrary characteristics. I know someone who uses alcohol to self-medicate a chronic pain condition. The person knows she should not do it because alcohol is a depressant, etc. But she is uninsured and has no access to a doctor for effective pain control. Wagging one's finger is really not helpful in her situation, even though her course of action is not the best for the long term.
That said, of course there are HFAs. I would tend to look in a common sense way at the person's relationship with the substance. Is it primarily about enjoyment or custom (which is the case with me and many food/wine people), or is it about necessity? When the person is not drinking, is that, itself, causing them stress? Are they counting the hours or minutes till they can drink? And are we talking about counting the minutes till he's done mowing and can sit down with a cold beer? Or is it simply that you need that to get through the day, no matter what kind of day it is?
21I believe my partner could be a HFA. He, like many never misses a day at work, come rain or shine or even if he's unwell but his attitude is getting progressively worse that im not sure we'll make it to our 5th year together.
22It's not that i don't love him enough to help him. I genuinely believe that he is my soulmate and I know i will never feel this way about anyone else, he's my best mate but i don't like what he's turning me into and I have two young children to consider (a 6 year old boy and a 6 month old baby girl)
Nobody understands what it's like to be the partner/spouse of an alcaholic. He doesnt drink all day and sit on a park bench with a bottle in a brown paper bag like you'd expect and because of this my partner is convinced he doesnt have a problem.He drinks most nights, atleast 4 cans of cider/lager a night and it is normally every night with the odd night off. This doesnt sound a lot but it's enough to make an atmosphere. He's putting on a lot of weight around the middle and most times when he drinks his face turns red which many of my friends have suggested could be high blood pressure caused by alcahol. He seems to need atleast one can a night because it seems to be all he thinks about.
I'm even finding empty bottles in cupboards which im convinced i didnt see him buying on that particular day.
Last night I gave him an ultimatum, the drink or us (the family) and guess which he chose? He went straight to the shop and bought a bottle of cider (about half a flagon)
This was after the bottle of WKD and the one can of cider he'd already drank prior to this.
Im at the end of my tether and just need to vent, i don't know what to do or where to turn.
Everyone that loves me says I should just leave but it really is not as simple as that. I love him more than life itself but even im beginning to feel i am out of my depth.
The thing is, unless they can see that they have a problem you really are fighting a losing battle. I wish people could appreciate how this horrible disease can affect the people that love them. I'd give anything to have my partner back, but im not sure if that'l happen and im scared i'll end up needing therapy because I am at the brink of despair. If it wasn't for my 2 beautiful children reminding me of what i have to live for, I came very close to taking an overdose because i just can't take anymore of the bitterness, the lies the anger the violence. It's not good for me but more importantly it's not good for the children. If you suspet you could be a HFA, please please think about what you could be putting loved ones through, it's emotionally damaging.Please seek help.
My boyfriend of almost 3 years has a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. I've known about this since the first day we spent together - a fishing trip with his daughter and many of his friends. He picked me up at 10:30 in the morning and reeked of alcohol. I thought it was just my imagination.
23For the next several years, I lived in denial of his drinking problem. I dragged him to get a routine physical, but the blood tests did not reveal any trouble. Waking up from my denial has been the worst part, I feel trapped, anxious, and hopeless most of the time. We work for the same company, on the same floor of the building. We've been living together for more than 2 years.
He wakes up in the morning, gets dressed, and goes to work. The guy I work with is pleasant, friendly, funny, a little shy, but a decent guy to be around.
When he gets home from work he cracks open a beer, and possibly one of the little plastic bottles he keeps in the paper bag they come home from the store in. Cheap vodka. He'll sit in front of his computer and drink his beer, and his cheap vodka, until his demons come out to play.
Once this switch gets flipped, he fusses, whines, complains, talks loudly, cranks up loud music, cranks up the television, and generally acts like a hyperactive hyper emotional teenager with poor boundaries. He does this until he falls asleep in front of the television, snoring loudly. He's embarassed me in front of friends numerous times, and my friends don't want to have anything to do with him.
I can't even count the number of "poor decisions" he's made while drinking, or how many times I've ended up in the car with him while he's driving not-sober.
I've started going to my own recovery meetings to learn how to cope with living with someone with these issues, and not perpetuate or enable him, but because he's got a history of major depressive episodes and he's convinced that he's financially dependent upon me, I'm worried he might attempt suicide if I were to toss him out. I've pleaded with him numerous times to "consider getting help" but he is still deep in his denial about his drinking.
I'm actively looking into going to therapy for myself, to help me heal from this codependent situation and get up the courage to leave him - because living with him is causing me more pain and suffering than living without him would cause.
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