Well, with the place cards at the table - a) they will be ignored. No one will sit at the seat you're telling them to, and if their dinner choice is tied to that seat, you're confusing the crap out of your waitstaff; and b) NO ONE uses them anymore. They're almost entirely unused today - place cards, also known as escort cards, are placed at a table near the entrance denoting what table people sit at. People are old enough to pick their chair at their designated table without a problem, don't you think?

As for the cupcakes - easy fix here: make both! Half vanilla, half chocolate. Regardless of what's "more delicious" or "how it's done" - some people like vanilla, some people like chocolate. Make all your guests happy!

Guest limit - yes, there should be a limit to how many people you're inviting, especially if you're paying for the wedding on your own. However, just because you personally don't know someone doesn't mean that he/she's not important to the groom's family. Come up with a certain figure, max, that you want at the function, and split the invites - half to the groom, half to the bride. If either side has leftover invites, the other side can have them.

Screw tradition it's your day do it how YOU want.

Um...I think compromising is the way to go. Because, and I disagree with Aimeeb on this one, its not a ME day, its an OUR day. You aren't the only one getting married, I really hate this whole "bride-only" mentality that happens in a lot of weddings.

I think Stardust has the right idea with compromising.

Well you have to wonder if the couple's taste is so different how compatible are they? I know every one's gonna attack me for that but give it some thought . . . if she's so modern and he's so traditional some issues could arise in other aspects of their life together. . .

So they need to learn to compromise quick and maybe assign each other an item that can be of their choosing- he gets to pick cupcake flavors and she gets to decide on place cards? Weddings are meant to be fun, and the planning too! So they need to lighten up and compromise, hopefully they only get married once and you don't want to waste the fun of it by over thinking every detail or even start fighting about it!

Smacks I didn't mean screw the husband I meant being overly traditional. I think if she feels strongly about making the day unique there is a way to make things traditional but with a unique twist to it. I don't think it's fair to expect a girl who has probably dreamt of this day forever to make it cookie cutter like so many other people do.

When you said non-conformist, I was thinking a bungee jump at the ceremony or something, even a disagreement about something as significant as location or budget, not a dispute about name cards! These things sound so petty! I would really hate to find myself divorced over damn cupcakes. Maybe I'll see things differently when I'm planning a wedding.

Hah... my hubby was under the impression all wedding cakes were vanilla too. Then I got him to the bakery. He is STILL drooling over our pineapple creme cake...

If they're bickering about things like this, it doesn't bode well for their communication skills. Seriously, its just a party, how difficult should it be to reach a compromise?

I agree with Pistil. These things are really petty when it comes to the big picture of marriage. Hopefully the couple can work this out or else they'll have a hell of a time dealing with issues that are actually important in their marriage.

In addition, I don't see why Tres is saying that the fiancé is the one causing tension. It's perfectly OK for the groom to have opinions about the wedding. The bride shouldn't assume she gets to call all the shots.

Just compromise. These are such little things it seems really petty to argue over them.

I think It's a little telling that something as simple as cupcake flavors is putting a strain on their relationship. Seriously, the wedding is important but ultimately its about the marriage that follows. If they can't compromise on place cards and cake flavor what are they going to do down the road when they have actual stresses?

I would compromise, if he wants vanilla let him have it, but get rid of the name cards. or keep the name cards and get chocolate cup cakes. Also I do not think the fiance is causing tension, its his day to and he should have just as much of a say as the bride.

I agree that these all seem like petty things... but I hate to say it, but I'm kindof moving along the lines of just let the bride have what she wants and you will both be happier for it...

My dad always gives this piece of advice to colleagues who are planning a wedding: just remember, you're the groom, which means you're ALMOST as important as the cake.

That's hilarious itsme. "Almost" as important...

Thats a lot of differences it seems like. I think as far as the guest list thing goes, it comes with who is paying for the wedding. If their parents are paying, they dont have much say in who does and does not come. Compromise on everything else is key.( and Lol itsme, thats kinda sad but true.) Its nice that her fiance is so involved though, my brother in law said "let me know when and where and ill see you then." It caused problems because my sister really wanted his opinion and it didnt seem to matter to him.

the first two points are quite petty. i worked at a hotel as a banquet server for two years and not once did anyone actually have place cards at the table. a table at the door with table cards is the norm. as for the cupcakes, is there a reason they can't do half and half? the guest list - that's a more substantial problem. i agree with whoever said if the parents are paying, they get to invite guests. splitting in half is a good way to go too.

it sounds like the big problem is that the groom cares too much about what other people think, and thinks that having a huge, fancy schmancy traditional wedding is a way to win respect from his peers while the bride doesn't so much care about stuff like that. i'm almost wondering how they're really compatible if that is the case? hmmm....

The place cards are a silly tradition and will be ignored anyway, as others have said. Cupcakes can be compromised and everyone will be happier, not just the bride and groom.

However, I take issue w/ the guest list. First, if the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, people can't just show up, nor should the amount of invitations be unequal. I wouldn't want a bunch of strangers at my wedding either. If the groom's parents are willing to pay for their extra guests, well, then that's a different story and the bride will probably have to get over not knowing everyone at her wedding. If the bride and groom are paying for the wedding, then they should have a set number of people they can afford to invite and not stray from the number - it will only create a financial burden.

As some said, who cares about traditions and what people tink ? It has to be the best day of your life, not a kind of party for people to have fun a saturday...

This is silly. I hope they work things out and don't get hung up on the crap. Focus on a few key things that need to be done to be happy with compromise. If their is a budget limit then limit the mothers' guests to fit in that budget.

Maybe check out the Conscious Brides Wedding Planner which goes into the deeper meaning of why many actions are done. Just doing things out of tradition was interesting to me considering the barbaric origins of many wedding actions.

I find it a bit too much to have doubts on the husband just for weding stuff... But it reminds me of "sex and the city" lol

this is how i would play the compromise game on this one:

name cards: MAYBE let him have them. if he really won't budge.

vanilla cupcakes: definitely let him have this. your wedding won't really suffer, and lots of people DO like vanilla. and it might give you more leverage with other things.

guest list: NO. do NOT let him invite random strangers to your wedding just to impress others or because he doens't want to tell his mother that there's a limit. this is a biggie because it will actually affect your enjoyment of your own wedding, not to mention the cost.

both of these people seem really petty. maybe it's a match made in heaven.

One of the four:
1) Compromise
2) One person in charge and makes all ultimate decisions.
3) Not have the wedding so no argument
4) Severe all ties and never to be seen again.

I love the idea of cupcakes instead of a weddings cake. Noone misses out on a piece and you can have many different flavours. Why not do a platter of each, or three platters? Chocolate, Vanilla and marble?

Personally I wouldn't have place cards, just enough seats for everyone, and I would only invited people I know and love to my wedding and maybe put in a "Plus One" if they had a partner or something.

Just how I'd do it though.

I agree that they should compromise, however, you shouldn't be doing anything to make other people happy on your wedding. This is the couple's event and they should do what makes them happy, not what they think will make them look good.

I think the groom-to-be needs to take a chill pill. He's not just getting married because it'll make him look good, too, is he???? Let the girl do it how she wants to do it, not the way society dictates. Is he going to have other expectations because "she's a woman" and this is what society expects!?!?! If I were her, I'd run for the hills.

Well, it's her day. If he loves her he'll do it her way, and that's good practice for the rest of his life. They could settle the cake issue with a brides and a grooms cake. Also she could nip the guest list in the bud if her parents are footing the bill. I agree this is not a great way to start out, but it is a lot of pressure. I had a stupid fight about my wedding flowers. He wanted roses, I wanted tulips. In the end, he said, if you want Tulips, YOU GET TULIPS. I was a very very happy bride.

i think she has to figure out if he's picking a fight just to argue or if he really does care. i've had guys battle me over inconsequential things that actually mattered to me but inserted their opinion and stuck to it at the last minute just to be difficult. i knew he really didn't care and wouldn't remember anyhow. honestly, i still believe it's the brides day. give her what she wants. she's been planning it for probably over 20 years. he's maybe been invovled for 20 minutes.

on the other hand, if really does care, then just compromise. if you're finding that to be extremely difficult, now is the time to reevaluate.