Well, i truly believe the most important in a wedding is, for the bride, to be the happiest and the most beautiful, because it's HER day.
So i would have said no !
No way someone I can't stand will be invited in my wedding, or at least if my futur husband really cares about this person, but that is all...

However, I'm not in a really rich family, so there won't be a "plus one" for many people, i guess lol

Dear god! Getting married does not give the day to you. Other people are still alive and trying to live their lives. I imagine that it may be hard for the single bridesmaid to see her friend get married after the bridesmaid went through a hard break up. If the ex is jerk, she shouldn't be hanging out with him at all, but she probably just went back to what's familiar. If the bride is concerned about her friend hanging out with an ex, she can talk to her friend about how and why she's doing what she's doing, but she certainly shouldn't pull a bridezilla and ban him from the wedding...unless we're talking about something serious like he beats her when he gets drunk.

Well it would be MY day. I would make sure she wasn't smoking crack and ask what on earth she is doing back with him. Most of my friends listen to me usually...I am more therapist than friend anyway...so I could have the guy gone before I had to walk down the aisle. Sounds conceited...but thats just kinda how my friendships are.

while i wouldn't love it and would think it was a little insensitive on the part of my guest/friend, hopefully i am busy enough and have enough other guests to keep me busy that i just dont' even have to deal with this person or say more than a hello.

javsmav - getting married DOES give the day to you (and your fiance)...especially in that venue...when it comes to guests YOU get to do the inviting....you should never feel guilted or ogligated or tricked into inviting someone you don't like...so your friend should know better than to invite someone you don't get along with....all MY friends would know the select few people i'd hate to have there!

I think we all have one of those friends or been there ourselves, they are dating a jerk they hate them then they run back to them over and over again. As friends all we can do is give advice unless there's abuse, but even then the person will still usually go back once or twice more. Sometimes we have to stand back and let them realize that hey he's not a nice guy, I don't deserve this.'
But on to the wedding subject I wouldn't ban the guy unless he was showing rude behavior to other guests, I would just try to ignore it. I know at my wedding there was some drama that I still don't know what it was about because people there were trying to make sure that I didn't know what was going on so I could enjoy my day. So hopefully other brides and grooms have great family and friends to do the same thing.

I'm glad to see that others may not be adding the plus one to everyone on their list. We have a lot of unmarried people on our list.
We were going to invite the significant others of the single people if they were in commited relationships, but not give a "Plus one" ticket to people that weren't in relationships, just so that they could bring along a friend. Is that acceptable.

no, getting married does not make it your day. What if the bridesmaid was married to someone you hated? Would you not invite your bridesmaid's husband?!? Getting married doesn't excuse immature and inappropriate behavior. You don't get to be a selfish b*tch just because you are getting married. If you think that way, you probably aren't mature enough to get married and should put everything on hold. The emphasis should be on your marriage to your fiance, not the wedding. People get so wrapped up in one day ("MY day") that they forget about everything that comes after the wedding.

disagree. some people are very excited for their weddings, put tons of planning, thought, and money into the big event BUT still have committed and mature relationships and know what they are getting into after the wedding day. ever heard the term "it's my party and i'll cry if i want to?"....you get this one day to be your own and that's the way it is. it can be whatever way you want it to be! obviously within reason, ie: you cant abuse your family and friends but to say that you're unhappy that a person you obviously dislike showed up when you didn't send them an invitation...well that's acceptable. going over to the person and throwing wine in their face and screaming, okay that's NOT okay. but it is YOUR DAY if it's YOUR WEDDING. i feel like people who say it's not are bitter about marriage and weddings in the first place. if someone is goign to support the guest in this scenario who brought the *sshole ex boyfriend then that person is a person who has resented a friend or family member of marrying while they were bitter and unhappy following a breakup with an *sshole ex boyfriend!

totally agree javsmav..... just because you're the bride doesn't give you a free pass from manners and kindness

I'm not bitter about marriage. I will admit I hate weddings because of this bridezilla attitude they seem to create. I also think they are a big waste of time & money (and I say this not a "bitter single person," but as a happily engaged person who would rather run down to the courthouse and get married than be the center of attention on "MY" day). I also said the bride could talk to her friend about the ex-boyfriend. However, she should talk to her friend as a friend who is concerned about the bridesmaid spending time with the bad ex, NOT as a bride concerned with a person she hates coming to the wedding. No matter how much you love and support a friend getting married, weddings can be very hard if you just went through a break up. Not because you are bitter about love or jealous of your friend, but you're sad about losing someone you loved. I doubt the bridesmaid invited the ex to piss the bride off, the bride should be more concerned about her friend than her wedding guest list.

Javs: "However, she should talk to her friend as a friend who is concerned about the bridesmaid spending time with the bad ex, NOT as a bride concerned with a person she hates coming to the wedding. "

Well said.

I would suck it up if it were someone I just plain didn't like. If it were someone who had done something personal to me to make me dislike them, however, that would probably be another story. But then, I hope none of my friends would invite such a person anyway.

Javs, I agree.

At first, I thought the bridesmaid had invited an ex-boyfriend of the bride's. That would be unacceptable. But, it seems the only reason for the bride not liking this guy is the way he treated the bridesmaid; I understand wanting to look out for your friends, but it seems the guy didn't even do anything personally to the bride.

I agree with javsmav. Getting married does NOT give the bride a free pass to act like a pompous ass. It really isn't just YOUR day - a wedding is supposed to be a celebration of 2 people make a commitment to each other in body and mind [and soul, if you're religious]. *Culture* created this Bridezilla attitude of "It's MY day, you'd better do EVERYTHING I say how I want it when I want it". It's not healthy for anyone - the bride, the wedding party and guests, or her partner. Why put so much pressure on yourself like that? Things happen, not all of them will be EXACTLY the way you want them.
*end rant*

For the situation here, I would have made very sure who was invited and who was not. Wedding guest lists have to be pretty tight sometimes [due to space and money], so if your invitation doesn't say "You + Guest" - DON'T BRING ONE.
However, unless the guy was acting like a jerk, then I agree there's not much the bride could have done about it. If her friend wants to bring a jerk who already dissed her as a date...greet her and thank her and the guy for coming, and move on.

I'm COMPLETELY with Javsmav on this one.
I dont know why some people think that thier wedding day allows them to act in whatever rude, childish, mannerless, pure ignorant way they want.
do you want to be respected AFTER your wedding day?

PS That bride in the pic scares me LOL
She looks like the bride behind bars kind of type. LOL

I guess it depends, if I just don't care for them I might just suck it up because let's be honest there are much more important things to be thinking/worrying about. If the guest did something horrible to me or something unforgivable I would hope my guest wouldn't invite them to begin with. If the fall out was THAT bad I might say something...

When you are invited to a wedding (or anything, really) and the invitation says To you, and a guest, you can invite whoever you wish.
I agree a friend should be concerned about he situation presented here, but she's prolly too busy right now.

javsmav, if I pay for MY wedding or my husband does or the parents, not the guests obviously - IT IS MY EFFING DAY. I got all you here to witness MY happy ending or whatever, you're eating my food and drinking my wine. And the wedding day is about the groom and the bride. +one is not a long term boyfriend or a husband, just a date in this situation, so suck it up.

wow, I'm glad I'm not being invited to your wedding, Allytta! A wedding is an ending? I've always seen it as the beginning. Shouldn't you feel honored and blessed to have your friends come celebrate with you? It's pretty self-centered to see it the other way around.

Unfortunately, a wedding is not just about the groom and bride. My fiance and I are only having a wedding because my fiance's mother wants one (and no, she is not paying a dime for this wedding). Sure, I could throw a fit and cry, but establishing a solid relationship with my future MIL is more important than having things MY way. Why would anyone risk damaging a relationship over a wedding? The bridesmaid's ex hasn't harmed the bride personally, does she really want to risk a friendship with the bridesmaid by taking back her plus one?

Well said javsmav!

I agree with javsmav! People who say..it's MY day are the ones who turn into crazy cry-baby, stressed-out, bridezillas who alienate their friends and family on THEIR DAY and often cause hard feelings that last well after the day. If you're allowing people to invite plus-ones then you don't get to oversee who the plus-one is! What, are you going to write on the invitation..To Sally +1 (as long as it isn't Joe or Bob or John)!

If you are allowing people plus-ones then there are probably enough people at your wedding that you won't have to see the offensive plus-one for more than 3 seconds in the receiving line. Most people complain that they didn't even really get to spend time with all of their friends at the wedding. Get over it and enjoy the day without being a total b*tch.

It sounds like nothing bad happened at the wedding and the ex-bf was well-behaved. Yes, people say unkind things when they break up, but if the ex was courteous at the wedding, then let it go. It may be the couple's day, but if the bride allowed the bridesmaid to bring a guest, then the bride should let it be. It's the bridemaid's problem if she wants to get back into a relationship with a jerk. Now if her bridesmaid brought the bride's ex-bf, then yes, that would be inappropriate!

Listen when I got married there was entire side of the family that I would rather not have be there at all and there were some friends of my husbands who's girlfriends I didn't care for because we secretly hated each other etc. but when it's your wedding (and yes it is your day- you meaning yours and your spouses) there is a certain level of respect that every guest will hold love them or hate them.
I was so wrapped up with everything that was going on everything we had to do between dancing, pictures, cutting cake etc. there isn't time to deal or worry about small stuff. You enjoy your day and let everyone else do the same!

Reading some of these posts makes me very happy that I never got the bride gene that makes me think I'm entitled to a day of my own where I get everything I want despite the feelings of people I care about just because I'm getting married. I can't even wrap my head around that concept. I do believe that the host of the party should set the tone for the event but it's also important to be gracious and thoughtful to your guests. If you have extended the "plus one" option to your guests respect it. If you need to have everything exactly your way or else, then don't.

As long as he didn't act like an a$$, I would let it go. I have no personal beef with him so it would slide with me. However, the minute he got out of line, he would be escorted out no questions asked. I don't believe in being a bridezilla but I am going to wind up paying for half of my wedding, so my fiance and I need to come to a clear consensus. I don't want to have people abusing my cash or my day.

Then again I would have mentioned beforehand for her "to bring a nice guy , definitely someone better than your ex" so I think she would have gotten the picture.

I don't understand the debate here. The bride is paying per head. And if she's paying $20 per person, I think that she should have a say on who could come to her wedding. Its not being rude, thats just the breaks.

"However, she should talk to her friend as a friend who is concerned about the bridesmaid spending time with the bad ex, NOT as a bride concerned with a person she hates coming to the wedding. "
Exactly! The bride doesn't seem concerned because it's "ruining her day," but because she loves this friend and doesn't want to see her go through pain again. That's loving friendship, not bridezilla behavior.
Speaking of bridezilla, Allytta, WOW! I'm glad I won't be involved when you're planning your wedding.

i'm with tlsgirl and soapbox if they were personally unkind to me then YES i would kick them out. i don't care if other people think it's CRAZY BRIDEZILLA thing to do. it's my god damned wedding

I'm at the receiving end of the plus one denied access. That's right, my long term BF is asked to attend a female friend's (wedding and I am not (whereas all their other friends will come in twos). She and I never got on, but I must admit she never tried, and always seemed more intent to drive us apart than support her friends relationships. I know it's her day, and I wouldn't want to come anyway (it's another long distance journey on my already busy schedule), but it hurts nevertheless to see that our relationship is regarded as so casual that she can pick and choose. My bf is very hurt about this as well, he just wants everyone to get along... well start out with dropping this girl that doesn't accept your so from your list of friends, I'd say! (But I haven't).

I just had this same argument with my boyfriend of three years. We plan on one day getting married and I decided to let him know now that I do NOT want his brother's girlfriend at my wedding! She and I used to be friends, but because of her immature and insecure ways, we no longer speak at all. I am one of those people who believe that my wedding day is a day for me to be completely happy, and while I will have lots to worry about, I would hate to have to see her face when I walk down the aisle. I don't see why she needs to be there at all. I do not even really like the brother, but I will not have a problem with his attending and/or being a part of the wedding. His girlfriend however, is not my friend, nor my family. His parents might have a problem with this because they like her, but they will not be paying for my wedding and therefore cannot tell me who should or should not be there.

I'd tell her she can't bring him. If she did then I'd not pay for him and she can foot the bill.

God, some people are tacky. Unless it was something completely understandable, e.g. it's the bride's recent ex, it's someone who has personally done awful things to her, it's the height of rudeness to invite someone plus one and then regulate whom he or she brings. If you are concerned, don't invite that person plus one! It's that simple.

That was so wrong. You cousin sounds like a great girl. I dont know if I could be that cool. I wouldn't want him at my wedding if there was some bad blood between us. I dont get how some girls can be so forgiving with guys who treated them badly.

Brizedilla's suck! And don't worry about the friend, she'll pay for it in different ways.

I would have bit my tongue also, why would I let someone who I couldn't care less about, have enough power to ruin my wedding? I actually might feel a little good knowing I could rub my happiness in his face I would however let this "friend" know later on how I felt and that it was totally uncalled for...I understand there can be situations where the invited guest didn't know of the problem with who they brought, but it sounds pretty apparrent in this situation the friend should have known!

WAIT.....I retract my comment, I thought we were talking about the EX of the BRIDE...who had huge breakup issues with him.

Ok...well I still wouldn't want someone at my wedding I didn't like but that's not nearly as bad. There is however a difference between knowing your friends ex is a douche and that person being a douche to you. Unless there was some personal drama between the bride and the ex, it's not worth worrying over.

It IS the bride and grooms day...I don't know how anyone can say it's not...but just because something is your day doesn't give you an excuse to act like a jerk, that I completely agree with. And within in reason the bride and groom should get what they want on that day, but banning and pulling the bridezilla act, is not cool.

Vanillabear...you guys talk about one day getting married...but you are already concerned with not letting the brothers girlfriend come? Isn't that just slightly jumping the gun and not all what you should be concerned about "one day"?

I think that it was rude of the bridesmaid to do that but I don't think the bride really had a right to say no. I would have sucked it up and not said anything until after the wedding and just asked someone to keep an eye on them to make sure he didn't do anything to hurt her at the wedding.

I want to get people's take on this. My bride-to-be and I are trying to keep our wedding a reasonable size, so we are trying to work out the plus one issue. We are only inviting close friends and relatives to our wedding. As it turns out, all of our relatives are married, most w/children, so they really aren't an issue. However, the friends pose a problem. If we give all of our friends plus ones, our wedding will be too large. Here is what I would like to do, and I'd like your opinions, keeping in mind that we know each guest personally and are aware of their situations.

We will give plus ones to those individuals are are either in long-term relationships, engaged, or married. The thought process behind this being... the main reason for somebody to have a plus one is so that they have somebody to talk to, and be kept company by, during the ceremony and reception. However, not only are our single friends great friends of ours, they are also, to a large degree, close to each other. Every person on our list that we are not planning to give a plus one to has multiple other friends coming to the wedding. I guess my thoughts are that I would rather have everybody that I am close with be able to share the day with me, rather than cut away half of the people I am close with to provide the other half with an opportunity to bring a complete stranger to our wedding. Let me know what you all think about this. Thanks for the advice.

Hello Groom,
I just happened to see that no one had replied to you yet, and I think you deserve an answer. Your approach sounds no more than normal to me, so go ahead and don't feel guilty about it!
Have a happy wedding and a wonderful marriage!

I am planning my wedding also at the end of this year. One of my friends has already asked me whether she can bring two guests to my wedding. I was a bit shocked at the beginning because I was stressed about not being able to afford to invite more guests to my wedding. However, after some communication, I have changed my mind about this friend and I think it will be great to invite three people instead of the traditional "plus one" policy. I agree with Groom's View about inviting your close friends, and not people who you don't know to your wedding. At the end of the day, bride and groom are paying for the wedding, and I am doing most of the planning anyway. I don't think it is rude to not invite some people, because my workmate has mentioned: wedding is expensive, we understand if you can't invite us. I think she is very mature, and it has given me confidence about who to invite and who not to invite. Invite the people who will be in your future, and who has been your friend all your life. We are blessed with many friends and family, but some of them have been quite rude to us already. I think I am putting up a big party for my friends and family, providing good food and drinks, and a nice band for people to dance to. People are going to remember a wedding with these nice things: food, drinks, music, dances, meeting people who you haven't seen for twenty years and talking to them. Those are the important things that I am going to focus on, and my guest list is not too long, not too short either. It's supposed to be a fun day! Have fun, and enjoy!

I agree with some of the comments and disagree with some.

While I do think a wedding doesn't give you the right to be a complete b*tch and a "bridezilla" yelling and ordering everyone around to an extreme(making all others miserable). I do think this is a very important day for the bride. While javs had their opinion on not thinking it is a huge deal or a big day - those that have dreamed of a wedding since they were young, would absolutely disagree. The difference between the two is pretty huge.

If I had a friend bring a horrible guest, I could definitely see myself getting very annoyed and depending on the severity not want them to bring them. If it was someone I hated, I may resent it... hopefully my friends wouldn't do that, but it could always happen. I'm not a bridezilla though, I simply wouldn't want someone I hated at my wedding. I personally don't think that is a huge thing to ask... we would be investing a lot of money in the food, venue, etc.

Hi Groom,

That is exactly the approach that we took at our wedding. If people had been dating for more than a year, they were written specifically on the invitation. We didn't have enough budget to afford plus ones that weren't serious and our wedding was small enough that it would have affected the mood of the wedding to have people we didn't know from Adam. No one really had issues with it, everyone knew a few people there, and if there are special cases you can address them on a case-by-case basis.

I've got the exact same problem, down to the "t". I'm going to let her bring him.
I've gently asked: how is he going to get to the reception and the ceremony) since your going to be with me taking pictures, (he doesn't drive) and reminding her she's sitting at the head table with us and he's not going to know anyone at his table.

Gentle nudges hoping she'll realize she won't be able to entertain him the whole day.

Thanks for the heads up. If I have a wedding it will be invitee only. I don't want a single person to share that day with me that has been an ass enough for me to not like them. Which, is a very difficult thing to accomplish. Anyone else will be asked to vacate.