no, but i considered it once (well i considered that it would need to happen if i were to stay with my ex, which i didn't)

no, i've only been in therapy once by myself. At this point in my life my boy serves more like my therapist than anything else lol he mellows me out

My boyfriend and I went a couple of times before we moved in together, just to be clear about expectations and changes. We didn't have any problems in our relationship and didn't want the move to create any, so it was very useful.

I think Spencer and Heidi should go through a long stint of individual therapy, too.

that is so smart, dm8bri. two of my good friends got married senior year of college (she was in Navy ROTC so it made sense to keep them together), but as soon as they got engaged, the set up four or five couples counseling sessions just to make sure they had "the right tools" (my friend's words) to make it last. I think its a really nice idea, not necessary with no problems, but it is sometimes helpful to just assess and make sure you're on the same page.

nope.....

I haven't but I would not hesitate to and I definitely plan on going to couples counseling before marriage. I even think about doing it before moving in with my bf at the end of the year after the hell I went through living with my ex.

Nope but it's something I would consider.

No, definitely not. We work our issues out between us first.

I went to couple's counseling with my ex. We weren't necessarily having big problems, it just felt as though I wasn't doing a very good job of getting my point across in conversations. It really helped me to see him and my part in the relationship a lot more clearly. We broke up about a year after we had counseling, but I wouldn't say therapy was the kiss of death. (The way some people seem to think of this step in relationships.) In fact, I think going through it made us stronger as a couple. In the end, he just wasn't the right one...

I would definitely do it again and hope to before getting married. It is a smart way to make sure both parties know what the other expects.

Haven't had to yet, but I am certainly open to it, if things ever got to a point where we couldn't work them out between ourselves.

I've had counseling for myself for many years to get over abusive parenting I received as a child, and I know how much it can help to talk to an unbiased 3rd party. It just frees the mind from worry and allows for creative problem solving.

No. We did our required pre-marriage prep, some might consider it counseling. I would be interested in it if one of us thought that it would be beneficial.

no ....but should we find ourselves facing an obstacle we're having trouble overcoming, we're both definitely open to seeing a marriage counsellor.

I haven't and I doubt I would. My husband and I communicate very well, and we'd rather work things out on our own.

just my opinion, BUT i think couples counseling is a great resource if you're married, but why waste your time if you're not? just break up if your problems are big enough to require counseling.

I think pre-marriage counseling is a great idea. Churches have that kind of thing built in, but if you're not religious it's great to get it some other way.

Like zabrow said... if there are a bunch of problems and you're not married it's time to break up and go to individual counseling.

We haven't gone to a therapist for couples counseling, but we have gone through the pre-marital sessions through our church during our engagement. It's definitely a good way to understand and clarify your relationship expectations with one another. I definitely would try to opt for counseling first if we end up having problems sometime down the line...anything we can try to work it out without heading towards a breakup. We're in this for life; let's do it right!

pre marriage counseling = preventative care
post marriage counseling = relationship surgery

I know my choice

Yes, and it was a disaster because my husband hates therapists. We were seeing a therapist to deal with some issues we were going through and the therapist asked my husband some questions about his bi-polar tendencies and my husband basically blew up at the guy and we got kicked out and my therapist told me I'd have to find a different therapist so he wouldn't feel "threatened" by my husband.

I did end up going to a new therapist, but now I don't bring my husband along...I just end up talking to him directly about any issues I'm having with him and things end up working out a lot better.

Yes, and it really helped us work through a rough patch.

We're in counseling now. We've been going through a blah phase and thought a 3rd party would be helpful. So far so good.

We also had the required (by the church) pre-cana sessions (14 years ago). It's not always one or the other. sometimes people change, sometimes things happen, and sometimes things just get stale and some people do better with an unbiased 3rd party to help sort things out.

Way to go Kimpossible. I love to hear that people are making an honest effort to improve things. Glad to hear it's working and best of luck to you.

Yes, and while it might help two people who both want the relationship to work, if one of the people isn't willing to participate it won't help at all.

Nope. It's not to say that I wouldn't - I'm sure it could be helpful in the same ways that individual therapy is helpful.

Marriage counselling is definitely an 'American' phenomenon. I'm not sure that it's something that happens as much in England. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that people in England have closer relationships with their GP doctor and they seem to act as many things- counsellor being one of them. I think it's a positive thing especially sometimes to get a third opinion from a professional rather than a family member of friend whose opinions it would be easy to dismiss as meddling, nosey or a personal attack.

However, in reference to Heidi and Spencer- I'm watching the episodes at the moment of the beginning of this relationship and there are a number of things which dumbfound me:

1. why was she attracted to him in the first place
2. why did she go on a date with him
3. why did she start going out with him
4. why hasn't she broke up with him on the countless occasions he's given her more than reason enough
5. why did she move in with him
6. why on earth did she marry him
7. why didn't they get an annulment
8. how are they still together
9. why haven't they got divorced yet

.... absolute joke of a relationship!

no, if you need therapy you need to break up.