I dated a guy who smokes everyday which drove me crazy. I did ask him to quit a couple of times and even tho he tried, he just couldn't stop. I guess it depends on how much he "enjoys" his cigeratte and your tolerence to this issue. The easiest way out is to find a non-smoker obviously. But of course I suggest you work things out. You can just tell him how much cigerate irritates you, just ask him what he would like to do about it.

My husband has been a smoker for the entire time that I have known him, in the beginning of our relationship it drove me CRAZY and I could not understand why he could not just stop, it couldn't be that difficult could it? Four years later, embarassingly enough, I am a smoker, and while I find it classless and disgusting, it is incredibly hard to stop. Give him time, when he is ready to quit, he will. As hard as it is, it really isn't about you, he can try all he wants FOR you, but it is much harder than you would think.

Good luck!

If this is a deal breaker for you, you need to tell him that you don't want to date a smoker. Tell him you understand if he doesn't want to quit, but that you'd like to know now so you can either move on or try to help him quit.

My sister quit smoking for her now-husband, and I think he was pretty forgiving of her when she slipped up. You can't play mother to him about it. But you should make sure he's at least trying.

pop is right. You need to tell him that you don't want to date a smoker (mention the health danger etc and try not to sound too 'lecture-y', it's based because you care about his health a great deal) and although there's nothing wrong with asking him to quit, but he has every right to say 'no' to your request (maybe he's not ready too, you need to remember eventually it has to be HIM who really wants to quit therefore the chance of managing without smoke is better).
Also understand that even though he'd try to quit, there will be tough time and you need to be pretty forgiving when he's fallen off the wagon a few times then get back right on it.

Heck, used to be a smoker myself, and during the first 2 years trying to quit, I did fall off the wagon a couple of times, but now have been without cigarette for years and can't stand the smell myself! I don't understand why I smoked a long time ago.

I used to smoke sometimes when I drank and my boyfriend told me it was a deal-breaker. I knew this going in to the relationship and felt it was more important to be with him than it was for me to continue to smoke every so often. (Actually, I was really happy for a reason to quit. Because I didn't smoke all the time, it didn't feel like a big deal if I wanted to do it, but I really didn't like the way it made me feel.)

Anyway, i think it is fair to tell him you don't want to be with a smoker and see what he does. If he is looking for a reason to quit, he will stop. But, if he feels like it is a controlling thing, you may need to back off and either decide if you should break up with him over it or wait for him to come to the conclusion on his own.

Ask him! I asked my husband to stop a few months after we started dating to stop and he did!

tell him you really like him but ask him gently if he has ever thought about quitting, get him talking about it, dont make him feel like its a proposition, like you quit smoking or im gone, but say that it bothers you and if he cares about you he will probably wnat to try and quit. dont be naggy, be helpful.

You just lay down an ultimatum, nicely of course "I really like you and want to keep seeing you but I dont date smokers for various reasons" and if he wants to know why tell him why but be polite about it. If he doesnt stop then end it, if he does make sure he knows how much you appreciate it and how you understand how hard it was to quit and you admire him for that.

My boyfriend asked me to stop smoking barely a month into our relationship.

He just gently told me he was concerned for my health and didn't want me to get cancer.
I thought it was so sweet I dumped the cigs!

My husband dated me knowing I was a smoker (he never thought he would go out with a smoker) and gently encouraged me to stop smoking. It didn't happen overnight, he didn't nag or give ultimatums but I could clearly see that the smoke bothered him so I stopped and I am very grateful to him.

Since the OP's bf smokes only once in a while, I think it would be easier for him to stop altogether. He continues to smoke cos he thinks the OP doesn't know about it. Why not let him know that you can smell it off his breath and clothes and that you don't like it instead of letting him think that you don't know?

i had different experience with this. usually the guys try to hideit if you express your concern. once i actually started smoking myself - lapse of judgement. my dad actually promised my mum he'd quit smoking after i was born (fisr born and they were 19). he's 42 now and still smoking, though his x-ray are as clear as baby's would be (weird, huh?).

i think you should tell him how you feel, appealing the kissing issue. obviously he doesn't smoke pack a day, right? so it won't be that hard for him to quit, and suggest that you're prepared to support him all the way through and tell him how much healthier he'd get. i have a friend who was smoking way too much and he noticed loss of erection sometimes (he's only 21!) so that freaked him out.

you could always trick him into it, but that would be major evil thing to do

i think telling him "i don't date smokers" is ridiculous, any smart guy would catch you on that, saying ey darling you already are and you have been kissing me for a month now so what's up with that?

It may be a little late for you. The only way he will quit is if he's motivated to for his own reasons. And trust me, it will be HELL for you if you are still with him.

I just don't date smokers anymore after watching my ex struggle with it for years. I always hated it and though he really tried to quit, he couldn't (and for the periods that he tried to - he was a complete *sshole!).

What I'm saying is that at this point, it really is "settle for his habit" or "give up on a relationship with him". There's not really a middle ground, since you've been seeing him for a month. I'd recommend just talking to him and being honest - saying it bothered you initially but you didn't realize how much until now.

Honestly, it's not that bad to tell someone to quit smoking, but it will never work unless he does it of his own free will, and you can't count on that. I'm just saying it will probably just be either a) you don't date the guy at all or b) you're in for a long, difficult struggle.

I don't think you should be so gentle in your approach. Smokers know that smoking is bad for their health so telling him that isn't going to be any sort of a revelation. Tell him exactly what you think. Tell him that you can't stand the way he smells and that his breath is so disgusting that you can barely stand to kiss him. If smoking is truly a deal breaker for you then you can afford to be completely honest with him in the hope of getting through to him and getting him to quit. You might offend him but if you refuse to date a smoker and he won't quit then who cares?

Smoking (anything) is a deal breaker to me and I let the guy know it asap.

I'd say you're probably wasting your breath trying to get him to quit. My boyfriend smokes verrrry occasionally - usually a tobacco pipe, never cigarettes - he knows it bothers me (because of the health factor) but he's not interested in stopping. Again, it's a once or twice a month thing, usually with other friends who smoke pipes, so I can get over it as long as he doesn't bring it around me. Anyway, let your boyfriend know that you're aware of his "secret" habit, and you'd prefer he not smoke before seeing you as it makes kissing and smelling him miserable. Determine how frequently he does smoke to figure out if it's truly a deal-breaker for you. I always thought it would be for me, but my boyfriend is amazing in every other way and he respects me by keeping the smoke out of MY life - and he smokes less and less as time goes on.

i may be in the minority, but you've only been dating this guy for a month & you feel like you have a right to ask him to change a huge thing like smoking? shouldn't have gotten into it in the first place with this guy if you knew he was a smoker & if it bothers you that much.

Of course she has the right to ask him whatever she wants. Similarly, he has the right to say no.

If it's truly a deal breaker, not only does she have the *right* to tell him, imo, she has an obligation, so she doesn't waste any more of his time.

Anyway, for the people saying he'll never quit - it doesn't sound like he smokes much at all. I think social smokers have a much easier time quitting than people who smoke a pack a day.

In my family, the women are all strong advocates of "I love you, but if you're going to [insert habit here] I'm leaving" statements. My aunt did that to my uncle to get him to quit drinking, and they have been happily married for a long time and my uncle quit drinking (and smoking).

My boyfriend is a former smoker, and I've made it pretty clear to him that I wouldn't be too happy if he picked up the habit again. Which he hasn't.

Talk to him about it, and if he really cares about you and your relationship, he'll quit if you make sure he knows it's a dealbreaker... though don't expect it to be an over-night thing.

Smoking is also a deal breaker for you. I absolutely won't date anyone that smokes because if I'm with someone and investing time into them...I can't stand that they are literally destroying themselves. My current boyfriend knew that about me before we started dating so he knew he had to quit. I think he started out doing it for me but in the end, did it for himself which was good. I was really patient with him because it's not something that just happens overnight and he was able to quit in about 4-5 months.

I say if smoking is something that you absolutely can't tolerate, you have to let him know that and that in itself should get the message across. It's then up to him what he wants to do about it. If he really wants this relationship and takes steps towards quitting, then all the better but if he decides that he can't quit, then I say let go because it's just more headaches to come. Good luck!

you can ask him to quit, but don't count on it when he can't/won't. i was with a smoker for a very long time and i just made him wash his hands or bursh his teeth afterward if he wanted to be near me he made it clear he wasn't going to quit, but if he did, it would be on his time.

quitting is not easy for heavy smokers. i would equate it to us giving up chocolate or ice cream, or whatever your favorite food is for life. it's not something i'd want to do, so i can sympathize with how hard it is if you truly enjoy smoking like my ex. if he really does only smoke occassionally, i think it's something you can work around and maybe he can or want to quit.

talk to him and see how he feels. he obviously already knows the health risks associated, so don't drill on that and sound like his mother. toss it out there and see how he feels. give him some time to think about it and then give you an answer if he's willing to try. this isn't a decision he can make in a quick conversation. be firm though about how you feel. if you really don't want to deal with a smoker, say so. it will be up to him to decide. if he really likes you, he might be happy to try. keep in mind though that this is a new relationship and he might not know exactly how he feels about all of this. be prepared that by you asking him to quit, his answer could be a big fat no. if that's the case, you need to decide if you can work around it and or move on. there is no middle ground.

Smokers never stop smoking for someone else. A guy I was seeing once told me he'd like me to quit, and I asked him to please stop being such a pain in my life. I quit when I was ready, and that was 12 years after that guy. So... it's really nice that you guys have been together a month and are crazy about each other, but if he's a real smoker, there's no way he's giving up his nicotine for you at this time. If he's a social smoker, then maybe you stand a chance. MAYBE. Non smokers have no idea how INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT it is to kick that habit. I quit 3 years ago and just stopped wearing a patch last week. I killed a couple of puppies since then , too. Made me feel calmer.

My ex stopped smoking for me. I asked him after only two days dating. It was so sweet! : D

I used to think that it was a deal breaker, but have realized that both parties just need to be respectful, understanding, and patient.

I'm with a smoker. I didn't WANT a smoker, believe me. But I wouldn't trade his big, warm heart and kind, generous and loving nature for all the non-smokers in the world.

If you really can't stand being with someone who smokes, then now is the time to walk away. Don't think you can get him to quit or change for you. That won't happen. He won't stop until he is ready to stop. So either walk away or take him the way he comes. But don't nag him about it because that will get you nothing but disappointment and arguments.

My ex smoked - and it's one of the reasons I got over the relationship faster that I would have thought. When I get sad I remember how much his smoking bothered me. You need to accept this guy as he is because there is no guarantee that he will quit. My ex went on chantix after we broke up and then went off of it for some lame excuse he had for when he was on the patch and is back to smoking. He will probably never quit or quit in several years. I know smoking is difficult and a serious addiction but I refuse to date someone who is going through that. It's not my lifestyle and not something I care enough to put up with. Do you? Decide now. Because he may never quit.

You can ask all you want, but that 's a vice they have to kick on their own.

Talk to him. If what you two have is a good thing, he'll be open to at least having the discussion.

Be brutally honest; tell him what you told us- that you really like him, but that you hate that he smokes- he tastes bad, and that he made your room stink to high heaven. He might very well be embarrassed that you were able to tell that he was a smoker, in which case he may be looking for an excuse to quit.

I wouldn't ask him outright to quit; you do NOT have that right. You do, however, have the right to let him know how you feel about it.

Hi all, thanks for the great advice. This was my post. Of course Sugar edited it a little . . .

I texted him (so as to not put him on the spot) and said I couldn't deal with the smoking, that I tried because I like him, but I'm just too sensitive. He responded that he's been trying to quit, he has lots of reasons to quit, so he was going to keep trying. Then he wrote back later and said he'd decided to go cold turkey since he doesn't smoke that much anyway. So far it's been 4 days and he's doing great. A little cranky but his breath is already almost 100% better. I'm SO happy. Hopefully he can stick with it.

wish you good luck with that so i did get the situation right - he wasn't smoking that much, so yeah, he has bigger chance to succeed.