A couple of months ago I had a one night stand with an older bachelor. It was after a crazy night of drinking and when I woke up, all I wanted to do was get out of his disgusting apartment as quickly as possible. I couldn't find the ring I was wearing and mentioned it to him, but left without it. Since that night he's contacted me a couple of times and expressed an interest in taking me out, however I have no desire to see him ever again. But, over the weekend, he sent me an email telling me he had found my ring! Although the ring was costume jewelry (it was a gift from my mom), I would like it back. What's the best way to go about this? Can I ask him to mail it to me? Should I have him drop it through my mail slot? Should I meet him somewhere? What's the etiquette for something like this?
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Victoria Couture
Jette Joop
Hanii Y
Yea he could mail it but then he'll have your address. I would set up a coffee with him. Something during the week, right after work before you even head home to get changed and just ask him to meet you there so you can get your ring back. It will be quick, painless and it will have a built in time limit (til your coffee is done); a built in excuse to leave "oh actually I havent even been home yet and I have plans tonight!"; and lots of witnesses... just incase he tries to pull something. Then once you have the ring, just block and ignore him.
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
1I think it's unreasonable to ask him to mail it to you. That's a lot of effort that most guys won't make for someone they hardly know. Instead, ask if he wants to meet for coffee and bring the ring. Schedule it for a lunch hour or a weekday morning so you can skedaddle after chatting for just a few minutes.
2Ha ha, we're on the same page, Fallen.
3hahaha nice
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
4WoW, so you get drunk have sex with this "older bachelor" which means what i dont know that he is too old for you? and his disgusting apartment wasnt bad enough for you to say No the night before was it? So you got drunk, went home with a strange guy, took your precious sentimental jewelry off and he wants to meet up with you again and you are acting like he has the plague now, he was good enough to roll in the hay but not good enough to meet again casually for dinner to get your ring back. This is why I cant stand my own gender sometimes.
Call him up, go to lunch or dinner, be gracious and nice and get your ring back, tell him you had a good time but you arent looking to get serious, it was what it was and you wish him the best. If you are big girl enough to bump naughty parts with him, be good enough to act like an adult and part ways maturely. ......drop it in a mail slot....good lord.
5Geez Caterpillar girl that was harsh. One night stands with people you can't stand or don't ever want to see again happen with both genders.
I say take the first comments advice but I would do it on my lunch break so there is a real time limit. You have to get back to work so he can't keep you and you have a very good reason to leave. We all "let go" with people and realize it was not what we wanted...don't feel bad.
6Unless you want to see him again, do not give him your address. He has your phone number and that seems to help him pester you...just imagine if he knew where you lived! Be gracious and mature and meet for something QUICK...as the ladies above suggested coffee. Good Luck!
7I think it was pretty stupid to leave valuable ring at a one night stands. A gift from your mom was not as important as getting out of that disgusting apartment? You can try and ask him for it back, but since you were so drunk, you may not have lost it there. I would have checked with the bar, but its been a couple months, so really, you have put it off so long, I think you may have to count your losses, and be more responsible next time.
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8Timing Is Everything
Do not have him mail it to you .Give him a call and pick a place to meet him, preferably on your lunch break which gives you an excuse to pick up your ring and leave quickly.If he starts with the pressure about getting together tell him you're not interested in dating anyone at the moment.
Maybe next time you might want to avoid drinking too much so you don't end up having sex with any "older bachelor" and you can spare yourself the embarrassment of having to face them sober. Just a thought......
9no i would not get it in the mail, set up meeting, then get it, say thanks, and onward bound! Make it in a very public place, i once did that with gold ear rings, and no i did not go back or even ask,, like i said, onward bound,, my mistake, never again!
10LOVE ANGELINA. I never said that they didnt happen to both genders, thank you captain obvious.
11Why the hostility?
12So much judgment! Harsh.
I agree with the suggestions of meeting up for coffee, or even going to his house, but definitely having made it obvious you have to leave pretty well straight away. Keep it short and sweet.
13Meet him for coffee at lunch time on a weekend, ask him to bring the ring. Chit chat a little bit then take your ring and begone.
14Whatever you do make sure you don't give him your address.
15I agree with the meet up for coffee idea - go on lunch break so you have a definite time of leaving.
Just go to coffee and get your ring back. Make sure he doesn't forget to bring it though.
16How fun to see that the judgemental, flippant and somewhat nasty comments frequently seen on Citizen have made their way over to Dear. Please, this is an advice site, not an outlet for latent anger.
That said, I agree with other posters that you should agree to meet him, keep it brief, be gracious and straight-forward, and count everything as a lesson learned. You never know, with the hangover haze gone it might actually be more pleasant than you expect. If you truly can't bring yourself to see him face-to-face then you simply must give up the idea of seeing your ring again. Asking him to mail it is not a very good move.
17dm8bri i was thinking the same exact thing! UGH
this situation obviously sucks but I too go along w/ the meet up w/ him for coffee and have an excuse ready to leave.
18I agree dm8bri, the nasties should stick to Citizen.
19She wasnt asking whether you agree with her having a one night stand she was asking how she should get her ring back. No one is looking for a lesson in morals and I guarantee no one would be requesting a lesson from someone so condescending.
Sometimes I cant stand my own gender either but for very different reasons then your own.
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
20I hope you get the ring back and that you ignore all the uncalled for judgment that is being passed on you here. Love to you, lady.
21Meet at a public place for coffee (morning or afternoon weekdays). Buy him a cup of joe and just say 'thanks' and 'toodlez' and don't have to deal with him anymore afterward. If he 'forgot,' just excuse yourself to run errands and make plan to see him bringing the jewelry in another time (the same basic rule: daylight, weekday, public place), don't even follow him to his place.
Just try not to meet with him in his place or having to go back to his place if you don't want to, it'll remind of me of that skit Christopher Walken had on SNL when this lady wants the weird dude to return her jewelry she left..was it 'The Oriental/Ornamental Man?' I forget the name, but it's hilarious only in comedy skits not real life
22i agree with the coffee idea. i hope he doesn't 'forget' the ring as an excuse to see u again though~! i don't see the harm in making conversation with him for 1/2 an hour (since you want the ring back) asking for him to get it back another way is just a bit too impolite in my opinion.
23Lmao! Stop acting as if you're too good for it. You already did the deed. I was about to suggest the coffee idea but Fallen did so already.
24i agree with what Fallen85 said, dont give him your address coz he could be a weirdo and dont go to his just in case he pulls something. so basically what Fallen85 suggested.....
25ask for it back. if not your screwed.
michelle xo
26CaterpillarGirl may have been a little harsh, but I think her point is that the OP HERSELF is way judgmental about her ONS, trashing him ("older bachelor", "disgusting apartment", etc.,) and she is now acting like her pussy is gold-plated. Gimme a break....like CG said, the guy was good enough to f*ck, but not good enough to have dinner with?
The OP's post rubbed me the wrong way too, so I can see CG's point. Just meet him for coffee and get the stupid ring back.
27Follow what hope2be said.
28And if you don't get it back, chalk it up to lesson learned.
29Oh, just man up and meet him somewhere.
You slept together. People do this. It'll be easy in person to courteously thank him for returning the ring while simultaneously letting him know that you are not interested in pursuing anything further.
I have complete confidence that you can pull this off with class.
30I like how everyone thinks they're so holier than thou, my dear. We all do silly things, and EH so what if you went home with a guy! What is this, 1820?
I hope you get your ring back darling - there's nothing worse than an incomplete set of bling!
31xoxo
Well, this story sounds vaguely familiar. If all those lost pieces of jewelry were found along with the socks in the dryer we'd have a drop in gold prices on Wall Street. Dropping lost items off at a door feels demeaning. Placing something in an envelope seems unfair. Your attitude is immature. A coffee as everyone else is suggesting would be best. So the guy is pestering you. Whatever. Is he a criminal or part of the mob? Then don't worry about it for God's sake. You could give him the address of a friend if you just can't face the guy. What were you drinking anyway?
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