i think you're being a little weird about it

get an IUD or Depo shots if you feel worried about the pill...or make sure he pulls out (not reliable but by also being on the pill, it would help bridge that 1% gap)

and you've been married for 5 years...why so scared to have a child? if you're never going to have one, then have him get his tubes tied and stop worrying

the poor guy shouldn't have to be using a dome at this point in your relationship

I totally understand your fears!! Spent many years using multiple methods for just that reason! As a healthcare worker, I'm a bit disappointed that your provider hasn't given you more info on contraception that keeps both you and your husband satisfied.

I agree with DEAR that there may be something deeper operating. Fears about parenting skills, providing for a child, career advancement or instability, relationship instability... the list goes on. I hope that you and your husband are able to discuss whatever your underlying fears are openly. If not, maybe you should consider couples counseling to tackle the issues.

I think this a little strange - you're married and on birth control AND still use condoms? I've never heard of such a thing - I think you're definitely being a little uptight. Maybe if you educate yourself about birth control more of talk to your doctor it will take care of your fear.

Do you have any latent STD fears? many forms of BC, but only condoms prevent STDs. If you are only afraid of pregnancy, there are many, many options that are more effective than condoms

You are being paranoid, but it is understandable. Having children is a BIG DEAL, so it is totally normal to be overwhelmed and scared at the thought. However, the pill is very effective by itself, and the chance for pregnancy is there no matter how many forms of birth control you use. For that reason, it sounds like your hang-up is mostly psychological at this point. As others have suggested, you probably need to get to the root cause of this paranoia before it will go away. Maybe try therapy to see if you can get rid of the paranoia, or at least become calm enough to use only the pill for a while to break the paranoid cycle of using pill + condom (the hope being that once you have used only the pill for a while and see you do not become pregnant, you will then be comfortable using only the pill).

In the meantime, you should definitely speak to your doctor (or planned parenthood, or someone) about condom alternatives. As Dear mentioned, nothing is 100% effective, but maybe you could opt for birth-control-overkill (lol) using your pill + something other than a condom (maybe a non-hormonal IUD?). If using condoms is really bothering your husband that much, you are both going to have to talk about some way to compromise and keep one another happy.

My boyfriend and I aren't married (although we do live together) and I have the mirena IUD and we don't use condoms. I've never had so much as a scare. I'm not saying it would be the same for you, but you might want to talk to your doctor and research a BC method with a higher success rate than the pill - those can be annoying and nerve-wracking just because (with most brands) you have to take them at the same time everyday to ensure their potency. Also, as others have said, it's a HUGE help to be on the same page with your spouse about procreation and what you would do should an accidental pregnancy occur. Remember that if it happened to you, you are in a MUCH better position to handle an "oops" than other single women.

I think skigurl summed it up pretty nicely...

You're being paranoid. I've never been married, and once we were tested, I used only BC with my serious boyfriends and (knock on wood) never had a problem. The effectiveness is high enough that I feel safe. I feel that once everyone's been tested, and possible consequences discussed, I'm comfortable with just using BC (I'm 30 and I've been on BC since I was about 25).

If you're so paranoid about getting pregnant, why not get your tubes tied or have your husband get a vasectomy? Personally, I think you need to talk to you GYN about this and get some facts on birth control. IMO, you're being overcautious, especially for a person who's been married so long.

Your fear is either irrational or you aren't really good at taking the pill at the same time each day. In both cases I would go to a doctor for reassurance if needed. Doctors aren't going to readily recommened IUDs if you haven't been pregnant (they can be too large for a never pregnant uterus) or DepoProvera shots (not for long-term/>2 yrs use due to bone weakening) unless you really beg, but you can also try the ring or patch which are more low maintenence. The other thing that I would recommend along with hormonal birth control is spermicide. It's very effective alone, and in combination even better. Something tells me you don't like sperm up there so if you know that all the sperm is dieing, it might be helpful.

I don't think you're being to uptight. Who says just b/c you're married that suddenly it shouldn't be a big deal if you get pregnant? Just b/c your married doesn't mean you want to be pregnant at that time, even if you are planning on being pregnant later down the road. And personally, I think getting pregnant is a bit more of a big deal than a bit of uncomfortableness during sex. Of course a guy wouldn't see it that way, he's not the one who has to get pregnant huh? And I also think it's totally unfair that the women is the one expected to use all the birth control. B/c if you do lose the condoms and get on another form of bc in addition to the pills (which I think would be the best option as a compromise for you) then it's all you having to do everything to prevent pregnancy, taking two different types of bc, while he does nothing, doesn't have to put any weird hormones into his body, and gets the sex he wants. Guys can complain so easily, it's not like they have to weigh all the risks of taking bc, in whatever form, much less two forms of bc, and it's not like they even have to worry about getting pregnant at all. It's just all very irritating, even though bc pills etc. for women are the best options out there right now. Sorry sore spot. Rant over. I just think you should do whatever makes you comfortable b/c you're the one who has to put more hormones into your body, and you're the one who has to get pregnant if anything messes up, just so he can have a bit better sex? I dunno about that. Just my HO.

I think you are being a little uptight. I completely agree with skigurl. If you are on the pill and take it as you are prescribed to and he pulls out, then you should be fine. You don't know what you're missing out on by using condoms.....it feels so much better without them! And now that you are married it's perfectly okay to not use condoms!

I do not think you are being uptight or paranoid. I am married and prefer using 2 methods of birth control. Many of my friends do as well. No method, when used correctly, can claim to be 100% effective. I prefer not taking a chance because I know that now is not a good time to have a child for us. My husband agrees and because he wants me to be comfortable and enjoy myself, he's happy to use multiple forms of birth control.

However, if you and/or your husband are unhappy with the birth control you are using, you should look into alternate forms. I was on the pill and had some unpleasant side effects so I went off of it but still use 2 forms of birth control. There are many available options so maybe you can find a combination with which you both are happy.

I think you should trust your birth control pills more. They are extremely effective when taken properly. I've been using the pill as my only form of birth control for a little over 6 years and I've never had even the smallest scare. Having sex without a condom is fabulous. Now that you're married you should enjoy yourself!

I don't even take my pills properly and I don't use any back-up methods. I hate condoms (hey, i'm in a relationship for a reason!) so once I make sure that guy is STI-free, i'm fine with just relying on my pill. I'm way more worried about diseases anyway.

I think you're being a tad uptight as well. I've been married for 4 years and I'm child-free by choice. My husband and I have never used condoms and I can definitely tell you, sex is a lot more enjoyable without 'em. I use an oral contraceptive, but if you were really worried about getting pregnant, you could use the pill and a spermicide or maybe you could try the NuvaRing or something like that. Just remember that the pill is 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy and condoms are only about 89% effective (they're more designed for preventing STDs, so if you're both clean, they're sort of unnecessary). Or if you really don't want kids, your husband can get "clipped"...they put clips on the vas deferens so your guy will shoot blanks until they take the clips off. It's like a reversible vasectomy. You can get it reversed when/if you want kids in the future.

I think you're being only slightly paranoid, but it's understandable.

I hate the people saying things like 'you're not ready to have kids?!" It happens. Maybe she wants them later, but not yet. Calm down, it's her choice.

As for using two methods of birth control, it makes sense. No form of birth control is 100% effective, and people still get pregnant when observing 'perfect use'. It's not too hard to find statistics on how many women get pregnant anyways. If you really REALLY don't want to get pregnant, why would you chance it?

So, yes, you're being paranoid, but why not? And he needs to back off. He needs to understand that you're not going to be able to enjoy sex or even want to have sex unless you're comfortable with the situation. If using two forms of birth control is what makes you comfortable, then he'll have to find a way to live with it until you're ready to go down to one.

(ahem. it's not just better sex for him. it's a matter of taste but I personally *much* prefer sex w/o a condom!)

I understand completely. It's your choice honey

I don't think the comments calling her "uptight" are really answering the question. The problem is not that she is uptight. The problem is that she is just not comfortable without a condom, yet her husband is not respectful of that. In my opinion, it is the husband who is being disrespectful. It is her body and she has every right to protect it how she sees fit. Yes, husbands and wives should be comfortable together sexually, but it is also her personal health which is at stake--and that is her call, and her call only. I myself wouldn't require a condom in her position, but health is an individual thing. What the average person thinks doesn't matter; what she thinks is the only thing that matters.

The husband needs to be more respectful of her body and her needs. Just because they are married doesn't mean he has the right to enjoy himself with her body to the point that she is uncomfortable with it. You should never have to compromise your health to please someone else sexually. No exceptions.

Also, what if this woman doesn't believe in abortion? If she got pregnant accidentally, then she would be stuck with it. Imagine how horrible she would feel for caving into her husband's selfish sexual desires and then having to suffer the burden of an unwanted pregnancy. I am being a bit melodramatic, but the point is that it's her body, and pregnancy is a big deal.

^I don't believe in abortion for myself, and yet I'm unmarried. I'd be even more "stuck with it". I think you are being pretty melodramatic...

Is a pregnancy a health scare? From what I read she is afraid of getting pregnant, not getting sick. She's not insisting on condoms to prevent disease. There are plenty of other ways to prevent pregnancy and keep her husband happy too. Her husband deserves to be satisfied in the bedroom and I don't think he's out of line to be expressing what he wants. It seems that we as women complain alot that our men don't express thier desires to us, until they actually do.

Is a pregnancy a health scare? From what I read she is afraid of getting pregnant, not getting sick. She's not insisting on condoms to prevent disease. There are plenty of other ways to prevent pregnancy and keep her husband happy too. Her husband deserves to be satisfied in the bedroom and I don't think he's out of line to be expressing what he wants. It seems that we as women complain alot that our men don't express thier desires to us, until they actually do.

Relax, there are many many couples out there who use the pill as their only contraceptive and never have any unplanned pregnancies. Sure, stuff happens, but it's really the exception rather than the rule, especially if you are careful about taking your pill at the right time.

If you want to use a backup, there are lots of other things you can use like spermicide, diaphragms or temperature charting (aka natural family planning).

if your husband is trying to make you feel guilty about something that you're sexually uncomfortable about, i think THAT is the problem. he wouldn't be the one getting pregnant if your primary form of bc didn't work. if he doesn't like it let him get snipped.

I say relax and try it without a condom once. See how you feel.

Also you could always try a different birth control method such as the implant. Which has a higher success rate than the pill.

Personally I hate condoms, but I'll use them if it means I wont get knocked up!

Bottom line, it is your body that will be effected the most by pregnancy or whatnot, therefore i think that even though he is your husband and you should care what he thinks, that he should care what you want, and do what makes you happy. I think that you should be firm about what you want, and talk to him about this. like i said, it is your body, and you dont have to compromise yourself, and what you think is right for you, for anybody, even your husband, and if he really loves you as im sure he does, he will understand your choices.

The pill is pretty effective when it comes to prevent pregnancies - given you take it as prescribed. There's no need to add condoms. In fact, those are less safe than the pill - concerning pregnancy. When it comes to STDs they're the only way to go. So, when you're both healthy I'd say drop the condoms, rely on the pill. And, check your cycle rather then tell him to "pull it out" in time. Avoid haveing sex during your ovulation, or only use condoms during these days. That's be a good compromise for both of you.

I'm just wondering if you're really just "scared" of getting pregnant, or maybe secretly fear your husband is unfaithful and that's why you insist on condoms.

I'm married, I'm on the pill, he uses condoms. Sure, it's overkill, but you're not alone out there in wanting to be certain you don't get pregnant before you're ready.
Before you ask him why he's not willing to respect your wishes, ask yourself why you don't want the risk of having a baby. You need to figure out what part of the situation upsets you the most, and then bring your reasoning to him. If you can't get on the same page about it, you might want to talk to someone who can help you by calming your fears and help him understand your perspective better.

Here, here, stumbler02!! You said it perfectly.

To whoever submitted this, I feel exactly the same way. I am on Nuvaring and we use condoms every time. My husband is very respectful of my decision to also use condoms and in fact, he too is worried about getting me pregnant and doesn't want to stop using them either! I have no fear that he would cheat on me, nor of us having kids together one day. But we're not ready now...we just got married so we want to spend time together first, we aren't financially well-off to be able to care for a child now, and there are other reasons.

Neither my husband nor I have ever had sex without a condom, so we don't know what we are missing. We've been tested for STDs, so we're all set there. I just don't want to get pregnant now and there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, I know I am paranoid, but so what? I am annoyed with everyone here who said there is something wrong with the poster or her relationship or that she should see a shrink. The only thing wrong is that her husband isn't respecting her wishes. Even Dear wrote that there might be something else going on. 99% effective is not 100% effective, people! Especially if you forget to take a pill one day or are on antibiotics.

To the poster, continue using the pill and condoms if that's what makes you feel better. That's what I'm going to continue doing! Just talk to your husband and hopefully he will be able to see your side. Good luck!

What is your fear of getting pregnant? I mean, I know women don't want to get pregnant but there are other alternatives to actually having the baby... we live in a pro-choice nation after all. If you're not pro-choice then fine... there is still adoption for the millions of childless couples in the World.

Have you discussed this with your doctor? 5 years is a long time. I usually go condom-free in a relationship around 6 months in provided we have both been tested. I am pro-choice though and so is my boyfriend.

Sparklestar, why are you so nonchalant about getting pregnant? If someone's not ready to be pregnant, it's a huge, life-changing commitment. If they keep the baby, then they have a child for the rest of their life. If they give it up for adoption, they still have to carry the baby for nine months and deal with the separation afterwards. If they have an abortion, they have to deal with the decision they made for the rest of their life.

Why would she need to discuss it with her doctor? Everyone needs to give the girl a break!!

Not to mention pregnancy is one of the most dangerous and difficult ordeals a woman's body can undergo. It IS a health scare. Bringing a pregnancy to term can actually be quite dangerous.

We don't know if the OP has some kind of condition that makes pregnancy especially dangerous for her, or maybe she just doesn't want to give up a child of her own for adoption. What's wrong with simply wanting to wait to have children until you're ready?

Oh good lord, pregnancy is not one of the most dangerous ordeals a woman's body can go through. Women are built to have babies. I don't think the OP would be wondering if she was being uptight if she had a medical condition that would cause a pregnancy to kill her. I think she would be pretty confident in being uptight if her life depended on it.

Pregnancy IS one of the most dangerous things women's bodies do. Just because we were built for it doesn't mean it isn't traumatic and a big deal. Men would DIE if they had to do it, or at least have a broken spine because of it. I personally have a medical condition where my spine won't bend properly, it's auto-immune and genetic, and not only do I not want to pass this painful disease on to my child, I also DO NOT want to be pregnant because it could injure my back and it would result in MORE pain than usual. It's a woman's right and RESPONSIBILITY to control when she gets pregnant-- both for her health and safety and also for that of her child. You don't want to bring a child into a situation where there is abuse or poverty-- there are many reasons for not wanting a surprise pregnancy, and the OP is wise to have a back-up method. Any man worth his salt won't complain about condoms-- which makes me wonder what her husband's problem is.

My husband and I have been married 6 years. I am on the pill but my husband is still using condoms every time we have intercourse! Perfectly normal,