I have been single for sometime now, and I am wondering about the rules of sleeping with someone in the beginning stages of dating — mainly whether or not to fake an orgasm. I didn't fake it with the last person I was intimate with. Instead, I explained to him that I had a very hard time orgasming through penetration alone, and he seemed to be a little offended and suggested that I actually fake it! We continued dating and found other ways to get me there, but now that I'm on the market again, I don't know which approach to take. What do you think?
[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
Adidas
Duccio Del Duca
Marc by Marc Jacobs
Never fake it because then he thinks he's doing everything right and will see no reason to change or try put more effort in to get you off. If you get off easily in the beginning of a relationship then stop faking it, he'll think his skills are getting worse and that will be way harder on his ego then to know right off the bat he needs to put some extra work in.
1Never, ever, ever fake it. Period.
2no! and any guy worth his weight in bed will know that it's harder for girls and will try to please you in other ways.
3He *suggested* that you fake it?! Wow.
No, don't fake it. Ever.
Also, most women can't orgasm through penetration alone. That’s what the clitoris is for. So don’t let ANYONE make you feel like you are “doing it wrong” if you don’t come through penetration. You don't have to come if you don't want to, but that should be YOUR choice.
4Congrats on being an average girl!
Most women can't orgasm through penetration and
have to orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Any guy that doesn't know that, has had more fun with porn and his hand than with real women. 
Really. Don't fake it ever, just teach him how to do it right. Any guy worth having sex with will want to put in the work to make you enjoy it just as much as he does.
5Don't fake it, if he's worth the time, he'll want to learn from you how to please you more.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
6first of all sex is a carnal act and i reallly dont think there is any particular etiquette involved, i mean its sex not table manners. Dont fake it because thats only really hurting you, and if you are involved with a guy who would rather have you fake it to satisfy his ego, rather than a guy who would be ok with it and find ways around it for you, then id say the guy doesnt really care much about your pleasure and needs anyway. The majority of women cant orgasm through vaginal penetration, which is completely normal. So long story short, dont lie and waste your time, id rather have someone show me who they really are early on rather than fake it to please them and find out they are an assface later.
7Um - the guy who suggested you fake it? Not worthy of your sleeping with him, or anyone doing so.
Don't fake anything. When you sleep with someone, you should be comfortable enough to explore ways of being able to give each other an orgasm. With women, it takes longer. This is just a fact. With every partner I've had, it's taken a couple of months for him to get to know my body well enough to help (and for me, too). It takes patience, love and trust. Faking it defeats the whole purpose of bringing the relationship to a sexual place.
Hardly any women (some tiny percentage) have orgasms via penetration. I suggest you and your dude look at the book "She Comes First". It will open your eyes to the female body and the process of having an orgasm!
8Don't fake it. If he asks then tell him it was great but you didn't orgasm and if he doesn't ask don't volunteer anything.
9Don't fake it! I think it's very reasonable that you would talk about the issue with the person and let them know what's working and what's not. If you don't, the person will think everything is fine and be blindsided when they find out that it's not so great.
10faking is the same as lying...and that just doesnt get anyone anywhere...
11Ah the age old question... Well I would say that if you want to persue a mid or long term relationship qith the person, definantly DO NOT FAKE but if you only plan to sleep with him once the fake your way through it if you wan tit to be over soon.
12Ah the age old question... Well I would say that if you want to persue a mid or long term relationship qith the person, definantly DO NOT FAKE but if you only plan to sleep with him once the fake your way through it if you wan tit to be over soon.
13The nerve of the guy to suggest you FAKE it! That he would prefer to get a temporary ego boost than make you happy is absolutely despicable1 You should have dumped that loser right away.
14What good, meaningful relationship can come from faking it? (Unless you are wanting a one-night thing) Say you do start out faking it, thinking he will improve, and yet as the relationship progresses the sex does not (because he already thinks he is rocking your world). Then your stuck in a committed relationship with bad sex, and who wants that? Most guys that are good for anything are willing to learn, and do whatever they have to to please you. And any guy that isn't open to direction isn't worth your time.
15Yikes! The guy actually asked you to fake it! I'm glad you dumped him.
16No, don't fake it. Of course, don't bash the guy too, just teach him how you like it. And most guys would LOVE to please their women
I set a simple rule up front: If I don't orgasm, then neither does he! Its only fair! If he wants sex; then he learns how to pet me and help me enjoy it too! If he doesn't agree, then he is not worth even a one-nighter; much less an attempt at a relationship!
17Don't fake it. Because when he moves onto the next girl, he thinks he's great and would start pressuring her to come. Nothing sh*ts me more. I have been known to end a romp when a man tries to get me off with penatrative sex and puts pressure on me like that.
18A) Never again date a guy who encourages you to fake it.
19B) Never fake it.
C) Most women require more than penetration to get off.
D) When you tell a guy that you fit that category, he should take it as a (great) challenge, not a deal-breaker.
I agree with the others!
how lazy and rude of him to expect you to fake it! it makes it sound like he was really only interested in his own pleasure and frankly couldn't be bothered seeing to yours as it was 'too much hard work'!
I don't think you should fake it - as the other posters said, it sets a bad precedent in that the guy you're with assumes he's doing a good job, when really he isn't. This is especially important at the beginning of a relationship, as it makes it very difficult to be truthful about what REALLY turns you on later down the track!
20Sorry ladies, but sometimes you have to fake it. there are nights when nothing he does or you do is working, and instead of him thinking that what he is doing isnt getting you off (because guys tend to get a complex about those things) you fake it and all is well. Its not that you arent enjoying yourself, or that his skills arent A+ its just one of those nights where your body isnt responding as it should. You shouldnt fake it constantly, but every once and awhile its totally okay.
21Guys don't like fakers. Don't do it. (P.S. when you do a good job at faking, they'll think they're doing well. You're the only one losing in that case).
22CaterpillarGirl, I don't agree. If you're not going to finish, so what? My husband is not so self-conscious that his ego is going to be bruised if I don't come. We just finish it up for him and try another time. In fact, I don't think I ever had an orgasm from penetration anyway, so he has gotten used to it. He just works on me beforehand and if it happens, it happens. If I put too much pressure on it to happen, it won't.
23The last guy you dated sounds like a complete jackass who has no knowledge of women's bodies. I don't get why that would it offend him? It's at least 90% of women that cannot orgasm from intercourse alone. Somebody needs to start educating young men about women's bodies because way too many are completely clueless. Anways, good call on letting that one go. For the next guy you are with, do not fake it. If you continue to see him, he will continue to have no idea how to really please you but will think he is doing well. Seriously why would you want to do that to yourself? It's like setting up a pattern of sexual frustration and dissatisfaction. Anyways, I think you should wait to sleep with the guy for a bit to make sure he is tender and sensitive, and very unlike your jackass ex. Good luck.
24There's a part of me that would love to say "never fake an orgasm"; but who am I kidding? Sometimes- and by no means ALL the time, that would be the very definition of counterproductive- faking an orgasm is just politically correct.
If an overweight friend (and not the kind of friend you once shared a sandbox with and are always brutally honest to; I'm talking about a run-of-the-mill friend) asks "Do I look fat in this bathing suit?" would you say "Yes"? No, you wouldn't. At least I'd wouldn't. I'd rather take a noncommittal answer or a downright lie on my conscience than wreck her self-confidence before what could have been a happy day at the beach.
Men, in some ways, already have it harder (no pun intended) than we do in the bedroom. If he's honestly trying to please you, and you know he's going to just keep on trying- right then and in future attempts- and you know it's just not going to happen at the moment, then faking it, I feel, is no great sin. It might boost his confidence a bit, and he'll be eager to try again. A new partner in the bedroom is scary enough, who wants to go for a second round feeling like he failed the first time?
Mind you, I'm not suggesting you shake the rafters and try for an Emmy. But moaning and squirming just a bit won't hurt anybody.
And I'm well aware this is borderline unethical. Please nobody yell at me.
25Post New Comment
Please share your opinion with our community, but make sure it is on topic and follows our Community Rules. We moderate comments and prohibit personal attacks, threats, spam, lewd images, or the promotion of your personal website.