what tha? you are peeved because he took an ex to this place? what petty nonsense, so do you have a list of all the places he went with her, kind of narrows the choices to go in your town doesnt it?

It doesnt make it less of a special thing, and if you are really this shallow, he should drop you and move onto the next girl who doesnt have this hang up

i may be peeved if i were in the situation but as a third party looking in, i say forgive...it's really sweet that he thinks enough of you to plan a special trip and obviously he loved this place and wants to spend time with you there to make new memories...i cant see how that's a problem

OMG get over it. No offense

I understand your reaction. If I plan a very nice evening to a nice place with my guy and I break up with him, I would never just plan the same thing I did for a previous guy for my new BF. Come on how about putting a little more thought into it?

Nourche, what if this place has the most amazing food and he thinks she deserves the best? go to the second best because she has hangups?

pft, anniversaries are silly anyway. just be happy you're getting a nice meal.

I might be peeved as well, but it is certainly not unforgivable. Once, my hubby dedicated a song to me that I knew was a special song for him and his ex and it made me uncomfortable and sad, but when I confronted him about it, he had forgotten that he had ever dedicated that to a previous girl.
Most of the time, guys just don't think about things as much as we do. It's ok, I'm sure he didn't mean it in a way that would hurt your feelings.

I see how you can feel slightly peeved but this is completely forgivable. I agree with ameli, guys just perceive things and situations differently than females, I am sure he didnt think it through and his intention was not to hurt you.

I agree that guys don't think about these things the way we do. I don't know, it's a minor issue, but still I'd prefer going someplace new for my anniversary that some place he already went to with his ex. There are enough places to choose from unless the OP lives somwhere with only one good restaurant.

Are we forgiving her or him?

This is such a tired questions. I myself have taken my new boyfriend to places my ex and I went, just because they were fantastic places and I wanted to take him there. What, do I have to swear off every place I'd ever been before just because I broke up with someone? Be grateful that your boyfriend cared enough to plan this for you!!

My current boyfriend's parents have a cottage in Scotland on the loch, and when I found out he'd taken previous girlfriends there, I was slightly peeved. But, as he said, they've always had this cottage and why not use it? He did tell me that of course we two had far and away the best time there.

I can see where you can get upset- because you want to expereince something new and exciting along with him but I think in the end he was thinking of you and maybe thought you would love and appreciate it.

Observation 1- That's not what sloppy seconds means. Even if that were the definition, your boyfriend went to the effort to plan something really nice for you. That's not degrading at all.

Observation 2- If you're going to be mad at him for taking you somewhere that he took his ex, you should also be mad at him for repeating any other action with you that he also did with his ex like holding hands or watching a movie together.

I said undecided because I would be a little annoyed too, but not enough to not forgive him. As others have said, guys don't think the same way girls do - they don't put as much importance on places and activities they may have shared with someone else. Think of it as erasing the memory of her and making it your place now.

I agree with gabi29. And also? I'm a girl and think like your boyfriend! but I'm just being sensible! isn't it worse that he also had sex with her than took you to the same stupid restaurant? I mean, if you're gonna play *that* game...

There's so many places you can go? Suppose he went with his ex to every restaurant in town, then what? Don't go out? I guess don't go to the movie theaters because they went there to? It's petty, to be all upset over this. Agreed with gabi. And anyway, if you really were a sloppy second, he would be running around town with another woman right now, then come home and night and hang out with you, or tell you he's busy and has to do something, while running around town with another woman. Or just rather do other things instead of hang with you, then when bored or has nothing to do, spend empty time with you. Now that's sloppy seconds.

Definitely forgivable. I would probably be a bit upset (initially) at first, too, but it's just something you've got to move past. I highly doubt he intended to hurt your feelings - it's probably just a really nice place and he wanted to make you feel pampered and special. Like others have said, guys think about these sorts of things differently. So I say stop wasting energy over something that is (in the grand scheme of things) rather trivial, and enjoy your anniversary.

no offense but this statement is very immature. So what he took his ex girlfriend there? perhaps it was just a beautiful place that he enjoyed being in and wants to take you there because he thinks you will enjoy it as much as he had before, just be happy your boyfriend is in the position to take you anywhere and quit complaining about the trivial things that dont matter.

If I knew his ex and she and I had some bad blood between us and he knew it, then I might be peeved. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't think much of it. Now if he took me to that place to propose to me and that was the same place he proposed to an ex-fiancee/gf, then I would not be happy about that.

First of all, depending on the location, the ex probably planned the first trip. Secondly, I agree that taking the initiative to plan the trip in the first place is commendable.

Guys don't think that far ahead and they enjoy what they enjoy-why change something that's worked?

if it works out, ten years from now it could be a running joke. Honestly, how many times have you taken a date to a restaurant that you've frequented with an ex just because the food tastes better and you have good memories there?

I think it depends on how you found out - did he sheepishly admit that he'd been on a date there once years ago after you interrogated him? Or did he lean back with a cocky glint in his eye, blow smoke rings with his cigar and say, "So you havin' fun baby? 'Cuz this is my spot. All the ladies love it. 60% of the time, it works every time."

'cause if my date said that, I'd be peeved, too.

it's like this was written by a 16 year old

Forgive. You know what? Men are dumb sometimes and they don't think. I bet he wanted to take you somewhere really nice and romantic so he took you there. Instead of being grateful that he took you somewhere nice, you are being petty because he took his ex there a year or more ago. Get over it! Be glad that your boyfriend took you somewhere and that you even have a boyfriend. GEEZ!

Who cares! As long as he's not lamenting her while he's there with you, I don't see a problem with that at all. I bet it's a really nice place and he really liked it in general.

what's the big deal about celebrating anniversaries, anyhow? if you're married, i guess that's one thing. but celebrating an "anniversary" when you're just dating is ridiculous to me. it puts too much pressure on an arbitrary day that you've likely designated as the "anniversary" date and an argument or let down is always inevitable. i don't celebrate anniversaries or my birthday or even valentines day. just a simple card and i love you will do for me just fine. this year for valentines day we ate pizza and watched terrible movies and had the best time. no expectations and no fights or disappointments. just us enjoying each others company.

to me, it sounds like you need the attention for him to do something spectacular. although i agree somewhat with jacrabbit84. that just made me laugh. nice job! i feel bad for the guy if he had honest intentions. just b/c he did it first with someone else doesn't mean he thought you'd like it any less. maybe he had a terrible time the first go of it but wanted to take you and try again since he thought it was something you'd enjoy together. give the guy a break...unless he did what jacrabbit suggested. hilarious!

Everyone may judge and say you're overreacting but, to be honest, I would be offended. I don't want to do anything that he has done with someone else before. I would feel like i'm being compared or something.

Also, it feels kinda uncreative. Like, 'oh this worked last time, I cant think of anything better soo...." .. I would prefer a new place that he isn't sure if its good or not, over laziness.

Men are not usually the most creative, especially when it comes to planning things like this. I'm sure he just REALLY loved the place the last time he was there and thought you'd love it too. I can see how you'd be a little miffed that he took his ex there as well, but you need to get over it and cut the guy some slack. Then for your 2nd anniversary, YOU pick the getaway spot so you don't feel like sloppy seconds.

No big deal, he just likes the place.

Totally agree candace87.
"Everyone may judge and say you're overreacting but, to be honest, I would be offended. I don't want to do anything that he has done with someone else before. I would feel like i'm being compared or something. Also, it feels kinda uncreative. Like, 'oh this worked last time, I cant think of anything better soo...." .. I would prefer a new place that he isn't sure if its good or not, over laziness."

It would bother me too. I mean really, unless you live out in the boondocks where there are a total of two restaurants, I'm sure he can figure out something to do that's new for both of you, so y'all can make new memories together. I would be annoyed that he was lazy and had to resort to doing something he did with another girl. And yeah, guys and girls think differently.

And to all the people saying "oh just be happy that you even have a bf, or oh just be happy he's even trying etc. etc. etc." No, you don't have to just be happy with what you have. If you want something more that's fine, geez, nothing's wrong with having standards.

I do think I could answer better with more details though, like how did you find out he had been there before, and was he there before for an anniversary with the ex (b/c that would be unforgivable to me), or just a regular date.

Oooppss, mean to delete the "guys and girls think differently part". Doesn't make much sense like that. Sry.

I'd be pissed. I wouldn't forgive him for the zero thought he put into it. He could of at least tried to be a bit more original. If it was a place romantic like a resort or an over night trip I don't want to imagine him with his ex there.

He buys you flowers and then you find out he bought her the same kind, you gonna be mad then too?!

come on, get over it. Its not a mandatory thing he does anything for your anniversary. Be thankful and happy that he cares enough to plan anything.

i understand. i wouldnt be peeved. but you feel like he should know you enough to make new memories with or outing that is more in your taste. but i wouldnt make a big deal out of it

I'm confused, forgive who here? The poster for getting mad or the bf?

How I look at this is that guys sometimes don't take it to that far in consideration, all they remember from previous exes or experiences that the place is awesome, great food, great service, wonderful atmosphere. Or it just triggers some feel-good-moment for him.

If anything, I don't think he's trying to hurt you on purpose, OP. My hubby took me to this park where he took his long time ex-gf for their first date for our silly 1 month 'anniversary.' (The only reason I know this is because his ex who was my friend at the time told me)
But I wasn't mad, my hubby thought that the park was awesome and beside his ex going there, he's been going to that park since he was a little boy and has had a lot of fond memories there.
I took my hubby too for our third date to a Southern food restaurant I went out with one of my exes. Not to reminisce, it's just that the food was AWESOME and the price is right. I never thought it was a big deal, even my hubby doesn't care that I went out on a date to that place before I met him.

If I were you, OP, just forgive him for this 'oops,' there are so many things about a place/restaurant/etc that bring/triggers memory more than just the ex(es). Most likely he just wants you to enjoy yourself, next time, plan things TOGETHER so that you guys can create new 'tradition' or memory or whatever.

Good luck.

You can not possibly be serious.

The guy found a restaurant he liked, and took you out, and all you can think of is that he's been there before with someone else?

Maybe you should move out of town, so you're not in danger of standing at the same bus stop that he's been to before with his ex girlfriend.

I feel very sorry for your boyfriend, and I hope that you change your behavior.

so yeah i wrote this comment and the site crashed, very nice.

anyways, if it was a hotel you have my blessing to be pissed off, if it was a restaurant then tell him it was weird for you, but forgive.

Briandiesel, yes it is a mandatory thing to do something for the aniversary. jeez, some girls just don't know what a real man is like.

I'd be peeved because it means he has no sense of original thought, even if I enjoyed it. My boyfriend knows better. =)

I'M the one who accidentally took us somewhere that he'd been with an ex and he made sure not to do any of the same things with me as he'd done before.

I don't see how he is getting a free pass on this he can be more creative and do somthing different flatout!!!

Holy SMOKES!!! Are they supposed to build all new places just so that you never go the same place you did with an ex?!

Get over it.