Your boyfriend is right that you saved him from making the biggest mistake of both of your lives.

Something was wrong in your relationship to make you do that. Whatever that thing was is still wrong.

I don't see him forgiving you any time soon, and I don't blame him.

As for you, I think you wanted out of this relationship and didn't know how to leave, so you did the worst thing possible and then told him.

That put the onus of leaving on HIM, which is doubly unfair, in my opinion.

Spend this time alone to get to know yourself better. Relationships between two people who love each other shouldn't end like this.

With his best friend? That is so low!

Seriously: with his best friend??? That's bad. It's even worse than bad! Just imagine him telling you he had cheated on you with your best friend.

I'm with popgoestheworld: get to know yourself better before you start your next relationship.

you made your bed, now sleep in it. cheating always breaks people up and even when they try to forgive you they'll always remember and you'll never be the same person to them and you knew that before sleeping with his... wait for it... FREAKING BEST FRIEND.

i wondet what people think before they post something like this to Dear sugar. That people will support them no matter what cause this is such a cool community?

You cheated with his best friend? Nope, not forgiveable! What do you think you could possibly do to repair this? Undo that you did it? You can't do that!

You went into the cheating knowing full well that you "loved" your boyfriend and yet you did it anyway. You messed up and he probably isn't going to forgive you.

I don't know why anybody would come to dearsugar and post something like this - we're clearly all going to vote NOT FORGIVE!!

Imagine if he'd done the same to you? Cheated on you with your best friend? How quickly would you forgive him that indiscretion!!

He's lost both you and his best friend. Man.

I know I am going to get tore up for this but here it goes:

In her defense: I did something similar. I cheated on my bf of many years while away on and internship. I took that specific position to get out of the state and be on my own for a while, because I needed to do something that was right for me. And you know what? It was one of the BEST things I ever did because it opened my eyes and I realized how unhappy I was and how BAD my boyfriend was for me. He had put a down-payment on a ring while I was gone, but when I got back, I broke up with him.

Bottom line is she is human. I say forgive, but learn from it and move on! You did betray him, big time! I think it is safe to say you bf is not the right one for you. Something was not adding up and that is why you cheated. Let him find someone who is better for him.

Cheating is never acceptable. You know, it really bugs me when someone cheats and then says, "I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him." If you really felt that way, you wouldn't have cheated. End of story.

Well, don't bother trying to convince him, the rest is in his hands. Frankly, I'm happy my dad's prior fiancee cheated on him, otherwise I would have never been bored. Hahah... Sorry dry humor. I'm sure you don't need any of use telling you how badly your messed up, or what a big betrayal it was, or there's something wrong, blah blah blah. Of course your slip up is not forgivable. You can be forgiven, but the act is not. Does it mean it's fixable? That's up to him at this point. Things are are broken. Obviously if it was so easy for you to hop into the sack with someone else, then the relationship and love for him wasn't as solid as you would like to think. Or what he thought for that matter. As for what he may be thinking? "How could she do this to me (insert some curse words, maybe insults, choice pronouns and some adjectives, maybe some verbs). Right about now, he hates your guts, and hates your friends guts, and probably wants the both of you to fall into a ditch. I suggest you focus on yourself and figure out what would possess you to make such a mistake? Leave him alone, let him sort things out. If he wants to talk to you, he will, and if not, respect that.

i said not decided. I dont condone cheating, but that means that there is a problem in the relationship, that you needed to address.

I think at this point, you need to quit beating yourself up. Everyone messes up. Not everyone cheats, but you should look at the reason that you did and try to figure out why your boyfriend wasnt meeting your needs.

Has for your boyfriend, what he does is up to him. You came clean with your actions, and now he has to decide what is best for him.

You cant control him, only yourself. So let hin decide- what is best for him and learn a lesson.

let me break it down.... men cheat (mind my language) just to get their dick wet... women cheat for emotional reasons. you really need to think of the reason WHY you cheated on him.
you are human, people make mistakes, but imagine how he feels...being betrayed by the woman who he was planning on spending the rest of his life with AND his best friend at once..thats a lot to handle!
maybe he will forgive you, but why would he give a ring to someone who was unfaithful to him? trust is key to a relationship, and i think you lost it. i would say to learn from your mistake and dont make the same one again!

Sorry, but you can't expect him to forgive you. He was thinking about marrying you while you were sleeping with his best friend!

Eh. I read the original post. It was with 2 of his 'bff' instead of only 1 LOL (not that it matters, she cheated). And it's partly because the long-term bf was unclear/vague about being committed (to marriage) to her.
Well, can't expect your bf to forgive you now because he's obviously told you so.

Causality. Cause and effect. You cheated, he dumped you. The end. Try to beg him to come back, he may, but most likely he'll not commit next time. Learn from this one and move on.

Your not only in the wrong but so is his friend. That's a whole another issue he has to deal with. I recommend counseling to find out why you cheated. I hope you learned a valuable lesson you take with you from now on. You need to give him time if he feels like he can salvage the relationship he will be in touch and that's when the work begins. It will take a long time to regain his trust or he may never trust you completely. I hope he doesn't take you back for revenge just to do the same thing to you.

i said forgive. i don't think cheating was ok especially when you cheated with his best friend. I think he can forgive you since you told him, but your relationship is dead and buried. You obviously cheated on him because the relationship was lacking something, so learn and move on. Hopefully, you won't do this to someone else and he can move on and find a better woman for him.

How do you not know what he's thinking? He said you stopped him from making the biggest mistake of his life. That seems pretty clear to me.

100% with Leila07, Forgive, everything happens for a reason & as much as it hurt both of you, well the three of you its for the best. We're all human and have the tendency to be stagnant, we shouldn't have to act out in such forms as cheating to get the results we want nor should we settle

Wow- I can't imagine how your poor boyfriend must feel. He must be devastated. You screwed up and now you have to face the consequences of your actions. Maybe he may want to work it out but if I were him I would be walking away. But I agree with the posters that said you cheated because you clearly were NOT happy and things were not that great. Maybe you should figure out what it is you need.

There is usually something fundamentally wrong with your relationship if one person or the other feels the desire to cheat. I'm glad your boyfriend found out that you're a cheater BEFORE proposing to you. Even if you say you want to spend the rest of your life with him, your actions speak otherwise: if you really loved him, you would NOT cheat on him. Maybe you have a fear of commitment somewhere that you need to address. You need to get some therapy and figure out what made you want to cheat on this seemingly perfect guy before you pursue another long-term relationship.

There is a fundamental reason why you cheated, and with his best friend no less. But only you know the real reason(s). This is unforgivable.

not forgive, you cheated with his BEST FRIEND!

I've heard many excuses/justifications, but I don't think there's ever an excuse for cheating on someone who trusts you. And if you do, at least have some respect for the other person and don't ask them to forgive you for humiliating them in the first place.

Several of my friends have been cheated on, and whether the relationship was going well or not, they were *devastated* beyond words. And most of them, years later, are still trying to get over the fact someone they trusted could do that to them.

This being said, this is just my opinion. I don't get this "forgive/not forgive" voting system to be honest - the only person who can make that call should be the ex-bf, not online voices.

You cheated. Plain and simple. Now you have to pay for your sins, and that's the end of the relationship. You play, you pay. And because of how much your ex values loyalty and honesty, I also expect that his 'best friend' won't be his 'best friend' for too much longer.

Nope I'd move on too and you cheated with his best friend gurl bye!!!

Of course you shouln't be forgiven? WTF were you thinking? I hope his bestfriends dick was good. Im glad he realized he was about to make a huge mistake. Selfish.

i'm gonna go forgive...and my reason why is...at least she told him..before he proposed..before they got married..children the whole shabang. now...can it be fixed?..yea..i believe it can. it depends on the individuals involved and how much they would want to continue the relationship. if not...the question is? can you forgive yourself? this will be something you will always carry, especially if the boyfriend calls it quits completly. thats a lot of years to put into a relationship and not feel some impact from it when you break up. if that happens...forgive yourself...hopefully understand....don't do it again....when in another relationship. good luck to you

Did you actually see the ring? When I broke up with my bf he told me that he had a put a down payment on a ring and that he was planning on asking me to marry him and that his parents were going to put a down payment on a condo for us. All lies. He was just trying to make me feel terrible and guilty for leaving him. All that aside, couldn't you have found someone better to cheat with than his best friend? Now he's losing two people that were important to him in his life. Not forgive.

I don't think you can call sleeping with your bf's best friend a 'slip up' but you did the right thing by telling him what happened. I don't think it's up to us to forgive or not - the person that needs to forgive you is obviously your bf, and you need to forgive yourself too.

Was it wrong? yes it was. Should you be forgiven? Everyone makes mistakes and you have to start working on how to fix what you've screwed up, not constantly beat yourself up about what happened.

He may choose not to forgive you, and that's something that you will need to learn to live with. He may choose to say he's forgiven you, and then constantly make you feel guilty for your behaviour. It may never be the same again.

There are lots of ramifications as a result of someone being unfaithful, and you need to decide whether you are ready to take those on. If possible, sit down and discuss with him why you did what you did, and what you will do to fix it. If he's prepared to stick through it with you, it will take time and effort, but I do believe it can be done.

Good luck!

You stepped outside of your committed relationship by intentionally sleeping with another man, a man that was close to your boyfriend, and then you lied about it before being guilted into coming clean. However much you say you love him, you have to DEMONSTRATE that you're ready to be in a married committed relationship. Cheating definitely doesn't do that, and I don't blame him for not forgiving you.

He was ready to spend the rest of his life with you, and you just showed him that you weren't ready for it, and that he didn't matter enough to you. Personally, I feel there's absolutely NO EXCUSE for cheating in a committed relationship, and it's the worst thing you could do to somebody else. The best friend wasn't worth losing your boyfriend, was it?

Too bad, maybe he'll eventually forgive you, but he probably won't trust you like he used to. If he doesn't forgive you, then that's his prerogative. That's the price of infidelity. Maybe you'll take better care next time.

Not forgive...EVER! You cheated, the end.

I just caught my (ex) boyfriend cheating on me -- flirting/making plans with another girl over facebook! Nuh-unh... there are two absolute deal-breakers for me: hitting and cheating.

you cheated for a reason. hes not the one for you. you dont love him anymore, you dont hurt the person you love if you did. its not fair to him. not forgive, if you didnt want to be with him enough to stay faithful you should of just broke it off. no one deserves to be cheated on. why ask him to trust you again its not fair at all. let him go be with someeone who wont hurt him

Im glad that he didn't make a mistake by proposing and marrying you. What you did was malicious.

I vote not forgive too. If you really love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, you shouldn't have told him that you cheated. Seriously. You also shouldn't have cheated in the first place, but how the heck did you think he was going to react?!

Personally I think his friend should have put a stop to it before it happened. He likely knew what your boyfriend was going to do and sleeping with you jeopardized his friendship and your relationship.

I think he may not forgive you but some day I believe you can be forgiven because we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. It will be ok, I just hope u learn from this and make better choices next time.

First mistake was to cheat, second was to tell him. You cheated for a reason whether it was because you had lust in your heart for his best friend and in a way sabotaged your own relationship with your boyfriend , or because you werent serious about your boyfriend in the first place and needed "something" to fill a void, whatever it was it is over and done with and you MUST forgive yourself before expecting his forgiveness for you.

You made a mistake, and It will probably cost you dearly, but cheating doesnt make you an evil person, or incapable of having a wonderful loving long term cheat free relationship. Apologize to him, but if he doesnt give you forgiveness you need to move on and not carry that guilt with you, you deserve to be happy and so does he and with this on the table its not likely to be together.

So CHIN UP! its not the end of the world.

Cheating is unforgivable to a degree always. There had to have been something wrong for you to hurt someone who cared enough to want to marry you. I feel with more information about your motive it would be easier to decide if you can be forgiven or not ... but for now I'm undecided.

P.S. Also, even if you DIDN'T ever tell him that you cheated, what makes you think his best friend, whom you willingly cheated with, WON'T ever tell him?

He was going to find out sooner or later - better that you got this over with sooner.

Why is it so *hard* for people [both women and men] NOT to cheat? It just doesn't make any sense to me...the whole "people make mistakes" thing...seriously, cheating is a BIG, intentional mistake that is easily avoided.

If I was in his position, I wouldn't forgive you. Move on and forgive myself for dating/loving/trusting you, yes, but forgive you, no. You should probably give up hope for this relationship and move on and never do something like this to anyone else.

I don't think it's ever okay for someone to cheat on their significant other and not tell them about it. So now not only do you cheat, but you lie about it. So now this person is in love with a cheat and a liar. The truth sets you free. And really, I agree with Margokhal, I don't don why it's hard for people in general, not to cheat. Is it so hard to keep your pants on? And I don't believe in that bs about how you get caught up in the moment. Just about everything you do is done by choice.

truth sets you free, and it goes flying onto the person you harmed and they get to carry it around.

Cheating isnt that black and white (is it so hard to keep your pants on) its different in every situation (not saying its okay)

If you dont believe in the BS that you can get caught up, then be glad you never have, the people that it has happened to dont think its BS.

Ha Caterpillar you just took the words right out of my mouth. "Cheating isn't that black and white." There are so many different scenarios and it is very easy to get caught up in the lust or in the moment. I'm not saying it's ok and I would never want it to happen to me but for everyone to pass such hard judgment on someone who had a weak moment and cheated isn't really fair. Everyone has their weak moments. You live, you learn, you make mistakes. Mistakes in judgment included. No one is perfect. Heck, I never thought I would cheat but I did. I cheated because my ex was a jerk and I felt trapped and unappreciated. It happened and I learned from it.

If you really did love him, you wouldn't have cheated. I really think it's as simple as that. Not only that, you told him because you "couldn't bear the lies anymore." You told him to relieve YOURSELF of the guilt, not because you care about him. Selfish.

Been in plenty of moments where you could get caught up, said no. The truth sure set me free even thought it hurt for awhile. Black and white or gray, you still make that choice. Obviously when you cheat you're not thinking about the other person. Excuses are just another way to absolve yourself of guilt.

Ugh. Unfortunately you screwed up. And there is no coming back from this one. Maybe your bf will decided to take you back but I agree with GScott... what is with all the excuses about cheating? You just DON"T do it. End of story. I too have been in situations where I could have made out with other guys and my bf never would have known. But every time I was even a little bit flattered at the attention, I got totally disgusted with myself because 1) I loved my boyfriend and 2) I thought about how I would feel if my bf did the same thing to me. If you really want to make out with some other guy, go break up before you do. I'm kind of annoyed reading posts like this and hearing people complain about how they are so sorry after the fact, etc. I'm sorry that you made such a bad decision but you made your bed. Now you have to lie in it.

Also, regarding the "oh there can be extenuating circumstances that cause you to cheat..." comments: I'd like to say, um no. Unless you are living in some crazy Star Trek scenario where your body has been temporarily hijacked by an alien, you have no excuse. I don't care how much of a jerk your boyfriend is or how "caught up in the moment you are". Grow up, learn to control your "lust" or whatever, and learn to respect others.

i've been a cheater in the past, never told my ex bc I figured it didn't mean much to me... so why tell him.

I would say he should forgive you but because it was with the best friend that is a totally different level. Plus, i'd like to know what happened to the relationship between said friend and him.

I've noticed some guys forgive the guy friend bc they are male and it doesn't matter but for a girl its this emotional thing they can't get over.

jocupcake, who said that quote about "there can be extenuating circumstances that cause you to cheat" No one said that at all.

I don't think it has much to do with the relationship as how you perceive yourself. I keep reading that the truth will set you free but that only works if you want to absolve yourself of that pain. If you generally considered the feelings of the other person perhaps not telling them and providing an alternate excuse to break up with them would have been better. What compelled you tell him in the first place and desire forgiveness is the fear of rejection. To those who say if you cared about him then it wouldn't have happened I don't believe that either. I do think that If you love someone you would try to prevent yourself from engaging in those activities but it can still happen if you allow it. As to whether or not he should forgive you, I believe you are asking too much of him. Remove yourself from the situation and understand that you may never be forgiven. Forgiveness won't make you feel better.