You state that in her shoes you would want to be told. Well, she has been told. Last summer she watched what he did to a friend, and y'all have told her to watch out. She chose to lie down with a dog, she'll get itchy from the fleas soon enough. If you tell her what you saw, you'd be belaboring a point you've already made. Why bother? Your friendship is not based on trading insider info on who sees what guy doing who, and it's clearly not based on looking out for one another. This absolves you from responsibility for keeping your eye on her best boyfriend interests.

First off, the line "keep my mouth shut, to stay out of it, that it was none of my business" I really hope those were not the words he said to you.
Second, YES it is your business and you should have told her what you saw. She has been warned however you actually saw it and as her friend, it's your obligation to let her know. And just like you said, if you were her, you would want to be told. It's a common courtesy and if we don't look out for our friends, who will? That is part of a good friendship!

Talk to her boyfriend, let him know that in two weeks you will tell your best friend about his date.

He might tell her himself
He might break up with her
He might stay with her and then she'll know the truth

This is always sticky, no matter how close friends you are, because very often the person gets mad at the person who tells them the news rather than the boyfriend who is cheating on them.

I had an almost identical situation, right down to the guy friend I was with telling me to act like I hadn't seen what I had. After a week, I decided to tell my friend because she was engaged to that guy and I couldn't live with the thought of her marrying someone like that and my not having said anything. So I told her, she went into a silent rage that was directed towards me, she dropped me as a bridesmaid and didn't talk to me for 12 years - AFTER they separated when he left her for someone else. He cheated on her their entire marriage but she didn't want to know about it.

So it's a tough call. Your friend could be grateful, or she could react like mine did. I regretted telling her because she married him anyway, and I lost a good friend in the equation.

I understand the phrase "Shoot the messenger." It's a tough situation to be in. I understand that your bf thinks it's totally none of your business. It's kind of none of your business, but if I were your best friend, I'd like to know.
But if you and your best friend have had a "tiff" in the past and she suspected your loyalty as a friend already, she may just ignore your warning and keep dating this guy, or she may already be so "in love" with this guy and wants to be with him regardless, and your warning her is going to shake her fantasy world and she may end up not liking you about it.
Ergh, ask her in a hypothetical question, "If you've seen my bf with another girl, will you let me know?" You can gauge what you can do based on her answer. If she's the kind of person who'll let you know, I'm pretty sure that she'll appreciate the same thing in return.

are you sure it was a date? or was he just sitting at the bar when she sat next to him. i've been in this situation and when the friend told me, i didn't believe her (durr). years later i told someone i saw her dh with another woman and the end result is we aren't friends anymore. sad, but true.

I knew a couple and the wifes best friend was dating a total jerk. They lived in apt complexes across the street from each other and the husband saw the guy going in and out of the complex with girls in his car while gf was at work. They tried to tell her and she didnt believe them. She cut them out of her life and later he gave her an STD that got so bad that she got a terrible infection and now shes sterile and cant have kids bc of him. The couple did the best they could, but the friend chose not to believe them- but at least they knew they tried.

You should always tell her. It's, like, when people having food in b/w their teeth: yes, they'll be embarrassed but it's for the best. If she were a good friend she wouldn't shoot the messenger. Besides, think how much time you'd save her from spending it in a worthless relationship. There's other guys out there.

i had a somewhat similar situation, but there was no 'other' woman...my best friend's bf had linked me to his LJ acct (i had never linked him to mine) but i could see all his locked entries...there was one about making a decision and knowing he would break someone's heart and when i read it, i told my friend about it and just cautioned to be careful. i knew she wouldn't want to hear about it (i wasn't his biggest fan) but knew i couldn't keep it from her either.

that night (and no, she didn't confront him) he dumped her, and she called me crying, but at the same time thanked me for warning her because it didn't come as largely as a shock. it sucked that she was in pain, but i just wanted to alert her because i didn't want him to hurt her more than he did...

i said forgive because, though i think you should tell her, you're in a very difficult and delicate situation. guys like to think that it's none of their business, that they shouldn't say anything. so i think him giving you that advice and you following it isn't horrible. it's okay not to know what to do, completely forgivable. tell her, though. you'd want to know, we'd all want to know.

I forgive you because this is a difficult position to be in. A few months ago I found out that my bf of 6 months had been messing around behind my back with a bunch of girls. Two of his closest guy friends told me, and I couldn't have been more grateful. I ended it right then and there. I think that in this situation it is important to tell the truth.

I said forgive, because it's not too late to tell her if you want to. Your BF was just being a typical man, it's really more of a girl thing to want to be involved in other people's situations. If you do tell her, be prepared for her to react badly. That just seems to be the way it goes. But, in this day and age of STD's, it really seems like something the other person has to know.

Your boyfriend's response is not unexpected, but it is a double standard. If he saw his best friend's girlfriend with another guy, he'd tell him.

You're in a very sticky situation and I don't know if there is a "right" answer. I told a man I was dating that someone else at our workplace was living with his ex-wife. Everyone else knew and didn't pay him the courtesy of being honest. I did and I got kicked to the curb for it. As the messenger, prepare to be shot. If this is a so-so friend, I say keep your mouth shut. If this is your bf, you might consider telling. I feel strongly that we should be there for each other, and I would want a friend to tell me, but unfortunately it's hard to gage someone's maturity until the deed is done. Even very close friends can be a mystery.

If you'd want to be told, you should do the same courtesy for your friend. Her choices after she's been told are hers... but without all the information she cannot make and informed choice.

Hopefully the boyfriend realizes he has been caught and will fess up to her himself. Do you think she will be mad if she finds out you knew and did not tell her? Either way you could loose the friendship, be ready for that.

you should tell her in an offhand way, like, i saw your bf at this place last week, and maybe she knew he was there with a friend. if not, she knows he was on a date and it's not like you planned to tell on him.

Let her know what you saw. Shes supposed to be your best friend.

Not your business. You didn't do anything wrong. So I don't see what there is to forgive. She knows he's a dog and still puts up with him. People say they want to be told, but you never know if they really do. Really unless you saw some hard core PDA I don't see how you know it was a date at all. If you bring it up and it wasn't a date, or the guy denies it....who is she going to believe? You or him? I wouldn't put myself in that position.

I would forgive if you told her right now. Unforgivable if you keep it in any longer.

P.S. She might not believe you, as she seems to live in a world where he's not scum.

You should tell her. I would be really upset if my best friend didn't tell me.

This is really sad.

its sad, but you really can never tell your friend. ive been in this situation MANY times, on both sides. and believe me, dont bother telling. when i was the one getting cheated on and my friends would tell me it would push me further away from them and closer to the guy. it doesnt make sense, i know, but in my experience that is ALWAYS what happens. when i tried to tell my friend, she would just tell her boyfriend that i said it and in turn he would tell her that im just a bad friend. she believed him of course, and shes still with him. we are no longer friends. trust me, dont get involved.

I would still tell her again but I guess I can see how she might not listen if she didn't listen to the warnings in the beginning and she might just think you were making it up to get her to break up with him. Hmmm this is tough. Naw, still tell her but don't do an "I told you so" when she finally comes to her senses and ends up brokenhearted. She'll need a friend then.

I would say something- wouldn't you want to know? Its like the unofficial 'womens code of ethics!'

Tell her and don't be too surprised if she doesn't believe you, but then it is on her.

are you sure it was a date? it could have just been a friend. i would talk to him and find out. i go out with my male friends for drinks sometimes and it's not thought of as a date.

I forgive, but think you should come clean to her.

i have a friend who married the same kind of guy... she had been told many times of him cheating and still she is with him. i think that if your friend has overlooked what he has done in the past, then she will do it again just to convince herself that she's happy and he's great. i don't think you have to tell her but at the same time, i don't see anything wrong with clearing your conscience. good luck!

You should tell her, but make it a passing thing. "Hey, I meant to tell you that I saw _______ leaving the bar with a blonde/brunette/redhead the other night." That way, it doesn't look like you're accusing him of anything.

You've warned her. I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Best bet - talk to him. Ask him jokingly who his "date" was, and if it turns out that it was a date, tell him that you're very sorry but you won't keep secrets from your friend for him. Give him a couple days to tell her and then if he doesn't, come clean. If you don't want to do that, mention to her that you ran into him at the bar you were at with your boyfriend and you thought you recognized the girl he was with, but you weren't sure. Just let it hang and she'll ask all the questions necessary.

i forgive you for not telling her yet, but its time to tell her. just sit her down and say that you had been so disturbed you couldn't bring yourself to admit it to her face yet, but {tell her what you saw}, and say that you just thought she had the right to know.

Guys are allowed to have female friends. That's not cheating. Casually mention that you ran into him while you were out and let her take it from there. Don't jump to the conclusion that he's being dog.

Tell her. You boyfriend told you not to b/c that's how guys are, they don't want to eb a snitch and in their perfect world the could bang whoever they want without consequences. TELL HER, if you don't then you aren't a true friend.

it's completely your responsibility to tell your friend, and i'd have HUGE issues with my boyfriend telling me to keep my mouth shut about it!!!!

TELL YOUR FRIEND!!! And then talk to your boyfriend about what he would have done had his best friend caught you cheating? Men need to learn empathy!!!

She needs to know...
I would hate it if any of my friends keep such a thing from me. She is being played, she will catch him one day, but it might be too late and she might be too emotionally attached to him. They've only been together for 3 months, so it is better to tell her now.

She's your friend, you should tell her. it's not yet too late to do the right thing!

for the love of christ! tell her!

I would suggest doing what your gut instinct tells you, If you say yourself you would like to be told then I would have a talk with her, however dont be too forward with it bring up the point, perhaps she knew he was going out witha nother girl (a friend of his perhaps) if he did cheat then shed be grateful for your honesty, explain to your boyfriend that if you were her youd wish to be told, its not completely none of your business becasue she is your friend an want to help her.

If you dont want to tell her, ask her who he was the girl he was with when you and your man saw him?

I said NOT FORGIVE. If she was an acquaintance or just a casual friend, then it's tricky to gauge what her reaction would be and you may not want to get involved in the whole mess. BUT, this is supposed to be your BEST friend. If your best friend doesn't tell you these sort of things, then who would?

I did the same thing to my best friend. She was seeing a really jealous guy who obsessed over her every move. Well when we were back from college my sister saw him at the club hugged up with another female. My sis told me and I was pissed! I said I would tell my BFF right away and she told me not to because she didn't believe my BFF would believe me. My sister was in a similar situation and her and her BFF ended up getting in a fist fight over it because her BFF didn't believe that her boyfriend was cheating. Well, I guess she figured it out when he got another girl pregnant, oops! Well she eventually apologized to my sis but they really haven't been good friends just associates ever since. I didn't want that to happen to us. It's been 2 years, they broke up early last year and she's moved on so I guess I'll let her know over tea 10 years from now when we're both married.

"Keep your mouth shut, and stay out of it, that is none of your business" I really hope those were not the words he said to you. Anyways, This is supposed to be your BEST friend, So yes it is your business and you should have told her what you saw. She has been warned however you actually saw it. As her friend, it's your obligation to let her know. And just like you said, if you were her, you would want to be told. It's a common courtesy and if you don't look out for our friends, who will? That is part of a good friendship!

I think that you should tell her what you saw. You would probably want her to do the same for you right? I mean it's not going to be the easiest thing at all but it'll be worth it in the end. Just be careful on how you approach her about it...you don't want her to get defensive and flip out on you.

OMG, you better tell your friend

This is your best friend tell her and let her do with the info what she will. guys are stupid don't listen to the BF. Just tell her and then let the matter drop. you've done your duty as a friend after that

I think there are some times in situation where you should hold back and not butt into other people's affairs.

But sorry, I really don't think this is one of them.

It's your best friend after all and personally, you don't want to see her hurt (and she will be hurt eventually when she realises what a cheat her bf is). Think of the long term though - it's really for her own good that she knows now, even though she may be angry with you and there will bring up problems in her relationship with her bf.

As everyone's said, it's her own choice what to do afterwards. She may even choose to stay with him but at least give her the choice to decide whether to stay with him or leave him.

I don't see any trouble with what you did.

Firstly, you seem to be jumping to conclusions. Just because he was coming out of a bar with a girl doesn't mean he was on a date. By not telling your friend you might have saved her from a massive unecessary upset, and possibly the destruction of her relationship. How would you have felt if that were the case?

Also, you've warned her about him enough from the sounds of things. You've done your duty as a friend, and I think your boyfriend is bang on the money: leave it alone. It is no longer any of your business (whether it was is debateable at best). So definately you've made the right decision.

Did you caught him having dinner or sex? You just saw him leaving a bar, you can´t go tell her he was cheating. I learned from experience that you should stay out of couples issues. What you could do is mention you came across him in a bar, without implying anything else.