i'd think that if i were close enough to someone to consider moving in, he'd know stuff like i host a potluck with the girls every tuesday

otherwise, those are good tips

I would want to live with the guy for a year or two before get hitched but then I remeber in my psy 101 class, some statistics stating living together before marriage has a higher divorce rate.

tomatoshirt - i've heard that stat but have a theory: those who are morally against living together before marriage are also likely to be morally against divorce...i think that the people who choose to live together before marriage (think liberal) are also more likely to not oppose divorce and not be bound by religious beliefs on the subject

i cant see how living together before marriage would make someone more likely to divorce later on

Good point! I nvr thought about it like that... A colleague of mine, who is happily married with three kids, once told me "if i can give you one relationship advise, live with the person for a year or so before getting married."

My husband and I didn't live together before we got married and everything worked out well. Sure, there are a few minor things that we found out about each other once we started sharing an apartment...like how he never rinses out the sink after he shaves or how I can't stand laundry being left anywhere except a hamper or laundry basket. But IMHO, if little things like that are going to drive you to break up with someone, you have to wonder how strong your relationship is in the first place.

I've known lots of people who were glad they moved in with their SO... mainly because there are a lot of strange things you discover by sharing a place/finances that you might not see otherwise.

I agree. Moving in together for a while before moving on further with a relationship can really help each other discover little things about each other that you can't find out otherwise, especially when the ultimate goal is to share a house eventually.

I think skigurl has a really good theory.

I definitely think that moving in is a good idea, and these tips definitely help! My friend was engaged to her boyfriend of six years and it turned out that they were completely wrong for each other, and even though everything seemed great, the problems started coming up even just in the first month that they lived together.

That said, I think that the first year living with somebody is the hardest and that you shouldn't necessarily just pack up and move on if little things happen, because they will. But I think that living together can bring big things out of the shadows.

The more time my boyfriend stays at my apt and messes it up the more I freak about us someday maybe living together...ha.

I can see how living together numbs a couple into staying together, just because it's too much trouble to un-mix their stuff. That's one reason the divorce rate might be higher. I've seen it happen several times, and it could have happened in my last relationship - someone drops an ultimatum, and the couple don't stop to consider that they might not be the best match after all, but rather just comfortable together.

Personally, I've done it and I'm never doing it again - next time I'm going to have a ring on my finger beforehand.

And I'm quite liberal, but I'm also quite conservative when it comes to personal values about love and marriage. I believe in total commitment - I don't believe in divorce and I'm very glad I've taken my time finding the right person.

I always thought that living together before marriage was tacky (eek!), but now that I'm in a LDR, I realize that in many cases it's necessary. We live in two different states (PA and GA) and have decided that, before we were to do anything serious, like get engaged, we need to be sure that we're compatible, living-wise. Plus, we need to know that we're both ready for the commitment. It's simply too much of a leap to go from seeing each other 3-4 times a year for a few days to marriage and moving in. There needs to be a "trial period," if you will

So, while my view on living together flip flops, I think it can be a very mature and responsible thing to do. And tips like these are great to help think it through even more Thanks, Dear!

I lived with my then-boyfriend, now-husband, for 3 years before we got married. I think, ultimately, it helped prepare us for marriage. We adapted to each other's habits early on, and worked out all the kinks that come with learning to share a space with someone. I definitely think it's a good idea to live with someone before you get married, that way there are no surprises and if it won't work out, you'll know before you take the plunge.

I've been psuedo living with my boyfriend for the past 3 months (i stay at his place 5 days a week, and on weekends he stays at mine), and i have to say, while it's really opened up some things that he wouldn't REALLY have caught on to with out living with me, it's only made our relationship more meaningful. We've already talked about officially getting our own place soon, and i've spoken with lots of friends for advice about moving in with a SO. I've spoken with my mom about it too, and it seems like the biggest thing about moving in with someone is being ready to act like an adult about EVERYTHING instead of being petty, or childish, or selfish. all of the"Do's" are basic sense, but some of the don'ts are things i'm going to write down and try to never forget.

Funny how I am about to move-in with my fiance. We just signed a lease and though we practically lived together in college, we had our own separate places then, I knew I could always go back to my own personal space. I am a little anxious about offically moving my things with him, but I think it's definetly a step in the right direction for us. We discussed the finances, location, personal space time and such . . . though i know he's going to hate it when I wake up at 4:45 am for my spin class

I agree with princess eab 100%. I've done it once, got it out of my system and at the same time avoided a starter marriage. Now that I'm older I don't need to live with someone to have a good idea of who they are or how we will solve problems. Think about this... living together is so you can find out possible problems you will have down the road. But you will ALWAYS have problems down the road and what matters is not what they are but how you handle them. You can work on handling problems without living with eachother.

I'm with princess. Right now I live with my bf, but we may move to separate places because I'm going to grad school. While living together has brought us closer in some ways in others it seems like the relationship has stagnated and we're not moving forward (ie I want to get married someday and he's hemming and hawing over it). So should we split residences, I'm not going to agree to moving back in until I have a ring. I realize now that I need to know that commitment is there instead of getting in a comfortable rut and not ending up with his needs met. I know it works for some people (my best friend did it and is now happily married), but not knowing for sure where it's going while living together is too much stress for me!

I also want to add, the reason for an engagement is to work on becomeing a couple. When you one day go from living alone to living together you all of a sudden face tons of issues that you didn't take time to prepare for. Not only that, but these issues aren't always worked out as a couple. They are usually dealt with in a way like "can I live with this" rather than "how can we work through this" which sets a perfectly good relationship up for possible failure.

I don't think it's a mistake to buy when you're just living together, but there are some rules you should follow--e.g., only one person should be on the mortgage; the amount the other person pays in should not be taken into consideration in the mortgage qualification process; the mortgage holder should be able to afford the mortgage on your own if you and your partner split up; the partner not on the mortgage should always have enough set aside to put down first and last on a new place if things don't work out; etc. There are some really killer real estate deals out there right now, and I think it's a mistake to say couples should not buy.

I have the mortgage on the house my boyfriend and I live in. We don't plan to split up (who does?), but we have a plan in place if we do split up.

Nice tips, really I think it should be applied to any two people moving in together, well some of it. In some aspects, but definitely a relationship.

good tips!

I've heard the speculation behind live-together-divorce-early is because some couples will marriage as the logical next step, and just do it without really wanting it, ending up divorced! But I really don't know why the divorce rate is higher.

The boyfriend & I have been living together for 14 months now and I love it. I love sharing a home with him. Marriage is something we want, but not yet, and this is a great prelude to it for now.

i thought about it, and i don't want to act like a wife without being one to my BF, why should he get the benefits of me living with him, without the commitment?
but, that's my own belief, and everyone should come up with their own. and why not include the guy in this? haha

I don't plan to move in before marriage. Like appolgurl said, why be a wife before you're a wife? I've heard several stories about couples who move in together fully intending on being married but then get comfortable and marriage becomes a piece of paper. Seen it before too. Even though it doesn't happen all the time, it's just not my thing to try ahead of time.

There will obviously be some surprises down the road regarding how a man keeps his space but if I can't get a good clue without moving in, then there's something wrong and we aren't ready to be married or move in together.

Me and my boyfriend live together because I'd never have made it through my graduate program without doing so. He supports us 100% and I am eternally grateful for this. We have had many "future" discussions and we were friends long enough before hand to know what we were letting ourselves in for,

I fully agree that you should not move in with your SO for money reasons. Get a roommate if you can't afford your rent. Don't rush moving in just because you can't afford to live on your own. I did that with my ex because I was desperate to get out of my parents house. I got my taste of freedom and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I wished he was just my roommate. Needless to say it ended in disaster.

I think that the most important underlying message is that major communication needs to happen before moving in together. The couple should really understand each other expectations before they move in and be prepared to discuss things as they come up. And from my personal experience, it is necessary to RESPECT each other!

I live with my bf of 2 years. I would not have even considered marriage if we did not. i now know what i got myself into. Just be sure you have the same intentions to avoid confusion. for us, its a prelude to marriage.

I was living on my own, for a while, before my ex moved in with me, I think I let him move in as quickly as I did (6 weeks, crazy right?) because he had a place to go back to (his parents), and we stayed together for over 3 years, the relationship only ended because of an unfortunate accident. Not to say everything was perfect, but I could send him to his mom's if I got sick of him
Now after he died, I met someone that I thought was perfect for me, and started seeing him (he had his own place), and through no fault of his own, he lost his job (economy), and we decided that since I had the bigger place, and it was cheaper, when he lost his apartment, he would move in with me. He has looked for jobs, and there are none around here, not even fast food.
BAD idea, I am still with him, after 2 1/2 years and I am completely miserable, I had no idea who he was. He still doesn't have a job, I pay all of the bills, I clean the house (I have tried to leave it until he pitched in, but it was ugly), run all the errands, he is lazy, and a d***. I can't kick him out now, because when I renewed my lease the last time, I put him on it, like an idiot. He cant go home to his mom, because she lives halfway across the country, and I cannot finance his move back, and won't anyway. He doesn't have any friends I could pawn him off on, and there are no homeless shelters around. Even though he is what he is, I cannot, in good conscience, just kick him to the curb, with nowhere to go, and no job, especially in Ohio winters.
Now that is not saying that I am not going to take my first opportunity to boot him, but it will be a good time for me, and I won't let him go without a roof, not because I love him, or even like him, because he has been there through some hard times, and we have had some difficulties in the fact that a child we had died recently. I don't know if it just that that is getting on my nerves or what. GRRR needed somewhere to vent, and this looked like as good as place as any.