I have been dating this great guy for the past six weeks and things have been going really well. He is thoughtful, he always initiates dates, and he has made it clear that I am the only girl he is dating and interested in. We have a lot in common and we have amazing chemistry, but we've done nothing but make out. We've had numerous sleep overs and the attracted is there, but it's never gone past third base. I am not a promiscuous, one-night stand kind of girl, and I've only been intimate with people that I have dated, but countless dates later I am getting pretty frustrated. I have never had this problem before —guys are usually anxious to get in my pants — so how do I proceed? Am I just over-reacting, or is something else going on here?
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Forte Forte
DSquared
Armani Jeans
Maybe he is just being a gentleman and letting you call the shots?
I doubt its anything to think too much into. He obviously is into you if you have been getting hot & heavy and you have been dating over a month. I wouldn't overanalyze it.
The next time you are in one of your 'steamy sessions', why not pull a condom out of your back pocket/purse/drawer/whatever, and say something suggestive, i mean, the condom itself is suggestive, but just say, hm, i dunno.. "I was hoping we could use this tonight" -- honestly, i'm not that charming since I haven't had to make that proposition to a guy since my boyfriend and I started dating over 3 years ago.
Happy sexing!
1Don't get too intimate, too fast. Maybe he wants to get to know you better before he gets in your pants because he actually cares about knowing you? You should be so lucky to have a guy who sees you as a real human and not just a sex object! Let your relationship progress slowly and enjoy getting to know him. Six weeks isn't a lot of time (I don't think so anyway) and maybe he's not ready to get physical like that.
I totally wouldn't suggest pulling a condom out of your pocket and trying to make it suggestive... ugh. No offense, but that makes me think of Julia Roberts' profession in Pretty Woman. If you want to initiate, definitely have condoms on stand by, but I think maybe you should talk about it in a more serious fashion... save the seduction for after you've both made the consensual decision to bring intercourse into your intimacy. I don't know many guys who would say "no" to sex, but if it's too early it might kind of destroy the course of the relationship, going from "girlfriend material" to "hookup".
2I wasn't proposing it in a way so that you sounded like a hooker.....
3Well, you could always grab a banana and show him how you can roll a condom on with your mouth, then cheekily say, "Okay, your turn!"
I'm not saying condoms are trashy or that you were suggesting she print out a price list, pull on the fishnets and zip up the pleather boots... what I am saying is that it can totally make you seem like you're not interested in him as a person if you bust out the moves too early. Is your goal to have sex with him, or to have a relationship with him? If he's important enough to you that you'd like a relationship, talk about the sex! How do you know you're both STI-free if you've never had the talk? I suggest you do the talking first and save the coy condom references for later, when you're officially getting it on together.
4Sounds like he's waiting to get the go-ahead from you. The next time you're making out almost naked and things plateau, take it one step further. Take off his boxers, put your hand down there, etc.
5How old is he? Maybe he hasn't had sex yet. If you've gone to third base, I'm sure he's very much into you, but I agree that he's probably just being a gentleman. I think you're going to have to make it clear, either through words or body language, that you're ready to have sex. Then he'll have to respond.
6Haha, laura_j. Sometimes if you're not sure of what response you'll get it's best to be cheeky, I think. It is entirely possible he could be a virgin. I've heard of crazier things.. so.. I agree, just try to take it one step further or talk to him about it if you feel comfortable. I don't think this is a big deal, actually. I think it's nice that for once, a guy isn't just trying to hurry up and get in a girl's pants..
7Yep, I support the talk to him theory. Maybe he was burned by an ex who wasn't honest with him, maybe he is a virgin, maybe he just doesn't want to come off like a jerk. You won't know unless you talk to him.
8i think he may just want to get to know you better before he has sex with you. there are some people who won't sleep with someone until they have developed certain feelings for someone, and there are also those people who have a time rule. personally i would talk to him about it. ask him why he hasn't tried to take things further with you. that is the only way you will know for sure what is going on.
9TALK TO HIM! tell him that you are ready to take that step with him, and you think you have shown him all the signs and dont understand why he hasnt initiated it.
10honestly, to me he sounds like a gentleman..and a great catch. no wonder you are anxious to get in his pants!
goodluck!!!
Yes, it looks like he's a gentleman and you're lucky!
11i guess heis just being cautious, he said you are the only girl that he is dating at the moment, so means he like you a lot, be patient, the sex will be good, rather than have long lasting joyful sex with someone you like than a one night stand.
12Why don't you just talk to him?? It sounds like he's definitely interested. Maybe he just wants to wait. Better to find out sooner rather than later if it's something more complicated than that, though.
(But I sympathize - I have a good libido, though I'm not a one-night-stand girl either - and I'd be chafing at the bit!)
13Oh, and by the way, if you can't even discuss the possibility of sex with him, you're not ready to have it. Before you have intercourse you should both get tested - this is just a bottom line (and yes, I always practice this).
14I think you should go at his pace, and just enjoy being in the moment. He might have a STD and needs to talk to you first...that would be one of the worst case scenarios. Let him lead, and I would not talk to him about it. Men love the chase...let him be a man/gentleman.
15I can't imagine having a sleepover and not sleeping with the guy. Why does he have to bring up sex? Bring it up yourself! Good luck!
16i would be so frustrated & i don't know that i'd put up with this, but that's just me... i'd say talk to him about it & see what's going on & if he's still not up for it, he's just not that into you.
17You might consider asking him if he is into porn. Seriously. Porn "addiction" has drastic effects on a man's sex drive, including erectile dysfunction. He might be afraid that if he gets to the actual act of sexual intercourse with you, he won't be able to get or maintain an erection because he has become unable to become aroused by an actual, real woman. It happens more often than you think.
Of course, if he's so into porn that it's led him to a problem performing in bed, he'll most likely lie to you about it. Nice, eh?
18I really agree with princess. If you can't talk to him about this, you aren't ready to have sex with him (in my opinion) since you're actually in kind of a relationship and all..
19I dated a religious guy for 2.5 years who didn't believe in sex before marriage. He didn't tell me this until 6 MONTHS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP by which time I was already invested.
You should ask him to clarify his situation here.
20Funny how woman complain when guys wanna get in our pants immediatly, then when he knows how to chill, we also complain. Wtf do we want ladies?!
21I'd say you've found yourself a great guy. But, there could also be a problem. So, since you've dated steadily for 6 weeks and probably gotten very comfortable around each other, why don't you just ask him?? Sometimes when I read these posts, no offense, I wonder whatever happened to communication???
22ASK HIM.
If you're comfortable enough to sleep with him, you should be comfortable to talk to him about it.
23How about talking about it/sex to him?
Find out where he stands (virgin? religious? waiting until marriage? erectile dysfunction? just a gentleman?), etc, and the possibility of doing it (if you guys are going to bring up the relationship further, etc). Then discuss about going to get tested, etc (for each other's benefit) and what type of birth control (I'm assuming that you're not ready to get knocked up by him) you guys are going to be using.
After things have been established and cleared off (and he's not the 'I'm going to wait until marriage' guy), just be prepared with the birth control (bring it with you or either of you can have it in your places) then when you guys feel the time is right, do it.
I've been in your shoes before. The guy I was dating before my hub was the same way. I asked him about it (after a month of heavy making out and sleeping over with no sex), it turned out that it's because he just wanted to wait on the sex and for us to get to know each other better first (established emotional connection and see compatibility beyond the 'fun dates').
Unfortunately, soon after, I didn't find him to be compatible beyond the fun dates before we went to bed anyway, therefore, I stopped seeing him.
Good luck to you.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
24I think you're overreacting. He sounds like a gentleman and I personally would be happy that a guy didn't try to get in my pants after only a month and a half.
25I was in your same situation when I met my bf. I was confused since we spent so much time together and we were only seeing each other. Finally I asked him and he said, 'I want to wait until we're in love with each other so we can make love'.
It was so sweet and so nice to
see someone that genuinely cared about me that much to wait.
26Wtf? One month? Is that honestly a lot? My bf and I waited about 4 months. And we were already pretty serious by that time. I just don't know what the rush is about. So I agree with everyone who said you need to talk to him!
27Wtf? One month? Is that honestly a lot? My bf and I waited about 4 months. And we were already pretty serious by that time. I just don't know what the rush is about. So I agree with everyone who said you need to talk to him!
28hmm 6 weeks is quite a while, esp with the sleepovers... the guy im seeing atm waited about 3 weeks and i thought that was strange!!....ive never ever had a guy so patient before!! usually there like sex pests!!....... however it was seriously worth the wait ....and its a nice change being with someone who is more considerate and doesnt treat me like some sex toy... like my last bf did!! ....so maybe he's just a sweet guy whos trying to treat you right... and maybe it'll be really worth the wait! ...maybe hes waiting to make sure you're really ready... so next time try initiating sex...im sure he won't say no!
29Hi All,
Glad to be here.
30I don't know...maybe he has a small penis. That's my gut feeling. For your sake, I hope I'm wrong.
31Very nice site!
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