WOW..glad I am not your friend. They didn't want you to feel hurt and betrayed by them because they didn't tell you something they thought they wanted to know if they were in your position. Obviously now you don't want to know but don't you think maybe you are venting your anger on the situation at them? Maybe you are mad that your ex moved on and is happy and getting married...but because you are not in contact with him...you are taking out your anger on your friends who had the best intentions?

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Well, I can understand why you are a pissed off that now you know this unwanted info about your ex, but it really sounds like your friends were just trying to watch out for you. They don't know exactly what's going through your head unless you tell them so they probably didn't realize that your strategy was to never hear about your ex ever again.

I just broke up with my boyfriend as well (few weeks ago) so I can tell you exactly what I would want. Right now, I don't want to hear about him at all, like you, because it makes me feel a little bad. But if my friends knew something major about him even though I might be a little pissed that it's made me sad, I would appreciate that they took the time to discuss and worry over what was best for me. Plus, your ex sounds kinda flaky... getting engaged 10 months after you guys broke up? Sorry but that is a little sketch. Be happy that you are moving on and DON'T let this be a setback. If anything you should just be happy that you are free of someone who didn't love you as much as you deserved.

Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us.

Oh man I wouldnt want to know if I wasnt completely over him but then again 10 months is a long time. It sucks but at the same time they werent trying to hurt you. I probably would have told my friend just because it seems like the right thing to do but I guess they should have asked you first.

Vent your anger but realize that they werent doing this to hurt you.

Would I want to know? I might be curious. Would it make a difference if I never found out? No. Should it make a difference that I ever found out? No. If it bothers you, don't give it a second thought and continue to focus on yourself.

I wouldn't want to know. BUT, your friends had a very good and understandable reason for telling you.

I had a friend in your exact position, except, her friend made the decision NOT to tell her. Well my friend found out later and was really pissed at the girl for not telling her!

In these situations, the friend can never win. That's my thought anyway. It's a case of shooting the messenger. You're taking out some of your sadness and anger at your friends. They obviously all thought very carefully about whether to tell you.

Don't kill the messenger. Your friend did the right thing by telling you, now move on. That's not even the issue.

Google it and you'll see that guys often get engaged shortly after breaking off a long-term relationship. There are many theories as to why this happens. It's most likely that he just decided it was time to get married, and she was his girlfriend at the time. Lots of guys operate that way. We wait for the right guy - they wait for the right time.

This is like the 'shoot the messenger' type of situation. Your friend can't win

Eh, I know it's hard but you can't take it out on your friend because she's just watching out for you.
If later on you'd find out that your ex was engaged so quickly and all your friends knew but decided to not tell you, you'd probably wonder what else they're keeping from you.

Would I like to know if this were me? Probably not. But if my friend told me, I'd not get mad at her. I actually would understand her reasoning for telling me. I'd probably rather hear it from someone who's close to me and knows what's going on rather than some stranger mentioning it out of the blue and I'd not want her to lie or not say anything (lie by omission).
And I'd hate to be in your friend's position, I'm sure she has been considering what to do and decide the best thing was honesty.

I'm sorry about your ex, I know how it feels to not be 'the one' (having one of my exes getting married within a year after we broke up LOL), but it's really not your friend's fault and it's really not your fault too. Sometimes things aren't meant to be. You'll get over this and later on move on as well, it may not be as quick, but you'll be happy too.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

I guess I would want to know. It could actually be a help in the process of moving on. Good luck to you!

Karen

Pop and Cyl are right....you are projecting your anger and hurt at your boyfriend for getting engaged less than a year after you broke up onto your friends. They weren't trying to be mean.

Having said that, I don't know if I would want to know. Seriously. Especially if I was still recovering and had feelings for the guy. 10 months is a long time, but you were together two years. Sometimes it takes awhile to meet someone new who can be special in your life...unfortunately, this wasn't true for your boyfriend.

It is a bit of a setback because you are thinking about him now and hurting, but try not to take it out on your friends. Just keep doing what you have been doing to get over him these past few months, and you will get better with time.

I agree with the majority of people here. Especially Pistil. Does it make any difference if he is or isnt? No, theres really nothing you can do. Your friends thought about whether or not they should tell you, and like popgoestheworld says, the friend can't win in this situation. They were just trying to look out for you. Apologize if you ruffled any feathers and instead of being pissed with them, lean on them to help you get past this. It does seem a bit flaky to be engaged 10 months later..

It sucks getting over someone. It took me over a year to finally move on because I met someone who showed me there is way better out there. Don't try to make any contact or find out who he is engaged to, just keep living your life and trying to move forward. It seemed like you were on the right path so even though you may consider this a setback, don't dwell on the past. Because thats what he is

no i wouldn't care either way about knowing, but I can see why something like this is driving you nuts. It really depends how close you are to being over him or the whole situation. I know some people think 10 months is a long time and you should have gotten over the whole thing by now. These things take time, and it never feels great when you are still working on being happy or finding that inner peace and this guy has apparently found his happiness already. I think your friends care about you and were just looking out for you. They probably had no idea what was going through your mind since you never brought up the topic with them. The fact that he's decided to get engaged within 10 months is pretty quick on his part, so just take it as a sign... you guys weren't meant to be and look to bigger and better things. All the best!

yeah, I think you are overreacting; she did you a massive favour better to know and be prepared than to accidentally bump into him with his fiancee and be completly blindsided! be grateful you have a friend you cares about you.

i can 100% understand you not wanting to know...and if she knew you at all and knew what you were feeling, she wouldn't have told you - did you make it clear to her you didn't want to hear about him? when my ex and i broke up, i told the one friend who knew all the "dirt" on him (ie: all the girls he cheated on me with) that i didn't want to know...i still remind her 3 years later that i don't want to talk about it - i make it very clear!

make sure you also make it clear, and if she told you anyway even if you showed no interest in knowing then she isn't a good friend. but if she had no way of knowing, then you have to try to forgive her for being a pal.

PS: i don't agree with the others. she should be shooting the messenger if the messenger told her knowing it would make her terribly upset and set back her progress.

it doesn't matter if some of you would WANT to know - she didn't want to know (and neither would i) so you have to respect that....now it's consuming her life, and that sucks

I understand you are upset and I'm sorry about that but think of these situations:

What if you'd run into your ex and his new fiance and had to learn it from them? Youd probably be shocked and emabarassed you didn't know. Or, picture this: you are with a group of friends/cowokers/acquaintances and someone brings up that so and so (your ex) is engaged. You would be caught off guard, shocked, hurt etc. you would have to deal with all these feelings in front of a group of people and probably feel embarassed for the way you reacted.

As much as you are upset right now, please don't be mad at your friend. She did what was in your best interest. Even if you didnt' want to know she saved you from a potentially worse situation.

I understand why youre upset, people mourn the loss of things, such as relationships different ways..however out of sight out of mind only works for so long. I am sure your friends intention was not to hurt you, and trust me you wouldve probably found out another way. I think more than being mad at your friend your mad at yourself for still feeling upset about the situation even tho u tried so hard to forget it ever existed.

Don't shoot the messenger, jeez. I would want to know, and maybe this is a sign that you should be moved on already. Which, you obviously are not or you wouldn't be so upset by the news.

"it doesn't matter if some of you would WANT to know - she didn't want to know (and neither would i) so you have to respect that....now it's consuming her life, and that sucks"

Considering the title of the post is "Would you want to know" and the fact that in the original post, the poster asked us specifically if we would want to know, I would say that no one here is out of line for answering the question at hand.

Anyway, you were explicit in telling your friend you didn't want to know anything. The OP wasn't. How on earth was her friend supposed to guess she didn't want to hear it? How can you "respect" something you don't even know?

Would you have been more upset to find out on your own and also find out your friends knew all along?

I'd want to know, but she probably told you so you wouldn't be sidelined by him telling you, or by an announcement later. She's a good friend!

I was thinking along the same lines as Smacks83. If she wouldn't have told you, and you found out much later, you'd probably be more upset.

Perhaps your friend thought that it would help you get over him even more? For me, that would be like the final step, you know, knowing that you can't get back with your ex and that there is no way he still has feelings for you. And she probably figured it was better for you to find out from her than find out some other way - you know people love to gossip and spread news so I'm sure you would find out eventually, even without mutual friends/connections. It's fine to wish you didn't know, but don't get angry at your friend who probably thought she was helping you!

Regardless of whether he's dating, engaged, married, has a child, this person with whom you've shared love and memories continues to exist, continues to have wants and dreams, past the date of your breakup. Whether he's making decisions that are right for him is his to discover. Since you've given yourself the respect to have an open mind concerning your future love life in these last hard months, give him the same.

But, of course, it's got to sting. Which we all understand.

Just know that there's a bigger reason why you two didn't workout, despite the wonderful memories you choose to hang onto, and that both of you deserve better from a partnership; that should help you bear the news with grace.

I would tell my friend. I always evaluate these things with a couple of questions:

1) Would I want to know?
2) How will he/she feel if they find out from someone else?
3) Is there a bright side? Can they potentially benefit from this information?
4) Is my friend so different from me that this information would impact them in a drastically different manner?

So far, so good. But only after a lot of blunders...

I would want to know, so I wasn't blindsided one day if I saw them again with 3 kids and a dog.

I let a mutual friend of my ex's know I was getting married...figured might as well.

Don't be upset with your friend~! She did NOTHING wrong! Would you tell her the same?

Go easy on your friend, she was just trying to do the right thing.

That said, I understand your frustration - but please direct it all at your ex. Unfortunately, it would be unproductive to approach him about it, so you are going to have to find different ways of working out your feelings (don't take them out on your friends!) - try counseling, maybe? I did that after my last relationship imploded and it worked wonders. Also, kudos to you for moving on and being healthy. As time goes by you'll care less and less what your ex is doing. Remember: karma is a b*tch.

Don't shoot the messenger - it's been 10 months for God's sake!! it's not your friend's fault that you're not over him yet. How do you know that she wasn't weighing it for ages, trying to decide how mad you'd be if you heard it somewhere else?? simmer down.

I would tell a friend about her ex's relationship. For the same reason your friend probably did so -- you would most likely have found out eventually. Better to find out from a friend than some random aquaintence. I guarantee it took your friend a long time to decide to tell you, and that she did so to try to help. Sooner or later you would have had to deal with this. And dm8bri is absolutely right. This is about your ex, not your friend. Be angry with him for being the one to rush into a new relationship.

Good luck with all these tough feelings right now. Let your friends be there for you when you need them...

And I guess to answer the overall question: yes, I would want to know so I could try to get past it asap.

If you found out randomly, you would probably be pissed at her that she didn't tell you so I'm sure it was probably hard for her to decide to tell you or not. Think about that.

I don't think it's bad that she told you. I would think of it as good news: 10 months is way too soon to get engaged so he must be desperate.

I could see why you're angry/disappointed, but be angry/disappointed at the situation, not at your friend. She proved that she's honest, and I think you should be thankful that your friend has that quality.

Good luck with everything.

I agree with the fact thatI would not want to know. I don't think that 10 months is such a long time to be over it. I would get over being mad at my friend because at least she did debate argue with herself about it. That howeevr does not make the friend a saint. I would just let her know that in the future I would not want to be told things like that. I wouldn't have told my friend.

p.s. I know everyone is different, hon, but I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years (we lived together!) in May and I was over it in a few months thanks to therapy, personal work, travel and just getting out more. I think you should seriously work harder on getting over the guy and move on with your life.

With friends like you...you should apologize for being immature. It doesn't matter whether your ex is in a relationship or not. He no longer wants to be with you, accept it and move on. he has, or so it seems. Don't $hit on your friend because you have unresolved issues.

it's normal to be upset about the news but i feel your friend did the right thing by telling you. better you hear it from her than from someone you don't know as well or you bump into him. less awkwardness. good luck and you'll find someone too!

I was in the exact same position, twice. The first time I found out by a "friend" who was only telling me because she wanted to be the first to spread the gossip. The second time I was told by an actual friend of mine who debated on if and when she should tell me. I have to say, that it is far better to hear this news from someone who actually cares about you than to be broadsided by some random gossip. Or, heaven forbid, running into your ex and his new Wife on the street. Just think about that. Your friend saved you from these possibly humiliating or devastating potential events. You would have found out about his fiancée (or wife) eventually and at least you got to hear about it from someone who cares about you. I think who you are really angry at is your ex for getting ENGAGED less than a year after breaking up with you. I would feel angry and hurt too, but it is not your friend's fault. She did right by you and you really need to stop displacing your anger onto her. Good luck dealing with all of this.

I understand it can be very difficult to move on from an ex. Especially one you thought was behind you. Just hearing their name can bring up a multitude of emotions and memories and remind you of the hurt and anger caused by the break-up. The thing to do is breathe and remember that you broke up for a reason, whether or not you wanted to at the time, and you're better off not being with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

I'd want to know. Maybe.