I agree, I would much rather enjoy being married for a while before I become a mom.

i agree, i want to be married for a while before i have kids.

agree, want to enjoy married life before babies
a year or two probably. i'm pretty close to being bitten by the baby bug so i can only imagine i won't be able to wait much longer after the nuptuals to have one!

I don't think you need to wait until you're ready to have kids to get married. I think its better to be just married for a little while first.

I've been married before and am now divorced, so I'm sour on the whole need to get married. I'd rather just enjoy my relationship with my partner for a while, without the legal definitions, and then make it legal only when kids come into the picture.

I'm not married yet, but this is what I've heard from married friends: When you first get married it is a bit of an adjustment so you need time to build a really strong foundation with each other before you introduce something as stressing and life-altering as a baby. Plus you want to have some adult-alone-fun time (like last minute travelling or staying out whenever you want) first.

I agree, married for a while then have kids.

kids scare me.

hahaha Fallen

I'd want to be a wife for awhile before being a mother and wife

neither are very important to me. if they happen, they happen. i just want to be happy. i'd rather be married and childless than not married though. i'm not one of those women who feel the need to reproduce.

i say getting a house/own place and having kids should go hand in hand ... so you have ample space to raise a family.

I agree, I would rather wait and enjoy being married first. My parents were married for seven years before they had me and they've been married almost thirty years...so I definitely think that some adult alone time is a good thing for a new marriage.

For me, I am totally not for conceiving on the honeymoon or shortly after a wedding. NO WAY. Couples who have never lived together or combined their lives before marriage have a lot to learn, and don't want the stress of a child added in the mix. When I marry, my BF and I will have lived together for a long time, and combined our lives and gotten to know what it's like to really live like that. I want to wait at least 4 years after marriage to have children -- depending. If I am 28 when I get married, I know my time isn't exactly unlimited. I'd probably have kids by 30. If I got married now, at 22. I'd wait until I was 28 to have kids. If I get married 2 years from now, I'll still wait until 28 to have kids. I think 28/29 is my magic number. BUT, I'll have kids when I'm ready -- and I will not be ready in the immediate future.

I got pregnant almost a year into our marriage and it was a suprise. I feel so blessed to have my daughter in my life but I really wish we had time to enjoy married life a little before she came along. We never got to do much for anniversaries etc. No spur of the moment trips- going out to eat last minute- friends have extra ticket to an event we aren't able to go.
I preach to all my young co workers to give your marriage a couple years to really enjoy it together before you have kids.

It's good to hear your opinion Care - I feel the same way as many others about wanting to wait to have time to do all the things you mentioned. Most moms feel so strongly about how amazing motherhood is they won't be so candid and honest like you were. Theyre not mutually exclusive you can be over the moon about your child but still wish you had waited. i appreciate your opinion!

I am totally for not rushing ANYTHING. Even though I am in a serious relationship, I want to enjoy each stage of it for what it is. I want to be engaged for at least 9 months and then married for at least a couple of years before introducing kids into the picture! I think it's important not to skip any of the stages.

i'm totally all for dating without legal commitment. I think the reason why so many people get divorced is because they jump on the gun when they fall in love and get married asap. I mean, i understand why you would want to tie the knot with the person you really care about...but i don't see why, other than taxes, etc, to be married. I think it's perfectly ok to be boyfriends + girlfriends for 5, 8, 10 years. i'm in no hurry to get married or have kids.

Taxes get worse (or at least in my case) and my work provides health care to partners (they have to since they provide same sex couples benefits without marriage) without marriage, so legally I'm in no rush to get married.

i want to be married for a few years before i have children

I totally want to enjoy my time with my new husband before I start a family. You need build a strong foundation in your home before you add children to it. Living with someone takes time to adjust to. Plus, I want to have to the freedom to do whatever, whenever with my husband. Those are the things you're going to look back on...

I def want to be married to the guy I have kids with. I also agree with everyone so far. I want to enjoy life with my husband before we have children.

I want to enjoy being married for a while before having kids...when all that finally falls into place.

I don't think there are any 'rules' for one or the other.

i don't really see the point of getting married unless you want to start a family. but to each their own.

I think marriage goes way beyond children. Marriage is a "sacred" union between two people, which really had nothing to do with children. People can be unmarried with children, or married without kids. For me, I do not need to sign on the dotted line to say I have a serious relationship and we intend to be together forever. It sounds weird, but the only reason I'd feel the need to marry was for tax purposes. Your taxes get lowered because the gov't wants you to be married, they try to make it as attractive as possible, so we can still look like a good wholesome country with married couples all over the place-- though, we are not. Hey, and they give tax breaks for kids, too, because they also want you to reproduce.

I'm okay with it. I'll take their tax break and give them another marriage to hold on to for dear life.

unfortunately, my husband and i didn't have that option..we got married while i was already pregnant. however, we're so young that we look forward to being still youthful when our son grows up and moves out of the house; and that we'll have plenty of time to just enjoy one another then.

I say whatever I am having a child before getting married does that mean I'll be less happy or things won't go right, no. It's what you make out of life ...

I am in no rush for kids at this point in life. I'm okay with being married but I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to stretch out my body and take care of another human being beyond myself, after seeing what a close friend is going through. I like my sleep and independence too much right now.

I have no general opinion about this. However for me PERSONALLY it was a fear of commitment issue.

It was scary enough getting married but in many ways (and feel free to lecture me here) it was still something I could walk away from. Having kids is/will be the ultimate union. I needed a few years to get comfortable with the idea of being married as far as a commitment before I was ready for the next level of commitment: kids.

I've been married 2 1/2 years, just got pregnant and am glad my husband and I had time to get comfortable with our union before it became Super Official (ie we became forever tied thru a child).

In short, like I read somewhere Kids Are the New Married.

I think it's annoying when people push married people to have kids (even though I'm guilty of it myself with my sister). Personally, I'm in a rush to be married - to belong to each other completely and take the first steps as life partners - only because I found the perfect person. I know that we'll want to have kids as soon as possible though, so I envision only about a year of married life. (We're both 30 and we want our own family.) Unfortunately, we're in different countries and I have to finish school, so the waiting period is dragging on. I'm fine with being engaged and even married overseas because it would make it easier to get my visa, but I don't want it to stretch more than 6 months.

I would like to be married for a while before I have kids. I want to have kids before 30, but that means 29 is okay! We are probably going to get engaged in the next year or two and by that time I'll be 24 or 25 and then engaged for about a year and then married for a few. I know I am going to want time to enjoy with just my partner and do things that you can't do once you have kids!

Having kids is more of a commitment anyway.

I could care less about marriage or having kids but if I got married i would wait awhile to enjoy being married. I am def on the fence as to if I want kids I'm kinda tired of kids between help raising my sisters and my nephew I am kinda turned off.

I’ll have kids when I and my relationship are ready for it but I don’t see myself ever getting married. It’s just not important to me or my partner.

…and I totally agree with Plus_2_Kids that Kids are the new Married. For me, having children with someone is a much bigger commitment that marriage!

I really don't see the point of marriage and I dislike kids lol. I don't get the whole enjoying marriage thing first though. Can someone enlighten me? How does married life differ from living with your partner (assuming you lived with your so first)? I'm not asking this in a rude or condescending way btw!

I too would like to wait a while after being married to have kids. Not only does it give you the chance to enjoy some alone time together, but I would like to really make sure we have a solid respectful foundation (and a shot at making it!) before bringing another human being(s) into the picture.

* I still don't get why people consider marriage such a HUGE responsibility or something* If you can get along with that one other person for the rest of your life, what's the big deal? You can do that without kids. -_- I figure you have kids if that's what you're ready for and want for the next 18 minimum years.

We're happily married, and child-free by choice. We've been together for over 10 years, and have no plans to have children.

Personally speaking, to me, marriage was always about romantic love, not about having children.

I wouldn't care either way.

i'm pregnant right now, and me and my boyfriend are not married. we still had a few years we enjoyed together as a couple. i don't see how you could marry someone you have never been living with before. that has divorce written all over it. you don't fully get to know a person until you know they don't know how to pick up their socks...

I don't want kids. Ever. So getting married had nothing to do with breeding.

I don't want to get married or have children. It was never a part of "The Master Plan" so to say.

One of the first things that attracted me to my boyfriend was when he said that he didn't really want to get married and he absolutely hates kids.

It's love.

Married for 2-3 years then kids. So many marriages break up in the first 3 years and why not enjoy married life and the tax breaks without the kids int he picture.

We had our first baby a year after we got married, yeah looking back then how I wish, that we enjoyed our married life first before having a baby..... but now, how could I have regrets for having 2 adorable kids at the earliest point in my married life? They're the best thing that ever happened to me.... It's priceless..

Personally speaking, to me, marriage was always about romantic love, not about having children." Well said, GlowingMoon!
I'm ambivalent about children, but not about marriage.

Maybe I'm being idealistic, but bear with me...

I'm 23, living with my fiance, and know that if I ever suddenly got pregnant I would be extremely scared and caught off guard. However, I would also be ecstatic, because I do want to start a family with him, and sometimes surprises happen.

However, I think women are so afraid of the commitment they jump into as a mother that they feel guilty wishing to continue seeing themselves as independent - they suddenly feel bogged down.

Today's woman can do anything if she sets her mind to it - and while a baby may sure complicate things, nothing's impossible. First and foremost, I would never put my dreams on hold for a child - because I know that being a role model is of much more worth to him or her than sacrificing those dreams on their behalf.

I know that might be slightly off-topic, but I think the undercurrent of the question is, "does having a child change the way you live?" and I want to put it out there, that it doesn't need to.

If somebody cannot make the commitment of marriage to me then they SURE AS HELL can't be mature enough to have kids. Simple as.

We'd have a lot less problems if people were married before having kids.

I don't understand the mentality of waiting to marry until you feel the desire to reproduce. Its silly and selfish. Men are not sperm banks. If you go around saying you're ready to be married because you're ready to have a baby, men will be turned off. Just watch them go running for the hills. Everyone wants kids but don't bet on anything. If you have a chioce, why miss the honeymoon years when you become the sole center of attention by your husband? At the beginning a marriage is all about you. His love, happiness, and desire for you is part of the natural course of things Children are the happy outcome after you decide he will make a good father and a loving husband. However everyone has different sets of circumstances. I know the clock is ticking for so many girls but couples who gave themselves some breathing room before children are better off. Having children right away is very tough.