Way to overreact.

Overreacting.

Why would he do that in the first place? Rude.

She's not overreacting. Since when did grinding with a stranger when you're attached become acceptable? It only works if both people are comfortable with it.

Ok, to those thinking shes overreacting, what if the genders were reversed? Then she'd be considered ::insert various rude remarks here::.

It just not appropriate for a anyone to be grinding with some random person when they have a boyfriend/girlfriend (even more ridiculous to do it in front of them.)

Hell no she's not overreacting. In fact she's handling it quite well; it would have taken me a lot of strength not to start a fight. If you were in the same party I don't see why he felt the need to dance with someone else. If the drinks got waay out of hand then maybe I'd understand, but even then. That is just annoying. Definitely talk to him about it Good luck.

Even if you feel jealous don't let it show or act like a fool over it. You'll just make yourself look silly. You overreacted. Just because he danced with a girl at a party ONE time right in front of you doesn't mean he is doing anything behind your back. Talk to him and apologize.

What does she have to apologize for? She didn't make a scene and is trying to figure out if she should talk to him about it or not. I think that's commendable.
And really it depends on how bad the 'grinding' was...if they were practically dry humping in the middle of the dance floor then she should talk to him...if it was just the typical goofing around, booty-shakin dancing then I think she should let it go-but still have an open and honest discussion on what they *both* think is appropriate behavior while in a relationship. A convo that every couple should have, really.

I don't think she's overracting...I think he was really disrespectful in what he did. I would talk to him about it since it's bothering you.

I agree...how is she overreacting? I think it's a bad sign in our society when it starts become perfectly acceptable for people in a relationship to grind up inappropriately with strangers.

obviously different people have opposing opinions. I personally would not have that, neither would my husband if the roles were reversed.
but now that u saw it and its upsetting u , u need to tell him that thats not something u will stand for. then he knows. if he does it again he obviously doesnt respect ur wishes.

I definitely don't think you're overreacting. If you think it was inappropriate, chances are it probably was. You should definitely talk to him about it and make your feelings known. His behavior at the party doesn't necessarily indicate that he's doing bad things behind your back, but you need to let him know that, for future reference, what he did was not ok with you.

I would ask him "how would you feel if i were dancing with a guy like that?" that way you can at least get a sense of whether he feels that his behavior was inappropriate or not.

you are not overreacting! i would like to know how those girls who say you are overreacting would feel if their Significant other was doing the same thing.

i would be mad too. you should really talk to him

Not overreacting at all. My ex used to do this all the time and I tried not to say much since I didn't want to seem like I was overreacting, but he just took this as me being okay with it and began to do it even more. I'd say stop it now and if he thinks you are making too big a deal of it he isn't the one for you. The guy who's right for you wants to dance with you and only you like that.

Not over-reacting. He was rude and disrespectful. Chances are, he wouldn't have appreciated it if you danced with a guy that way.

Overreacting! When I first met my husband he did the same thing- we have been married almost 10 years now. Don't sweat the small stuff and learn to have some trust.

I don't think she's overreacting, either. When you're in a relationship with one person, you don't just start grinding with some random chick at a party, even if you're drunk. I know I'd be pretty pissed if my husband had ever tried that and I know he wouldn't like it if I were dancing like that with some random guy, either. You have to respect each other and even if he wasn't serious about it, the gesture was very disrespectful.

mscc said it best at the end "It's only works if both people are comfortable with it".

Your boyfriend may not realize how much it bothered you. It sounds like you've talked to your friends about it -- have you talked to your boyfriend about it?

I say OVERREACTING - give him a chance to know how it made you feel and change his behavior. If he still does it, then it's NOT overreacting at all but justified.

I'm amazed by how many of these topics are solved simply by communicating to the other person about it. Why would you come to us, a group of strangers, to discuss it before going to your boyfriend to discuss it? Maybe you guys aren't that tight after all.....

I don't think you're overreacting, I'd be upset too. I second what TidalWave said - he probably wouldn't like it if it were you behaving the way he did. So just talk to him, he'll understand why you're bringing the subject up. And hopefully avoid inappropriate scenarios in the future.

Dating is a time to see what your eternal issues will be. This may be one of them. Is his being flirty reasonable to you? Take it from someone married for a long time... the issues you have while you are dating are basically the issues you will have the rest of your life. Choose what you want to deal with...

I don't understand how she's overreacting. It would be different if she made a major scene AT the party in front of everyone about him grinding on another girl. If you're attached, I don't understand the need to dance "inappropriately" [yes, I know people have different definitions of this, but it's safe to say that an inappropriate dance would be one that is indicative or mimics sexual acts, or is lewd] with other people.

It seems like this is the first time she's seen him act like this, and it's affected her tremendously, so it's not fair for her friends to brush it off. I would be concerned about what he was doing when I wasn't around, either.

To the OP: Just calmly set the b/f down, now that you've had time to reflect and get feedback on the situation. Explain what happened and how it made you feel. Tell him you aren't trying to "tie him down" or whatever, but the dancing is something that makes you uncomfortable and brings his fidelity into question, which is the BIG, global issue. If your b/f cares about you, then he should understand where you're coming from, and try to assuage your fears about his fidelity to you. If he's a flirtatious, fun kind of guy, who happens to think that dancing with other girls in that way is okay, then he'll say so, and you'll have to accept that that's just part of who he is.

This isn't an insignificant issue, and this girl SHOULD NOT be forced to shut up about something that is really bothering her. It's not like she's an emotional trainwreck or trying to control every aspect of her b/f's life.
What if it happens again? He will think that she's probably okay with it, when she isn't. There's a dischord in communication there, and that really strains/dissolves relationships. What the hell kinds of relationships are the rest of you [who think she's overreacting] endorsing?

i was in the same situation with my BF very early in our relationship, told him how it made me feel, and asked him how he'd feel with other guys touching me in the same way in front of him. And told him very clearly that it would be a reality if he continued doing his thing. He instantly stopped because he knew that it would be a reality.

BTW, I have to roll my eyes at plus_2_kid and all the other posters who are like, what's the matter with you that you can't communicate with your BF? listen, i agree with you-- a lot of the problems on Dear could be fixed with better communication. But we live in this weird society that constantly tells us we're overreacting if it makes us uncomfortable or insure if our BFs go to strip clubs, go out with their boys all hours of the night, look at porn, or hang out with their exes. That's why people come here... because they need validation that their worries and insecurities are really legit so that they feel empowered to communicate that there is a problem. So please, enough with the little side comments ("maybe you guys aren't so tight after all")... so unnecessary and unempathetic.

Um, overreacting would have been starting a fight or throwing a hissy fit. You are not overreacting just be being bothered by something and wanting to talk about it (that's called being a grownup). As far as I'm concerned, when you date someone, that means no suggestive dancing with other guys/girls. If you wouldn't dance that way with a sibling, you shouldn't be doing it. Also, to all the posters who say this is overreacting: since when did being a secure girl start to mean being ok with anything guys want to do? I thought being a secure girl meant knowing that you deserve to be treated with respect and being able to stand up for yourself.

Also, kudos to sjo33's mention of previous side comments. What is the harm in being able to confirm with fellow chicks (and some guys too!) that you aren't being a nut when something bothers you? I think this is a good thing. I'm sure a lot of little insecurity problems are solved by just talking things out on this site while bigger issues are validated as real problems that actually DO need to be talked about with your partner.

I agree that it's just not appropriate for a anyone to be grinding with some random person when they have a boyfriend/girlfriend (even more ridiculous to do it in front of them.)....it's also very disrspectful.

You two need to have a talk.Your b/f needs to understand how this has bothered you.

jocupcake--your first comment (since when did being a secure girl start to mean being ok with anything guys want to do?) reminded me of a book I was reading by Neil Peart (Traveling Music). He grew up during the 60's and 70's, and pointed out the irony that many women had pre-marital sex even if they weren't comfortable to prove they were "liberated." He saw a lot of his female acquaintences get used by men when really being liberated was having a choice, not feeling pressured either way. Not sure we've come along way, baby.

Overreacting would have been smacking down the chick grinding on her bf and b*tching him out at 60 decibels. The OP handled it well, and I agree, talk to the guy. Men are so stupid sometimes, nothing ever really matters unless it happens to them. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate it if the situation was reversed.

Incredibly disrespectful behavior on his part.

sjo33: "BTW, I have to roll my eyes at plus_2_kid and all the other posters who are like, what's the matter with you that you can't communicate with your BF? listen, i agree with you-- a lot of the problems on Dear could be fixed with better communication. But we live in this weird society that constantly tells us we're overreacting if it makes us uncomfortable or insure if our BFs go to strip clubs, go out with their boys all hours of the night, look at porn, or hang out with their exes. That's why people come here... because they need validation that their worries and insecurities are really legit so that they feel empowered to communicate that there is a problem. So please, enough with the little side comments ("maybe you guys aren't so tight after all")... so unnecessary and unempathetic."
I totally agree with all that ^.

I think your bf was totally out of line and being very disrespectful to you. Since when is grinding on other girls ok when you're in a relationship!?!? I think it's sad that so many people on here are saying you are overreacting. If your bf would like to grind on other girls, he shouldn't be in a committed relationship...committed...that's kind of the point. And I'm willing to bet he would have a huge problem if you danced like that with another guy. You should have done that at the party, just gone up to some random guy and started grinding, then see what he thinks about that. LOL, ok maybe not...but still, boys are so stupid, it takes that kind of thing to get an idea through their head sometimes. Honestly, I wouldn't put up with that AT ALL. If I'm with a guy, I think he should be able to figure out how to respect me all by himself (he's a grownup that can think for himself)...it shouldn't take me having to have a talk with him for him to start thinking about respecting me. I would go find a guy that actually attempts to try and respect you before you have to ask him to. Buuut...most people aren't as extreme as me...so if you aren't, then you should just talk to him about it, and then if he still tries to do things like dance like that, that's just how he is and he doesn't respect you, so you should find someone else.

I take it back, you're justified. Most men are morons. They can't help it. I had a momentary lapse in my normally good judgement where I actually over estimated a man's intentions. My bf swiftly reminded me tonight that men put little to no thought behind their actions and then wonder what they did wrong. Be mad and set your boundaries carefully.

Try to remember who the 'aggressor' was in the dancing. If it was the girl being 'all up on him', then maybe he didn't like it, thought it was awkward, and is hoping you didn't see it. I can see that happening. Weird guys always seem to be secretly trying to grind me from behind once the party hits about 1am. I have also seen numerous girls attack (I use the term loosely) guys on the dance floor as well.

If he was just dancing with another girl, maybe he was just trying to give you some time with your girls by hitting up the dance floor. If it was inappropriate though, then I would definitely say something. Definitely make it clear to him why you're upset. Be sure to include the 'inappropriate' nature of his dancing.

I've never lost a bf to dancing with a girl at a party, but one time my ex- bf was chatting up a girl at a party for like 30 mins. We def broke up the next weekend even though I didn't even say anything to him about it. Sometimes a guy's actions are completely telling. He obviously wasn't that into me anymore. I hope that's not the case for you.

I still think shes overreacting, who cares about a little dancing? She was there, its not like he was trying to pick her up. I don't consider dancing cheating, I think its fun to dance with others, attached or not.

I don't blame her for feeling that way but all she has to do is sit him down like Dear said and talk to him about it.

The 'grinding' thing with a stranger only works if both parties (bf-gf) have mutual understanding that it's cool to do so. Personally, I'd think it's disrespectful to your SO to do that. I'm just old world about these things.
I'm not going to be happy if my hubby went out on the dance floor and start grinding some woman and the two of them go at it (well, part of it is because my hub doesn't dance ever LOL). And vice versa with my hub, he's not going to be happy seeing me grinding up some guy at a bar (in fact, that's why he broke up with his ex-gf in the past).

I don't think she's overreacting for feeling the way she feels. People feel all sorts of things all the time, but I have to commend her for not starting a fight or throwing hissy fits in public although she felt hurt and upset.
OP still has to sit down and talk to the bf and explain what type of boundaries are acceptable for their relationship. Since they're like these young generation couples, and from some responses, it seems that it's very cool/natural for guys to pull this off in front of their gfs...because it's fun or whatnot.

Talking is the only way to go in order to have a good relationship, if it bothered you I don't think you overreacted, but after talking about it let it go.

I don't care if my bf dances with other girls...it would be the grinding up on them that would piss me the hell off.

I agree, I think she would have been overreacting if she had b*tch slapped some people and began screaming at him at the party. She should jsut pull him aside when they are alone and just let him know she was bothered by his behavior and ask him how would he feel if he saw some drunk guy grinding up on her. His reaction will let you know how he really feels about you.

You're justified. It is a blatant disrespect to grind with some other girl in the first place if you have a girlfriend, but just absolutely foolish to do it in front of her. You need to have a serious talk with this guy. I mean, he probably had no ill intentions, but that doesn't make it any better. If he refuses to give it up, then it would be a deal breaker. If he gets offended, I'd ask him what his major malfunction was to be thinking that it was remotely close to okay to do that.

If my boyfriend did this, chances are I'd over-react and slap him, because I don't take sh*t like that. Ever. For any reason.

...and being drunk is not an excuse. Anyone who says they don't know what they're doing when they are drunk, I would say BS to...because even when I get sh*tfaced, I know PERFECTLY well what I am doing. I'm not saying that my inhibitions aren't lowered -- but I still know the difference between right and wrong, stupid and smart. I still know what I am doing at all times.

Can I just concur with Sjo33: "a lot of the problems on Dear could be fixed with better communication. That's why people come here... because they need validation that their worries and insecurities are really legit so that they feel empowered to communicate that there is a problem. So please, enough with the little side comments"

I'd feel the same way if it happened to me. Talk to him... don't keep it to yourself.

I don't think you're overreacting, and I DEFINITELY don't think you need to apologize. FOR WHAT? you've done nothing wrong!
I think I second everyone else here- communication is what you need. clear boundaries. because obviously, some ppl think it's uncool, and some people think it's fine. discern what you think with him, and then from now on, when he does it, you'll know whether he's just partying, or whether he truly doesn't care about how you feel.

Dump him bc he is disrespectful..

Dancing is not cheating, so overreacting. I'm sure you see it as grinding and sexual, but a lot of guys don't know how else to dance. Back and forth is just easy. I would get REALLY pissed if my bf got mad at me for jumping around dancing and having a good time or dancing salsa with really good leads.

Anyway, he went home with you. That's what matters to me, the rest is just fun.

If you have big problems with it you need to ask him what he thinks about what he did.

It all depends on your level of comfort. I would have no problem with it to a certain point because I dance with other guys because bf doesn't dance.

Obviously you are not comfortable with HOW they were dancing and you need to let him know. There is nothing wrong with feeling how you felt as long as your honest about it and give him a chance to correct it for the future.

If it was inappropriate to her, then obviously it wasn't comfortable for her to watch.

I think it's disrespectful and you aren't overeacting.

I would talk to him about it and let him know it bothered you. If he doesn't understand why you're upset, then you know you have a problem.

I think what he definitely did was really rude. totally inappropriate of him. here maybe this video will work! its kinda funny
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-stop-your-boyfriend-flirting-with-pa...

i go with the last thing....find a new boyfriend!

You're not overreacting. Since it's been a fun night, sure, people are loosening up more. But if your man starts getting a little too much with a stranger (especially in front of you), then it's only right that you react to it. And of course, with that thought, you wonder what else has he done with other women that you haven't seen. Not to accuse him right off, but you have a right to thinking along these lines.

If's not overreacting, it's (sorry--sorry!!) love. Your reaction to this situation only proves that you can get a little territorial on your boyfriend. Normal human behavior.

You're not overreacting at all! I would be very hurt by it. I think you sit down with him and be honest. He might have thought nothing of it and be surprised that it bothered you, or it might be an indication of something else.