you are NOT better off as friends! you are better off without this leech in your life. yes you may have shared years of memories together, but if you are going to make a clean break (which you NEED to if you want to truly move on from this) then you do not need him in your life in any way - it'll end up confusing you to see how hurt he is, and it will end up hurting him more seeing you in a non-girlfriend capacity. end it and really end it.

I agree that you're not better off as friends--at least not yet. You need to cut off all contact. Remove him from any social networking sties (completely block him), instant messengers, and put him in your phone as "do not answer," or completely delete him. It'll be hard, but it's for the best for both of you. If you keep talking to him, you'll keep going back to him.

I agree. You can't break up with someone and then see them everyday. You have to cut him out of your life so he doesn't have the chance to beg and plead with you take him back. In the long run you may be doing him a favor by breaking up with him. One of my exes went out and finally got a job and an apartment and a life when I finally have him the boot. It might be a wake up call for him to get his sh*t together.

Absolutely agree with the other posters. You have to cut off contact with him -- change your cell number if you have to. Let your mutual friends know that you're not talking to him for awhile, and you'd appreciate if they remove themselves from the situation by not answering any of his questions about you.

This will be hard, but it's the only way for BOTH of you to recover from this relationship. Tell him you're leaving because you each need to figure out what's best for you as individuals. He sounds pretty co-dependent. You just have to say your piece and then walk out the door, even if he's bawling. I speak from experience...it is MUCH kinder to the guy to end it for real than to keep up with this back-and-forth you've been putting him through. Good luck...

Absolutely agree with the other posters. You have to cut off contact with him -- change your cell number if you have to. Let your mutual friends know that you're not talking to him for awhile, and you'd appreciate if they remove themselves from the situation by not answering any of his questions about you.

This will be hard, but it's the only way for BOTH of you to recover from this relationship. Tell him you're leaving because you each need to figure out what's best for you as individuals. He sounds pretty co-dependent. You just have to say your piece and then walk out the door, even if he's bawling. I speak from experience...it is MUCH kinder to the guy to end it for real than to keep up with this back-and-forth you've been putting him through. Good luck...

Absolutely agree with the other posters. You have to cut off contact with him -- change your cell number if you have to. Let your mutual friends know that you're not talking to him for awhile, and you'd appreciate if they remove themselves from the situation by not answering any of his questions about you.

This will be hard, but it's the only way for BOTH of you to recover from this relationship. Tell him you're leaving because you each need to figure out what's best for you as individuals. He sounds pretty co-dependent. You just have to say your piece and then walk out the door, even if he's bawling. I speak from experience...it is MUCH kinder to the guy to end it for real than to keep up with this back-and-forth you've been putting him through. Good luck...

Agree with the other posters. Get your girl friends involved. They have probably been begging you to dump this guy, too. Tell them you mean it this time and enlist their help. Let them help you resist the temptation to call him, see him, or have any contact. Cry on their shoulders. If you'd do the same for them, they'll be happy to be there for you.

Argh -- website froze up and my comment posted several times. Sorry, Sugar readers!

Think that happened because they just took down the Rihanna post. Unless I'm just stupid and can't find it. I had just written a reply and it told me I didn't have permission to access the page.

I agree with Dear — you just gotta do it. Know that it will hurt him, and make it as quick and clean as possible. Sever contact for a while. It's so much worse to keep doing it over and over again. Like Dear says, you will feel better afterward.

I've been in this same situation in the past and while it was so hard for me to break up with him... it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. Just know that you have been selfless this entire time.. it's time to live YOUR life for YOU. While no one can tell you when you're ready but yourself, know that if you've come so far as to KNOW he's not for you- it's clearly time to move on.

Sorry OP, I don't have much sympathy for you. Grow some conviction and break up with the guy already. Although, you might have to wait a while to find another holiday on which to do it. Nice touch with Valentine's Day.

Wake up. He's manipulating the sh*t out of you and you are allowing him to do it....

Of course he's going to beg you to stay with him. Who else in their right mind is going to allow him to mooch off of them and be alright with it.You leave and the free ride for him is over.Let this fool go before he really brings you down and becomes an even bigger liability than he already is.Seriously how much longer are you willing to let him get away with using you. It's time for him to grow up be a man, get a job and take care of himself.It's enough already.

Don't use the "better as friends" cop-out - it will only serve to encourage him. Break up with him, change your phone numbers and locks and whatever else you have to to get your point across, and maybe give him info on career/debt counseling to hammer it home.

I understand how you feel about hurting him, I've been there, trying to break up over and over again and not being able too, it's hard I know. You say you end up not doing it because you don't want to hurt him...but don't you think you are hurting him just as much to keep trying to break up and then getting back together? You're sending him on a roller coaster.

Now for how to do it. As mean as it sounds, you probably need to either break up with him without being there in person, or you need to have a friend that knows what's going on waiting for you while you break up with him. If you do it over the phone or some other way not in person, that keeps him from affecting you as much, so you will be able to really break it off. Or if you want to try and still go the truly nice route, take a friend with you, but leave her in the car waiting or something, not actually witnessing the break up of course, that would be horrible for your bf. That way, she knows what you are going there for, and she will help motivate you to actually break up. And she will keep you from staying with your bf discussing (him convincing you not to break up) things to long, b/c you will remember she is waiting for you and is expecting a break up when you get back. You could also go ahead and schedule something (like a hair cut appointment, anything you want that requires you to be there) for right after you are going to talk to your bf. That would also motivate you to not listen to all his pleas and go ahead and get out of there while you are still broken up. Getting away from him physically before you give in and get back together is the first big hurdle, it will be easier after that to stay broken up, as long as you don't contact him at all. No talking, texting, facebooking, nothing.

Then after you break up, which you will, b/c it's for the best obviously, write a list of all the bad things about the relationship and him, and read it over and over again every time you have a thought about getting back together or any of the good stuff. Keep yourself really busy for a while, so you don't even have a chance to think about it...you know the usual "getting over a relationship" stuff. Hope I helped, good luck!

My ex was like this. I had to cut all communication with him and move on. Don't feel bad about it. It's a part of life. You should, however, feel bad if you keep going back to him because you feel sorry for him. You wouldn't be helping anyone in that case.

Agree with vmruby...this guy is manipulating the sh*t out of you.

He cries and begs whenever you want to leave? He is a man, right? Are you sure you are not talking about a 3 year old? What a pathetic loser!

You are being majorly used and he is taking advantage of your kind nature. I have NO sympathy for guys like this. You, unfortunately, are a pushover.

End it now, however you do it. But be prepared for the "I'll kill myself if you leave me" threat. That is the next thing to come. DON'T BELIEVE IT.

You don't need friends like him, get rid of him asap and don't look back. Don't feel bad and don't feel guilty, he's just using you. Break up with him right now!

agree. You must just bite the bullet and do it.

I know it's hard, but you need to cut him out altogether, like the other posters said. I also think that doing it over the phone or not in person so that you are not swayed by his emotional response is the best way to go.

Otherwise, you're going to be weighed down by this guy for years, and be unable to move on with your life, to find someone that you DO want to spend the rest of your days with.

Try to think of it this way - every day that you relent and stay with him, is another day that you could have used to get over him and find someone that is more compatible with you.

Let go of your past and move into your future. You can do it!

On one hand - I get the posters who are suggesting that she do it over the phone. I almost suggested the same thing. But seriously, wouldn't we call a man a coward who did the same thing to a woman? And wouldn't it be true if people called this poster a coward?

I know I'm being harsh, but it seems crazy to me that she thinks she's doing this guy a favor by staying with him. Do you think he'll die without you? Never get over you? Are you going to marry him to avoid hurting his feelings?

Life is hard sometimes. Life plain old SUCKS sometimes. Don't cheap out and do it over the phone. Have some character. Do it to his face and be strong.

I've definitely been there...at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: How could I possibly be with someone that I DON'T respect?

Honestly, you're doing yourself a huge disservice the longer you drag this out because it's just another day you'll feel guilty six months from now that you put yourself in such a dead end situation for so long. You deserve better than this! You know this on some level otherwise you wouldn't keep asking yourself and others for advice.

Wow, i could have written this post a few months ago. It took me 7 (yes 7!) times to break up with my ex-boyfriend before i finally broke it off for good.

My boyfriend was the same way - always broke, didn't wanna do anything for his future, dead-end job, didn't wanna pay for much but he loved me a lot and could be very thoughtful and sweet (cooked and cleaned and always wanted to hang out). And he was gorgeous. Lord was he pretty!

But it wasn't right and i told him so many times. We broke up at least once every 3-4 months (i always initiated it). Frankly, it took me a business trip and almost cheating with a co-worker to finally break it off. I'm not saying that was right (and he never found out) but i think i needed to do something drastic to pull me out of my stupor.

That's not my recommended course of action but i do think you need to be fully ready to let go of him. Frankly, i don't get that from your letter. I get the feeling that you'll stay with him a little bit longer and then break it off as you really don't sound ready to cut him off.

I had to cut off all communication with my ex because we would end up calling each other and hanging out and then it just snowballed and poof! we would be back together. I told him I couldn't talk to him for quite awhile and he agreed. It wasn't easy at first but i feel like my old self again and realize how much happier i am without him. Sure i miss certain things but i'm much better off without him than with him. I hope it works out with you. PM me if you'd like.

o hell no no job high school drop out and all this other things he sound like he is your child more than anything u just need to be stronge yes this will be hard but once everything is said in done u will feel like a weight is lifted off of u