Dear Sugar,

I am in a relationship that has been incredibly intense since the day we met. We lived together, but our relationship has suffered many blows. My boyfriend began to lose his temper in ways I'd never seen before — he became mildly verbally abusive and he's frightened me on several occasions. During those times, I'd go to sleep thinking 'I have to get out of this', but by morning, he would be apologetic and sweet, and he would tell me that he wanted to change. I always believed him and stayed.

Things became so hard on me that I finally moved out two months ago. His behavior has become much less severe, but I still feel torn as to whether or not I should give him the chance to start treating me better. I'm just not sure if his temper has truly improved or if it would return to the same level once we got back together. Am I foolish to think it could work out with someone like this? — Torn Tanja

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Dear Torn Tanja,

I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend's change in behavior, but I'm really glad to hear that you've moved out. You say that he's become slightly verbally abusive, but Tanja, any kind of abuse — mild or not — should not be tolerated in any relationship.

You say you've seen him change since you've been apart, but I'd be extremely hesitant to believe that he's transformed himself in just two months. If this is a relationship you really want to salvage, I highly recommend that your boyfriend starts seeing a therapist as it sounds like he has some anger management issues that he needs to address ASAP.

While I'd like to think everything could work out for you two in the end, you need to remember that abuse of any kind is simply unacceptable behavior. Put yourself first and if you find yourself yearning to get back together, please proceed with caution. Trust your gut instincts, and I wish you luck.

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