well since bristol is the foremost expert on what is realistic or not we should listen to her...?

It is realistic, and it works for SOME people.

Sexual education while telling children that no sex is the best sex and open and honest dialogue is the best. We had pics of all the STDs, we had HIV + people come talk to us all the time, we had talks about sex and how great it was but only with the right person and that we should choose carefully if we decided to not wait and it worked well. From the time we were 11 we knew all about it and now at university i am glad to say i had very good sex ed, i know how to protect myself and I actually know what the risks are.

Not surprised, but honestly, just because she didn't make it with abstinence doesn't mean it's isn't doable. It really depends heavily on your reason for abstaining.
I'm 23 and have abstained because I believe God wants us to wait until we're married.
She's right, though. Teen sex is considered more acceptable today than it has been in the past. Doesn't make it right, but that's the way society is today.

I agree with her. Abstinence across the board is unrealistic (not everyone has strong religious convictions, let alone the wherewithall to stick to them in a pressure situation - especially as a teen) and it would be naive to teach it as the only option. And, Carrie Sue, I have to take issue with you saying that that's how society is today - I was a teen in the nineties and that's how it was then...I'm sure if you ask anyone back to the 50s they would acknowledge that their peers (and even they) were having sex and teen moms existed. It's human. It just wasn't talked about nor accepted as much in the past.

She can't go on cable news one day and then complain that her personal life is being discussed by the media the next.

I think she went on cable news to defend herself since she's been the target of the media. I say good for her.

I think abstinance is totally realitistic, I don't agree with abstinence only education though and I hope that is what she meant.

That said, I remained a virgin into my 20s because I was scared by the STD and child birth portions of my high school sex ed classes - no way was I going to endanger my life and have a kid until I was old enough to handle those possibilities. It had nothing to do with my spirituality. So, you see, realistic sex ed works.

I don't think the decline of abstinence has more to do with the decline of discipline then anything else.

bah! I meant the I *THINK* the decline in abstinence has to do more with the decline in discipline then anything else.

Meaning that we as a society lack discipline so we think abstinence is impossible when its not.

Why can't we teach both?
BTW i liked her in this interview. I think she is an awesome mom. I love the part when Sarah came in and was talking about how it should be the families responsibility to take care of the baby and not the governments.

dm8bri-

By the first part of your answer "(not everyone has strong religious convictions, let alone the wherewithall to stick to them in a pressure situation - especially as a teen)", I'm taking it, then, that you agree with at least the part where I said that it relies heavily on your REASON for abstaining. It is harder as a teen, though, you're right.

As for your comment about society being the same as it was in the 50's...couldn't disagree more. Check out this link to see just how far we've come: http://www.teenshelter.org/data.htm

Good points by both Hainan and Hausfrau. Lack of discipline has played a large part in this, and it's much harder to make it without family backing you up on it.

I'm in agreement with Bristol, it's not realistic expectation for most teenagers. Can it be done yes, but however realistically we can't expect to teach most teenagers abstinent is the only way to go.

There are more reasons to abstain as a teen than religion and health issues, and kids should be taught them in any sex ed course. There are numerous studies that link underage sex with living in poverty, not graduating from high school, lower levels of income....

"I'm in agreement with Bristol, it's not realistic expectation for most teenagers. Can it be done yes, but however realistically we can't expect to teach most teenagers abstinent is the only way to go."

I'm not convinced that lowering expectations is a great way to riase kids.

We can expect them to be abstinent but we must teach them, especially the parents, how to be safe in case things change. Parents really should teach the children about sex and not leave it to teachers to do it or friends but as for the discipline part it's hard to discipline a child when the kids have more rights than the parents, they can do what they want and expect no to very light consquences

Bristol is not as well-spoken as I would have hoped. The whole thing seemed a bit forced to me. Which I found disappointing.

I completely disagree with her about abstinence being unrealistic. I agree with kranky that lowering expectations is unwise. I think that it is good to realize that everyone makes mistakes and no one will live an ideal life. However that doesn't meant we should throw out standards- only that we should offer each other grace and be compassionate.

It's not unrealistic. The reality is that parents are still not as open about sex as it requires to raise a teen now and expect their children to get the "discipline" (for lack of a better word) from the school systems sex education program and whatever their religious teachers explain to the children. Plus, I believe it's a generational thing. It's the effects of kids raising kids. Granted, not everyone turns out this way. Clearly, I know plenty of people raised by "of age" parents who were/are sexually active and people raised by young parents/mothers who are not sexually active. Plus, some teens are equipped to handle the peer pressure too. I'm personally at the point in my life where I've totally decided to line up with my Christian belief and take a stand for my abstinence. Sure, I wasn't a young teen having sex but at that age I sure was afraid to yet, didn't want to b/c I saw all the drama people had with it and I didn't have that desire.

I think the only way to prevent teen pregnancy is to teach abstinence education along with sex ed. Teach them no sex is best but if you are going to have sex, then at least be safe. It requires a lot of discipline and dedication from parents.

I don't think abstinence is unrealistic. I think teenage sex is more accepted in society these days which is sad. But I really, truly believe if our kids have the proper education about sex, then they can at least be safe and not end up pregnant.

Way to go, Melo D!

Abstinence is totally doable. The problem is that it isn't "cool" or socially acceptable to be abstinent anymore. I also agree that we should teach them about contraception, but with the expectation that they will be abstinent. Kids will only shoot as high as you expect them to. If you only expect them to be promiscuous, then that's what they'll do.

(Yes, I also understand that some kids will do it anyway.)

"everyone should be abstinent or whatever, but it's not realistic at all." spoken like a true teenager. (it's the "or whatever" that got me).

Abstinence is realistic, and teens having sex is also realistic. If she meant teaching abstinence only isn't realistic, then I agree with her. And will go one step further in saying it's not only unrealistic, it's irresponsible and it does our youth an injustice. If we want our youth to be responsible then we need to give them the tools they need to be responsible individuals. Sex education should be all inclusive and it should start in the home. Not all parents talk to their children about sex, but not all parents don't talk to them about it either. If you all had only been flies on the wall in our house last week when I had a very in depth discussion about oral sex with my 17 year old, you would see that some of us do discuss sex with our children. (and no that wasn't our first discussion about sex, it was just the most recent one and it was targeted specifically at that one aspect of it).

I think kids should be presented with the information on how to protect themselves should they choose to engage in sexual activity. Holding the information back is not going to help. Teenagers are going to have sex, whether they know about the risks or not. They have been doing for many years, even in the fities. Teenagers were having sex back then, and drinking, and smoking. This idea that it is so horrible now is incorrect.

I don't think she was saying abstinence itself is unrealistic. It obviously is not- as each person chooses their own path. Abstinence-only education IS unrealistic and I believe she meant that. I think we have to accept that some teens are abstinent and others are sexually active. I would rather have our school system acknowledge both and teach kids the consequences of sex and how to take responsibility rather than tell them no sex is the only way.

Encouraging abstinence is nothing new - it's been done for centuries, with punishments for failure ranging from social shame to castration and even death. A parent who doesn't encourage abstinence is not by definition a parent who encourages promiscuity. It may be totally doable, but the more important issue is whether it does anything positive to help the young person develop into an independent, morally functioning adult. I can think of an awful lot of people who clearly were not abstinent before marriage who still made valuable contributions to society and led happy, fulfilling lives. Ronald and Nancy Reagan come to mind, as does Sarah Palin.

"Ronald and Nancy Reagan come to mind, as does Sarah Palin."

I'm curious, how do you know these people were not abstinent?

Kranky.. I never said anything about lowering expectations to raise kids. I said it's not realistic to expect all teenagers to be abstinent, especially with the way today's society is completely sexualized. I know kids as young as 12 who could teach me a thing or two about sex. Heck I had a conversation with my younger cousin who's 15 and knows more about sex than I'm comfortable with. It's the way that our society has become and instead of pretending that it's not a problem and just pushing forth for one method, we need to adapt and like I said, it's not realistic to think that most teenagers will go the abstinent route, especially when they see and hear things about sex just about everywhere. I think we need a completely comprehensive sex ed program in our school systems that includes both abstinent and contraceptives, and prevention. So while yes, it can be for some, it's not something to expect for all.

The babies.

"but the more important issue is whether it does anything positive to help the young person develop into an independent, morally functioning adult."

I agree, and will say just the discussion alone will help that young person develop into an independent morally functioning adult, with the ability to make their own decisions based on the facts as they know them, whether they choose abstinence or not. But it will help them make that choice when the time comes.

I think a part of the problem is self image. Yes, we need comprehensive sex ed in schools and at home and easy access to contraception - but if a girl knows that sex is something she should save for somebody worth it, married yet or not, that would be a big step towards longer abstinence. Having respect for yourself lets you overcome peer pressure and images in the media that suggest sex is something not worth withholding.

stephley I dont see shame being a bad thing.

The whole interview was laughable and a waste of time. But the bebeh is so cute and Bristol's hair looks nice.

Abstinence is completely unrealistic. People do it all the time, I know of 27 year-olds that are still virgins. But I think it still comes back to comprehensive sex ed and instilling confidence in girls not the fear of God.

I didn't say anything about shame being good or bad, I said it was used to 'encourage' abstinence.

*isn't*

and i was stating that i didnt see it as being bad....

There was no need to address the comment to me.

Oh for the love of God! Why are you arguing just to argue?

Abstinence-only education is stoopid. Duh.

Some people are abstinent. Duh.

Blah, blah, sex, sex, big deal.

Someone is going to be put either in time out with her baby or put on restriction.

You don't cross Sarah Palin even if you're her daughter and even if you may be right.

Abstinence education doesn't work. Kids get their morals from their parents and their friends, as long as they say it's okay, kids will still do it. That said sex education can clear up some of the absolutely ridiculous rumors kids hear but are too afraid to ask their parents about like you can't get pregnant if you have a-cups or that coca-cola works as well as the day after pill. I'm not even making that last one up.

Really Genesis, I only heard that 7-Up worked.

Haha steph, I guess it's both, but definitely not pepsi. I've heard nothing but how useless pepsi is.

Back in my mom's day unwanted pregnancy's were resolved by sitting in a mixture of yellow mustard, mayonnaise and hot sauce then walking around in at least 4 inch heels for 45 minutes sitting in the condiment mixture. Then somehow just as magically as you didn't get pregnant the first time you had sex got unpregnant through the use of condiments and fashionable shoes.

That day would be 1962 the years my mom did not want to be pregnant with my second brother.

Forget about "realistic". Let's talk about reality. In reality, there are teens that have sex. In reality, there are also teens that DON'T have sex. They are *both* realistic. Therefore, teens should be taught as such. There need to be comprehensive sex ed courses that include abstinence education [not as an afterthought, but as an equally viable and realistic way to go - because it is. Don't just assume they're going to have sex. Assume that they have a *choice* - which is the reality].

I read a news article about how teens are having less sex, but more babies. @_@ There needs to be some serious overhaul of sex education.

I have an acquaintance I went to high school with who sincerely thought that you could not get pregnant the first time you have sex.
Guess who wound up pregnant...yep on the first time too.

I don't agree that abstinence is unrealistic, I am almost 20 years old, still waiting, and I would say about ten of my friends are still virgins (because they are waiting until marriage or just for the right person)and about six of my friends aren't virgins. Out of those six people, only two of them lost their virginities before the end of high school (in fact they were both 17 almost 18) and they are both still dating their respective partners to this day (both of their relationships have lasted 4+ years). And only one of my friends has had more than one partner. My point is although it seems like there are more teens having sex today, it is not necessarily true and we shouldn't lower our expectations about teen sex by saying that abstinence is unrealistic because many people can do it.

If she is saying that abstinence-only education is unrealistic, then I agree with her. I think both abstinence and safe sex should be taught, and I completely agree with everything mydiadem said about how we should focus more on self-image and telling teens to wait for the right person instead of following the crowd.

In case anyone got confused, I was making a distinction between abstinence (in my first paragraph) and abstinence-only education (second paragraph).

I see eloquence runs in the family.