When you find that guy that loves you and that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I think it is important to share this information with him. If he really loves you he will accept it, I don't think he'll see your condition as a dealbreaker. Maybe you could even consider adoption together. Until then, it may be helpful to share this information with female members of your family, and female friends. They will be able to provide a good support system for you.

Too soon. Discuss it when the topic comes up. When you're at the point of discussing marriage and children, he should care about you enough that it won't matter. I mean, the soul purpose of a woman is not to pop out babies. Good luck

There's no reason at all to tell him this early. Please don't.

Invitro is becoming more and more common and affordable. In some states, insurance even covers the procedure if you have no other options. Also, there are multiple other things you can do to get yourself ovulating - acupuncture, diet changes, etc. In conjunction with medication they may work.

So don't give up hope, and don't start talking about marriage and kids to your boyfriend. Nothing will send him running faster.

I agree that it is probably too soon to bring this up. If he bring up the issue in a regular conversation, that would be a good time to tell him. If not, I would wait to tell him if I were you.

Don't say anything now.

Also, adopt! Plenty of kids out there who need a home. I've always felt that if I couldn't / didn't have kids (maybe the timing was wrong or I never met the right man) - adoption is right up there.

I agree. It's too soon. If you do fall in love with this guy than he does have a right to know. And sundaygreen is right about adoption.

I second sundaygreen. Plenty of perfectly good kids out there to adopt, and you don't have to worry about fertility treatments to get them! Only mention your condition if it gets to the point where you two are serious enough to be planning for kids. That's the only way this is remotely applicable. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

WAY too soon! At least wait until you and the b/f are in a situation moving close to engagement/marriage. THEN you can let him know about your condition.

I'm very sorry for your news. Don't rule out adoption!

Or, wait a while until you're in a situation where you are actively moving to have children. You may change your mind about the fertility treatments [and there may be other options open as well] in the meantime.

I know from experience that "You can always adopt!" is NO consolation at a time like this. Please, everyone, we know it's a good idea but let's be realistic. It costs tens of thousands of dollars and takes many years to adopt a healthy child.

I don't think she should ever tell the guy she can't have kids, no matter how serious they get. Why? Because it's not certain. All she knows is that she doesn't ovulate on a regular basis. This doesn't mean she never will or that no drugs will help. If the kids conversation comes up later, tell him your doctor has led you to believe you may need a fertility boost, but that's all you know at this point. Because that is the truth.

Agreed... on every point.

You should not tell any guy about your situation unless this is the guy you see your future with. Remember, any guy who would propose his love for you and is willing to accept everything in you, your issue is not something that can stop him from loving & settling down with you.

You're on the early stage of your relationship. I guess, it's still a long way for you. Avoid stressing yourself and live your life to the fullest. Everything that's coming to us happens for a reason.

Wishing you the best!

Like others said before: there's no need to tell him about it yet. Your relationship seems to be still in the beginning, and since you haven't made any future plans yet your reproduction system is none of his business.

Just enjoy the time you and him have, and if you should get more serious, i.e planning to get married (or to just start a family), there's still time enough to tell him that you have difficulties to conceive, and chances you'll get pregnant are limited. And, most likely he won't care - unless he's looking for a brood mare, but then he doesn't deserve you - and that's a complete different story.

I think that you should tell him.

Too soon. Especially if you are asking the question.
Also, I'd suggest getting a second opinion. I was told I had PCOS based on symptoms, and believed that for 5 years. I would have kept on believing it had it not been for the need for a complex cyst removal, after which the surgeon said, "PCOS? I think not".
I'm just saying, second opinions are good. I was younger when I was diagnosed, so I believed the doctor. But I probably could have saved myself a lot of negative feelings had I just gotten a second opinion and ultrasound.

I agree with Luisa--Adoption is hard, and shouldn't be tossed out lightly as an easy alternative. I've had friends who have spent years and thousands of dollars, sometimes more than the cost of fertility treatments, and still have no child to show for it (domestic and international adoptions). The ones who did get children had to deal with things like heart problems that required expensive surgery or mental health issues. Some knew about the issues and were prepared to deal with them, but others were lied to by the authorities and were caught off guard by the challenges they had to face.

Even my friends who were former foster parents and willing to adopt much older children (10 and 16 year olds), it still took them forever, and they ended up only getting one of the two kids they were trying to adopt.

I'm not saying people shouldn't encourage adoption, but just saying, "Don't worry, you can always adopt!" is not acknowledging the challenges involved.

if you're main worry is that you feel like you're hiding something from him, don't worry, you aren't obligated to tell him at this point

however, i'm surprised you don't need a shoulder to cry on...this is sad news. if you feel like you want to tell him because you would like his support then do so. and see how he handles the situation. if he doesn't handle it well, he probably isn't a great guy.

I agree with skigirl. This is something that is a really big deal, so if it were me in this situation, I would have ended up telling my bf right when I learned about my situtaion. Not b/c I would want to bring up the children/marriage conversation that soon, but b/c it's something huge going on in my life, and I always share huge things in my life with my SO. So, like skigirl said, I'm surprised that you aren't sharing this info. with him just b/c it's part of your life. I think you can talk about the topic with your bf without sounding like you're trying to talk about children and marriage really soon. Just talk about how you feel about the situation, like that you're upset and don't really know what to do. And also, like some other posters have said, you don't have to say you "can't have children". Like luisa said, just say something like "tell him your doctor has led you to believe you may need a fertility boost, but that's all you know at this point".

I don't get why you wouldn't tell him. You just found out some bad news. You're bummed. Wouldn't you want to tell your boyfriend you're bummed about something like this????

I don't think you should bring it up in a "do you still want to be with me?" kind of way ... but you should be able to share with the person you are with anything that may make you sad or stressed.

Thats tough. im sorry to hear that. timing is important too soon to tell him.

wasn't this posted on the main page just two weeks ago?

I wouldn't approach it like "oops, can't have kids with you"...but more like you're just hurt that it might not happen for you. You have the right to tell him how you feel about it, but he's not obligated to know what's going on if you're not comfortable with it. If he handles it well, and doesn't butt in with rude comments about it, then you have another reason to add to the list of why your man is great. If he doesn't handle it well, he could either be a douche, or maybe too hurt for you to sound understanding. Who knows.

That's very tough to hear. Adoption is not the best suggestion right now, since the wound is so fresh, and it's not quite the same as giving birth to your own. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I agree with the others, it's way too soon to discuss something that huge. If you are still together in a yr or so and talking about marriage then it would be a good idea to bring it up.

This is in fact another repost. I emailed them and got this response:

Hi popgoestheworld,

Thanks for taking the time to share your feedback. We apologize that some of the Group Therapy posts featured lately have been questions posted from awhile back instead of recent ones. Unfortunately, our Group Therapy feature was experiencing some glitches which our Geeks have since then corrected, so you can expect to read more timely posts moving forward. Please don’t hesitate to contact us with any other questions.

Thanks,

Stacia @ TeamSugar

I guess we'll see if that is true, considering this issue just happened again today...

Firstly, I regret the sad news you received. It must be rough to find out that one of your dreams may be out of reach. It's hard to accept.

Secondly, I'm in the minority in thinking that you should bring it up with your boyfriend. Like you, he may have a dream of having his own biological children. He may be considering having a serious relationship with you (i.e. considering a future with you. Your blossoming relationship may NOT be a casual thing to him). Tell him the news, and let him decide. This may or may not be a deal breaker for him. If he decides to stay with you, great. If he decides to leave, then he's not the one for you. I think it's better for you find out sooner rather than later (when you two are more emotionally invested). JMHO.

Oh. By the way, I speak from a somewhat similar experience.

GlowingMoon! Pay attention! She isn't infertile for sure - so why on earth should she say she is??

"I apparently have a condition where I do not ovulate and my body has not responded to treatment . . . There is still a possibility that I could have children with expensive fertility treatments, but truthfully I'm not sure how I feel about taking such extreme measures."

Uh, I think my reading comprehension is pretty good.

In my post, I said the OP should inform her boyfriend of HER CONDITION. She's not a fertile woman (and this MAY be important to her boyfriend). Like I said, if this man is for her, he would stay with her regardless. If he leaves her over this, it's better that he does it sooner rather than later.

As I said, I speak from experience. To SOME men, this is a deal-breaker. Trust me.

If it were me I would tell him before heavy feelings get involved. You aren't going to scare him off by sharing something like that about you with him. If anything he should appreciate your honesty. Having children is a dream for a lot of people and if you present your situation and he decides to end things you can't really fault him for that. I would say for the sake of saving yourself some possible heartache tell him. But again this is just what I would do if I were in your situation.
Good luck and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You can also gauge him by bringing up the subject without divulging your condition. I mean, you can offhandedly mention that you're not sure about kids or that you'd be into adoption etc. See how he responds! If he's like "Oh my gosh, you don't want 5 biological kids?!" Then you tell him up front. If the guy is ambivalent about kids or would love to adopt, then there is really no need to divulge your condition as soon.

Thanks for the email update pop. Well see what happens, b/c like you said, I'm still seeing old posts. hmmm.

"There is still a possibility that I could have children". Why would you take that to mean she's a closed case?

Five years into our relationship, I found out that I can't have children, and I told my fiance.

His response? First thing, he was concerned about me, about how I felt about being infertile. When I told him that I was worried about he would feel, he said that he didn't care, he had me, and he just wanted me to be happy. He wants to be a parent someday, as do I, but feels that if we can't have our own children, that "there are plenty of good kids out there who need a home."

I say, tell him. If he's a good guy, he'll tell you the truth about how he feels. If he's a great guy, he'll take it in stride.

Although, a word to the wise: I have a friend who has the same condition I do; anovulatory infertility (like me, she naturally only menstruates once or twice a year). She was told by her physician that she could never get pregnant, and took this as a license to have unprotected sex. Guess what? She's due in May.

God has a sense of humor, so use protection.