Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend of seven months, who has been amazing, romantic, and thoughtful so far, referred to me by his ex's name on two occasions in front of others. It hurt me very much and it continues to hurt. The first time was around Thanksgiving, the exact time of year they had broken up. The second time was a couple of weeks later, at a Christmas party. He says it means nothing and it was just a slip of the tongue.
They had dated for two and a half years, and he has never wanted to talk about her or why they broke up, but after the second time he called me by her name, I insisted that he tell me about her. He said their breakup really hurt him, but they had intimacy issues and ended up being more friends than lovers. He wanted to work on their relationship but she did not so it ended.
He has told me that he is 100 percent committed to me and me only. He treats me extremely well and makes me very happy. He always tells me how much he loves me, has asked me to move in with him, and tells me how much happier he is with me than he was with her. I have met his family and friends and we get along really well. So was this really just a slip of the tongue? If so, what do I do to get over it? Could he still have feelings for her? I don't want to be naive and I don't want to be blindsided. Any advice would be a great help. — He Made a Mistake Mindy
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Dear He Made a Mistake Mindy,
From what you're telling me, it sounds as though everything in your relationship is going great except for these two slips of the tongue. While I don't doubt that those mistakes hurt you, you have to remember that people mess up every now and again, even at the cost of someone else's feelings. It's pretty clear that he adores you from the fact that he's constantly reassuring you, but at the end of the day, it's up to you if you're willing to forgive him.
Time will lessen the blow of his mistakes, and keeping the lines of communication open about your feelings will help too. What he did was wrong, but I can honestly say that I don't think it came from a malicious place so if you think you can let it go, I think it'll be worth your while. With that said, if he makes a habit of calling you the wrong name, I'd say that it's a pretty clear indication that he's simply not over his ex. I hope it all works out for you; good luck.
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I dated a guy who on two or three occasions called me by an ex's name. When I told him it upset me, he said it was just because our names sound alike (which is sort of true), so I just started calling him by my ex's name. He stopped it right quick!
1dunno i must say that if you really feel he likes you than it really must mean its just a silly mistake i sometimes call my boyfriend by my exs name who is my best friend now and i dont really mean to it just slips becuse i was so long it becomes a bit like a custom but now i have real feelings for my boyfriend but if it continues over a long time n
2be careful
Ouch, I have never had a bf call me by any name but my own. I would be upset if it happened more than once. I called my ex by an ex's name once when we first started dating (I didn't leave myself enough recovery time between those two relationships). He was tickling me so bad I almost peed in my pants. He was pretty pissed at me for a while. To me it meant nothing. I was just screaming my head off for him to stop and it just popped out. I don't know, you two haven't been together for that long. She's obviously still on his mind in some way. If he keeps doing it I would be convinced that he is not over the relationship.
3i honestly do this from time to time.... I'm currently in a serious long-term relationship and love my boyfriend with all my heart. Sometimes, when I'm telling a story about him to others, I'll slip up and call him my first boyfriend's name; which was my first serious relationship, lasted four years and I also put all my heart into.
I don't miss my ex at all and we didn't have a bad break-up; I just think that that since my emotions about the two guys are similar and I spent four years of my life saying "i love Joe" and "I want to be with Joe" that sometimes I'll just fill in his name in the thought -- but i won't actually be thinking about Joe or visualizing him in my head or anything like that. I definitely don't wish we were still together.
I have never ever called my current boyfriend my ex's name to him or anything uncomfortable like that. Just once or twice when talking about him to someone else but mainly in my head when i'm upset and thinking about him. Just figure it's subconcious.
4How long were they broken up before you started dating? If it hasnt been very long that could explain it.
Once my brother called his present gf by his ex's name, which also happens to be my name. They were at a convention and she was taking a long time to get ready and he said something along the lines of, "Sass, hurry up!" then of course he froze. When he told me the story I told him he should have covered his butt by immediately saying, "Sorry, shared a bathroom with my sister for about 18 years, of course I know youre not Sass, old habits and all that"
NEVER called my husband by my ex's name- but they dont sound at all similar and husband has never made me as angry as ex used to.
5I think you can let it go, as long as it doesnt keep happening.
oh please, it doesnt mean anything (unless its during sex) get over it soon, or the next girlfriend might be hearing your name....
6It would upset me, but I wouldnt make a big deal out of it. My boyfriend always calls me by his dog's name, but they're sort of similar...
7I have known my husband for 11 years, we've been together for 3 1/2 and married for just about one year, and I am STILL afraid I am randomly going to call him by my ex's name (especially during sex). And that would be a very, very bad thing because my ex was an absolute jerk and was the worst decision I ever made. I have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever...it's just some weird fear I have that I will call my husband by his name.
8Oh, I will randomly call my husband by my sister's name and she by his! I know, it's weird, but they're the only two people I call babe, so sometimes I get confused who I'm talking to after I've said "babe"!! Hahaha I don't think he likes when I do that.
9It really isn't that big of a deal. We're all imperfect and make mistakes. He seems like a good guy so don't hold it against him.
10I don't think it's a big deal, but how does that even happen?!
11I could understand why it would hurt your feelings, but it's just a mistake. I've been married to my husband for 5 years and he's accidently called me his ex-wife's name a couple of times by mistake. Doesn't mean that he's still in love with her, it's just a slip of the tongue. I promise.
12I once called my mom by my husband's name and vice versa. Obviously, I don't think my husband is my mom or that my mom is my husband. I guess this was purely a case of the slip of the tongue. That said, I agree that I wouldn't like to be called by another girl's name. I am my husband's first and only and well, it would be a very bad thing and tell-tale sign if one day he called me by another woman's name.
13Could be memory slip ups or w/e. Just try to get over it. It doesn't sound like this is anything worth throwing everything away over. Everyone in my family and then some call me by other people's names. Think of it this way, he could actually hurt you a lot worse. And, no feelings don't just go away overnight so yes it does depend on how long ago things ended, also there's those memories from certain periods that may resurface so he might have been flung back into the past. Doesn't mean he's still in love with her though. Try to move on please. You'll eventually completely replace any woman from his past and he'll end up saying: who was that chick again? It's not like he's hanging out with his ex's right?
14Sigh. I am terrified of doing this! I was with my last ex for SEVEN years, and then I was single for two whole years. Six months into a new relationship, where I am really happy, I still find myself almost saying my ex's name. I *so far* have not slipped and said it out loud but it drives me nuts! I don't know why it comes to my brain, I think it really is just habit. Good luck.
15It was just a mistake. Don't let something so small get in the way of the good parts of your relationship.
16I'd be pissed. Tell him something so that' he'll hopefully keep it in check.
17This has never happened to me with a boyfriend but my current boyfriend's mother has called me by his ex's name on a few occasions. She said she didnt realize that she did it a couple times and the other times just said it was a slip. lol def weird
18my current boyfriend called me by his ex-girlfriends name a few times when we started gong out. it did hurt me and i made a pretty big deal about it. but it was obviously just out of habit even though he had broken up with his girlfriend years before, and hadn't had a serious relationship since. He is open to me about how he had real feelings for her, but our commitment to each other is so much more now than what they had and we have been going strong for more than 2 years now. Even though it was a big deal to me then, now its something i giggle at about how badly i was freaking out over nothing.
19they've done research that shows that as you get older, the neuronal communication in your brain is pretty set. what I mean is, you associate a certain feeling with a certain person. and it's hard to break that association, that connection. and as a result, you call a person by a different name based on the emotion- have you ever called someone by your little brother/sister's name when annoyed, for example? I'd take a look at the context in which he did that- were yall having a mild argument? were you sharing a tender moment?
20either way, I think actions are greater than words. if the only proof that you have that he's not over her is that he slipped up, I would say let it slide. He sounds amazingly devoted to you.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. I say this because I've definitely almost called my current boyfriend the names of TWO guys I dated in the past. I wasn't that serious with either of them, it meant absolutely nothing because I have zero feelings for them, and I love my boyfriend to death. It was honestly just out of habit and I wasn't thinking. I don't blame you for being hurt by it (I would be too), but people call people by the wrong name all the time--does it mean anything when you call your girlfriend by your sister's name? Nah, probably not. And besides, if your boyfriend really does still have feelings for the ex, there'd be a lot more warning signs than just calling you by her name! From what you've said, your bf sounds amazing! Just let it go.
21I'm glad I have a really unique name =]
22this has never happened to me, although my bf's ex's name is very similar to mine
but i did date a guy who (around our third date) introduced me to about 3 people as the wrong name ... awkward ... i kept pretending i didn't hear it
23My boyfriend's dad called me by my boyfriend's ex's name once!! Just the once! He was very apologetic about it. =) He was drunk and it was about 3 months in so I let him off. Everybody was very embarrassed.
I would be mortified if my boyfriend called me by his ex's name. I have to say that we tend not to use names though...
24well my boyfriend calls me baby so he would never be wrong! plus my name is the same as his ex, so.. i guess the possibility would be 0%.
25i would be very hurt as well...but i would wonder if he's not over her.
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