I don't understand - you asked for the truth, he told you and now you're upset with him? No wonder men think women are nuts.

I'm with you Sunshine.

"I want you to tell me the truth. Always. the whole truth. But not if its going to get me mad. Or upset. Or sad. Or moody. But you need to be honest with me, ok?"

No one my boyfriend had issues being honest with me in the begining. He told me everytime a woman told me to be honest it was a double-edged sword.

She said the way he said it, not what he said. And if he deducts that he can't be honest because he doesn't like the feedback he's getting then he needs to grow up. Don't dish it out if you aren't willing to take it.

awwww....you just wanted to hear that you're the best he's ever had and that you do everything perfect...oh well...you're not, and if women can give men suggestions on what turns them on, i don't know why men can't do the same without women crying that he's being a meanie.

yea, when ur asking for honesty, u really have to be careful what u wish for. cuz ur gonna get blunt honesty.

I am so with you, Sunshine. This is why men think women are nuts. He gave you exactly what you asked for, and then got mad about it. Geesh.

I understand, it would have made me feel horrible too. Not only the content, but if the tone was the way you described - I'd be hiding under a big blanket in shame...

So, take it with a grain of salt. Remember he's just a human being and doesn't always know the right way to say things - or how to control his bitterness when you've just denied him his big fantasy. A bit petty? Yeah! Whatever, not everybody can remain super understanding and sweet and kind at all times. Forget the incident.

BUT also try to take it as a challenge. How about your try and do everything he asked? Wouldn't you appreciate it, if you got to explain to a guy exactly what you wanted, and the next time you had sex, he followed your instructions to the letter? You'd be psyched, and blown away!

So blow the idiot away.

He'll be rolling on the floor with gratitude and awe.

And THAT will feel darn good.

Men do approach things differently than women. When you say you want him to be honest, he WILL be honest. It sounds like he is approaching this as any sensible person would. Platitudes aren't necessary if you're looking for improvements. At least he's *telling* you what he wants so you both can improve instead of saying nothing and breaking up with you b/c the sex sucks. He's not MEANING to hurt your feelings, so don't take it that way.

He said, "I want a threesome".

You said, "I'm not comfortable with that."

He says, "okay, then - here's the next thing: I want x, y, and z, instead of what you're doing now. It feels better.", etc.

You say, "STOP HURTING MY FEELINGS!"

Does that make ANY kind of logical sense?? NO.

I believe there is a way to be honest without being hurtful. It sounds to me like the problem here is that, while your fiance was being honest (like you had requested), he wasn't being tactful (which can lead to hurt feelings). I don't think it's unreasonable for you to feel the way you do, and you definitely need to talk to him about it. Guys can often be pretty blunt - they don't mean to be hurtful, but they are anyway.

I understand your reaction, but this is why men think that women are crazy. You ask for honesty then you're pissed when he's honest? Sorry, but that's what you asked for.

You asked for honesty and that's what he gave you. Men normally don't think into things as much as women do so just take what he says at face value. It's a no wonder men think women are insane and complicated. Seriously man up.

seriously? my bf and i were talking about sex and after awhile he brought up a threesome. i said that while the idea intrigued me, i wasn't comfortable with it because i would always think that if it were us and another girl, that she would be better at whatever she was doing than me.. no matter what he would tell me, i just wouldn't believe it fully. he agreed with me that the idea was intriguing but also thought that most likely it wont end up happening (damn right it wont!).

anyway, i actually like it when he tells me how to please him. i feel i get to know him more.. what makes him tick, what turns him on. it also makes you a better partner sexually. so you may be horrible at it the first time around... the idea that you tried to please him is still there, and he should at least be appreciative at the attempt. if my bf doesnt tell me what to do i look for body signals whether or not he likes what im doing. im pretty sure your fiance didnt mean anything personally. hes not asking to change who you are so you really shouldnt take offense to anything. would you rather have him take the route some girls do and b*tch and moan mentally about the 'if only's men did to them? 'oh if only he did this to me...' and kept it all internal? im pretty sure you would be mad that he wasn't HONEST with you.

hey, its alot better that hes getting action from you than having some other girl deliver.

There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Don't ask for honesty if you're not prepared to hear it.

I agree with RockandRepublic. If a guy decides he can't be honest b/c he can't take how you react to him being honest...then he obviously wasn't being honest for the right reasons.

Women aren't crazy just b/c they want honesty in a nice way. You can be honest without hurting someone's feelings. And this guy apparently hurt her feelings, b/c she was talking about HOW he was talking, not WHAT he said. So OP, I don't think you were being to sensitive, I mean, if something hurts your feelings, it hurts your feelings..and that's all there is to it. Just figure out why exactly what your bf said that hurt your feelings and then talk to him about it. Tell him that the way he says things ("when you say things like this this and this"...) hurts your feelings, so while you appreciate him being honest with you and talking about what he wants, you would also appreciate him being tactful about it and not just perfectly blunt. There are a lot of ways to tell someone something and still tell the whole truth. You can be downright vicious, or you can be nice and still be telling someone the same exact thing. Guys don't realize things like this...they aren't as good with language as women, so I'm sure your bf didn't mean to hurt your feelings, he was just being an ignorant guy. So just talk to him about it, and if he does honesty care and just wanted to express what he needed, then next time, he will try to be nicer about it.

I always say, "If you don't want to know, don't ask". Save the drama for another day. Remember honesty isn't meant to be sugarcoated; otherwise, it's not honesty. It would be called a veneer or another falsehood.

I'd rather hear the truth than nothing at all and him go to some bimbo for sexual satisfaction. I have been living with my bf for 3 years now and he is the most blunt person I have ever met. I have become used to this and learned that he in no way wants to hurt my feelings, but he needs me to know exactly how he feels. This approach took some getting used to and now I shoot back at him with extreme blunt honesty and he actually really appreciates it. So...try not being overly sensitive and just suck it up and take it like a man.

Hey sometimes the truth is hard to hear. I feel your pain. I personally would feel uneasy if my guy started critiquing my moves in bed. A better way for him to go about it might have been to not put all the focus on you to make it more of a group discussion and ask you if there is anything that you would like him to do differently or if there is anything new you want to try. He could say I love it when you do this but I would really love it if you did this. Always surround a "criticism" with compliments and everyone will be happy.

"He went on to say that I was making him feel like it wasn't OK to be honest"

correct.

Gotta agree with the majority. You're blowing it out of proportion. Remember this is a guy, not a gal. And we differ in communication, unless you got a rare one.
His way of communication isn't as sensitive as you'd like it to be, but that's just the truth. You're making it not-ok for him to be honest about what his fantasy is.
If you want the truth told to you in YOUR way, you need to TEACH your bf HOW to relay his honesty to you. Tell him how to communicate with you, that is if you want the truth told to you. If not, DON'T ASK.

Dude, honestly, I'd want a guy like your man who can tell me straightforwardly where to touch and when and etc. At least, I won't get confused and I can't guess what a particular guy's pleasure button is.

I totally agree with Hope2Be and Karlotta.

I'd love my bf to tell me what turns him on the most!

Take his suggestion in mind. Would you rather he envisioned this other lady of some sort he'd like to join without your knowledge, and not know about his wildest fantasies?

Just a thought.

I think he could of given you some points for having an honest talk about what you each want and you must be doing something right if he wants to marry you so I wouldn't get too worried. That fantasy is pretty normal. He probably took it to the extreme to see how far you're willing to go, like a little kid with their new baby-sitter, now that would be a weird fantasy! Maybe some of the things you do take too long for him to get where he needs to be (if you know what I mean) or what you already do could be more pleasurable. You shouldn't expect a man to know all the things that push your buttons so there might be some things you need to learn from him. In the end it's all about being happy and as long as you can be honest and listen to each other, your marriage should be fine.

I am going to put this as simply as I can.
It never feels good to hear that you are doing something that he doesn't like. But it feels much better when you know that you are doing things he does like.

Fantasy vs. Reality! Why can't men just keep their threesome fantasies as a fantasy? Every guy I've been with has wanted one (except for current boyfriend!) and I've always said NO stop trying your luck.

They always try their luck.

So you asked for feedback and he gave it in the way you must have been accustomed to... um... right.

I understand that you were not upset about his honesty, just the fact that he actually wants to bring another girl into the bedroom. God, men are stupid. My guy might fantasize about this but he knows that he would never be ok with it in reality, he knows he would be too jealous and so would I. What about asking him if it would be ok with him if you were to first bring another guy into the bedroom? Ask him to try to imagine how he would really feel watching you have sex with another man right in front of him. Ask him if he would feel that he was not enough for you if you wanted another man. Then perhaps he could some understanding of how this made you feel. If you guys are having problems into the bedroom, then trust me, bringing in another woman is not going to make things any easier. My sisters marriage ended because she agreed to a threesome with her husband and friend, and he ended up leaving her for her friend.

I think he was testing you to see if you would agree, then he moved onto another subject because you didn't seem happy about it. He does not seem to have considered the long term ramifications of what would happen if you guys did have a threesome or your feelings. This makes me suspect that he is not truly commited to you or else he has been fantasizing about cheating and thought it would be acceptable if you were present while it happened. If I were you, I would put off any thought of marriage until you have worked on your communication and sexual intimacy.
Good luck to you.